The date..guys only

[Citanul]

Well, i dont live in america.

Nor do I.

Sorry. We just dont do that here.

You might be surprised. This is taken from a New Zealand dating site:

An EliteSingles survey revealed that 60.5% of women and 42.5% of men would choose coffee for a first date.

http://www.elitesingles.co.nz/em/from-single-to-couple/fun-date-ideas

 

[Goodbook]

Wow, but then why would you go on a dating site.
My OP was you meet this girl at a dance and you already had some kind of drink and converstion with her.

 

[Goodbook]

Also, you really like her. You didnt just meet her photo and profile off a computer.

 

[Goodbook]

I wish ppl would read the OP instead of trying to fix their coffee addictions.

Anyway. I remember one time I was asked to a meeting at a cafe. This guy i met at a lunchtime prayer meeting insisted I meet him. It seemed like he was kind of asking me for a date but I wasnt too sure. He said meet at a cafe. i was like ok.

When I got there i cant remember if he paid for my drink although i had something to eat beforehand. I was like weird. Then he started on his spiel. He wanted me to PAY him to spread the gospel. I was like??? he wouldnt let me get a word in. I told him read Corrie ten Boom. She never asked for money. Just prayer.

It turned out he was asking everyone else in the prayer meeting as well.
So, I take a low view of coffee 'dates'.

 

[Goodbook]

Another time I met this guy at a cafe.
He wanted to talk politics the whole time. But he was abit dodgy and I should have stopped it right there. I think I learned my lesson when he stole my eftposd card.

The other date that i met i think we went out for icecream and a walk in the park and that was nice even though I never heard from him again. He lived too far away I thought.

 

[Citanul]

Wow, but then why would you go on a dating site.

It had nothing to do with going on dating sites. All I did was post evidence that, as I suspected, people in New Zealand do in fact go on coffee dates.

 

[Citanul]

I wish ppl would read the OP instead of trying to fix their coffee addictions.

I did, and I answered it. We've just become sidetracked with your assertion that going for coffee can't be a date. You asked where the first date would be, specifying that "a date means going out somewhere together", which going to a coffee shop satisfies.

Anyway. I remember one time I was asked to a meeting at a cafe. This guy i met at a lunchtime prayer meeting insisted I meet him. It seemed like he was kind of asking me for a date but I wasnt too sure. He said meet at a cafe. i was like ok.

When I got there i cant remember if he paid for my drink although i had something to eat beforehand. I was like weird. Then he started on his spiel. He wanted me to PAY him to spread the gospel. I was like??? he wouldnt let me get a word in. I told him read Corrie ten Boom. She never asked for money. Just prayer.

It turned out he was asking everyone else in the prayer meeting as well.
So, I take a low view of coffee 'dates'.

That was simply a bad date, and had nothing to do with it specifically being a coffee date. Just because you had a bad experience with a coffee date doesn't invalidate the entire concept, which is what you seem to be trying to do.

 

[Dante116]

Wow, but then why would you go on a dating site.
My OP was you meet this girl at a dance and you already had some kind of drink and converstion with her.

Going for coffee allows you to have some actual one-on-one conversation time together in a very different atmosphere to a dance.

While you can discuss some things at a dance, you aren't going to get the same level of intimacy and exclusivity to talk, as there are people either party knows just round the corner, within earshot, and people popping into a conversation. A 'coffee atmosphere' would be more conducive to getting to know someone than such an event, so I would regard as a reasonable follow-up. It is still quite casual though, so doesn't come with the gravitas of a restaurant dinner* for instance.

*something reasonably nice, not grabbing a sandwich or something like that, which I would put under the 'coffee' umbrella, but doesn't have to be a formal or expensive dinner.

 

[Goodbook]

Hmm i think i just associate coffee places with bad dates and would be horrified if anyone suggested they really wanted to go on one.

Why not just go for a walk? Fresh air, no people smoking outside all around you...no obnoxious music. For me I just blanket ban all coffee dates.

 

[Goodbook]

If he really needed his coffee he could just then get a takeaway cup from a place.
But no, coffee dates. Its too noisy. Also, if he couldnt walk and talk at the same time I think he just wanted to sit all day and talk about nothing in a cafe.

Meh.

I was thinking a poetry lounge date would be nice. Wed go hear some poets and then a walk afterwards.

 

[Goodbook]

Of course other girls might go on them, but I wouldnt and i think ive given plenty of reasons why. But thats ok! You dont need to accept all dates! If you love going on them, fine.

 

[Citanul]

Why not just go for a walk? Fresh air, no people smoking outside all around you...no obnoxious music. For me I just blanket ban all coffee dates.

Which is fine. But your question was where we would take someone we met at a dance (you still haven't explained why you picked such an unusual scenario), and quite a few of us would go for coffee. Even if you yourself might not want to go on a coffee date, you didn't have to go the extra step of deeming unacceptable in general.

Walking is fine, although I feel that it might be less conducive to talking to the other person than sitting down somewhere, and I've yet to encounter a coffee shop where the music was such that it inhibited conversation. Also, and this might be where country differences come in, in South Africa you're more likely to encounter smokers when going for a walk, as smoking is banned in places like restaurants and coffee shops.

If he really needed his coffee he could just then get a takeaway cup from a place.

This is where you seem to be missing the point again. It's not about the coffee as that's of secondary importance. The main point of a date is spending time with the other person, which doesn't necessarily have to be over coffee, but it's because you seem so opposed to anybody going out for coffee that this thread has turned into a defence of the coffee date.

I think he just wanted to sit all day and talk about nothing in a cafe.

This may where your bad date experience is coming up again, but I don't talk about "nothing" on a first date. You might have different expectations, but for me it's all about trying to get to know the other person, which I do by asking her questions about herself and in return answering her questions about me. In fact, if we didn't do that then I'm not sure how we'd establish whether a second date is a possibility.

 

[Orange Crow]

If I'm taking a girl out whom I met at a dance, then I must be in high school, so I'm probably taking her out to a movie to have her home by 8:00 to her mommy and daddy.

If I met a woman at an adult function or church or in class or something, then as a first date I would either take her out for coffee or a drink to get to know each other. Dinner is too much, and it can be a trap. If it's a bad date you may still have to wait for your food, but if you're just having a few beers or a scotch, then you can finish the drink and call it a night.

This. Me too.

 

[Goodbook]

Ok, but i wouldnt go.
Thats ok.
Others have suggested different dates. Which are more interesting than coffee. In nz, its either obnoxious loud music pretentious cafes or retired ppl and ladies of leisure gossiping. Maybe if you live in a nice area where theres a local friendly one but..in general. It wouldnt be a place I would go on a date. Sorry. Plenty of other nice places out there.

 

[Goodbook]

To me a date is to have fun with another person, and through having fun get to know them.
If you not having fun, i think its hard to know someone, as you dont know what makes them happy and gives them pleasure. Why do a thing just for the sake of it, might as well have fun doing it!

 

[Goodbook]

The whole question and answer thing can be handled in a simple emailed questionaire. Lol.

 

[EyesOfKohl]

For a city girl who would never be able to have her own pony, that sould be a good date.

You should get out of Auckland more and see some more beautiful areas of NZ

 

[Goodbook]

I very much detest interviews. Its like going for a job that you prolly wont get. But thats just me. Maybe some people love them! I dont know. Also, often..a guy might ask you all sorts of personal questions. And then when its your turn to ask, he doesnt answer. Thats kinda annoying. Esp if he monoploises the conversation.

 

[Goodbook]

You should get out of Auckland more and see some more beautiful areas of NZ

I have, its purtty. But I havent seen it all. I will when go on this cruise next year.

 

[EyesOfKohl]

I have, its purtty. But I havent seen it all. I will when go on this cruise next year.

I recommend you visit the Tararua mountains sometime, one of my favourite places.