The Excuse Game

[LaSorcia]

I would, but I'm too busy turning the other cheek right now.

Give this post a winner rating.

 

[Chesterton]

I would, but I’m a goldfish.

(Thanks, @BNR32FAN That's going to be my go-to excuse for everything now. Here and in real life.)

Be a dear. Run down to the wet market and get us some bat.

 

[BNR32FAN]

I would, but I’m a goldfish.

(Thanks, @BNR32FAN That's going to be my go-to excuse for everything now. Here and in real life.)

Be a dear. Run down to the wet market and get us some bat.

I forgot to mention that I’m a paraplegic goldfish.

Abide in Christ.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Be a dear. Run down to the wet market and get us some bat.

I don't understand why you think the wet market sells bats. I mean, are they aquatic bats? Amphibious bats?

Could you test this unapproved treatment for me?

 

[LaSorcia]

You know, I really don't think psilocybin is going to be effective for eczema, so no.

Join me in a game of pickup basketball?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

so all your swishes can come true? i think not

call the next poster a dweeb.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

How can I call someone something that is yet to come? The Bible prohibits soothsaying, after all.

Bring me a calf so that I may examine its liver.

 

[LaSorcia]

Haruspicy is a sin, too! No can do!

Let me scrutinize your handwriting.

 

[Cam Mach]

Haruspicy is a sin, too! No can do!

Let me scrutinize your handwriting.

I never learned to write. I can only type.

I love apple pie, but it's been hard to get lately. Bake me a pie.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Only 10 posts? Sorry. You must occupie here a little longer before you qualify for dessert.

Take me to the river.

 

[LaSorcia]

If I did that, I'd only drop you in the water. Can't have that.

Go look down on the corner, out in the street.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Your name's not Willy. Neither are you a poorboy. You don't have a nickel. And you've not demonstrated you have rhythm. Besides..Californians singing about the bayou?!?! Whatchu know about that?


Make me a speeeed reader

 

[Chesterton]

Methamphetamine is illegal.

Please put on a mask. I mean, you look perfectly healthy, but geez, that face!

 

[Olmhinlu]

I'm sorry but I can't do that. My beard prevents it from forming a seal and my fragile ego can't bear the social shame of being ridiculed for wasting PPE at a time like this.

I'm going to need you to curl the ends of my moustache with chopsticks or something similar, though.

 

[lucypevensie]

My chopsticks have sweet and sour szechuan sauce dried and stuck on. Doubt you'd like that.

Mop this dirty floor.

 

[Olmhinlu]

I will, I will, just as soon as I get over this really, really strong desire to not mop your dirty floor.

Could I trouble you to pop down the shops and pick up some dried figs?

 

[Chesterton]

Sorry, our local social distancing order requires us to stay six feet away from people and from figs. Reporters are looking into this. Some think there may have been some kind of typo in the order.

I'm an artist. Please remove your clothes and go sit very still in an awkward pose for several hours.

(Okay, full disclosure, I'm not an artist, but the request still stands.)

 

[Olmhinlu]

I can't - I have ants in my pants.

Could you please go through your times/multiplication tables for me?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Sorry, but I find the idea of making furniture for reproduction profoundly obscene.

Ready my fainting couch

 

[LaSorcia]

If you're not dressed like a Victorian woman, you have no need of one.

Let's visit Fustian House together, Lovage!