Temporary Separation

[E-beth]

I can't see how saying "I love you" could be a bad thing. And teh fact that you were concerned about her not saying it back shows her that you still care.

Your mom-in-law is right. God is working on you, and has gotten your attention by allowing you to lose grasp of what you didn't realize was most important to you. You have to be willing to give up everything and everybody for Him if asked to. You might think God was brutal for asking Abraham to sacrifice his son. But remember that God just wanted Abraham to show what and who was most important.

God wants you and your wife to be happy. He does want to give your wife a man of God, but I believe that that guy can be you. Every human being is capable of total transformation in His loving hands. By working with what is totally broken down, God can build it up better than ever.

Never give up. God has a plan for you, and it will ROCK! Just give yourself over to Him, tell Him "do your will and help me live with it", and watch and see.

 

[robl]

You are in for a big struggle. In fact it will be too much for you to handle. I know because I have been there myself. What you have, however, is the reassurance that the creator of the universe loves YOU. He knows your name and knows your thoughts and feelings better than you do. Let Him be your sole source of support and He will not let you down. It will be too much for you to handle, but all things are possible with God (Luke 1:37, Matthew 19:26). It will be beyond what you are capable of doing, but you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Phillipians 4:13). The enemy will try any way he can to drive a wedge between you and your wife. When you sre struggling with things she has done or said, forgive her (not necessarily out loud, she may not know what you're talking about ) and give it over to the Lord. He will take those heavy burdens from you and replace them with His burden, which is light. I saw in your previous posts that you have been trying to forgive those who have hurt you in the past. This is wonderful and definitely where God wants you to be. You need to forgive yourself, as well, in dealing with your wife. God has already forgiven you (assuming you have asked) and all you need to do is accept this forgiveness. The other advice you have been given is wonderful and it should comfort you to see how much support you have in this family you belong to, the Body of Christ. This battle you are fighting to save your marriage may be one of the most important ones you face in your life. Treat it as such and trust God to guide you in this and all the battles you will face. I love you, brother, and my wife and I will be praying for you and your wife.
In His love,
Rob

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks. I'm so afraid that my normal complacency and hardness of heart will cause my bible-reading and prayer to fall off and die, just because I don't 'feel' anything from God. I can't do this on my own. I know that right now, the way I feel, I won't do what needs to be done. I need God's help. I want to want to be broken. My selfishness is so strong right now, that I don't want to do anything.

Thanks for your advice and your prayers. Pray for me to believe more strongly in God and for His Holy Spirit to convict me of my sin that I'm apathetic toward.

Thanks

 

[robl]

Please let me know if there are any other issues that you are struggling with as you continue on in this battle. You can post any thing here and I will continue to check back. The nice thing for you about posting here is you have several brothers and sisters who are praying for you on the specific areas you need help. Keep in the word and in prayer at all times. Practice talking with God while doing the normal things in your day like driving and eating. There is never a matter that is too small for Him to deal with and He will gladly be a part of the routine things in your day. Remember that he is always with you and can hear even the faintest whisper that you speak to Him. Read the bible at any spare moment, when you first wake up, at breaks or at lunch, when you're on the toilet, etc. when you practice at these things and make them a priority in your day, they become habits and are easier to maintain.

For your wife, think of the things that you would like her to do for you. Take these and do them for her when you have the opportunity. Also, as someone has already wisely suggested, take a great interest in learning about her and what makes her happy. Try to make it a challenge to learn how to please her and serve her. As men, we are called to be the head of the household, but we are called to love our wives as Christ loved the church at the same time. When you read about how much He loves us, this is a mighty big proposition. To do this, you have to lay down your desires and focus on what she needs. This is totally the opposite of what we feel like doing and you need to die to yourself in order to do it. I feel very convicted as I write this to you and need to go spend some time serving my wife . God bless you and your wife and I will continue to pray for your marriage.
In His love,
Rob

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks Rob,

My problems go a lot deeper than the issues with my wife. I'm reading the book "Pain and pretending" again after many years, and I'm still dealing with the same issues, which has frustrated my wife. The book describes the process a person goes through after abuse or neglect as a child, and the stages they encounter. One principle of the book is "eligibility" where after the abuse/neglect, they no longer feel eligible for good things to happen to them and feel eligible for only bad things. This usually puts a barrier between them and God, because they beleive that they will never be good enough for God. I carry this feeling around with me. I know that God saved me, but I feel like that's all He's willing to do for me. I know it's not biblical, but it's where my heart is. I'm going into the counselor on Friday without my wife to discuss this book and the feelings I'm having.

Please pray for me to be able to trust God and submit to Him regardless of what happens with my wife. Also, since the military will be moving me in the fall and I don't know if we'll be back together by then, that God will choose the assignment that helps me both grow in Him and if necessary be a good absentee parent and husband. (i.e., close to where I'm living now or cheap flights.)

Thanks

 

[robl]

We are all undeserving of the love and grace God so abundantly pours out on us. It is a lie from the enemy that you are ineligible to receive it, though. By becoming a child of God, and following His Son, He desires to bless us beyond our imaginations. I do know without a doubt that God wants you to concentrate on your marriage at this point. Pray and seek His guidance every step of the way and He will not let you down. This does not mean everything will work out how we desired it to, but it does mean that He will cause it to work out for your good (Rom 8:28). I have to go for a few hours but I will continue to pray and I know that God is speaking to you even as you read this. He loves you more than you can know!

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks. I spent some time with her last night and woke up complacent about submitting to God and making Him my foundation. It's like my heart knows I'm gonna get my wife back, so the urgency of relying on God is gone (i.e., I'm back to normal.) PRay that God holds my feet to the fire about seeking Him and serving my wife. I told her some things last night that were sincere, but will be hard for me to buckle down and do.

Thanks for your prayers.

 

[robl]

Thanks. I spent some time with her last night and woke up complacent about submitting to God and making Him my foundation. It's like my heart knows I'm gonna get my wife back, so the urgency of relying on God is gone (i.e., I'm back to normal.) PRay that God holds my feet to the fire about seeking Him and serving my wife. I told her some things last night that were sincere, but will be hard for me to buckle down and do.

Thanks for your prayers.

Try to practice relying on Him for the little things in your life. Nothing is too small. If you include Him in your day to day decisions, you will be pleasantly surprised. He will guide you to things that are much better than what you have chosen on your own. To start with, you said the USAF is moving you soon. Start seeking the Lord now on where He will put you. Pray for the place you will live and the people that you will be working with. Pray for God to place men that are strong in the faith there to help strengthen and guide you. Any decision that may come your way through the day, ask for His guidance and watch what happens.

With your wife, the battle won't be over until the Lord takes you home. You need to rely on Him to provide you the strength to be the spiritual leader of your home and to keep the commitment to your wife. If you do start to get complacent on this, you will soon notice yourself sliding backwards (I hate that feeling).

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matt6:33)

God bless you, and keep running after the prize. We need to press on to the end!
In His love,
Rob

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks, please pray for my faith. I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, I know I'm saved, but I still face frequent doubts, even to the point of doubting His existence. Pray for me to get mu life grounded on truth rather than feelings.

It's hard to rely on God when you have doubts that He's there. I know he's there, (the evidence, oh the evidence) but when I'm weak and in a tailspin over issues with my wife, the doubts can be powerful.

Thanks, Rob

 

[cjba]

I can truly understand what you are going through. I am in a similar situation. We are not seperated but my husband states he is no longer in love with me. You can not expect to change your situation overnight. It took a very long time to get that way. I know you want answers today. You want your wife back at this very moment. God gives us trials for a reason. Maybe your trial had to take place in order for you to forgive family members. Already something good has come from the trial. You are seeking God - another good thing from this trial. In our lowest moments God is still there giving us some kind of reward. If you can begin to see your trial as a gift to get somethings in order in your life - especially your marriage - just think how much better you and your wife can be. It wasn't until that I thought of my trail in this way, that I no longer feel the hurt in an overwhelming manner. I no longer want or need an answer overnight. I no longer wonder why. I needed to stop telling my husband "I love you" for a while. I too was beginning to get a harden heart. I gave this to God and let him take care of it. God wants you to rest not figure out on how to get your wife back. I now feel that I am a different person a better person for going through this trial. I now can tell my husband "I love you" and for the moment not expect anything in return. For you see this is not only your trial it also belongs to your wife. Your wife is not comfortable with her decision, this is something she felt that needed to done. I'm sure she did not think of seperation overnight. She tossed and turned over this. She needs time to heal and hopefully she will also have a stronger walk with God due to this trial. God does not like divorce - you are only seperated - this gives you more time to devote yourself to God. Show your wife you still love her. Become her friend. She is discovering something new about herself now. Get to know the new her and give her the opportunity to get to know the new you as you change in your walk. My husband is now going to seek counceling at our church. I feel as if this is the beginning to an answered prayer. Is it a guarantee - No. But God does give one hope. I have come to accept that God will decide my fate. It may not be what I desire but whatever the outcome - I know I will alway have God in my life. Have you asked your wife to go to marriage counceling? Even is she does not want to go. Look forward to your own counceling. Let God take hold of your life and he will mold you to the man and husband He wants for your wife. It seems like you still have a friendship with your wife. Let that be your foundation and build upon that. Even though my husband and I are going through this trial. I find it amazing that we both see each other as best friends. Whatever you do, just don't pressure her for answers or even her love. (This will come in time - my husband now does show some affection) God will take care of your marriage in His time not what you want it to be. (ugh!) Just show her that you're still there for her, give her space so she doesn't feel trapped. She'll see by your actions alone that you are still in love with her. Let that soften her heart. My prayers are there for you and your family.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Yes, actually it was me who didn't want to go to counseling, then hated the counselor because to my eyes, the counselor said I was the only person doing anything wrong and that my wife was a saint. I ignored him all last year, to my great distress now. Too much pain for my pride. I am praying for God to reveal to me the level of pain my wife is feeling so I can repent of my pride more meaningfully and have greater compassion for her in this situation. I tried to go over and hang out in a neutral way, and I blew it again, talking about the separation and an upcoming family trip I probably won't be going on because she feels awkward. I hurt so much, I don't uunderstand her hurt. I know I need to, but I feel threatened when I do. She did say that she doesn't like the separation or the boundaries right now, but she feels we need them.

Thanks for you prayers, both before and to come. CJBA, you and your husband are now on my intercessory prayer list. I'm trying to pray for others to blunt my selfishness. Had a good, fervent start on intercession last week, but not doing so hot the last two days. I just bought Henri Nouwen's book "The Only Necessaary Thing" I'm hoping and praying that it will not only convict me to pray more but to inspire me.

 

[robl]

Please add me to your prayer list as well. We can never have enough prayer covering in the battle. I would also suggest a book calledMarriage the Way It's Made to be by Ken Ortize. It is very insightful and more importantly, it is backed throughout with scriptures. You are on the right track by starting to pray for others as well as for your own situation. We all need to be good soldiers and prayer is to be what we do after we put on our armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) . Well it's late and I better get to bed. God bless you and your wife.
In His love,
Rob

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I can't do this. Her boundaries are so close, I am so miserable and I can't talk to her about it. She has been my only emotional support for 12 years,but now she's cut me off from affection and even talking about how much I miss her. She doesn't even want me to come over for hanging out and watching TV because she's afraid I'll start wanting to talk about the separation. I know she wants to reconcile, but my neediness is driving her nuts right now. I don't know what to do. I know that my self-esteem and strength should come from God, not her, but this "cold turkey" barrier to her affection is killing me.

Third Day has a song, "Take my life, Lord, when I don't have the strength to give it to You." I so want that. I want to give everything over to Him. I want to trust Him fully. For the first time, today I was praying, telling God how I needed Him and I wanted to just lay in His lap like he was my daddy. I saw an image in my mind's eye of Him telling me to just grow up and stop acting like an idiot, and it was my step-father's face. I never thought that I was projecting my dad on God so strongly, but apparently that is a source of my distance from God.

 

[Warrior Poet]

You can do this.

1. Stop talking about the seperation... she will want to talk about it on her own time, maybe pieces over time, BUT ON HER TIME.

2. Stop trying to save your marriage and looking at it as losing your wife but your friend. Friends first, then once its established and set, you can work on the "love" and romance, the marriage. You have to climb the latter all over again.

3. You have to give up in your mind that you can do this alone. Surrender my friend, lay it down, if you want to get past this hurddle and ever reach her. Give everything you can up to Him, know it and mean it when you do it.

4. Back to the basics. When you and your wife first met, you were a much different guy that she fell in love with, you need to find your way back there. You need to know what areas you failed in and NOT fail there again, make new mistakes, dont repeat the old ones.

5. Its all emotion from here "or lack there of"... You have broken your wifes spirit so many times, and you never knew it. At some point its shatterd know this, and remember it forever. Your pain is to similar to what she felt.

6. You will win. No matter what you do if you give it up to him, the peace that fills your heart is nothing shy of a miricale, its an amazing peace. Once your heart is at peace your mind will be to, sooo much easier to make good sound decisions, which is hard to do with emotions running so high.

7. Time is on your side. You are willing to wait forever, you might even have to stick around to see or hear some hurtful things, she is worth every second of every minute treat her like it and take your time in doing it.

8. To get there it sounds like you have other issues that you need to work through, untill those are fixed, fixing your marriage becomes and extremely large task. Dont shut your wife out, but you need to work on you with God, then you with your wife. Thats the order it will work. Chin up AFT, listen one day atta time, thats it, you make babysteps through this walk man, you are trying to make a leap and its not going to work like that. Listen with your heart, not your ears, in everyword she tells you there is another meaning, your heart will guide you in the right direction but you have to listen. Put God in your heart. Overall know the outcome is Gods plan for you and your wife, I wish you all the best AFT, you can do this, buckle down and press on, continue to live because you life is not over, but a new chapter is begining, embrace it and move, you are doing the writing from here on out, and you have a really good Editor



/me hugs AFT.



Have at it.



Warrior Poet

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I know I've got to rely on God, I just don't know how to make that decision every day. Every time I'm near Shannon I blow it and get clingy, ask her if she still loves and wants me. The answer is always 'yes', but I can't just live with it and work on my issues. The original separation was due to anger, unforgiveness, withdrawing form the family and porn. I can deal with all of those, my eyes are way more open than they've ever been, but this crippling insecurity is killing me, and has become her number one issue. THe AF moves me in 8-9 months, and I don't want to leave without her, but I despair of being over this insecurity by then. I know I won't be 'cured' by then, unless my psychiatrist is even better than I think, but I want to be over the hump by then so she and the kids will come with me. If I go to the Pacific theater, the flights back here are $1500 RT, so I won't be able to visit her and the kids but once or twice in two years. I'm also afraid that if I go, I'll get lazy and stop working. I can work on that (I'm certainly motivated) but I don't want that kind of separation to even happen. She did say last week that if things keep going like they have been for my growth, she would probably go on the transfer with me, but that it wasn't a promise. Please, pray for patience and a tenderness toward God that lets me finally lay my burden down. I want to look at God as my Daddy and trust Him completely.

Thanks for all your support, I really need it. Fellowship with the brethren is helping me some, but I need to go farther toward resting on God.

"Be still and know that I am God"

 

[cjba]

AFT,

Take it from someone who has been there and done that. I understand what you are writing about on the counceling issue. My husband and I went last year (we have been going through this trial for 2 years) he felt that that he was being told on how to feel and that his feelings were wrong. You have to be open when it comes to counceling. You need to accept that something is not right. As for your councelor making your wife out to be a saint that could not have been helpful. No one is perfect but Him, we can take our imperfections to Him, in Him you can't help but change. That is what should of been taking place. My husband now wants to go back to counseling. Amen. I hope this is a sign that he will have a more open acceptance to what God wants for his life. However, I suggested that he work on himself first. Once he takes care of what is eating him inside everything else will fall into place. I believe this for you as well. Counceling can tear you up inside especially when you can't see that what you are doing is wrong. Sometimes we have to have our face down in the ground to truly see what we are doing. Our situation is different than yours but the result almost the same. God can do wonders for your marriage if you set your own feelings of hurt aside. I read that when we are going through difficult times, we often give them to much consideration, fail to look at the coming glory, and lose our balance, and sence of proportion. (Hope for Today newsletter) This is so true, when I was so obsessed in how to solve our problem and get our marriage back on track there was no change in my husband. You need to surender yourself, get on your knees and give your marriage to God. Once I did this, the changes started happening first within myself and a little in my husband. I know this is hard I had to do it myself. Concentrate on the positive. She already is giving you hope. She feels uncomfortable about the seperation. She already has given you the possibility of going with you on your transfer. Don't focus on you have 8-9 months to solve this problem. There is no time line. God will restore your marriage in His time and give you both a stronger marriage. You can now see that you need to take care of your anger issues. She probably felt the separation was the only way to make her pain a reality to you. As a woman I can only imagine the hurt she felt when you were into the porn. She may have felt that she was not enough for you. The anger may have brought her fear. I'm sure she tried to let you know what she was feeling along the way. That was a gift. My husband is a quiet man not much of a communicator. I believe that is why our situation is dragging on. My husband telling me the first time that he no longer loves me felt as if something fell out of space and landed on me. I had no clue his feelings for me were changing. I can now see why they changed. I broke his spirt as you may have broken the spirt of you wife. When we are treating someone a certain way that is not positive it takes its tole on the other person. I am the stronger of the two. I was the one leading the family. He now has resentment towards me for that. I wanted him to lead it just never happened. It takes two to make a strong marriage and a weak one as well. If only he would of spoken up to give me the opportunity to make things different for him. I did not want to be the one in charge. He put me in this position. If I ever asked for his opinion his response usually was "Whatever makes you happy honey" Deep down I wanted him to take more charge. He just never would. He is learning to speak up which is a good thing. Believe it or not if your wife has cut you off from the affection; you may be better off where you are for the moment. I live with this inside of my home. A place that is suppose to be comforting from the outside world. Somedays are good and others not so good. Somedays I just want him out then I give this to God. It's an emotional rollar coaster what you are going through. I pray for patience and understanding. I don't want to be the one to give up on tha marriage and suddenly he finds himself a day later. Then I would of be 1 day short of knowing what God intended for me and my family. Then I would be the one to blame for not giving our situation to Gods time. One day I may hear "I'm not sure if I want to work on our marriage; I don't know if it is what I want" and then the next is "I don't want to lose you" I feel as if I live with "Jeckle and Hyde (ha, ha) What is so strange is that when he tells me these things that hurt or make my day. He does'nt recall even telling me. Whether it was something positive or negative. He told me recently that he loves me. Yet, he doesn't rememeber. He told me very late in the evening on a day he was very tired. (He works very odd hours and this can take it tole on someone) He told me maybe that is how is feels subcontiously. Sometimes I do wish he was living somewhere else. Those are the days when the hurt starts to take over. Then I go into praying motion. This is what you need to do. I give this to God and know that my husband living out of the home is not the best situation for my children. I hold on to the positive with no expectations from my husband. The only expectations that I have is: no matter what the outcome God will be there for me. The advise that I can give you from what I've learned from my husband is that when I was needy (I don't know why we end up wanting the person even more when they stop wanting us) this only gave him pressure and he felt more distance between us. It made him feel guilty and not wanting to fix things. He wanted to escape. I've come to a point that I don't show the neediness and hurt as often to my husband. If I'm in alot of pain because I feel I need him; I go to another room. Maybe to pray, shed a few tears, hit a pillow or anything else that comes to mind. I then give it to God and go on with our day. Now that I'm not showing my husband so often the pain and neediness that he has caused. I'm beginning to hear him say that he needs to work harder at this relationship. He is the one that wants to go to counceling. I had suggested it awhile ago and he became upset. He did'nt want to go. See what I mean - You're not in control of the situation - God is. These scriptures have helped me. I hope they can help you. Psalm 18:1-3 I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. (The enemy is the one trying to destroy your marriage) 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "The God of All Comfort" Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks, Warrior, Rob and cjba!

I had another breakdown conversation with her yesterday, then went home and sent her an email with my feelings, per our boundary agreements. She also agreed with whoever it was in this thread who said we should attend different services, which cut me open again, but I did it.

I talked to my mom-in-law last night going in to service. She implored me to give it up to God. Now, I hate Christianese. I've always hated the phrase "Give it to God" becuase I never knew what it meant. But I tried to pray that before service last nite.
Worship was wonderful! I felt close to God, and for one of the first times in my life, I pictured myself joyfully serving God doing something I wouldn't normally like (sitting in Africa spoon-feeding a child.) I knew in my heart that this vision was ME serving God, not me and my wife serving God together, and I was still joyful about it. That's not to say that I expect God to separate me and send me to do His work without her. It's to say that I was able, me and God together in worship, to accept that I can have joy in Him without her in the picture to support me emotionally.

I sat and talked to a friend of the family last night. He's an older Christian man, seems to haave it all together and is also a higher ranking Air Force officer. So, he's intimidated me for years and I feel guilty around him. He explained some of the things I've donein the past to turn him off, anf then we talked for a long time about all the issues I'm facing now: belief in God, belief in God's love, my career choices from here on out, working choices rather than feelings. It was a very blessed time with him last nite, and I went away encouraged.

My wife answered the email late last night, but I didn't read it until this morning when I talked to her on the phone and she told me. Her email sounds kind of harsh, but not because she was trying to be, but because I'm kind of sensitive to criticism.

We just talked on the phone for about an hour, with no emotional freakouts or manipulation from me, and it felt good for both of us. She told me that she agrees with me on the purpose of the boundaries: time for her to heal up a little and thaw out toward me and time for me to get a little less freaked out needy so she can show me some affection and meet those needs of mine and I can meet her needs. Her problem is that I've only given her a couple days at a time rest, not even a week, let alone the two weeks we agreed to.

She even said in our talk this morning that when she has conversations like that with me she starts to miss me, and want me home. That's a big step for her, because I could so easily manipulate that and start pushing to come home before we're both ready.

I am feeling a quiet confidence that this will work out. What I need to do now is transfer that confidence to God, that He will change me and change her, and let my faith in Him sustain me.

Thanks for your time and encouragement, and keep sending me prayer requests for my "not-me" times with God.

 

[cjba]

I'm very happy for you that you are taking this to God. I'm sure in time you will find yourself back together. All she needs is a little breather and some change from you. This is your time to get yourself back to God and he will bring you both together. She loves you and misses you. She just wants to have the man she originally fell in love with again. At least this is what it sounds like. We all change in time. But to have a successful marriage we need positive changes. We may not always get what we ask for from God. But I think you will. My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[robl]

It is so encouraging to me to read your most recent post! As you're finding out, it's not that God pulls us out of our circumstances when we cry out for help. He usually just gives us the resources we need to get through it and He changes our outlook on things.

I have to run to work but I have two prayer requests. First, please pray for my wife and I, that God will continue to strengthen our marriage and draw us closer to Him. Second, I am feeling led to a ministry in Texas called Gospel for Asia (check out the website). They are an awesome ministry that is very much dedicated to the Kingdom of God. For my wife and I to be able to go serve at their headquarters, there are several things that must happen in our lives (financially, job related, family, etc.). Please just pray that God would start opening the doors if this is His will, or closing them and revealing His real purposes if it is not His will. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers as well. May God bless you today.
In His love,
Rob

 

[deonte]

AirForceTeacher ,

I'm going through a very similiar situtation. My wife left me (Feb. 9th) becasue I was emotionally abusive and I refused to give my life to Jesus. She and my pastor suggested we go to counseling several times, but I brushed them off and continued to do things my way. Well guess what? I've TOTALLY surrender to God during her absence and it's changed my life forever. At this point, my wife is still not ready to come home but I understand that I have to earn her trust again. I've been attending counseling alone and it has been very positive for me. I asked her this week if she would start attending with me....her response was that she would pray about it and get back to me. Her faith and walk with God became stronger as a result of the emotional abuse I put her through, so she's very in touch with her spritiual side. I've always believed in God and read the bible, but I choose to save the surrendering for "later". That's when God decided to say "well, then later for your wife!". That completely turned my world upside down!!! But, God caught me on my way down and I am forever grateful. I went through all of the exact emotions that you went through. It's the world's worst roller coaster! :o But I'm very faithful that God will restore. You can NOT loose when god is on your side. Pray for me and mine as well. I'll have you in my thoughts and prayers.