The Lame Joke Thread

[eyeSalveRich]

Dentist jokes - created mostly while waiting for a family member to finish their dental appt.. I know I shouldn't confess that, but at least I crack myself up.

Why does everyone get along with dentists?
They are so good at building bridges.

Why did the dentist refuse the award?
He is always trying to get rid of plaque,
And he already has a crown

Why do dentists have to closely watch their weight?
Their job is so filling.

What sign does the dentist NOT have at the door?
Please remove your cap before entering.

Why are a dentist’s legs so strong?
Because of all he caries.

Why is the dentist always out of everything?
Because he is always filling in cavities.

Why did the dentist get upset so easily?
He is just so mercurial.

What is the dentist’s favorite hobby?
Pottery, of course, he is already so good with ceramics.

 

[lenamuo]

Why did the Chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

This is a joke that I will never get how it is a joke.

 

[Christophercbm]

Here is a lame joke I made up.

A man went to visit the white house and when he got back home someone asked him "how was it?".....and he said "it was all-white"

 

[Quasicentennial]

What did the fat Australian billionairess say to the deaf slim local newspaper walker who walked for 6 hours and only gets paid $42?
She said there is no union, no payrise, no sick or holiday leave, no superstition.
The deaf man said: You mean 'superannuation'?
Yes...Wait a minute, I thought you were deaf? she said.
I was a minute ago, until I prayed to Jesus to hear your honest opinion. What a selfish cold woman you are but you must accept Jesus if you want real spiritual wealth in His Kingdom.
No thanks, I have real wealth here in my country. She replied with a disco dancing gesture.

 

[I Eat Pie]

Today's forecast for the weather in Nazi Germany is Reign, with a small chance of Heil..

Haha....

 

[Coire]

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day after coming from an exhilarating choir performance, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just thinking about how wonderful the Lord is and I didnt notice that the light had changed. It's a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I never would have noticed the light! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all those lovely people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach".
I saw another gentleman waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to ask me what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folk

funiest story ive ever heard

 

[mqf]

a man walks into a bar with a giraffe, they both sit down and have a few drinks. The giraffe gets really drunk and falls over on to the floor. The man gets up to leave and the bartender says "hey, you can't leave that lying there" the man replies "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe"

 

[Frank White]

I think most of those are funny, if you read enough of them!

 

[Messy]

Why does a chicken lay an egg?

Because when he throws it, it breaks.

 

[sgmusic1987]

What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else?

NA - CHO - CHEESE

Thank you! I'll be here all day.

 

[WannaWitness]

Q: "Why is 6 afraid of 7?"

A: "Because 7 8 (ate) 9!"

 

[WannaWitness]

Q: "Are hamburgers male or female?"

A: "Male because they are 'boy-gers' and not 'girl-gers'!"

 

[WannaWitness]

Q: "What has ears but cannot hear?"

A: "Corn."

Q: "What has eyes but cannot see?"

A: "A potato."

Q: "What has a mouth but cannot talk?"

A: "A river."

 

[diychristian]

How do you fix a broken tuba?



With a TUBA glue.

 

[MrMoe]

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that

 

[Miss Spawn]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

 

[Miss Spawn]

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his pizza? He ate it before it was cool.

rofl

 

[Miss Spawn]

How do you kill a wild elephant?
With a wild elephant gun.

How do you kill a tame elephant?
Tame way.

How do you kill a blue elephant?
with a blue elephant gun

How do you kill a red elephant?
you choke it until it's blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun

How do you kill a purple elephant?
there no such thing as a purple elephant

 

[Miss Spawn]

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Rofl

 

[WannaWitness]

Q: Why can't you keep a secret in a bank?

A: They have a lot of tellers.