The Excuse Game

[public hermit]

I'm sorry, I can't. Some say she used pretty maids all in a row. But, I saw them. They weren't that pretty.

Can you tell me what beauty is?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

My wife... (Is she still standing behind me?!)

Stop asking me to define the ineffable.

 

[Chesterton]

Then I'm asking you to eff the indefinable.

Can you spare some bathroom tissue?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

My wife asked me to stop lining the bathrooms with living animal tissue. Something about it being creepy.

Clear the room.

 

[public hermit]

I tried, but no one will listen. Someone complained about not reaching the fifty person limit, per room. I tried to tell them it was now ten and they trampled me with their square dancing and cheek kisses. Someone's going to get sick.

I need a hug.

 

[mama2one]

sorry, you know the rules
however, aren't there inflatable hugging arms being sold as we type?




if there are none, please invent "hugging arms"

 

[public hermit]

I tried, but my newly patented "hugging arms" went on the market at the same time everyone was buying 57 pillows per bed, which seemed to fulfill the demand.

Will you help me distribute these 57 pillows evenly across my twin bed?

 

[LaSorcia]

I'm deeply suspicious of people who grant their own wishes, so I can't help you...

Make a play list of music for me to last all the way through this confinement.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Oh, you're pregnant? I can't provide 9 months of music, but I can lend you my polka jambouree compilation.

Let us throw @LaSorcia a shower!

 

[Chesterton]

No. The mere thought of LaSorcia passing on her genes is terrifying. It's nothing to celebrate.

Please stay six feet away from me.

 

[LaSorcia]

No thanks, I'll stay 1000 miles away.

Here, have a cookie.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

I'm pretty sure my porch cam caught you coughing on it.

Hang loose, Louise.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Traditionally, people with names like Louis get guillotined, not hanged. Besides, hanging loose would result in an agonising death by strangulation.

Help me fortify the hospital to use as a strongpoint when I establish my new post-apocalyptic principality.

 

[LaSorcia]

Sorry, the entire island of Mauritius is being utilised as a zombie-apocalypse safe haven. I'm focusing all my efforts there. Good luck!

Help me to look stylish in this corona mask.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Since you won't let anyone draw on your mask, you must look like a doofus like the rest of us.

Let this car repair bill be less than $300.

 

[public hermit]

Granted. Oh wait. Uh, I can't. I'm not your mechanic.

Will you hold this while I adjust my mask?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Possession is 9 tenths of the law. They won't care if I was just holding it for an internet friendlie.


Drop the beat.

 

[LaSorcia]

Sorry, it's glued to my hands.

Take a deep breath and count to 10.

 

[BNR32FAN]

I would, but I’m a goldfish.

Do whatever you want.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Haven't you heard that all these modern atheists tell us free will is impossible?

Go the extra mile.