- Jul 19, 2014
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Most of us (if not all of us) are familiar with the "friend zone" concept, but just to refresh our memories: one is said to be in the friend zone when the person they like doesn't reciprocate their feelings, but uses their friend as a sounding board for grievances against the significant other they have chosen.
I used to be one who complained about "being in the friend zone." A few years ago, my perspective changed. Here's the conclusion came to:
1. I'm the idiot hanging around someone who constantly whinges about their significant other. Everyone gets into conflict with their significant other and confides in a friend about it, but constant grievances seem to be the meat of the friend zone; the potatoes are the person choosing to remain as the sounding board.
2. The reason I'm hanging around is because I'm hoping my friend will eventually see "what a nice guy I am," quit dating her jackwagon of a significant other, and date me instead. If she's displayed poor judgment in choosing her significant other, what does that say if she chooses me?
3. I have better things to do than give advice that she won't listen to.
Consequently, I got out of the friend zone. In fact, I don't believe the concept exists. I told my female friends that if they wanted to stop being treated like a piece of meat, they could take my advice, but until they started listening to me and taking my advice, I wasn't going to stick around.
Yes, I lost "friends," but it was worth it. I don't need my friends using me.
Here's what I have yet to figure out: a lot of women don't complain about being in the friend zone. It happens, but it's a far more common complaint among men (boys, really). What I've observed is that women will be in what could be called a "friend zone," and will either not subject themselves to it, or bear it patiently. Furthermore, men are more likely to whinge about their significant other with other men, rather than going to a woman. Maybe that's why women complain less about being "friend zoned." They might do that in the confidence of their female friends, rather than subjecting their male friends to it.
If you're in the friend zone, chances are you're lusting or obsessing over the object of your affection (and at that point, you're treating them like an object; a trophy to be won, rather than a person to be invested in). You're hanging on to a false hope, a comfortably painful fantasy. In my experience--including looking back at my own attitude--such men will display a certain attitude:
"I'm a nice guy, but I'm also pathetic. I haven't been on many dates (if any). I have no confidence, and I can't 'fake it 'til I make it.' She's an angel, and women are just so far above men, they should be treated like princesses. Every other guy is just a jerk who doesn't deserve her, but I do because (reasons)."
There's a sense of "ownership" from such boys, often from insecurity that also develops jealousy. Such men are usually shy, lacking the confidence to talk to women as friends, because all they see is relationship potential (or a lack of it). They make these broad assumptions within seconds of meeting a woman, leading to superficial fantasies based on appearance and a highly idealized fiction regarding the person of their "affection."
It may or may not be factual, but it seems such men also have very intense addictions to pornography that have more to do with power than actual sexual attraction. These fantasies may include forced sex or domination of some kind, leading to some very, very dark taboos.
All in all, anyone who complains about the "friend zone" raises many red flags. I don't necessarily think less of them, but it makes me wonder about their perspectives. In my experience with "digging into" such folks, I usually find at least a few of the same attitudes and actions I had.
All of this can be solved by seeing women as human beings, not trophies or pieces of meat. While claiming that women should be treated like princesses, many of these boys have actually arrived at the conclusion women are lower than them, a gender to serve them and meet their needs. Sort of like a mother, but one they can dominate and control in some twisted ways.
These were my attitudes, so--as I said--they may or may not apply to all men who complain about the friend zone. My experience with it, however, shows some very troubling trends within boys who had the attitude I did about the friend zone.
TL;DR
I used to be one who complained about "being in the friend zone." A few years ago, my perspective changed. Here's the conclusion came to:
1. I'm the idiot hanging around someone who constantly whinges about their significant other. Everyone gets into conflict with their significant other and confides in a friend about it, but constant grievances seem to be the meat of the friend zone; the potatoes are the person choosing to remain as the sounding board.
2. The reason I'm hanging around is because I'm hoping my friend will eventually see "what a nice guy I am," quit dating her jackwagon of a significant other, and date me instead. If she's displayed poor judgment in choosing her significant other, what does that say if she chooses me?
3. I have better things to do than give advice that she won't listen to.
Consequently, I got out of the friend zone. In fact, I don't believe the concept exists. I told my female friends that if they wanted to stop being treated like a piece of meat, they could take my advice, but until they started listening to me and taking my advice, I wasn't going to stick around.
Yes, I lost "friends," but it was worth it. I don't need my friends using me.
Here's what I have yet to figure out: a lot of women don't complain about being in the friend zone. It happens, but it's a far more common complaint among men (boys, really). What I've observed is that women will be in what could be called a "friend zone," and will either not subject themselves to it, or bear it patiently. Furthermore, men are more likely to whinge about their significant other with other men, rather than going to a woman. Maybe that's why women complain less about being "friend zoned." They might do that in the confidence of their female friends, rather than subjecting their male friends to it.
If you're in the friend zone, chances are you're lusting or obsessing over the object of your affection (and at that point, you're treating them like an object; a trophy to be won, rather than a person to be invested in). You're hanging on to a false hope, a comfortably painful fantasy. In my experience--including looking back at my own attitude--such men will display a certain attitude:
"I'm a nice guy, but I'm also pathetic. I haven't been on many dates (if any). I have no confidence, and I can't 'fake it 'til I make it.' She's an angel, and women are just so far above men, they should be treated like princesses. Every other guy is just a jerk who doesn't deserve her, but I do because (reasons)."
There's a sense of "ownership" from such boys, often from insecurity that also develops jealousy. Such men are usually shy, lacking the confidence to talk to women as friends, because all they see is relationship potential (or a lack of it). They make these broad assumptions within seconds of meeting a woman, leading to superficial fantasies based on appearance and a highly idealized fiction regarding the person of their "affection."
It may or may not be factual, but it seems such men also have very intense addictions to pornography that have more to do with power than actual sexual attraction. These fantasies may include forced sex or domination of some kind, leading to some very, very dark taboos.
All in all, anyone who complains about the "friend zone" raises many red flags. I don't necessarily think less of them, but it makes me wonder about their perspectives. In my experience with "digging into" such folks, I usually find at least a few of the same attitudes and actions I had.
All of this can be solved by seeing women as human beings, not trophies or pieces of meat. While claiming that women should be treated like princesses, many of these boys have actually arrived at the conclusion women are lower than them, a gender to serve them and meet their needs. Sort of like a mother, but one they can dominate and control in some twisted ways.
These were my attitudes, so--as I said--they may or may not apply to all men who complain about the friend zone. My experience with it, however, shows some very troubling trends within boys who had the attitude I did about the friend zone.
TL;DR
Most of us (if not all of us) are familiar with the "friend zone" concept, but just to refresh our memories: one is said to be in the friend zone when the person they like doesn't reciprocate their feelings, but uses their friend as a sounding board for grievances against the significant other they have chosen.
I used to be one who complained about "being in the friend zone." A few years ago, my perspective changed. Here's the conclusion came to:
1. I'm the idiot hanging around someone who constantly whinges about their significant other. Everyone gets into conflict with their significant other and confides in a friend about it, but constant grievances seem to be the meat of the friend zone; the potatoes are the person choosing to remain as the sounding board.
2. The reason I'm hanging around is because I'm hoping my friend will eventually see "what a nice guy I am," quit dating her jackwagon of a significant other, and date me instead. If she's displayed poor judgment in choosing her significant other, what does that say if she chooses me?
3. I have better things to do than give advice that she won't listen to.
Consequently, I got out of the friend zone. In fact, I don't believe the concept exists. I told my female friends that if they wanted to stop being treated like a piece of meat, they could take my advice, but until they started listening to me and taking my advice, I wasn't going to stick around.
Yes, I lost "friends," but it was worth it. I don't need my friends using me.
Here's what I have yet to figure out: a lot of women don't complain about being in the friend zone. It happens, but it's a far more common complaint among men (boys, really). What I've observed is that women will be in what could be called a "friend zone," and will either not subject themselves to it, or bear it patiently. Furthermore, men are more likely to whinge about their significant other with other men, rather than going to a woman. Maybe that's why women complain less about being "friend zoned." They might do that in the confidence of their female friends, rather than subjecting their male friends to it.
If you're in the friend zone, chances are you're lusting or obsessing over the object of your affection (and at that point, you're treating them like an object; a trophy to be won, rather than a person to be invested in). You're hanging on to a false hope, a comfortably painful fantasy. In my experience--including looking back at my own attitude--such men will display a certain attitude:
"I'm a nice guy, but I'm also pathetic. I haven't been on many dates (if any). I have no confidence, and I can't 'fake it 'til I make it.' She's an angel, and women are just so far above men, they should be treated like princesses. Every other guy is just a jerk who doesn't deserve her, but I do because (reasons)."
There's a sense of "ownership" from such boys, often from insecurity that also develops jealousy. Such men are usually shy, lacking the confidence to talk to women as friends, because all they see is relationship potential (or a lack of it). They make these broad assumptions within seconds of meeting a woman, leading to superficial fantasies based on appearance and a highly idealized fiction regarding the person of their "affection."
It may or may not be factual, but it seems such men also have very intense addictions to pornography that have more to do with power than actual sexual attraction. These fantasies may include forced sex or domination of some kind, leading to some very, very dark taboos.
All in all, anyone who complains about the "friend zone" raises many red flags. I don't necessarily think less of them, but it makes me wonder about their perspectives. In my experience with "digging into" such folks, I usually find at least a few of the same attitudes and actions I had.
All of this can be solved by seeing women as human beings, not trophies or pieces of meat. While claiming that women should be treated like princesses, many of these boys have actually arrived at the conclusion women are lower than them, a gender to serve them and meet their needs. Sort of like a mother, but one they can dominate and control in some twisted ways.
These were my attitudes, so--as I said--they may or may not apply to all men who complain about the friend zone. My experience with it, however, shows some very troubling trends within boys who had the attitude I did about the friend zone.
I used to be one who complained about "being in the friend zone." A few years ago, my perspective changed. Here's the conclusion came to:
1. I'm the idiot hanging around someone who constantly whinges about their significant other. Everyone gets into conflict with their significant other and confides in a friend about it, but constant grievances seem to be the meat of the friend zone; the potatoes are the person choosing to remain as the sounding board.
2. The reason I'm hanging around is because I'm hoping my friend will eventually see "what a nice guy I am," quit dating her jackwagon of a significant other, and date me instead. If she's displayed poor judgment in choosing her significant other, what does that say if she chooses me?
3. I have better things to do than give advice that she won't listen to.
Consequently, I got out of the friend zone. In fact, I don't believe the concept exists. I told my female friends that if they wanted to stop being treated like a piece of meat, they could take my advice, but until they started listening to me and taking my advice, I wasn't going to stick around.
Yes, I lost "friends," but it was worth it. I don't need my friends using me.
Here's what I have yet to figure out: a lot of women don't complain about being in the friend zone. It happens, but it's a far more common complaint among men (boys, really). What I've observed is that women will be in what could be called a "friend zone," and will either not subject themselves to it, or bear it patiently. Furthermore, men are more likely to whinge about their significant other with other men, rather than going to a woman. Maybe that's why women complain less about being "friend zoned." They might do that in the confidence of their female friends, rather than subjecting their male friends to it.
If you're in the friend zone, chances are you're lusting or obsessing over the object of your affection (and at that point, you're treating them like an object; a trophy to be won, rather than a person to be invested in). You're hanging on to a false hope, a comfortably painful fantasy. In my experience--including looking back at my own attitude--such men will display a certain attitude:
"I'm a nice guy, but I'm also pathetic. I haven't been on many dates (if any). I have no confidence, and I can't 'fake it 'til I make it.' She's an angel, and women are just so far above men, they should be treated like princesses. Every other guy is just a jerk who doesn't deserve her, but I do because (reasons)."
There's a sense of "ownership" from such boys, often from insecurity that also develops jealousy. Such men are usually shy, lacking the confidence to talk to women as friends, because all they see is relationship potential (or a lack of it). They make these broad assumptions within seconds of meeting a woman, leading to superficial fantasies based on appearance and a highly idealized fiction regarding the person of their "affection."
It may or may not be factual, but it seems such men also have very intense addictions to pornography that have more to do with power than actual sexual attraction. These fantasies may include forced sex or domination of some kind, leading to some very, very dark taboos.
All in all, anyone who complains about the "friend zone" raises many red flags. I don't necessarily think less of them, but it makes me wonder about their perspectives. In my experience with "digging into" such folks, I usually find at least a few of the same attitudes and actions I had.
All of this can be solved by seeing women as human beings, not trophies or pieces of meat. While claiming that women should be treated like princesses, many of these boys have actually arrived at the conclusion women are lower than them, a gender to serve them and meet their needs. Sort of like a mother, but one they can dominate and control in some twisted ways.
These were my attitudes, so--as I said--they may or may not apply to all men who complain about the friend zone. My experience with it, however, shows some very troubling trends within boys who had the attitude I did about the friend zone.
