The laughter thread.

[Sword of the Lord]

Edit: Sometimes I forget I'm not on FB.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

 

[Colin]

“What’s wrong, Bubba?” asked the pastor.

“I need you to pray for my hearing,” said Bubba.

The pastor put his hands on 
Bubba’s ears and prayed.

When he was done, he asked, “So how’s your hearing?”

“I don’t know,” said Bubba. “It isn’t until next Tuesday.”

 

[WarriorAngel]

Edit: Sometimes I forget I'm not on FB.

 

[WarriorAngel]

“What’s wrong, Bubba?” asked the pastor.

“I need you to pray for my hearing,” said Bubba.

The pastor put his hands on 
Bubba’s ears and prayed.

When he was done, he asked, “So how’s your hearing?”

“I don’t know,” said Bubba. “It isn’t until next Tuesday.”

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

"You mean I'm gonna stay this colour all my life? "(steve martin in The jerk, after his black mother delivered the sad news that he was actually adopted.

 

[Colin]

A priest and a pastor are standing by the side of a road holding up 
a sign that reads “The end is near! Turn around now before it’s too late!”

A passing driver yells, “You guys are nuts!” and speeds past them.

From around the curve, they hear screeching tyres—then a big splash.

The priest turns to the pastor and says, “Do you think we should just put up a sign that says ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

 

[Colin]

Adam bit the apple and, feeling great shame, covered himself with a fig leaf.

Eve, too, felt shame and covered herself with a fig leaf.

Then she went behind the bush to try on a maple leaf, a sycamore, and an oak.

 

[brinny]

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

St. peter is the bouncer at the Pearly Gates.
-"sorry bro, you can't come in like that, no T-shirts, you need a collared shirt."
' if I'd known that I would've brought one with me'
-"yeah you'll have to go to Purgatory and wait"
' how long's the wait? '
-"shouldn't be more than 1000 years".

moral to the story.make sure you're dressed right for heaven.

 

[Colin]

A defendant isn’t happy with 
how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.

Judge: “Where do you work?”

Defendant: “Here and there.”

Judge: “What do you do for 
a living?”

Defendant: “This and that.”

Judge: “Take him away.”

Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”

Judge: “Sooner or later.”

 

[mea kulpa]

Did u hear about the crosseyed judge and the 3 crosseyed defendants

The judge said to the 1st "how do you plead guilty or not guilty" the 2nd defendant answered "not guilty your honour" the judge replied "i wasnt talking to you" and the 3rd defendent said "i said nothing"

 

[mea kulpa]

This is a true story... years ago when we had phone books on rainy days my friends and i would look through the phonebook to find some funny names

Two stick out that made me laugh

Palmer, Giles ( like Farmer Giles)
McBacon, Christopher. P ( as in Chris P McBacon... Crispy McBacon)

Ah you had to be there

 

[mmksparbud]

I had a dialysis patient tell me this--

He was diabetic,. He'd gotten a ticket due to speeding on the freeway. Shortly after that, he had vision problems and lost his sight. When it came time for his court appearance--he was completely blind and had to go in with help and a cane and it was quite obvious he was blind. The judge nearly fainted and the prosecuting attorney couldn't understand why the police gave him a ticket and let him drive away. It was total chaos until he could explain what happened. uhmm---He said it much funnier than I am relating it!

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Would you class yourself as a forum junkie?
No ,just because I spend 20 hours a day on here doesn't mean I'm addicted.

 

[Colin]

A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest.

So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?”

Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely.

“Once a week?”

A third of 
the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant.

“Once a month?”

A few hands tepidly go up.

Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?”

One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands.

The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory.

“If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?”

The man yells, “Today’s the day!”

 

[Colin]

After trick-or-treating, 
a teen takes a shortcut home 
through the cemetery.

Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, he spots 
an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.

“I thought you were a ghost,” 
says the relieved teen. “What are you 
doing working so late?”

“Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. “They misspelled my name!”

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

In his famous book, Seven Storey Mountain, Thomas Merton talks about one of the first times he attended a Catholic Church. He was very impressed by how the congregation weren't distracted by each other. That they were totally focussed on the priest, and the altar and the eucharist. he compared it the protestant churches he attended "not like some of those protestants who were more interested in checking each other out than focussing on God"
have to admit I do get distracted at Mass myself, especially at Communion time, looking at the other parishioners. So I'm no better than those wicked Protestants!

 

[bill5]

?

 

[Colin]

A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine.

Out of 
the blue, the wife says, “I love you.”

“Is that you or the wine talking?” asks the husband.

“It’s me,” says the wife. “Talking 
to the wine.”