The devil and my soul

[ckotane]

My name is Christian, I am a college student working towards becoming an engineer. I am new to these forums, hopefully everything I write is according to the rules. If anything is out of place, I wish a moderator to remove it immediately.

My problem: Recently I got really mad at someone. This person was just someone I played a game online with. I was so angry with this person (internally) that I wished condemnation upon them. I also went as far as to thinking about trading my soul to the devil to maliciously get back at this person.

This was all done in anger, but hours later I came to realize how (incredibly) stupid I was. I did send an apology to that person, and we parted ways. However, I felt as though I had too been condemned for comdemning another person. I have this massive chasm in my chest that I'm having trouble getting rid of.

I did ask for forgiveness from Jesus, but this void still exists. It is almost as though Satan is constantly whispering into my ear that he has my soul in a handbag, and he is never going to let it out. I've lost a great deal of sleep and apetite for the last 2 days. To make things worse, my summer class is brutally hard, and this depression I'm in is making things worse.

I'm planning on meeting with my pastor soon (He was gone/unavailable) today. I've memorized Romans 8 38-39 to get me through the day, but I can still feel burning inside sometimes. Perhaps this is due to the inability to forgive myself, or perhaps because I cannot comprehend that Christ's forgivness can cleanse this from me.

I joined this forum today to share this with anyone who is willing to read it. I desperately need prayers and spiritual guidance. If anyone can reccommend some scripture to help me cope/understand/deal with this, I would be greatly appreciative. I've been living "Hell on Earth" for the past 48 hours. I've been feeling desperately hopeless, even when reading scripture of God's promises. Please pray for me and/or leave advice etc. I really hope I can get a good night sleep tonight.

 

[Johnnz]

Satan is also called the Accuser of the Brethren. Ho plays upon our failings. We must accept God's statements against his whispers. You are forgiven. End of story.

John
NZ

 

[ckotane]

I should probably mention a few things about myself. I am slightly OCD to the point that it is hard for me to drop something in my mind. This is probably how Satan is so easily able to bring this feeling of hopelessness to my mind so easily. I'm also an extreme perfectionist. Neither of these things are an excuse. It's just really difficult to get something like the idea of losing my salvation out of my mind. I hope to use this experience as a way of growing. Thanks to all who read and reply, and thank you for all of your prayers.

 

[karen freeinchristman]

I think it is hard for people who are perfectionists to let go and surrender to God. We tend to feel that we are the ones responsible for our salvation and we need to get it right. Brother, that isn't the case - all we need to do is accept the gift. That's it. And it is yours. Who are you to tell God that he has made a mistake and to give his gift back?

We are nothing without him.

Here is a neat list of affirmations I once received in an email - read them frequently:

11 Positive Affirmations​

1. I am a child of God. (John 1:12-13) Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

2. I am loved. (Gal 2:20) I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

3. I am blessed. (Eph 1:3) Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

4. I am forgiven. (1 John 1:9) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

5. I am gifted. (1 Pet 4:10) God has given gifts to each of you from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Manage them well so that God's generosity can flow through you.

6. I can do all things. (Phili 4:13) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

7. I am content. (Phili 4:12) I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

8. I am thankful. (1 Thess 5:18) give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

9. I am joy filled. (Acts 13:52) And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.

10. I am chosen. (John 15:16) You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit — fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

11. God delights in my wellbeing. (Psalms 35:27) May those who delight in my vindication shout for joy and gladness; may they always say, "The LORD be exalted, who delights in the well-being of his servant."

 

[drich0150]

If your "lost" the Satan already "owns you" So why would he make a deal for something he already has? If your saved then it would be to his benefit if he made your life miserable. You would lose sleep, and appetite over something of no consequence to him, but to you, it is of immeasurable consequence.
Worry and doubt will fill your heart and mind and you will no longer be a good wittiness for the lord. All because you invited the evil one into your mind. He's there because you let him in, now with the authority given you by God tell him to leave. If you belong to God then there is nothing else to worry about. Sure he may whisper in your ear, but you still wield ultimate authority. Tell him to "Get behind me" and to leave you alone. this is your right given to you thru the power of the Holy Spirit that lives with in you.

Remember all of this next time someone keeps slaughtering you at your spawn point and won't give you a chance to defend yourself, and you decide to call on the evil one to play out a heart felt fantasy..

Don't play, where the Devil plays! Next time put down your pride and just walk away, maybe this is why the Lord is allowing One of the evil one's messengers to taunt you... To remind you of how foolish Pride, especially over some thing like a video Game can be.

 

[ckotane]

Thanks for the scriptures, I'll be sure to read over those daily. I agree, drich, pride deffinitely took the reigns. I believe the feeling of hopelessness was an immediate punishment, but I know I don't have to undergo eternal punishment. The problem lies with praying half-heartedly. I'm feeling a bit better than before, Christ will continue to build me up. I know nothing can be "immediate" and I have a problem with impatience. I appreciate all of your words.

 

[tapero]

My name is Christian, I am a college student working towards becoming an engineer. I am new to these forums, hopefully everything I write is according to the rules. If anything is out of place, I wish a moderator to remove it immediately.

My problem: Recently I got really mad at someone. This person was just someone I played a game online with. I was so angry with this person (internally) that I wished condemnation upon them. I also went as far as to thinking about trading my soul to the devil to maliciously get back at this person.

This was all done in anger, but hours later I came to realize how (incredibly) stupid I was. I did send an apology to that person, and we parted ways. However, I felt as though I had too been condemned for comdemning another person. I have this massive chasm in my chest that I'm having trouble getting rid of.

I did ask for forgiveness from Jesus, but this void still exists. It is almost as though Satan is constantly whispering into my ear that he has my soul in a handbag, and he is never going to let it out. I've lost a great deal of sleep and apetite for the last 2 days. To make things worse, my summer class is brutally hard, and this depression I'm in is making things worse.

I'm planning on meeting with my pastor soon (He was gone/unavailable) today. I've memorized Romans 8 38-39 to get me through the day, but I can still feel burning inside sometimes. Perhaps this is due to the inability to forgive myself, or perhaps because I cannot comprehend that Christ's forgivness can cleanse this from me.

I joined this forum today to share this with anyone who is willing to read it. I desperately need prayers and spiritual guidance. If anyone can reccommend some scripture to help me cope/understand/deal with this, I would be greatly appreciative. I've been living "Hell on Earth" for the past 48 hours. I've been feeling desperately hopeless, even when reading scripture of God's promises. Please pray for me and/or leave advice etc. I really hope I can get a good night sleep tonight.

Hi. I read your next post up as well where you say you have some OCD issues.

That may well play a part in the thought coming to your mind again and again so one thing you can tell yourself is that you know God does not lie, and you know that you confessed it to God and you are forgiven.

So accepting God at his word, and as the other poster said, satan is the accuser of the brethren so that also can be taken care of, with reminding yourself God has forgiven you, and that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

So you know any condemnation is not from God and so you can rest assured and keep telling yourself such as often as you need to.

And as well the verse which says we take all thoughts captive to make them obedient to Christ.

So when things come to mind which trouble you, just say Jesus take this thought and you may need do that every few minutes or hours or days, however long, and is how to help free your mind from things.

Also, if you feel you have issues with anger in general bring them to Jesus to help you to heal. He loves you very much and knows you and loves you and our lives will be full of learning and growing till we are with the Lord, and is always okay to bring anything to Jesus.

I often think of Paul how he was a murderer of Christians and he comes to Jesus (believes) and takes God at His word.

He didn't seem to have a problem doing that as I read about him in the bible; where with me, takes me quite a bit longer to let things go sometimes.

Paul said this in Phillipians 3:13-14

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Dear Lord, bless this precious child of yours with deep peace and rest and take those thoughts as he take them captive to you; freeing him from them; as well when he feels accused I pray you bring to mind scripture which shows he is forgiven and remind him he can trust what you say.

Help him in his school as well to be able to concentrate and focus and bless his heart, mind and body and all he does, and hold him tightly in your arms.

In Jesus name I pray,
amen

Here's that other verse you probably have found:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Bless you and will be praying for you.

Take care,
tapero

 

[ckotane]

Thanks Tapero, so much. I guess I was (and still sort of am) afraid of losing my salvation due to the fact that I already confessed to Christ being my savior a long while back (3-4) years ago. The thought of not having Christ in my life made me feel very hopeless. Desperation ensued due to fact that I needed answers to make certain that I couldn't lose Christ. I'll update my situation after I speak with my pastor tomorrow. Thanks to everyone here, I'm already starting to feel relatively better.

 

[Johnnz]

Col 1:17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. NIV

Your very body is held together by the power of Christ. It's a bit hard to get too removed from Him then isn't it?

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[ckotane]

Here is an update. My pastor is gone until Wednesday, so I won't be able to bring my problem to my church until then. I am feeling better than I did two days ago. There is still this nagging in my heart so I have to keep asking for Jesus to take my thoughts and burdens every few seconds. This is deffinitely a persistent problem that doesn't go away instantaneously. I'm going to keep asking Jesus to take this burden from me even if I have to do it every second. On the positive sides, I was able to sleep miraculously well and my apetite is a bit better. That is plenty to give praise for. Please continue to pray for me as I go through what I believe is the hardest ordeal of my life thus far.

 

[Rage4Christ]

From what you say, it sounds like you are completely obsessing over this.
Which is not healthy-- Set aside the theological issues for a moment, and lets just look at the psychological/neurological issues first.

You're not sleeping, you're extra anxious, you feel you have OCD. (Though for the technical diagnosis we don't have the facts to make that call-- have you been officially diagnosed OCD?)

As I've seen so many times, people mix up their theology with their psychology.
So, from my limited reading of your posts here I would say:

You are not thinking clearly.
You need to get the proper diagnosis for your either a) OCD or b) generalized Anxiety disorder.

Once you starting thinking clearly, then you can approach the theological issues.
(i.e., Can one really trade one's soul to satan when in a manic/anxiety/depressive state?)

 

[Lisa0315]

I should probably mention a few things about myself. I am slightly OCD to the point that it is hard for me to drop something in my mind. This is probably how Satan is so easily able to bring this feeling of hopelessness to my mind so easily. I'm also an extreme perfectionist. Neither of these things are an excuse. It's just really difficult to get something like the idea of losing my salvation out of my mind. I hope to use this experience as a way of growing. Thanks to all who read and reply, and thank you for all of your prayers.

I knew it! I am too. Come to the OCD forum. Did you know that there is a specific OCD called Scrupulosity. It is Religious OCD and what you describe, the incident and the inability to accept forgiveness, the obsession over it for 48 hrs, THIS IS what I suffer with also. You are not losing your salvation! You are loved and you are forgiven! The problem is your mind will not allow you to believe it due to low levels of seratonin.

Lisa

 

[ckotane]

Hey Lisa, it really changes perspective when you know there are others who have suffered similar. I know that God is using this time to build be up to become a better christian. I'm also doing my best to just forget about the idea of loss of salvation because I know Jesus won't let that happen. One other thing, I've always been a luke-warm christian. This experience is really showing me the value of Christ. Thanks to all who are reading/praying for me, the power of prayer truly is great.

 

[Lisa0315]

Hey Lisa, it really changes perspective when you know there are others who have suffered similar. I know that God is using this time to build be up to become a better christian. I'm also doing my best to just forget about the idea of loss of salvation because I know Jesus won't let that happen. One other thing, I've always been a luke-warm christian. This experience is really showing me the value of Christ. Thanks to all who are reading/praying for me, the power of prayer truly is great.

I think God allows this to happen to us so that we can understand and help others. We have to get ourselves healthy first before God can use us. I look at getting help as being obedient to God.

Lisa

 

[GreatistheLord]

If you're a christian, you didn't own your soul in the first place. Tell the devil to take it from Jesus if he's big enough!

James 4:7 Submit to God, resist the devil and he WILL flee.

God bless.

 

[ckotane]

"Tell the devil to take it from Jesus if he's big enough!"

I love that quote. I'm really starting to feel better. Jesus is really helping me to put all of this behind me. I pray that my life can now start to better reflect Christ. I know definitely that my life wasn't reflecting Christ before all of this. I thank God for all of you guys and all of the help/prayers/encouragement/reminders. I am free in Christ.

 

[heron]

In case you're wondering, there is nothing in God's policy book that says people can sell their souls to Satan, and he can keep them. God redeemed us -- Jesus paid the price for EVERYONE's redemption, once and for all. No question.

You have changed your mind about what you were thinking, and have regretted considering it, and repented of your anger and retaliation... and turned back toward God. So according to God's rules, you are forgiven and moving back on a clear path.

Being perfectionistic can cause us to hate ourselves, and not let go of having made a big mistake. But that's another thing to work through... allowing God's forgiveness to be all you need.

 

[hlaltimus]

Hi "ckotane". When we yield to a temptation, we are really agreeing with the tempter who is secretly posing behind that temptation, and by accepting of his temptation we altogether assent with him in his choice, disagree with God in His choice, and worse yet are recieving a service from the tempter which in this case would be the temporary pleasure that you received from blowing your stack. The problem here is that by yielding to a temptation, we incure a liability with both God and the devil, both parties seeking restitution and both possessing far greater ability to demand payment from us than we have to evade payment. God will demand punishment as restitution for the offense of sin,

"The soul that sinneth, it shall die" Ezekiel 18:4,20

and Satan will demand payment for services rendered from him, which usually means that we must then render to him a service just as he rendered us one. This "service" can come in the form of suffering oppression or some other affliction of his origin, or even inhabitation. Talk about a sick payment plan!

"Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one's slaves whom you obey, whether of sin to death, or of obedience to righteousness?" Romans 6:16

Now God is a far better creditor to deal with than Satan is or ever will be, since God the Father will accept of His Son's death in place of our death for sin and by so doing evade the enforcement of His offended justice upon us personally as His offended justice was already satisfied in the death of His Son. Satan however is consistently implacable in "letting us off the hook" for payment of services that he rendered to us, but unfortunately for him, when Christ offered up substitutionary suffering to God the Father for any and all of our sins, He by that expiatory sacrifice answered both the claims of God the Father against us and Satan the accuser as well!

"Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us." Romans 8:32

Now this creditor, Satan, is also the one and only original liar and must be anticipated by you as seeking to bluff you into thinking that you still are liable to make payment to him even though that debt has already been cancelled out at the Mediatorial Throne of Christ Jesus our Lord forever. Any claims that Satan may make upon any blood washed, pardoned sinner are entirely illegitimate, but must be challenged before the Accuser by that pardoned saint who must take his or her stand more upon the truth of God's testimony than they do upon what Satan is accusing them off and even their fickle human conscience may seem to be agreeing with.

Now this next consequence of our "receiving a service from the tempter" is really a tough one, and I want you to be very, very slow, careful and prayerful before you ever even suspect that you are in fact an example of it. It is possible that by yeilding to a temptation from Satan, he the tempter will demand a payment from you in the form of using you as a residence for the very tempting agent that you agreed to. If, suppose, I were to yield to a temptation to rage and anger, that spirit of anger, (a demon really,) might in return for his service to me demand entrance into my body for reasons to his advantage. Now this might not be true, but then again it perhaps could be, that when you blew-up at whoever you did, an unclean spirit of anger then permeated your body to an unknown degree and now must be ejected or you will carry him for who knows how long, and all unnecessarily and illegitimately if you are truly one with Christ and have repented of that sin putting it under the blood of His atonement. This has personally happened to me a number of times by the way. I am not by this suggestion attempting to heap upon you any more affliction than you already endure, for "A wounded conscience, who can bear?" But I have groaned and toiled under heavy, heavy burdens for needless miles and miles of oppressive affliction because I failed to distinguish between what was a sin problem and what was a satanic problem. The cure for a sin problem is faith in the work of the Cross of Christ our Savior, and the cure for any harassing demon problem is that very same, saving faith, only it must confront the invading spirit by means of exorcism or external rebuttal, depending upon whether the afflicting demon actually gained physical entrance or not.

If your problem is only an afflicted conscience, (and hopefully it is,) then time and faith in Christ's vicarious blood atonement will eventually cast this guilt into the depths of the sea to be forever forgotten as only a temporary chastening experience from God the Father allowed into your life to teach you the costliness of sin. But...If the evil tempter got a foothold in you by your yielding to him, then he has to go and this you must choose to do based soley upon the cleasning blood of Christ over your sin. A genuine, blood bought Christian may so be afflicted at times, yet it is also true that only a genuine, blood bought Christian could ever eject an invading spirit! Only Christ the "stronger than he, (satan,) could ever eject that strong man" Luke 11:20-22 The death of Christ applied to our otherwise bankrupt account did more than appease the offended Father, it permanently put the "accuser of the brethren" out of business legally, but we must learn to appropriate that legal victory to our welfare, Christ's glory and Satan's humiliating defeat.

 

[ckotane]

I read through your post hlaltimus. How could I know exactly if a demon is inside of me? Ought it be blatantly obvious? What exactly does a demon do inside a person?

 

[heron]

cko,
Just say out loud that any demons that might be in you need to leave, in the name of Jesus. They are subject to your God-given authority. Tell them they have no right to be there (whether you hear they do or not -- once you tell them to go, they have no right).