'is Jesus enough?' is a question I thought I knew the answer to for a long time. over the past couple years (or maybe over my whole life) I've learned that very few things in this world are sustainably satisfying. i've always had plenty of money, plenty of shelter, plenty of food/water/air and all the survival things. I've had a surplus for most of my life, and I'm not really all that satisfied; what happiness I have experienced has come from one thing and one thing alone - relationships with people.
at some point, I realized through helping poverty stricken families who lived in pretty crappy conditions (one in particular the parents both had cancer and did not up until recently have running water in their house), who were in fact happier than i was, that you don't need squat to be satisfied... but you do need to love people who also in fact return the favor.
so since my conclusion is essentially love is all you need, (and since I don't think thats anywhere near exclusive to romantic love, but also a lot about brotherly love) I recognize the teachings of Jesus to be dead-on (not just the beatles, though they're also dead on) since they reflect this sentiment so thoroughly and accurately. at some point then, 'Jesus is enough' meant that the teachings of Jesus are enough to live by and be satisfied.
however, i have lately come to realize that, though I still hold true that love is all you need, part of that means people have to love you back, which rarely seems to be the case for me. in that sense, the teachings of Jesus are not in and of themselves 'enough'. i feel less and less joyful about God's message, less and less keen on worship, less and less excited about hearing my pastor speak. its almost like i'm jaded with the message. my faith is no longer based on joy, but on the hard fact of life that nothing in this world is fun or happy or satisfying without love. and that's terrible news, because love is something you can't earn; you must simply accept it. and dang it i'm good at earning things, but not love. and if no one's dishing it out, there's no accepting it. God works through people, and he wants to offer himself to us purely by grace - which i'm pretty sure is what Jesus came to do. so why doesn't he use his spirit to bring me close to someone?
i'm frustrated with what seems to be everyone else's inability to make my frienship a priority. i have friends, yes... but they are always too busy to spend time with me. i'm rarely ever invited to anything. and when i call people up, they have plans or have to study or have to work or have to sleep or just forget to call me back - all things that would come below 'spending time with friends' on my priority list. i want to blame God, but that would mean his fault is 'not forcing people to be my friend' - something i wouldn't want in the first place - and something that wouldn't please Him (or else he would have just made us all robots). its ingenuine. i've had enough of those friendships. so then i want to blame either everyone else or myself - maybe other people are ignoring the spirit that wants to unite us, or just can't prioritize. maybe there's something about me that's annoying or weird or unlikeable. maybe i'm not being a good friend or am selfish. i want to say that's the case, but i just don't think it is. i make a lot more effort than anyone i know to build friendship, and no one else puts forth any effort. i hope it is my fault so i can fix it, but i don't see any problems with the way i interact. when i'm around people, i'm usually pretty interesting... i mean they laugh at my jokes (sometimes) and i get into interesting conversations - that's gotta be some sign i'm not repulsive.
i've been praying earnestly for 2 things specifically: unconditional brotherly love, and the unconditional love of a wife. i feel that my faith does not depend on these things - the message of Christ alone is enough for faith, but not for satisfaction. however, my ability to speak to people from the heart about Christ requires that i actually do witness His love through others. we use the word 'witness' all the time... how can I witness if i've never witnessed anything. I simply do not feel loved. i ask that anyone who feels strongly about the subject of not feeling close to anyone (mainly if you've felt it before) pray the same for me. if this doesn't hit home for you, please for your own sake don't pray about it because it wouldn't be genuine and you wouldn't know what you're asking.
at some point, I realized through helping poverty stricken families who lived in pretty crappy conditions (one in particular the parents both had cancer and did not up until recently have running water in their house), who were in fact happier than i was, that you don't need squat to be satisfied... but you do need to love people who also in fact return the favor.
so since my conclusion is essentially love is all you need, (and since I don't think thats anywhere near exclusive to romantic love, but also a lot about brotherly love) I recognize the teachings of Jesus to be dead-on (not just the beatles, though they're also dead on) since they reflect this sentiment so thoroughly and accurately. at some point then, 'Jesus is enough' meant that the teachings of Jesus are enough to live by and be satisfied.
however, i have lately come to realize that, though I still hold true that love is all you need, part of that means people have to love you back, which rarely seems to be the case for me. in that sense, the teachings of Jesus are not in and of themselves 'enough'. i feel less and less joyful about God's message, less and less keen on worship, less and less excited about hearing my pastor speak. its almost like i'm jaded with the message. my faith is no longer based on joy, but on the hard fact of life that nothing in this world is fun or happy or satisfying without love. and that's terrible news, because love is something you can't earn; you must simply accept it. and dang it i'm good at earning things, but not love. and if no one's dishing it out, there's no accepting it. God works through people, and he wants to offer himself to us purely by grace - which i'm pretty sure is what Jesus came to do. so why doesn't he use his spirit to bring me close to someone?
i'm frustrated with what seems to be everyone else's inability to make my frienship a priority. i have friends, yes... but they are always too busy to spend time with me. i'm rarely ever invited to anything. and when i call people up, they have plans or have to study or have to work or have to sleep or just forget to call me back - all things that would come below 'spending time with friends' on my priority list. i want to blame God, but that would mean his fault is 'not forcing people to be my friend' - something i wouldn't want in the first place - and something that wouldn't please Him (or else he would have just made us all robots). its ingenuine. i've had enough of those friendships. so then i want to blame either everyone else or myself - maybe other people are ignoring the spirit that wants to unite us, or just can't prioritize. maybe there's something about me that's annoying or weird or unlikeable. maybe i'm not being a good friend or am selfish. i want to say that's the case, but i just don't think it is. i make a lot more effort than anyone i know to build friendship, and no one else puts forth any effort. i hope it is my fault so i can fix it, but i don't see any problems with the way i interact. when i'm around people, i'm usually pretty interesting... i mean they laugh at my jokes (sometimes) and i get into interesting conversations - that's gotta be some sign i'm not repulsive.
i've been praying earnestly for 2 things specifically: unconditional brotherly love, and the unconditional love of a wife. i feel that my faith does not depend on these things - the message of Christ alone is enough for faith, but not for satisfaction. however, my ability to speak to people from the heart about Christ requires that i actually do witness His love through others. we use the word 'witness' all the time... how can I witness if i've never witnessed anything. I simply do not feel loved. i ask that anyone who feels strongly about the subject of not feeling close to anyone (mainly if you've felt it before) pray the same for me. if this doesn't hit home for you, please for your own sake don't pray about it because it wouldn't be genuine and you wouldn't know what you're asking.
