The psychology of romance..

[MehGuy]

Not sure how to word this thread, but I'm interested in your thoughts about how romance works in your mind? What are the emotions like? What are the drives like.. etc. Do you believe there are different types of romances.. some people hardwired to perceive romance differently than others? Are some less healthy than others? Are some people incapable of romance?

 

[Jenniferdiana]

tis selfish

 

[Sam91]

All you need is love: the psychology of romance

Wow that is soo negative. Lemme look for something nicer to contrast

The Psychology of Love

 

[Miles]

I think there are many factors, with each playing smaller or larger roles depending on the people involved. Some try to nail it down to one or maybe two things, but I think that's overly simplistic. As if it was only because of pheromones, only because of R/K selection theory, only because of the individual's environment, only because of factors beyond their control etc. The list goes on. Maybe there's a grain of truth to each of them, but none tell the whole story.

 

[MehGuy]

Question.. do you feel that you spend a lot of time pondering about romance and what it is?

I do.. for various reason.. always intensively wondered why my idea of romance was the way it was.. I find that theories like evolutionary psychology has given me a great understanding of my romance.

 

[Sam91]

Question.. do you feel that you spend a lot of time pondering about romance and what it is?

I do.. for various reason.. always intensively wondered why my idea of romance was the way it was.. I find that theories like evolutionary psychology has given me a great understanding of my romance.

No. I wish to be left alone. Thankfully, I avoid males in general but when someone does try to get to know me it is exciting but stressful. As in I wish they wouldn't. So there is a dilemma what to do about it. In the head how to refuse someone, in the ego... the attention is nice, and the heart yearns for the potential to love someone extra and the comfort of not having to go through everything alone.

Wow, that is very honest of me.

EDIT..
Oops I think I answered a question you didn't ask. Sorry for misreading.

 

[blackribbon]

I don't know that I think about it too much beyond missing it a lot. How it feels to me is that you find that person who completes you. It isn't as though you had something missing, but when there is romance, you suddenly realize that you are more complete. I believe romance is different than lust but there is attraction in romance. I normally am not a touchy person but when I have a romantic partner, I feel the need to connect through touch....meaning I like to sit with legs touching, feet touch, holding hands, brush a hand over a shoulder as I walk by. New Romance has sparks and butterflies. Well establish romance means that you can be completely yourself and relaxed together. I don't think it is really "real" until you into that comfortable stage. The first time I kissed my husband it was unplanned. My roommate and I were playing keep away with his shoe. He got it back by suddenly kissing me instead of chasing his shoe....I was stunned enough to stop. We didn't date for several months after that but that was the one kiss I felt in my toes...not unlike they show in cartoons. That was over 20 years ago and I can still almost feel that kiss (and the many that came after that when we were married). Romance is different with each person that you get to that point with...and it is unique to each couple.

 

[Noxot]

romance is two lives entwined like the double helix of DNA.

romance sort of feels like an empty word. it's not a big enough category to contain "mutual eros" which I think is the ultimate goal and purpose for authentic romance. mutual eros can create effects that can be perceived as romantic.

real romance would not be concerned about status or allow that which is outside the bond to rule over the bond. so merely displaying outward symbols to an other is not enough for it to be real romance because the specific motives might not be there.

romance requires for your sense of self to be composed of the person you love to a large degree and it has to be mutual. it starts to feel empty to me when it is more about an appearance or some kind of chimp-like display than it is about something that is real and connected.

 

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

To avoid writing pages in response...

To love is to choose the good of the beloved.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Question.. do you feel that you spend a lot of time pondering about romance and what it is?

I do.. for various reason.. always intensively wondered why my idea of romance was the way it was.. I find that theories like evolutionary psychology has given me a great understanding of my romance.

Sometimes I do...because sometimes I feel like the odd man out. My idea of romance is unique in a sense that instead of sending flowers and taking a woman out to an intimate dinner...I more keep in mind the little things a woman I'm dating is into....and bring those to light. Kind of like Jim and Pam on the office.

He bought her a tea pot with little mementos of their experiences during the time they knew each other. That's more like me.

I have a female friend that kind of rejects traditional romance from men. She does want a partner, but without the mushy stuff I guess.

She's in her early 50s, and some guy around the same age she was seeing, was like "I feel like as school boy when I'm around you!"

She was like "Really?!" There was just something off putting about his comment apparently when he said that. She feels sometimes these guys move to quick with their romancing her...and they were a few dates in and he was already saying this.

She believes in more of a friendship than a romance...but, isn't that just like having a brother or sister type love?

There had been times that since I never had a high school girlfriend or even dated in college...that I missed out and when I became a late bloomer...my first girlfriend was when I was in my late 20s, and after her...I hadn't had anyone I dated for about 10 years.

I felt my lack of experience in romance had made it worse for me...perpetuated the problem...and may have even stunted me when it come to interacting with women in a dating fashion.