The Virgin Thread

[thrach]

I am saving myself and want to marry someone who saved herself. Otherwise, there would be no point in saving myself. A virginity exchange has huge, unique blessings on a marraige, and I want them. God intended for marraige to have them, and I want mine to have them.


Being as there aren't a lot of widows my age, I think that's highly unlikely. But I would make an exception in that case. I won't have to deal with the baggage that former party girls have to carry.

thank god i'm not the only one.

 

[Sketcher]

I'm sorta chocked after reading the posts on this thread. Just wondering.. how can you sleep with someone else without knowing if it's gonna last, when you KNOW that God created this wonderful thing for TWO people to share TOGETHER? I'd think it really binds you in an extraordinary way, after all, God says that after having sex the two people are ONE.
I didn't know that is was normal to be an nonvirgin for unmarried Christians in America. I don't mean to critisize, but it's so unnatural to me that I don't really get it.

Good. You shouldn't get it because you're a stranger to this world. I'm afraid most American Christians tend to be tourists (myself included sometimes )

 

[Hope_0004]

Is it really that shocking to others? Disappointing, I could see. But shocking? I mean all you have to do is look around to see that there are lots and lots of people (even Christians) having sex before marriage... not saying it's right, saying it's apparent.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

I am saving myself and want to marry someone who saved herself. Otherwise, there would be no point in saving myself.

Yes there would. The point to "saving yourself" is to obey God's laws. The point of it is not to place limits on who your spouse will be.

A virginity exchange has huge, unique blessings on a marraige.

Where in the Bible does it say that? In fact, I have never even heard of the concept of a "virginity exchange" in Scripture before.

Diane

 

[Niels]

The point to "saving yourself" is to obey God's laws.

Agreed. And God's laws have a point. Between all the STIs and manipulative behavior involving sex these days, there's enough evidence for some people to discover 'laws' like this without knowing God.

Some 'virgins' simply learn from the mistakes of others. Some learn from the mistakes of others, plus they can point to God's word as consistent with what they observe, which may even strengthen their faith in God. I'm sure there are at least as many ways of looking at this as there are people, so allow me to move onto my next, somewhat related, point.

As far as experience goes, it can work both ways. Believe it or not, there's such a thing as "bad experience". Also, people can get locked into lousy techniques, or maybe they told they were 'great in bed' by a previous lover that was lying to them (which, in turn, bred false confidence and experimental inflexibility) etc. Thus, somebody who has less experience may actually turn out to be more open minded, receptive, adaptable and sensitive in the bedroom. However, we only speak for ourselves... nobody can really claim to know what it's like to live on the other side of this fence. And honestly, I bristle when someone says their promiscuous past *must* somehow make them a better lover. Maybe it's true for a few of the less-imaginative folks, but that sentiment shouldn't be projected onto others as a forgone conclusion. I mean, can you read their minds? Can you see what's going on in their bedrooms? Of course not. You can be assured that folks who wait for marriage aren't nearly as one-dimensional, or easy to pin down, as some assume them to be. And you can also be certain that they haven't had any bad experiences.



For the record, I believe virginity can only be lost through consensual, mutually agreed upon, sex.

 

[thrach]

Yes there would. The point to "saving yourself" is to obey God's laws. The point of it is not to place limits on who your spouse will be.



Where in the Bible does it say that? In fact, I have never even heard of the concept of a "virginity exchange" in Scripture before.

Diane

I dont think its fair you wish to debunk our feelings on it. I want support for my goal, not reasons to change my mind. would you marry a serial killer or a child molester? its all just sin to god and no sin is greather then another, they can change to good people to but yes I would hold it against them and I do believe most others would to and if you deny it I bet your lieing. I would feel cheapened and very disappointed if the person I marry isn't pure and therefor i wouldn't even marry the person.

You can hold anything you want against anyone. People hold looks against each other and thats not even a sin at all. No one has any business saying I cant put limits onto who will be my spouse, i can decide that for myself. If anyone else doesn't care whether or not their spuse is or isn't pure I have no concern for, it doesn't pertain to me. saving myself for someone else who is pure is a goal for me that I wish to accomplish just like any other goal.

My purity is mine and I can only give it away once, I will decide who I feel is worthy of it or not and I dont feel someone who isn't pure is worth it for me. Thats my feelings on it and I am right. If anyone else feels different its YOUR feelings and your right for what your goal is and if you have any feelings on the issue or not.

*edited for punctuation*

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Yes there would. The point to "saving yourself" is to obey God's laws. The point of it is not to place limits on who your spouse will be.



Where in the Bible does it say that? In fact, I have never even heard of the concept of a "virginity exchange" in Scripture before.

Diane

If we are called to be Bible believeing (and putting it into action), I myself would like some scripture reference that states this as well. Maybe it will help to debunk the "I'm better than you because I'm a virgin" attitude that some have (notice I said some).

Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking or berating ALL those that have abstained from sex. That's awesome! But the attitude that SOME of you carry is sad and can be very divisive within the body of Christ because it is perceived as if you are acting as if you're more "special" than any other believer. Our Father doesn't keep a gradebook with a ranking of who's #1 on His list and who's #283. Our Father is NO RESPECTOR of person, for we are all redeemed sinner regardless if your sin was lying, pre-marital sex or murder.

I find it quite ironic that when it comes to this issue, God's will for a person is totally disregarded and rationlized by saying "this preference is no different that someone who has physical/emotional preferences in their mate". While that statement maybe true, it does not make it right (in either case).

But hey, what do I know. I'm simply someone that is open to the Lord's voice as opposed to my own - even concerning issues that are VERY important to me. We as believers need to learn to trust God (and His Word) with every part of our lives - even the most sensitive and delicate parts. Do we as humans, have free will - YES - and by depending upon your own reasoning, that free will can send you right off the path/purpose that God has for you.

The word says that if you need wisdom, just ASK for the Father loves it when we seek His counsel (James chapter 1). Seeking and being OPEN to God's will for your life DOES NOT mean that you do nothing and just allow the waves of life to toss you here and there. It means listening for His instruction, criteria, even His CHOICE for you.

 

[Zenaide]

Virgin here. About only place that I can say it proudly hehe I plan on remaining. I would hope that my future wife is also a virgin, but what if she is the one for me and isn't and I judge her on that basis that her past AWAY from God she screwed up? Love forgets. So no problem with me.

 

[Zenaide]

"one for me and isn't " sorry bit unclear here. I mean isn't a virgin.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Friend,

I dont think its fair you wish to debunk our feelings on it.

1. I'm not trying to debunk anything. I am trying to get at the root of his logic and reasoning so that I can understand his position more fully.

2. If you can't take simeple questions and/or criticism of your position then perhaps God is trying to tell you something

My purity is mine and I can only give it away once, I will decide who I feel is worthy of it or not and I dont feel someone who isn't pure is worth it for me. Thats my feelings on it and I am right. If anyone else feels different its YOUR feelings and your right for what your goal is and if you have any feelings on the issue or not.

Virginity does not equal purity.



Now am I your enemy because I tell you the truth?

-----Galatians 4:16


Other virgin threads on this forum:

can a nonvigin be with a virgin?

Do you expect an apology from any future non-virgin girlfriend/boyfriend?

diane

 

[waterbear]

I'm a virgin and would only date a virgin, though I do consider virginity something only lost through consent. I've defended the position in threads the poster above me graciously revived. My own "reason" is that two virgins marrying - to me - is ideal.

 

[PastorJer]

I know that I may be among the rare - but I have waited now for 9954 days (as of May 19, 2005) keeping myself as a virgin for my future bride.

I also know the world that I am living in - a world in which sex has become something that "Christians" and non-Christians alike are participating in outside of the boundaries of marriage that God in his wisdom set in place. Hebrews 13:4 has been my staying point when I have been tempted to pursue sex outside of marriage - it reads "Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultry."

Faithfulness is something that I believe starts before you even meet the person - it starts by following God and obeying his commandments. The reality is that if you haven't then you fall into the category of people that God will "surely judge." As such I have chosen to remain faithful to my bride - and will remain faithful - because of a choice to do what is right - not only by her, but also by my God who died so I wouldn't have to face judgement.

I try to pray daily for my future bride - that in this world so full of flipancy towards the sin of adultry (sex outside of marriage) she would remain pure. I can honestly say that I would hesitate before marrying someone who has given their virginity up to another - by God's Grace I can forgive - but my desire is for a spotless pure virgin bride... one who has not been defiled by another...

Those are my thoughts on the matter.

 

[Harpuia]

Virginity does not equal purity.

You know what? You are so right. Virginity != purity.

However, I believe a non-virgin (not married) can never be pure.

 

[fishstix]

This thread is about virginity. Basically, it's open to anything you want to say on the subject (as long as it abides by CF rules of course).

I'll start by asking whether or not you are a virgin, and how important it is to you to marry a virgin?

I'm a virgin. If I get married, I hope it would be to a virgin - to someone who has never willingly engaged in sexual behavior with someone. For sure it would have to be someone who shares my values and considers purity to be important.

And I believe that there are more virgin adults out there than people think. Of both genders. Television gives us a skewed picture of reality. Not everybody is 'doing it'. I know plenty of 20 and 30 something virgins, of both genders. So they're out there.

 

[B®ent]

I am chaste, which is equivalent to 'virgin.' (Virgin in the Biblical sense refers to women, not men.) Indeed I would prefer to marry a virgin. There are several reasons behind this preference (not requirement) of mine.

This is not a matter of 'forgiveness' (or lack thereof) as some have implied.

Im not fussed either way, its up to the Lord.

My feelings exactly.

 

[ardeur]

I honestly believe that if its true that non-virgins compare their partners with their current partner, then a virgin will compare his or her future partner (when the time comes) with preconceived notions they had formed up through the media and imagination. From older married couples I know, the preconceived notions that virgins may carry can be just as hurtful and damaging as a non-virgin comparing their partner with past partner/s. Some people might write this off as a bunch of malarky... but I think it's very true. Even virgin's can be very disappointed come their wedding night because what they had imagined for so long, turned out to be not-so-realistic. In short, I believe that if I'm going to put so much importance on remaining a virgin until marriage, then I should put just as much importance with keeping my thought life pure. I think it's easy to get stuck in a double standard if virgins wish to marry non-virgins to avoid the whole "comparison" factor, yet they don't keep themselves above their own unhealthy notions and dwellings on the sex act.

 

[aReformedPatriot]

I am not a virgin, unfortunatly. I desire very much to marry a woman who is a virgin, I just wish I could have given her the same gift. I hope to present my future wife the gift of faithfulness and purity, all to God's glory.

 

[Inconel]

I'm chaste (new word, thanks Johannes!)
I hope to marry a virgin, though for some reason they seem harder to find as I get older

 

[AveMaria]

There's a huge difference, in my book, between virginity and chastity, which some people have touched upon.

Sometimes I feel like there's too much focus on virginity to the exclusion of other traits, when selecting dating partners and potential lifemates. There's so many more things out there that need to be considered (Financial responsibility is high up on my list, for example).

Frankly, I have to admit, I'm blown away by the notion that someone would be unwilling to date or marry someone who had already engaged in sexual intercourse (trying to avoid using the V-word here), regardless of whether they had repented and lived a life of chastity ever since.

 

[B®ent]

AveMaria, do you believe having sex results in two becoming one flesh, as the Bible says? Assuming you do, what is the significance behind that? Furthermore, are you are virgin? (If I may ask)

Awaiting your reply,
Johannes