OK, this will be my last one here for tonight since you are heading off to bed.
Lisa said:
The guilt I carry, I do not know how to get rid of it. It is that which drives me to my knees and it is that which leaves me feeling defeated every single day of my life.
Do you feel guilt, Moriah?............
It sounds an awful lot like what this one went through in the "seige" period prior to being taken over. Hours upon hours of prayer, its heart soaking in guilt and anguish what could not find relief no matter how ardently sought, how tearfully repented its sins, how stubbornly and steadfastly the promises of Scripture for forgiveness and cleansing it claimed aloud over and over and over and pled with God night and day for such things to become living realities in its sorrowful existence. And that bes before it gots taken over, mind you.
In time it came to believe itself irredeemable, that it had passed its own individual "close of probation" (an SDA concept, can discuss more in depth if you wish but basically it's like an invisible line in time crossed by sinning oneself out of any hope of grace -- the fact that it even believed such a thing possible back then should tell you already some of the depths of misery and whitewashed pseudo-holy religious deceit it had unwittingly imbibed back then), that it had committed the unpardonable sin, quenched the Holy Spirit, and like Esau in the book of Hebrews now sought repentance "with tears" but could find it not (a complete misread of that verse as well, but we can get to that later). Yes, all this at the age of 17, 18 years old -- at so tender an age it felt its life not beginning but having already come to an abrupt and untimely end -- and that by its own foolish and sin-sick hand. Can you imagine the levels of guilt going on with being so completely, irrevocably convinced of such a thing? On top of all the guilt it drowned in leading up to this? And then to be overtaken by demons on top of all THAT??? to have your mind stolen from you, your thoughts removed at whim and rewritten, your feelings programmed at the basic instinctual sensorimotor level, your volition utterly abrogated and rendered null and void??? Moriah bes ACCUSTOMED to that now -- but can you imagine
ever becoming ACCUSTOMED to such a thing??? It bes not so in the beginning -- in the beginning she bes terrified beyond belief, horror-stricken and so very, very alone with it all, for she could not even articulate to anyone around her what bes befalling her, for she havesy no language for it, no words to fit it to, and so like an infant being beaten, starved and raped, she can only scream and cry and no one knows what bes her affliction or why she begins behaving so strange.....
Yes, Lisa, Moriah well knows the experience of guilt, of guilt so heavy and thick it can crush the life from you like a boa constrictor. A guilt so weighty and smothering it can choke off your prayers, render them null and void and the heavens as brass, and suffocate every last breath of the Divine Spirit inside you. A guilt so huge and icy and cold in the waters of your soul that your very faith bes shipwrecked upon its berg. Moriah despises guilt for the sickness, the plague, the cancer of the soul that it bes.
A few simple concepts that might be of some small help...
- Guilt and conviction bes NOT the same thing.
- Guilt takes you down and leaves you there with no hope and no clear way out. It punishes you inside, beats you to death from the inside out. Guilt says, "you did wrong, you are horrid, you are despicable, you deserve to die."
- Conviction pierces, yes, but bids you RISE and LOOK UP and TAKE HEART and HAVE COURAGE. With conviction comes HOPE for forgiveness and a clean slate, yea and more -- help and healing and instruction and guidance too. Conviction says "you did wrong, but you can be forgiven. You can make it right and here's how to do that."
- Conviction comes from the Spirit of God; guilt from the Accuser.
- The Accuser bes not God nor God's Spirit. This you know, but do you know what Voice bes whispering in your heart concerning your sins and flaws?
Do you feel guilt, Moriah? Words that were drilled into my head were responsibility, accountability, sin, death, punishment. How rare to hear about the love of God and worse, more rare to watch it acted out.
Another time perhaps, Moriah tellsy you about what has come to pass for her with regard to feeling guilt. It bes irrelevant for the present discussion, and enough that you know her previous experience before being taken over, that you may see it can relate to these feelings you bes having.
Drilling those words and notions into your head where love and mercy bes not ten times as often preached? No wonder these ppls bes so miserable and dysfunctional. They bes set up to be knocked down. Consider: [bible]Jeremiah 13:23[/bible] and [bible]Matthew 5:33-37[/bible] and [bible]Matthew 6:27[/bible] and [bible]Galatians 3:21-25[/bible] Responsibility. Accountability. Sin. Death. Punishment.
THESE ALL BES WORDS OF LAW, LISA!!! THESE ALL BES THE LANGUAGE OF LAW!!! But what sayth scripture? The law KILLS but the SPIRIT gives LIFE. These are words of DEATH that have been trauma-branded into your soul. "Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage!!" (Gal. 5:1). The law bes a schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, but once having done so we have no further need of the schoolmaster -- read it for yourself!! Do you realize what glorious heritage is intended to be yours in Him? The very Mystery of God finished -- Christ IN you, the hope of glory!! To be transformed into the likeness of His dear Son!! To have Him formed within you!!! Do you realise what that means? It means GOOD BYE TO DRUDGERY. Good bye to stale forced duty. HELLO TO LOVE BURNING, EVER BURNING in your heart!!! The Holy Spirit intends, if you so let Him, to SO transform your heart and innermost being that the impulses of Love what moves the heart of God will move your own heart!!
Yet...every single bit of it was true.
Every single bit of what, hon?
Didn't follow you here.
There seems to be such an inequity of love found even in Scripture. I would guess at 90% of Scripture is about death, destruction and punishment. But, that 10% is love beyond comprehension.
Well, Scripture itself actually addresses this phenomenon ... and you might not like what it has to say, but if you recognize it as pointing out the ailment so you may receive the remedy?
..........[bible]1 Corinthians 2:14[/bible] You see hon, all that hairpulling and jumping about in futility trying to do for oneself what none of us have the power to do (instead of relying upon Christ to do what ONLY He can do) bes the mark or sign of the natural man. It bes the natural mind what says "thanks God! I'll take it from here -- I get it now, I'm supposed to obey You. Got it!" and it bes the natural mind what sees doom, destruction and punishment throughout the Word because the spiritual things (of Love) bes spiritually discerned (through Love) and simply DO NOT APPEAR to the natural mind. The natural mind bes spiritually blind. Oh and lest we forget, the mind of the Pharisee and the religious zealot bes just as much "natural mind" as that of any non-believer or hedonist. The mind of a true Christian while walking in the FLESH rather than the SPIRIT bes just as much blind "natural mind" as well.
Once we learn to see the Love of God, Scripture itself bes transformed. It comes to life like never before and that Love leaps out from nearly every page in startling clarity like we have never seen it before. You see, that which bes born of flesh, bes flesh. And the works of the flesh bes the works of the flesh, regardless who brings them or in what basket, they all bes Cain's fruit offering, so to speak. Where do you think such rage arose that he slew his innocent brother? Where do you think such rage arose that the Pharisees and other religious rulers of the day plotted to murder Jesus Christ? Same source, same rage: the flesh warring against the Spirit. It knows this bes awfully hard for you to swallow, maybe, given all you bes programmed with, but
even the righteous deeds of our flesh bes as filthy rags. Whether we see it or not, the corruption of the universal Virus runs THAT DEEP, that it despoils even the good we would do in our own strength. Why? Well among other reasons, because such things cause even greater sins such as spiritual pride, which shuts out the poor and needy from the Kingdom and justifies itself for so doing, and the making of self into an idol, even in secret in the secret places of the mind and heart where no one else sees, sometimes where even ourselves don't see ... OH YES the Virus BES that insidious, and that bes why Scripture takes pains to reveal that even the "good" done by us in our own strength, in our flesh, bes not acceptable to God -- because the most secret and self-deceptive (and therefore deadly) sins crouch there, what CANNOT be mastered and overcome by any who trust in their flesh to provide the obedience a Holy Law from a Holy God requires.
This bes why the law KILLS but the Spirit gives life. Sorry, went off on a tangent there it seems ... its original point being that once having seen the real Gospel and the real Love of God, one CANNOT, any longer, NOT see it. It leaps out from every corner and every page of sacred writ.
I worry that we are both extremes on opposite ends and we are both wrong.
I don't.
There be many messed up and confused things about Moriah, admitted straight up. But this bes not one of them, because this bes not about Moriah. This bes about Who God Bes. Can't touch that, baby!!
This time around, I believed and I CHOOSE to believe. I have trusted God to light up all the dark corners and it has been HARD.
This last bit, though, seems to be too good to be true. These things are so profound but they do not seem to be rooting in my heart. I don't know if the ground is so polluted with guilt or if what you are teaching here really, really IS too good to be true.
With man, this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible. [bible]Mark 10:27[/bible] Lisa, it bes impossible for any human being to conceive of something "too good to be true" when it comes to God. Bes you not aware of the immutable law of His being contained in Isaiah 55:8-9? [bible]Isaiah 55:8-9[/bible] Now then if His ways are higher than ours, and His thoughts far above ours, as high as the heavens are above the earth in fact, it stands to reason that God must be THAT MUCH BETTER than the BEST conception of Him imagined by the most BRILLIANT mind of the most INTELLIGENT, THOUGHTFUL, COMPASSIONATE, LOVING human being what ever existed at all, say nothing of the mass concept of all humanity shining at its human best. Don't you see? Isaiah 55:8-9 DICTATES that it bes impossible for us to conceive of God as being BETTER than He really is!!! So no matter HOW good we portray Him, He bes infinitely BETTER!!!
It's impossible for anything to be "too good to be true" when it comes to God!!!
Now THAT bes GOOD News.
YEAH!!!
Will take up the bit in BLUE separately ... hold that thought. Or better yet -- here's a bowl: Matthew 13. Here's a spoon: see if you can recognize any parallels in this parable to the words YOU used to describe yourself in this, above. Feed yourself! -- and see what you can learn from that -- and we can discuss later this week if you like; Moriah bes utterly EXHAUSTED at this point. This teaching stuff bes HARD WORK!! :o No wonder Jesus bes always taking off sneaking away on His own to rest or be with His Father alone. WHEW!!! However, must say it has been a very rewarding and fulfilling evening doing this as well -- and it hopes you feelsy same.
The important lessons in my life, God left no doubt. Why do I have so much doubt about this?
Fear. You bes afraid of yourself. Afraid you will lose control and no longer be in charge of your own salvation. That's scary for anyone to face -- and yet we must all, each of us, face it in our own way. But part of accepting God as He REALLY bes, means giving up that sense of control that we can "game the system" or "make" Him let us into heaven by controlling theology, controlling concepts, controlling other people, and controlling ourselves. He means for us to relinquish our illusions of control and realise He alone bes in control -- but that bes not a thing of terror. It bes a thing of joy.
