Hello my name is Jon
I'm currently 28 years old nice to meet you and welcome to my testimony, may it bless any who are currently lost or unsure about life! (This version skips specific details of events thus shortening it).
I’ll start by saying that I’ve been a Christian the majority of my life (Pentecostal) but have struggled with sexual and social pitfalls (drinking, gambling etc.) along the way. Basically 0-13 was a good Christian boy, 14+ I’ve repented a billion (it seems) times struggling with everything to where I am today a devout committed Christian who is NEVER going back! I have a very supportive very loving mother (and father) who has prayed for each of her children daily (several times a day) our entire lives. Without her I doubt i would be where I am today.
Growing up my parents were devout (to the point of no TV etc.) Pentecostal Christians who were converted Catholics. I went to church every Sunday, without fail, attended Sunday school and went to a Christian school my entire life. I was an introverted child, very shy, I found it very hard to make friends and so kept to myself a lot of the time with a small social circle. I read a lot of books, rode my bike, wrote poetry and stories and did mainly wholesome activities my entire childhood. I was one of 5 children, it's always been considered a rather large family in today's society it seems, it was very normal for us. We were and have always been to this day a very close knit family with exceptionally loving parents always pushing us to know Jesus to love Him and eventually be with Him in Heaven and for us to live a life fulfilled and have happy lives (with a firm grounding in God). As my earthly father always used to say, "It doesn't matter what you do in life, all that matters is that you get to Heaven". This has been with me my entire life and to this day guides my daily life (What do you bring with you into the next life?).
I had a very troublesome schooling experience, I lagged behind in my studies from an early grade and being the deep introvert I was I never asked for help, the teachers found me to be such a nuisance that instead of helping (from a position of my poor understanding of each new topic/subject carried over from the failing of the previous subjects building up to the next one etc.) just failed me and sent me to the next grade regardless of my grades. I have found in my adult years that I'm not unintelligent at all but rather had just not learnt to the same extent as that of my peers (in fact of my current peers I’m considered quite intelligent, funnily enough).
I went through high school feeling very alone, questioning God's existence feeling suicidal, very depressed and hating God for what I thought was the worst life imaginable, why weren't my parents normal like other parents? Why did You make me so ugly? Why am I so stupid? The flow on effects of failing constantly every subject (and yet still passing the final grade purely out of the school wishing to be rid of me) had a downward spiraling effect on my overall confidence and Christian walk.
The last day of high school they had prophecy teams in to speak to each of the students to help gain insight into their future, I remember mine to a small extent which a guy I had never met said that I 'hated God and feel that He is the reason for everything bad in my life and all I need to do is lock myself into a quiet room and listen to Christian/Godly music and call on Him and you will gain a deeper understanding and build a relationship with Him'. At the time I was taken aback that this random guy that I had never met knew that I hated God at that time, but took little notice of what else he had to say as I was in a room with several other students and felt embarrassed that I felt this way in a Christian school and so can't remember it.
I went to work the following few years doing all sorts of random jobs from forklift driving to supermarket cashier to administration work to working in a bakery etc. Everything seemed menial and beneath me, I felt I was destined for greater things and so quit these kinds of jobs but felt myself get into another very depressive time in my life. I became heavily addicted to computer games for several years following this without fully exploring further options.
At the lowest point of this I was at the deepest level of despair and feeling completely isolated and utterly hopeless in all regards to my life, an emptiness that encompassed my entire being and soul. I was without God living a life of desire, lust and selfishness. Normally I'd shut these feelings out with other activities and going years without ever thinking about anything 'meaningful' how else can you cope with the crushing sense of loneliness and separation from God? Throughout these years I had a few times of repentance and ‘coming back to God’ but they never lasted as I had nothing to back it up with, it was easy to fall back into the same old routine. My old friends were bad influences on my life there came a point when I moved away from these situations and back to my parents’ house where I made the decision to stop associating myself with these people and in turn found myself in a situation of actually being completely alone except for family. I was almost a literal hermit for a few years without one real friend in my life, not even God (or so I had thought).
I was feeling incredibly sad one particular night lying in bed, feeling suicidal and through tears of utter helplessness I cried out to God in my mind, "Jesus if you're real, if you're really the God who died and rose again, if you're really everything that's been told to me thus far in my life I need a sign, I need direction in my life and if you do this for me I will dedicate my life to You for the rest of my days", with that I fell asleep almost instantly and in the days that followed completely forgot about that night.
A week or so later a lady came to the house to see my mum for tea, apparently she had rung up and wanted to come over earlier that morning. Mid-way through having tea with my mother she turned to her and said the real reason for her being here was for me. Now keep in mind I had never in my life met this woman, didn't know her name or anything about her. And so I was called into the room and told to sit down, so I did. The lady turned to me and said she had a great urgency to come to see me today by God. Apparently my mother had asked this lady (who is known as a prayer warrior within the church) to pray for me one day and she had agreed and had done so diligently for a long time since. She turned to me and started telling me about my past, how God had never allowed me to get into anything I couldn't handle as well as my future detailing specifically that I will be a wise man of God helping people specifically gentlemen, teaching and guiding them. She told me that no matter what has happened in my life the past present and future God has, is and will always be there guiding and helping each step along the way. At the time I just sat there absolutely shocked. I was caught completely off guard and didn't react at all, just sat there in silence trying to understand what had just happened. I didn't show any emotion at all, like you'd think, but instead simply said, "Oh right" stood up and went back to my room. It wasn't until later that night when I was completely alone and it had sunk in what had happened that I completely lost it emotionally, I knew from that day forward there is and can be no question whether God is real or not, at least, in my mind. He answered my prayer, a prayer I prayed in my mind at night, no one could possibly know in the depths of my sadness and depression at that time, my greatest need for knowledge He proved to me that He is indeed real and is looking out for me (all of us). He came through when I desperately needed it, in aces!
With this in mind I went to University to study a social work degree, without praying about it (to my demise) or too much reasoning behind doing so other than the fact I didn't have the smarts on paper to study much else and this knowing of some future where I'm destined to help people. The study load was hard for someone who hadn't studied (ever) and I struggled through the semesters until finally a huge event happened that broke me to the point of dropping out. In the 2nd semester of 2013 my father died. The news of this didn't hit me initially, I was comforting my mother, and I barely cried the whole day even with the whole family crowded around his cold body in the hospital morgue I suppose you could say I was in shock. He had been struggling with illness for several years prior to his death the latest being that of bone cancer which ultimately didn't end his life (it was going to eventually but in fact an overdose of morphine was his ultimate demise) however his willingness to go to heaven and the fact he wasn't in pain and died in his sleep does add some comfort.
Because of this I was now completely lost again, struggled for a year with no direction, got into a wrong sexual relationship with a girl that lasted about 8 months which had two results. The first realizing that I couldn't be with someone who wasn't willing to let me explore a Christian life (she was a complete atheist) and two it gave me the confidence and drive I needed to crack out of the introverted shell and get out of my protective bubble back into the real world.
During this year (2015) I have found that I've had some physical issues, issues that require a fairly specific (large) amount of money to fix. After attending a session with a doctor I had come home and laid in bed and cried tears of sadness begging, calling out to God to help me with an amount of money that I desperately need to fix this area in my life.
A few months ago I went to Christian gathering/service with prophets present giving words over people’s lives and figured why not. This man didn't know me for a grain of salt. The words he spoke over my life matched up consistently with the previous words, you can listen to it here.
So the last year I've been studying a course that I find extremely interesting, I'm currently volunteering for a disabled/troubled youth charity (and on the board of said charity), go to church every Sunday and have a few very close Christian friends where we discuss the bible and Jesus as well as being mentored and is really everything I've ever wanted/needed in terms of friendship/fellowship.
I currently am completely engrossed in this Christian life and personal relationship with Jesus that even with the desires of the flesh (that I’m abstaining from completely through God’s divine help and funnily enough through listening to Christian/Godly music most of my days). I never want to experience the utter loneliness the feeling of absolute emptiness and fearing deaths sting as well as despairing about life and the ultimate direction to take, nothing in this world compares to the daily peace, reassurance and love that God gives me every day – there is no going back! I thank God everyday for the hardships in my life because without them I wouldn't be where I am today on my knees asking the King of Kings for help! I pray that I'll never be so comfortable in life where I don't need His help and am thankful for every challenge that comes my way! I'm really excited for my future and what is to come, I'll update this testimony ten years from now and let you know!
