tempted to look...

[fakemind]

me and my girlfriend have been dating for over a year now and we are currently struggling with an issue. my girlfriend knows that im tempted to look at girls, although i tell her i dont (and i dont) but its just the fact that im tempted that is hurtful to her. i understand her being hurt with the fact that "my boyfriend is tempted to look at other girls", and even know i tell her its not me, just my flesh, that doesnt really help the hurt any.

im trying to get better with this so the temptation becomes less, but what can i do in the meantime so my girlfriend isnt hurt? has anybody else had to deal with this? how did you deal with it, what eventually became of the situation?

any advice or wisdom would be most helpful!

 

[kimber1]

find the thread called men's accountability groups. i'm sure you'll find alot of help and fellowship there with men who share the same problem!!

 

[Mom4Christ]

I understand her. I've been in that position. Actually, I still am. I know my husband loves me and would never cheat on me, but he has admitted to being tempted to look at other women.

I feel...am I not beautiful enough for you? Do you wish I looked differently? Is she prettier? It can bring up so many insecurities in an otherwise secure woman.

Be honest with her. I believe there is a reason for everything. You aren't tempted for no reason at all. Then again, there are probably people out there who will say that it is natural to want to look.

 

[andrewbee]

I look at other women all the time, probably more than I should (been married 9 years). The way I see it is that if God didn't want me to look at them, he wouldn't have made them so gosh darn beautiful! I do feel guilty about it sometimes though, but can't help it. I love my wife as much as ever though.

 

[Knight]

I'm having trouble understanding this.

She's upset because you're tempted to look at other women? You say you don't actually look but she's upset that you're tempted.

With all due respect to your girlfriend but she is one tough person to please. We're all tempted to sin in many different ways. The Spirit gives us the ability to resist temptation. The fact that you aren't looking is a testament to that Spirit working inside you.

Being tempted isn't a sin. Succombing to it is. Jesus was tempted but he never gave in to it.

If she's upet just because you're tempted then I'm afraid she's going to be upset by a great many things in life.

Just my $0.20.

 

[andrewbee]

LOL thank you for your honesty!
So how would you feel if your wife checked out other men all the time? Or flirted with them? I mean after all, God did make us women with the incredible capability to lead a guy on...

Yes he did. That's how I ended up with my wife in the first place In fact, this week it will be 10 years since we met, and to celebrate we're going back there for the weekend, sans kids

I wouldn't really care if she checked out other men. If she flirted I'd have a problem though, but I would never flirt either.

 

[fakemind]

I'm having trouble understanding this.

She's upset because you're tempted to look at other women? You say you don't actually look but she's upset that you're tempted.

With all due respect to your girlfriend but she is one tough person to please. We're all tempted to sin in many different ways. The Spirit gives us the ability to resist temptation. The fact that you aren't looking is a testament to that Spirit working inside you.

Being tempted isn't a sin. Succombing to it is. Jesus was tempted but he never gave in to it.

If she's upet just because you're tempted then I'm afraid she's going to be upset by a great many things in life.

Just my $0.20.

the point is that my girlfriend is feeling hurt and inadequate because im tempted to look, regardless if i fall into the temptation or not. i was just hoping to find other couples that had to deal with this and hear how they dealt with the situation, how they got through it, etc.

my girlfriend is an amazing Christian woman who i love greatly. she has been the reason that i have grown closer to God in the past, and i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with her. i love her so much!

i would love to hear from somebody who's been through this, guy or girl, and any advice they might have.

 

[Dawn Marie]

I'm having trouble understanding this.

She's upset because you're tempted to look at other women? You say you don't actually look but she's upset that you're tempted.

With all due respect to your girlfriend but she is one tough person to please.

Aren't all women like that? I dunno where my boyfriend stands on this issue, but the thought that he might even find another girl 'kinda pretty' makes me depressed and really jealous. It's sad. But it's human nature, isn't it?

And to the starter of this thread... I would feel the same as your girlfriend. I would think that most girls agree. Maybe I'm wrong... and if so then... oops.

 

[coastie]

I'm having trouble understanding this.

She's upset because you're tempted to look at other women? You say you don't actually look but she's upset that you're tempted.

With all due respect to your girlfriend but she is one tough person to please. We're all tempted to sin in many different ways. The Spirit gives us the ability to resist temptation. The fact that you aren't looking is a testament to that Spirit working inside you.

Being tempted isn't a sin. Succombing to it is. Jesus was tempted but he never gave in to it.

If she's upet just because you're tempted then I'm afraid she's going to be upset by a great many things in life.

Just my $0.20.

I like the way you look at things, knight.

It is difficult, it was REALLY difficult back when I lived in San Diego. I don't know how to get over the temptation to look, but I do know that it goes away with time, but it takes practice.

You should read the book Every Man's Battle. It is aimed toward worse problems, but you'll find some good tips in there like the "eye flick".

 

[SoldierofChrist]

The eye "flick" eh, coastie? Is that when you flick your eyeball out of the socket when an attractive woman in less than modest clothing walks by? =) Isn't it "bouncing" the eyes?

I suppose a worse thing could be said about that..

boiing... booing...

 

[Knight]

fakemind,
I understand you love her and I don't question that. However, this is not something that's going to go away. The senior pastor at our church has been married for more than 30 years. He's one of the most Godly men I've ever known and he once confessed to a group of us guys that he was tempted by an old girlfriend. Did he act on it? Of course not.

There is a difference between finding someone physically attractive and lusting after them.

Coastie,
Thanks. The temptation to look is an issue for many men. The fact that this person is able to resist that temptation should, in my opinion, be commended.

 

[GREG]

See For Women It Is All About Brad Pitt... Well In My Wife's Eye Anyway. I Dont Mind Her Thinking He Is A Dream. I Look But Dont Stare.... God Made Beautiful Women And Men... As For Us Ugly Ones We Only Wish... Lol

 

[findingme]

We take a different view on the 'eye flick' we analyze girls together. Point out their highpoints and lowpoints. It involves both of us and puts it into the open so it is never something to hide. As long as your girlfriend knows that she is the absolutely most beautiful girl in the world to you. that should be all that matters.

 

[wildernesse]

I agree with findingme--my husband and I both look at other people and say, isn't she beautiful, needs a haircut, how many earrings can a person fit on one ear, etc.?

I could not care less--he's with me, I'm with him and we don't want anyone else. And we acknowledge that other people live on this planet. Looking IMO is about observation, and not lust. And if it's the other way for anyone, then they need to get themselves under control.

But I do have a question. How does your girlfriend know that you are tempted--especially if you are not giving in to that temptation?

--tibac

 

[IslandBreeze]

I agree with findingme--my husband and I both look at other people and say, isn't she beautiful, needs a haircut, how many earrings can a person fit on one ear, etc.?

I could not care less--he's with me, I'm with him and we don't want anyone else. And we acknowledge that other people live on this planet. Looking IMO is about observation, and not lust. And if it's the other way for anyone, then they need to get themselves under control.

I'm going to back wildernesse up here and give her a big amen in agreement. Hubby and I appreciate beautiful people when we're out in public also. We aren't lusting, and there is absolutely no jealousy between the two of us. Jealousy is an ugly green monster that needs to be tamed just as badly as lust. Nobody else has mentioned this, but perhaps the problem isn't you, it could be your girlfriend's overzealous jealousy...It's natural to find people beautiful, provided you aren't lusting over them.

 

[Dawn Marie]

Okay I guess I'm just nuts.

 

[findingme]

No not nuts, entitled to your own opinion. Just take a different look at jealousy if you have it. Is it a grounded fear, does your spouse tell you that you are the only for them? Do you believe them when they tell you that? If the answer is yes to those 2 questions, then where is the jealousy coming from and what purpose does it serve? The way I found to cope with it was to take a more active role and appreciate beautiful people together. Try it and see.

 

[JohnR7]

My wife says you can look but don't touch. Actually, she says I can do whatever I want to do, but I will have to answer to God for it.

She really does not say much to me about it. But if she were to see another women flirting with me, she may let that women know that I am her husband and sort of gently push the other women away from me.

 

[_Rain_]

I am very much in that situation. It took me a long time to deal with it, but it still occasionally hurts.

We have been together for six years and I know that Mr. Rain will never cheat, and that he doesn't even look anymore. But he is tempted; and that hurts sometimes. I just have keep telling myself that it's human nature

 

[coastie]

The eye "flick" eh, coastie? Is that when you flick your eyeball out of the socket when an attractive woman in less than modest clothing walks by? =) Isn't it "bouncing" the eyes?

I suppose a worse thing could be said about that..

boiing... booing...

eye flick, eye bounce, whatever?