Talking to God

[marcb]

God teaches us about a relationship with Him through David's life (1 & 2 Samuel, Psalms). David's Psalms are an excellent model of raw prayer often motivated by his distresses. If David was troubled or thought something was unfair, he boldly brought it to the throne of God.

One thing God has taught me through this is that I often try to correct my obsessions with "counter thoughts" or compulsions. It's like I think about my thoughts about God, rather than discussing them with God. I miss the point when I am "arranging the furniture in my mind," because I am not taking it to the throne as David did.

How much more fortunate are we to be able to take all these issues to the Cross?

The other day I was angry, obsessing, and confused. I caught myself trying to hold back my thoughts, because I knew where they were going. [For me, that type of "thought control" leads to the worst kinds of thoughts because, once again, it turns into "don't you dare think about...." There is a perceived danger that increases the anxiety and by then I have "lit the fuse."]

By God's mercy and instruction through David's life and the Psalms, something different happened to me the other day. I realized I didn't have to "spin" on my own. I took it to God. The whole thing. Every thought, every concern, every disappointment over the way my mind can betray was lodged as a complaint.

Have you noticed that David's Psalms always end with praise and hope? Many are like mind storms that allow a release of angst, guilt, anxiety, and anger. Once these are released to God and the storm blows over, we find His mercy, peace, and hope, much like that ray of sunshine that follows a storm. My experience of "complaining" to God followed this pattern, and I found peace and mercy in Him.

Thank God that the life of David was so important that it was passed down for us. David lived large as a human in the presence of God. He was not afraid because he trusted God. David sinned boldly, but his faith in God was bolder.

What if we lived like the "man after God's heart"?

Marc

P.S., "Leap over a wall" by Eugene Peterson is a great book about David that I found helpful.

 

[Boxers1]

Marcb...Thank you for this entry. It is so easy to feel like we have to run from God with this disorder b/c the thoughts "trick" us into thinking maybe we really believe the thoughts or that God must now be so angry at me for having that thought. The anxiety tricks us into thinking maybe the thoughts are true or we have cut ourselves off from grace. I am learning more and more how my OCD is such a trick. Just when I think I am on top of "not responding" to thoughts I don't agree with, my OCD takes on new twists and "kicks it up a notch" just to try and scare me and trick me all over again with that terrible anxiety and fear. I think when we are spiking, we do need to remember we can still go to Christ b/c he won't drive us away regardless of whatever the thoughts are. We have to always say "these thoughts are invalid" no matter how terrible they "appeared" to be on the surface and we can always talk to him in prayer. He is listening and thankfully he completely understands our obsessions, compulsions, countering, anxiety, spinning, fear. This is the most difficult year I have had b/c it is the first time in my life where I have truly stopped fighting. I let them come, whatever they are, and then do nothing. Sometimes the anxiety is like panic, but in time it subsides and I can think clearly again. And then the next time that thought comes, I can say "I remember you and you are still invalid" and the anxiety is not as bad. And I still love Christ no matter what just fired out of my OCD riddled brain. Its a daily struggle sometimes, but I have to live with it. I could not have arrived at this knowledge without the help of the good people on this forum and books and therapy.
Blessings to you.
Boxers1

God teaches us about a relationship with Him through David's life (1 & 2 Samuel, Psalms). David's Psalms are an excellent model of raw prayer often motivated by his distresses. If David was troubled or thought something was unfair, he boldly brought it to the throne of God.

One thing God has taught me through this is that I often try to correct my obsessions with "counter thoughts" or compulsions. It's like I think about my thoughts about God, rather than discussing them with God. I miss the point when I am "arranging the furniture in my mind," because I am not taking it to the throne as David did.

How much more fortunate are we to be able to take all these issues to the Cross?

The other day I was angry, obsessing, and confused. I caught myself trying to hold back my thoughts, because I knew where they were going. [For me, that type of "thought control" leads to the worst kinds of thoughts because, once again, it turns into "don't you dare think about...." There is a perceived danger that increases the anxiety and by then I have "lit the fuse."]

By God's mercy and instruction through David's life and the Psalms, something different happened to me the other day. I realized I didn't have to "spin" on my own. I took it to God. The whole thing. Every thought, every concern, every disappointment over the way my mind can betray was lodged as a complaint.

Have you noticed that David's Psalms always end with praise and hope? Many are like mind storms that allow a release of angst, guilt, anxiety, and anger. Once these are released to God and the storm blows over, we find His mercy, peace, and hope, much like that ray of sunshine that follows a storm. My experience of "complaining" to God followed this pattern, and I found peace and mercy in Him.

Thank God that the life of David was so important that it was passed down for us. David lived large as a human in the presence of God. He was not afraid because he trusted God. David sinned boldly, but his faith in God was bolder.

What if we lived like the "man after God's heart"?

Marc

P.S., "Leap over a wall" by Eugene Peterson is a great book about David that I found helpful.