the importance of Virginity?

[Chajara]

It's good you're content with your single life and not eager to lose yours, as many your age are.

Technically, you're right. It is an experience.
But it's an experience many cherish, look forward to and look back on with fond memories, particularly if they lost their's with someone they loved.

Because of poor choices I made when I was in my teens, I never got to experience the newness and closeness a couple feels on their wedding night, particularly if they were virgins.

Now, it can still be special even if only one is a virgin, as often happens.
The non-virgin can experience the joy of being the other's first as they enter their life together married under the blessings of Christ.

The non-virgin, particularly if he/she was like me, who didn't have a lot of sex before marriage, could see the virgin's love and dedication to her Lord and her new husband and thus walk with Christ even deeper together.

If I could do it all over again, wouldn't have had sex my sr. yr. of HS.
Though only had it a handful of times, and wisely got out of it after a condom scare made me question whether that was something I really needed to be doing @17-18, methinks it messed me up and harmed my view of women -- and how I reacted toward them ( and being fully aware what I was capable of doing toward them ) in dating during my 20s after I became a Christian the next year in college.


Trust me, it was a big deal to her.
Aside from the discomfort for her (first times usually sting), I know it was a momentous event in her life.

Funny how I can vividly recall many things about that incident, but not how I reacted after I ended her virginity. Would like to think I cared for and reassured her.... held her close and "was there' for her, but my mind is blank on that part....
Truthfully, you NEVER forget your first experience. NEVER....

As an aside, recently sent an email to her and apologized for my behavior and not being the man I should have been toward her. Even 30+ years later, it still gives me guilt feelings for getting sexually involved with her.
Though I wasn't a Christian at the time, we both felt intense guilt about it and knew it was wrong....

Reading her facebook page, I see she's married and big into Catholicism, returning prayer to school, against abortion, etc., so figured some Christian forgiveness would be in order.
All I got for a response was
"....Please don't contact me again.....":o

I don't put virgins like you on a pedestal, but truly, I respect and admire you for your stance. And wish I was one in my 20s and could have tasted the experience of the wedding night...

Honesty time: I actually do regret losing my virginity the way I did. I had planned to wait until marriage as well, but all it took was a bad depression spiral before I stopped caring about anything that happened to me. I let him do what he wanted, and didn't care. Fortunately I realized that the next step beyond apathy was suicidal ideation and got help. I had sex for the wrong reasons, and wish my first time had been with the first guy I genuinely loved. Our first time was still memorable (fell off the darn bed and neither of us got off.) and our sex was always meaningful, regardless of my lack of virginity. We loved each other and no one is ever going to convince me that anything we did was wrong. Even then, I never felt guilt or regretted it.

I remember back when I was still a virgin, when my sex drive first kicked in and I felt horrible crushing guilt just for masturbating because that's what society had told me: That girls weren't supposed to be horny all the time like I was and that what I was doing about it was shameful and dirty and wrong. I'd pray for forgiveness and then give in to the urges again and again, and it caused me far more grief than it ever should have. THAT is what I regret.

I'm sorry your ex responded to your email the way she did. I'm sure that hurt. Honestly, I think it's great that you still obviously care for her well-being now and you obviously did then too, even if you feel you made a mistake. I just hate to see someone feeling such guilt over sex. Especially sex that happened so long ago that it sounds like she wanted and was a good experience for her. I mean, hey... she could have lost hers the way I lost mine. Doesn't sound to me like it was like that at all. That's something, at least. I hope you can find peace with it.

 

[Mling]

I didn't say it's life-changing, I just don't see a reason to wait for something good if you want to try it. That stance makes me not very popular here on CF.

It's when you start making fun of other people for not making the same decision that it becomes a problem. For example:

Ha!

The words of a virgin

Yes but I'm not judging!

Ha!

The words of a virgin

Everyone thinks I'm picking on her, I'm not

I'm sorry ok?

It's really hard to take an apology seriously from somebody who just denied doing what they're "apologizing" for.

 

[Reminisce]

I don't make fun of her or pick on her!

Why can't everone just chill

 

[RoadWarrior]

Her age is next to her username

She's 24 lol

Yes, and, no offense to anyone on this thread or forum, I'm sure you believe everyone who clicks on the "Yes, I'm 18" button is telling the truth.

I don't make fun of her or pick on her!

Why can't everone just chill

When you said quotes below, you did because you made it about her and not about your opinion on your own beliefs.

Ha!

The words of a virgin

 

[RoadWarrior]

Just as I believe you should be able to choose freely to engage in sex, you should also be able to choose not to engage in it, period, for any reason. No one should be judging anyone for either decision.

Agreed. IAW Free Agency, everyone should be free to live their own life as they see fit and only answer to God, not to the peer pressure or the bullying of those who like to ridicule others.

 

[Mling]

I don't make fun of her or pick on her!

Why can't everone just chill

Best way to get everybody else to stop talking about a bad thing you did: honestly try to figure out what you did wrong, sincerely apologize, and promise that you won't do it again.

Best way to turn it into a huge kablooey: deny you did anything wrong and whine that people need to stop calling you out when you do bad things, because it makes you feel bad to hear about how bad you made other people feel.

 

[KittyPryde]

i just don't understand why people believe that Virginity is so important?
it just doesn't make sense to me.

We need to promise to save our bodies for our husbands. I am sorry that I didn't. I sinned, and I am sorry to my husband and God for it.

 

[Reminisce]

OK you've all made your points that I was bullying her or whatever, I don't need a thousand people to comment on it ok, it was an innocent joke, what's the big deal

 

[RoseOfJesus]

Reminisce, you should be so proud that you've opened your legs before marriage and I have not. Congratulations. How old are you? You talk like you're in highschool. I'm sure you felt very proud and smart with your legs apart like that.

 

[Wiccan_Child]

Reminisce, you should be so proud that you've opened your legs before marriage and I have not. Congratulations. How old are you? You talk like you're in highschool. I'm sure you felt very proud and smart with your legs apart like that.

Congratulations, you're bullying a bully (who admitted her mistake and apologised). Any sympathy I had, gone.

 

[RoseOfJesus]

What do you mean? I responded to her in the same way she responds to me, so she can know what it feels like when someone makes fun of something that personal. If she makes fun of people who are virgins, she should be proud of the fact that she has opened her legs for guys before marriage. Simple logic.

 

[Wiccan_Child]

What do you mean? I responded to her in the same way she responds to me, so she can know what it feels like when someone makes fun of something that personal. If she makes fun of people who are virgins, she should be proud of the fact that she has opened her legs for guys before marriage. Simple logic.

That's not logic, that's stooping to the level of a bully by acting in a bullying and belittling manner. Take the moral high-ground, place her on ignore and continue the thread in a civil way - just because she lowered the tone, doesn't mean you have to.

 

[quatona]

What do you mean? I responded to her in the same way she responds to me,

Exactly, and since you didn´t like the way she responded to you that was not a wise move.

so she can know what it feels like when someone makes fun of something that personal.

Has this strategy ever proven successful to you?

If she makes fun of people who are virgins, she should be proud of the fact that she has opened her legs for guys before marriage. Simple logic.

Making a poor move from immediate emotional affection is one thing - rationalizing it as "logic" or the attempt of doing it for educational purposes is another.

 

[driewerf]

i just don't understand why people believe that Virginity is so important?
it just doesn't make sense to me.

A man is never 100% certain of being the father of the children he raises. Therefor, to marry a virgin gave some "guarantee" of paternity.

In primitive societies, like hunter-gatherers, were her is no wealth to pass to the next generation, virginity is'nt important at all. We see it when some wealth is accumulated, when agriculture arises. Farming land, tools, cattle can now be inherited by the children, and therefor it was important for a man to be sure who were his children, and who weren't.

The virginity cultus is actually an offspring of the invention of agriculture.

 

[RoseOfJesus]

Maybe you guys have not seen this girl's other posts. She is rude and mean and always attacks people. I simply gave her a taste of her own medicine. This was the second thread she was rude to me in in one day. You can check my post history, I have no history at all of being rude to people the way she does. So I don't think it's fair at all to criticise me for giving her a taste of her own medicine. Maybe now she understands that not everyone thinks it's cool to behave the way she does to people.

 

[quatona]

Maybe you guys have not seen this girl's other posts.

I´ve seen your post, and I commented on it. Other posts are irrelevant.

She is rude and mean and always attacks people.

You don´t like rudeness? So don´t be rude yourself.

I simply gave her a taste of her own medicine.

I´ll ask you again: Has this strategy of retribution ever proven successful to you?

This was the second thread she was rude to me in in one day.

So you got upset and became rude yourself. That´s understandable but it´s unwise to act upon that emotion.

You can check my post history, I have no history at all of being rude to people the way she does.

Well, I didn´t comment on your post history, I commented on one particular post (which btw. altered that history of never having been rude to having been rude at least once).

So I don't think it's fair at all to criticise me for giving her a taste of her own medicine.

I´ll ask you again: Has this strategy of retribution ever proven successful to you?

Maybe now she understands that not everyone thinks it's cool to behave the way she does to people.

In your experience: Has this ever worked for in the way you describe (i.e. you feel wronged -> you pay back with the same currency -> suddenly the person opposite sees her 'evil ways'?). I have never experienced this strategy to work for me. Quite the opposite: Every single time I used it it´s been counterproductive.

 

[RoseOfJesus]

When did I become the bad person in this thread and not Reminisce? SHE picked on ME, remember? Since when is it wrong to give bullies a taste of their own medicine?

I know you said it doesn't work but I didn't want to just sit and let her humiliate me.

 

[Wiccan_Child]

When did I become the bad person in this thread and not Reminisce? SHE picked on ME, remember? Since when is it wrong to give bullies a taste of their own medicine?

It's always been that way - we live in a civilised society, not the Dark Ages. If you feel she's bullying you, go through the proper channels. Bullying her, even if you feel she bullied you first, just makes you a bully as well.

I know you said it doesn't work but I didn't want to just sit and let her humiliate me.

Then my advice is to grow up. This is a place of mature conversation and discussion, not "Herp derp, she started it!".

 

[quatona]

When did I become the bad person in this thread and not Reminisce?

Thinking in terms of "bad vs. good persons" is your thinking, not mine. I commented on a post, not on a person.

Since when is it wrong to give bullies a taste of their own medicine?

I find this strategy poor for two reasons:
1. It doesn´t work - it won´t get me what I want, and I will pay for using it.
2. Considering that we all seem to agree that we don´t like bully behaviour: If one person uses it, that´s bad enough. Two persons using it makes this place even worse for everyone else. (IOW you are peeing in the very pool everyone including you is swimming in).

I know you said it doesn't work but I didn't want to just sit and let her humiliate me.

How has your strategy turned out for you? Do you feel better or worse now? Has your situation improved?

 

[RoseOfJesus]

No it hasn't helped but maybe it gave her some perspective on what it means to hurt people's feelings. Posters like Reminisce remind me of why I started the thread "Why are girls so mean to girls". Because do you think she would pick on you in the same way? It's because she's a girl and I'm a girl. She doesn't have the courage to pick on a guy or anything. I bet she is just an insecure girl who's really confused and stupid.