The Mirror of Souls

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Moriah,
I have invited a friend here who is struggling with knowing God loves him. You helped me so much with this and I want him to read the posts here. Hopefully, we can help him too. I know you won't mind. I know how much joy it brings you to be used by the Lord. I know that when God uses you, you gain a moment of freedom from your oppressors.

Of course! Your friend bes welcome here.
Lisa, God bes worksy mightily for Moriah. It bes wanting Him allatimes now. You should go read stuffs in its blog here. Good stuffs God shows it.

 

[Lisa0315]

Of course! Your friend bes welcome here.
Lisa, God bes worksy mightily for Moriah. It bes wanting Him allatimes now. You should go read stuffs in its blog here. Good stuffs God shows it.

That is wonderful news, Moriah. I will definitely go read.

Lisa

 

[Lisa0315]

Here it is!

Hey Moriah! I wanted to ask you if hanging out with your old denom was helping or hurting you. Both probably. How is the journey coming? Mine has taken a bit of a tail spin, but I know that God is leading the way, so in many ways, I am relieved.

Lisa

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Oh THERE we bes.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Oh THERE we bes.

 

[Lisa0315]

One Moriah at a time, please. Y'all get in line! Now, behave!

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Here it is!

Hey Moriah! I wanted to ask you if hanging out with your old denom was helping or hurting you. Both probably. How is the journey coming? Mine has taken a bit of a tail spin, but I know that God is leading the way, so in many ways, I am relieved.

Lisa

Not really hanging out with them. Have spent some time in the P/M/FA forum but those bes people who have left at least the mainstream of the denom if not the denom entirely, so they don't have the same toxic soteriology as the mainstream denom (at least, most of them don't). Anyway it bes not there much of late, hanging out more in SFP/C as far as CF goes. As far as 3-d world, not doing any church right now. Visited a UM church a few times a few months ago as part of a world religions series and enjoyed visiting there but -- this will sound weird -- its inhabitants didn't seem to mind it doing so, whereas other places it has considered visiting They have positively forbidden. And when it says forbidden it does not mean anything so nice and clean as just standing there saying "No, don't".... :o ... it means messy ugly take over make sure Moriah cannot drive or heck cannot even THINK or process reality mentally for that matter. Never mind the impact on its eyesight when They takes it over hard ... for example right now it has no trouble reading this whatsoever even though it has had a couple glasses of wine with dinner. But when They takes it, its vision blurs entirely; it cannot read anything and it loses peripheral vision as well and basically becomes nearly blind when it bes really fierce.

As far as its journey goes ... it thinks it bes doing better with God and its faith a couple months ago (April, May) before some really devastating and hurtful things hit all at once, along with some hefty disappointments and some other folks dropping some pretty vital balls so to speak. But even though it feels it has lost ground and grown weaker spiritually, less able to fight Them off, it does feel the good things done back then have persisted and its entire sense of things bes changed. FOR NOW anyway they seem unable to SEDUCE it or gain its confidence/alliance/allegiance even temporarily. They seem to know this in fact and don't even try anymore -- the times They takes it have gone from being all about the tug of war to win its heart and mind over into just straight out torture, no holds barred. Even the sex bes different -- more rapacious, vicious, meanspirited almost ... not that it lacks pleasure but it only has pleasure in the sense of being preferable to torture. Moriah wants to be done with it all, frankly.

How goes things with you?

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Just realised it did not really address your questions! :o Sorry, coming up next.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

As far as helping or hurting, hanging out with some of the folks in the P/M/FA section definitely helped. It bes very helpful, encouraging and healing to see others who had once been ensnared by the confusion of that denomination (which moriah considers cultic in terms of it setting up a programming that won't let you leave without a great deal of pain, upheaval and turmoil) getting far enough out of it that they have found much healthier views of the Gospel and salvation. One fellow over there in particular, from CARM no less, turned out to be a tremendous blessing to daimonizomai and it greatly enjoyed our conversings.

Probably what has helped it most in its journey recently bes the online compline services started over at CFA a few months ago. It took a couple weeks of being practically hunted down and dragged there against much attempted interference by you know what, but once there safely surrounded by Christians what bes nothing but loving, accepting and encouraging, it became slowly able to pray and able to call on God while there and gradually after that able to do so on its own a little, whereas it had not had that freedom before; it had been too subjugated. Many times the Holy Spirit visited upon us in online worship there and would pray and speak and prophesy through Moriah ... through a daimonizomai!! can you imagine??? ... and this brought it tremendous hope and joy and courage and made its desire to be free burn ever so much more brightly. Alas these services have now gone by the wayside and They take it over more now. It cannot even remember what bes it like to have that fullness of the Holy Spirit overtake it as delightful and complete far beyond even what demonkind ever did. But it remembers at least that this happened, that it loved this above all and beyond all and that it wants this. but it bes very much alone now. something happened. it does not even clearly remember what, it must have done something wrong but it does not know what.

 

[Lisa0315]

Not really hanging out with them. Have spent some time in the P/M/FA forum but those bes people who have left at least the mainstream of the denom if not the denom entirely, so they don't have the same toxic soteriology as the mainstream denom (at least, most of them don't). Anyway it bes not there much of late, hanging out more in SFP/C as far as CF goes. As far as 3-d world, not doing any church right now. Visited a UM church a few times a few months ago as part of a world religions series and enjoyed visiting there but -- this will sound weird -- its inhabitants didn't seem to mind it doing so, whereas other places it has considered visiting They have positively forbidden. And when it says forbidden it does not mean anything so nice and clean as just standing there saying "No, don't".... :o ... it means messy ugly take over make sure Moriah cannot drive or heck cannot even THINK or process reality mentally for that matter. Never mind the impact on its eyesight when They takes it over hard ... for example right now it has no trouble reading this whatsoever even though it has had a couple glasses of wine with dinner. But when They takes it, its vision blurs entirely; it cannot read anything and it loses peripheral vision as well and basically becomes nearly blind when it bes really fierce.

As far as its journey goes ... it thinks it bes doing better with God and its faith a couple months ago (April, May) before some really devastating and hurtful things hit all at once, along with some hefty disappointments and some other folks dropping some pretty vital balls so to speak. But even though it feels it has lost ground and grown weaker spiritually, less able to fight Them off, it does feel the good things done back then have persisted and its entire sense of things bes changed. FOR NOW anyway they seem unable to SEDUCE it or gain its confidence/alliance/allegiance even temporarily. They seem to know this in fact and don't even try anymore -- the times They takes it have gone from being all about the tug of war to win its heart and mind over into just straight out torture, no holds barred. Even the sex bes different -- more rapacious, vicious, meanspirited almost ... not that it lacks pleasure but it only has pleasure in the sense of being preferable to torture. Moriah wants to be done with it all, frankly.

How goes things with you?

Well, I have been avoiding church alot, avoiding prayer, and avoiding reading my Bible, you know all the things I am SUPPOSED to do. Anyway, I caught myself one morning repeating a phrase over and over and realized that I had been doing it for quite some time. I mean, not that moment, but several OTHER times. I don't want to say what the phrase is here although I don't care if you know what it is. Anyway, I realized that I had been avoiding prayer because I was repeating phrases when I prayed too. That I can say here...It was "helpmehelpmehelpmehelpme" and I cannot tell you how long that went on or how many incidents but for quite some time. One night, it started out "helpme" and turned into ONE BIG "heal me". So, I think the morning when I caught myself saying the phrases, it was an answer to the prayer. I think I have religious OCD. Pretty certain of it. I have many other symptoms and I have had it since I was a kid. I have a Bible that I got when I was five years old and the thing is FILLED with underlined verses. I used to sit in church and at home underlining the verses for hours at a time, and there was a ritual to it. I don't remember the ritual now because I was so young, but the "helpme" prayers was something else I used to do as a kid. I also count everything. I always thought these were just "quirks", but now I am not so sure. I have an MD appointment on Friday so we will see.

It leaves me a bit overwhelmed. One minute I feel relieved that maybe there is a cause to the depression and this may be the final step I need to take to be completely healthy, and the next minute, I am worrying that I am just making excuses for myself so that I can continue to sin. See?

Lisa

 

[Lisa0315]

As far as helping or hurting, hanging out with some of the folks in the P/M/FA section definitely helped. It bes very helpful, encouraging and healing to see others who had once been ensnared by the confusion of that denomination (which moriah considers cultic in terms of it setting up a programming that won't let you leave without a great deal of pain, upheaval and turmoil) getting far enough out of it that they have found much healthier views of the Gospel and salvation. One fellow over there in particular, from CARM no less, turned out to be a tremendous blessing to daimonizomai and it greatly enjoyed our conversings.

Probably what has helped it most in its journey recently bes the online compline services started over at CFA a few months ago. It took a couple weeks of being practically hunted down and dragged there against much attempted interference by you know what, but once there safely surrounded by Christians what bes nothing but loving, accepting and encouraging, it became slowly able to pray and able to call on God while there and gradually after that able to do so on its own a little, whereas it had not had that freedom before; it had been too subjugated. Many times the Holy Spirit visited upon us in online worship there and would pray and speak and prophesy through Moriah ... through a daimonizomai!! can you imagine??? ... and this brought it tremendous hope and joy and courage and made its desire to be free burn ever so much more brightly. Alas these services have now gone by the wayside and They take it over more now. It cannot even remember what bes it like to have that fullness of the Holy Spirit overtake it as delightful and complete far beyond even what demonkind ever did. But it remembers at least that this happened, that it loved this above all and beyond all and that it wants this. but it bes very much alone now. something happened. it does not even clearly remember what, it must have done something wrong but it does not know what.

I am glad you have had some relief. You didn't do anything wrong. Remember? God does not operate like that. People operate like that, and the accuser operates like that, but God doesn't.

Lisa

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Well, I have been avoiding church alot, avoiding prayer, and avoiding reading my Bible, you know all the things I am SUPPOSED to do. Anyway, I caught myself one morning repeating a phrase over and over and realized that I had been doing it for quite some time. I mean, not that moment, but several OTHER times. I don't want to say what the phrase is here although I don't care if you know what it is. Anyway, I realized that I had been avoiding prayer because I was repeating phrases when I prayed too. That I can say here...It was "helpmehelpmehelpmehelpme" and I cannot tell you how long that went on or how many incidents but for quite some time. One night, it started out "helpme" and turned into ONE BIG "heal me". So, I think the morning when I caught myself saying the phrases, it was an answer to the prayer. I think I have religious OCD. Pretty certain of it. I have many other symptoms and I have had it since I was a kid. I have a Bible that I got when I was five years old and the thing is FILLED with underlined verses. I used to sit in church and at home underlining the verses for hours at a time, and there was a ritual to it. I don't remember the ritual now because I was so young, but the "helpme" prayers was something else I used to do as a kid. I also count everything. I always thought these were just "quirks", but now I am not so sure. I have an MD appointment on Friday so we will see.

It leaves me a bit overwhelmed. One minute I feel relieved that maybe there is a cause to the depression and this may be the final step I need to take to be completely healthy, and the next minute, I am worrying that I am just making excuses for myself so that I can continue to sin. See?

Lisa

Not excuses at all honey. Religious Scrupulosity can be a devastating form of OCD and it can go undetected for years because there bes just enough TOXIC nonsense floating around in churchy culture to mistake someone suffering with it for being a good pious devout believer instead ...

It thinks you may be onto something there ... but it cautions you to seek help and counsel from someone who will understand and be able to discern between the genuine manifestation of your spiritual faith and the manifestation of the parody that kind of affliction will play with it, y'know? Because you still need your loving Saviour, just need to pry your awareness and image of Him out of the muck of this other stuff. You can go see a basic pill doc to check in on reporting symptoms and how you bes doing with whatever meds they prescribe, but OCD in all its forms bes one affliction that can genuinely benefit from cognitive reality-focused talking therapy and for that you need someone sympathetic, AWARE, and in harmony with your spiritual goals.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

I am glad you have had some relief. You didn't do anything wrong. Remember? God does not operate like that. People operate like that, and the accuser operates like that, but God doesn't.

Lisa

Yeah ... it just does not know what to think. Everything seemed to be coming together and moving forward SO PERFECTLY -- and then in one devastating blow it all came to an abrupt halt and fell apart. Like the enemy just reached in, swiped his ginormous paw, and knocked it all over.

It hasn't been rebuilt since, either. daimonizomai honestly does not know what to do, where to go, or where to turn at this point. It knows God has all the answers and ultimately its help comes from Him. That bes not an issue and it bes not trying to substitute humans' love and care for His. But being still inhabited it has difficulty connecting with Him for itself by itself, and still needs others' help for this to continue and persist and for sorting out spiritual reality from delusion and deceit of Satan and His tricks and all the things he programmed into it. it can't do all that by itself just like we cannot do brain surgery or chiropractic on ourselves

 

[Lisa0315]

Not excuses at all honey. Religious Scrupulosity can be a devastating form of OCD and it can go undetected for years because there bes just enough TOXIC nonsense floating around in churchy culture to mistake someone suffering with it for being a good pious devout believer instead ...

It thinks you may be onto something there ... but it cautions you to seek help and counsel from someone who will understand and be able to discern between the genuine manifestation of your spiritual faith and the manifestation of the parody that kind of affliction will play with it, y'know? Because you still need your loving Saviour, just need to pry your awareness and image of Him out of the muck of this other stuff. You can go see a basic pill doc to check in on reporting symptoms and how you bes doing with whatever meds they prescribe, but OCD in all its forms bes one affliction that can genuinely benefit from cognitive reality-focused talking therapy and for that you need someone sympathetic, AWARE, and in harmony with your spiritual goals.

Nah. I am going to my head doctor. I go where the happy pills are.

Anyway, I trust them completely. They really, really helped when my depression was severe two years ago. My therapist is a Christian and my nurse is also. There is a wonderful website that Nadiine gave to me as well. I am reading as much as I can too.

Lisa

 

[Lisa0315]

Yeah ... it just does not know what to think. Everything seemed to be coming together and moving forward SO PERFECTLY -- and then in one devastating blow it all came to an abrupt halt and fell apart. Like the enemy just reached in, swiped his ginormous paw, and knocked it all over.

It hasn't been rebuilt since, either. daimonizomai honestly does not know what to do, where to go, or where to turn at this point. It knows God has all the answers and ultimately its help comes from Him. That bes not an issue and it bes not trying to substitute humans' love and care for His. But being still inhabited it has difficulty connecting with Him for itself by itself, and still needs others' help for this to continue and persist and for sorting out spiritual reality from delusion and deceit of Satan and His tricks and all the things he programmed into it. it can't do all that by itself just like we cannot do brain surgery or chiropractic on ourselves

Well, the one thing I know about you is that you get better when you are helping other people. How about coming to the OCD forums here and talk to people. Just tell them why God loves them like you do with me. You have no idea how much it helps.

Of course, Dmz's might freak out some of the other religious OCD'rs, but from what I have been reading, you are practically the cure for scrupulosity.

You don't mind my jokes do you. I always laugh at irreverant things. (Then feel guilty afterwards that I have offended the person or God...Where is the crazy eye smilie?)

I think I know you well enough that you will laugh with me...right?

Lisa

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Well, the one thing I know about you is that you get better when you are helping other people. How about coming to the OCD forums here and talk to people. Just tell them why God loves them like you do with me. You have no idea how much it helps.

Of course, Dmz's might freak out some of the other religious OCD'rs, but from what I have been reading, you are practically the cure for scrupulosity.

You don't mind my jokes do you. I always laugh at irreverant things. (Then feel guilty afterwards that I have offended the person or God...Where is the crazy eye smilie?)

I think I know you well enough that you will laugh with me...right?

Of course! Besides your jokes do not hurt, they bes funny.
Yes, it does tend to do better when it has others to help but because it bes weak, that really only works when it can genuinely see it bes doing some good and when there bes not many others piling on in opposition against its efforts ...

That website you sent a link for has a lot of interesting stuff by the way! You can tell the author suffers from some form of OCD as he seems driven to write constantly!!

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

OH Lisa it nearly forgot to tell this part also. Rather frustrating because with all the devastating things that have happened to it and all the interference, disappointments, heartaches, demonic attacks, etc. it has not had a chance to begin in earnest on the project, but God gave it a project. No kidding ... it bes like at the beginning of June (it thinks? -- have to find the notes it made that morning). He speak directly to Moriah and put in its mind an idea for something to be doing for Him and then IMMEDIATELY confirmed it with two outward signs and one inward one. One of the outward ones bes no less than a front page article in the newspaper that morning and Lisa, Moriah NEVER reads the paper these days. It just happened to see this one because it bes getsy coffee in the morning from a donut shoppe prior to visiting its dentist. WOW! :o The paper even had the right name of whom to contact and everything once Moriah gets done putting together the curriculum.

But it has to get back in the clear before it can start on any of this!! Back into the clear, out from under demonic subjugation AWAY from them being IN the Holy Spirit and purified by Him and CLEAN by Him ... oh dear merciful God please please help Moriah it wants this very very much.....

 

[Lisa0315]

Of course! Besides your jokes do not hurt, they bes funny.
Yes, it does tend to do better when it has others to help but because it bes weak, that really only works when it can genuinely see it bes doing some good and when there bes not many others piling on in opposition against its efforts ...

That website you sent a link for has a lot of interesting stuff by the way! You can tell the author suffers from some form of OCD as he seems driven to write constantly!!

Yeah, obsessed to write, and write it perfectly. I wonder if he counts his words manually or with the Word counter in Word.

I am glad you are not offended. It is a sign of my affection. I am not comfortable with showing myself to just everyone. I don't feel like I have to pretend with you. I am finding that I am very, very tired of pretending with anyone and I want to be the person that I should have been all along. I am very tired of being afraid.

Lisa

 

[Lisa0315]

OH Lisa it nearly forgot to tell this part also. Rather frustrating because with all the devastating things that have happened to it and all the interference, disappointments, heartaches, demonic attacks, etc. it has not had a chance to begin in earnest on the project, but God gave it a project. No kidding ... it bes like at the beginning of June (it thinks? -- have to find the notes it made that morning). He speak directly to Moriah and put in its mind an idea for something to be doing for Him and then IMMEDIATELY confirmed it with two outward signs and one inward one. One of the outward ones bes no less than a front page article in the newspaper that morning and Lisa, Moriah NEVER reads the paper these days. It just happened to see this one because it bes getsy coffee in the morning from a donut shoppe prior to visiting its dentist. WOW! :o The paper even had the right name of whom to contact and everything once Moriah gets done putting together the curriculum.

But it has to get back in the clear before it can start on any of this!! Back into the clear, out from under demonic subjugation AWAY from them being IN the Holy Spirit and purified by Him and CLEAN by Him ... oh dear merciful God please please help Moriah it wants this very very much.....

That's wonderful. I will be praying for you tonight. "Helpherhelpherhelpher!" j/k I feel a little bit giddy right now.

Gotta go to bed. Talk to you tomorrow.

Lisa

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

I am glad you are not offended. It is a sign of my affection. I am not comfortable with showing myself to just everyone. I don't feel like I have to pretend with you. I am finding that I am very, very tired of pretending with anyone and I want to be the person that I should have been all along. I am very tired of being afraid.

Lisa

You don't have to pretend with Moriah. And you don't have to be afraid. May God bring you relief soon from your afflictions .... Lord take the shackles off her feet so she can dance! She just wants to praise YOU by being exactly as YOU made her to be.