I'm afraid to start eating today but I will eat. I have to learn how to have control over my eating because I don't.
Praying you can eat healthily today, sweetie
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Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)
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Praying you can eat healthily today, sweetie
blessedmomof5
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I actually had someone say to me the other day, OH so your back to NORMAL ???WT??? why was i never normal? Just bc we decided to go out to eat, and i have put on weight, i am now in the normal catagory?
BTW that does not translate well in my head it gets all twisted.
Ruth, i love you and to me you Look beautiful.
BTW that does not translate well in my head it gets all twisted.
Ruth, i love you and to me you Look beautiful.
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Thank you D. Society is the root of all these having to look a certain way. I feel like I'm so tired of the yo yo thing I'm not going to worry much about weight.
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IreneAdler
more binah in her finger than in your whole body
I totally understand bless. People can be so cruel with their words. No idea how "AH! You've gained weight/lost weight!" can crumble someone's world in a second. Or how the normal comments can cut to the bone.
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Hey everyone
been thinking of you all. sorry not been around been past week or so. loads been going on.
just catching up with things ive missed. will come back later and put a proper post.
Ruth, hope you were able to eat something
Criada hows things with you? hope your doing ok xxxxx
Blessedmom, i understand that 'normal' thing i had a comment like that the first time i put weight back on after people had found out about my ED, they were like oh your ok now then bk to normal. was like whoa its not just about me 'weight' it really confused and upset me.
Irene, how you doing
been thinking of you all. sorry not been around been past week or so. loads been going on.
just catching up with things ive missed. will come back later and put a proper post.
Ruth, hope you were able to eat something
Criada
hows things with you? hope your doing ok xxxxxBlessedmom, i understand that 'normal' thing i had a comment like that the first time i put weight back on after people had found out about my ED, they were like oh your ok now then bk to normal. was like whoa its not just about me 'weight' it really confused and upset me.
Irene, how you doing
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(*sorry if this turns into a bit of a rant just need somehwere to get it out*)
Well the meeting was pointless, wel it was for the half hour i wa in there anyway, they still carried on talking about me rather than too me, which is really annoying and when your feeling slightly paranoid anyway its really not good at all!!!!
the jist of what i got ( theyre going to talk to me later about it, well my keyworker is anyway) they want to move me, and get me sectioned in order to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i didnt see that one coming. basically they dont think heres the place for me, they want to send me to a different unit thats smaller and has a more individual direct care apparoach. and has the facilities to provide a more intensive, secure, 'one on one' type of care. they feel that being around a larger group isnt helping me in the long run. Im currently coming across as unpredicatable (yeah i could have told them that i did go a bit mad and ask them if they wanted to try handle everything that was going on in my head and know where your at at the same time, and just got blank stares!!!!!!!!!!!) erratic and at times aggresive. Im an extremely high risk to myself, and i've become a slight risk to other without actually realising it!!! Im also at the minute unresponsive and they asked me if i wanted to be here, and i was direct and said no not really. didnt want to come in the first place and ive tried working at it but i dont get anywhere, ive got too much going on to handle it, but hey. am i trying yes most of the time. am i about ready to give up, yes!!!!
*(trigg poss*)
Then one of them asked me if i knew and understood the consequences of my behaviours, and the fact my body is really not in a good way and that the longer i go on not giving it any substance to work from the nearer i am to dying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i know that, the problem is it doesnt scare me!!!!! i know what not eating and stuff does, ive been told it often enough im fully aware of it!!!! then they asked me out right did i want to die!!!!!! i just stared at the floor, i couldnt answer them.
i dont know where my heads at right now. its a bit mashed up. they started talking about the effects all this probation stuff is having on me, and then tried to say if i can move past it it may make it that little bit easier for me to engage more!!!!!!!!!!! i lost it at that point, and got up to walk out. but before i left i was asked them what they wanted, because im sick of being told different things. one minute theyr telling me i need to deal with 'his coming out' next minute they want me to move past it. i cant ignore it, its happening wether i want to face it or not i cant change it its not just not going to happen because im in middle of all this. theyre not going to say oh hang on we wont let him out yet Katey needs to stop trying to kill herself first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hmm not i dont think so. i was shouting by this point and just getting really worked up, burst into tears and screamed at them that they dont have a clue its ok for all them sitting there dictating whats going to happen and how i should be and where i should be at by now, and that its no good that im not. they dont have a clue how it actually feels, they dont know whats going on in my head, coz guess what neither do i!!!!!!!!! and walked off, followed by two other members of staff who tried to calm me down but didnt happen. just lost it a bit. then just collapsed in heap on the floor crying!!!!!!!!!!!! why cant they just get it!! i didnt choose to be in this state, i dont like it but its where im at and ive been trying so hard its just so draining.
but anyway ive calmed down a lot, just trying to chill out a little bit now, had my music on, and am on watch but just want to be on my own for a bit so just sat in room with music n laptop. waiting for them to come 'talk to me' now ive calmed down.
eurhg!!!!!! anyway. hows evryone else doing, sorry that turned into a bit of a long rant.
hope your all ok
Well the meeting was pointless, wel it was for the half hour i wa in there anyway, they still carried on talking about me rather than too me, which is really annoying and when your feeling slightly paranoid anyway its really not good at all!!!!
the jist of what i got ( theyre going to talk to me later about it, well my keyworker is anyway) they want to move me, and get me sectioned in order to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i didnt see that one coming. basically they dont think heres the place for me, they want to send me to a different unit thats smaller and has a more individual direct care apparoach. and has the facilities to provide a more intensive, secure, 'one on one' type of care. they feel that being around a larger group isnt helping me in the long run. Im currently coming across as unpredicatable (yeah i could have told them that i did go a bit mad and ask them if they wanted to try handle everything that was going on in my head and know where your at at the same time, and just got blank stares!!!!!!!!!!!) erratic and at times aggresive. Im an extremely high risk to myself, and i've become a slight risk to other without actually realising it!!! Im also at the minute unresponsive and they asked me if i wanted to be here, and i was direct and said no not really. didnt want to come in the first place and ive tried working at it but i dont get anywhere, ive got too much going on to handle it, but hey. am i trying yes most of the time. am i about ready to give up, yes!!!!
*(trigg poss*)
Then one of them asked me if i knew and understood the consequences of my behaviours, and the fact my body is really not in a good way and that the longer i go on not giving it any substance to work from the nearer i am to dying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i know that, the problem is it doesnt scare me!!!!! i know what not eating and stuff does, ive been told it often enough im fully aware of it!!!! then they asked me out right did i want to die!!!!!! i just stared at the floor, i couldnt answer them.
i dont know where my heads at right now. its a bit mashed up. they started talking about the effects all this probation stuff is having on me, and then tried to say if i can move past it it may make it that little bit easier for me to engage more!!!!!!!!!!! i lost it at that point, and got up to walk out. but before i left i was asked them what they wanted, because im sick of being told different things. one minute theyr telling me i need to deal with 'his coming out' next minute they want me to move past it. i cant ignore it, its happening wether i want to face it or not i cant change it its not just not going to happen because im in middle of all this. theyre not going to say oh hang on we wont let him out yet Katey needs to stop trying to kill herself first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hmm not i dont think so. i was shouting by this point and just getting really worked up, burst into tears and screamed at them that they dont have a clue its ok for all them sitting there dictating whats going to happen and how i should be and where i should be at by now, and that its no good that im not. they dont have a clue how it actually feels, they dont know whats going on in my head, coz guess what neither do i!!!!!!!!! and walked off, followed by two other members of staff who tried to calm me down but didnt happen. just lost it a bit. then just collapsed in heap on the floor crying!!!!!!!!!!!! why cant they just get it!! i didnt choose to be in this state, i dont like it but its where im at and ive been trying so hard its just so draining.
but anyway ive calmed down a lot, just trying to chill out a little bit now, had my music on, and am on watch but just want to be on my own for a bit so just sat in room with music n laptop. waiting for them to come 'talk to me' now ive calmed down.
eurhg!!!!!! anyway. hows evryone else doing, sorry that turned into a bit of a long rant.
hope your all ok
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Love you sweetie.. so sorry this is so hard for you.
If you agree to go wherever it is they want to send you, then surely they shouldn't need to get you sectioned? Ask your keyworker about that, cos it doesn't seem it should be necessary unless you are trying to leave .
Wish I had something helpful to say... just know I'm thinking of you, sweetie, and praying for you.
If you agree to go wherever it is they want to send you, then surely they shouldn't need to get you sectioned? Ask your keyworker about that, cos it doesn't seem it should be necessary unless you are trying to leave .
Wish I had something helpful to say... just know I'm thinking of you, sweetie, and praying for you.
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Thankyou, its all helpful.
basically the doc that mentioned sectioning was bringing it up 'just incase' and because i coming across as unresponsive and i dont think i am as 'ill' as i apparrently am means that they are in a position to setion me because im not accepting the help, and add that to all the other factors, my (apparent) unpredictable behaviour, my erratic behaviour. my weight and fact not eating, and my sui ideations its all good cause for them to section me!!!!!!!! i just cried. not much else i could say to her. i thought the same as you they can only section me if i dont agree or if i try leave or if i become really ill. but heyho . i dont know what to think at the minute heads all over the place
hope your doing ok xx
basically the doc that mentioned sectioning was bringing it up 'just incase' and because i coming across as unresponsive and i dont think i am as 'ill' as i apparrently am means that they are in a position to setion me because im not accepting the help, and add that to all the other factors, my (apparent) unpredictable behaviour, my erratic behaviour. my weight and fact not eating, and my sui ideations its all good cause for them to section me!!!!!!!! i just cried. not much else i could say to her. i thought the same as you they can only section me if i dont agree or if i try leave or if i become really ill. but heyho . i dont know what to think at the minute heads all over the place
hope your doing ok xx
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blessedmomof5
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Katey,
Know that i care what is going on in your life, and so does God. maybe you are where you are at in this point in your life for a reason? i know, sounds crazy, i even think so as i say it, but as i struggle myself daily and hate the way i look, He shows me things everyday for the reason i am going through this, maybe oneday you too will get to that point as He leads you too....
Praying for you always and here to listen to you whenever you need,
Know that i care what is going on in your life, and so does God. maybe you are where you are at in this point in your life for a reason? i know, sounds crazy, i even think so as i say it, but as i struggle myself daily and hate the way i look, He shows me things everyday for the reason i am going through this, maybe oneday you too will get to that point as He leads you too....
Praying for you always and here to listen to you whenever you need,
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Thankyou, its all helpful.
basically the doc that mentioned sectioning was bringing it up 'just incase' and because i coming across as unresponsive and i dont think i am as 'ill' as i apparrently am means that they are in a position to setion me because im not accepting the help, and add that to all the other factors, my (apparent) unpredictable behaviour, my erratic behaviour. my weight and fact not eating, and my sui ideations its all good cause for them to section me!!!!!!!! i just cried. not much else i could say to her. i thought the same as you they can only section me if i dont agree or if i try leave or if i become really ill. but heyho . i dont know what to think at the minute heads all over the place
hope your doing ok xx
I hope they don't get to a point where they feel it's necessary, sweetie.
I know it's hard when you can't think straight...
Is your keyworker ok? If you get on with her maybe she can help you understand what's going on a bit better.
Hang in there, sweetie.
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tired of my dad thinking that if I keep eating foods that are "light" my body will get used to it. no, these "light" foods are never substantial enough - when I eat them my body wants more food. like right now. I can't stop eating at the moment; my brain isn't getting the signal to stop.
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I hope they don't get to a point where they feel it's necessary, sweetie.
I know it's hard when you can't think straight...
Is your keyworker ok? If you get on with her maybe she can help you understand what's going on a bit better.
Hang in there, sweetie.
theyve tried sectioning me a couple of times when i was here, like when they wanted to put NG tube in n stuff. n when first got here n tired to leave. n just few times ive tried to go n stuff.
Its hard enough trying to work with them when ive not got tons of stuff going on as well!!!!
just need myhead to stop or five mins at least and just give me a little bit of a break chance to straighten it out a little bit. Yeah shes ok, shes been my named nurse since got here and ive got an ok relationship with her. shes on later today n were going to have a chat then. and my advocates coming up in bit too so she knows whats going on and can explain it from her side and possibly an understandable version!!!! Its just so draining.
Thankyou, i can see what your saying and have people from church saying it to me just to remind me of that. and sometimes ill accept it other times (normally when im not doing so well) it doesnt make any sense in my head. or just generally because its been going on for so long and it seems everytime things maybe start to look up something else comes and i just fall. i am trying to keep going its just really hard.
Units really busy this morning and noisey. weve had two new admissions and just a bit hectic. i'm just trying to keep myself to myself at the minute because ive got this slight tendancy to blow at people for now reason. especially coupld eof the girls ( i know its not there fault) who are just constantly there and going on and one just loves trying to wind me up so easier to stay out her way (think we just clash) im ment to have been in group therapy this morning but yeah didnt happen, and just dont want to be around people at the minute.
Hows everyone else doing???
Ladybug im so sorry things arent going to well with your dad at the minute, its so hard for friends and family to come slose to understanding what were going through. have you ever tried writing him a letter, and maybe finding soem information available for 'friends and family of people suffering with ED's' dont know if that will be any help at all, just a though hun.
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Hi sweetie, how are you doing?
I've been thinking of you... hope things are getting a bit easier.
I've been thinking of you... hope things are getting a bit easier.
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Heya, not too great but never mind, pretty much used to it byt now just really really low at the minute. This last week didnt really get much better, had more news from Probation but wasnt good news in fact it really messed me up for a couple of days didnt know how to handle.. but now its just sort of gone numb!!!! couldnt really cope with anything, didnt really see much point in anything. i got weighed yesterday too and yeah didnt go to well then, well according to them anyway, didnt really bother me that much apart from staff all going on bout it. do you ever just feel like giving up is just easier/simpler than trying to fight it or keep going at it. bleurgh, sorry just in weird sort of mood.
how you doing?xxxx
just really really low at the minute. This last week didnt really get much better, had more news from Probation but wasnt good news in fact it really messed me up for a couple of days didnt know how to handle.. but now its just sort of gone numb!!!! couldnt really cope with anything, didnt really see much point in anything. i got weighed yesterday too and yeah didnt go to well then, well according to them anyway, didnt really bother me that much apart from staff all going on bout it. do you ever just feel like giving up is just easier/simpler than trying to fight it or keep going at it. bleurgh, sorry just in weird sort of mood.how you doing?xxxx
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Yeah, I know the feeling, sometimes it does seem like giving up is easier. Thing is though, that's just the illness talking... it is worth it, because one day all this will be in the past and you will be able to enjoy the little things in life again, and move into the light, away from the fear.
It must be very, very scary thinking about the probation stuff and knowing he will be out... I really hope you can find some resoution to that soon, sweetie... you shouldn't still have to live with that.
I'm praying for you, sweetie, and here whenever you need to talk.
Do you have your phone, or aren't you allowed it there?
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Hey, hows everyone doing??
feels like ive not been here for ages. Its been one of them weeks. least ive come of sui watch today, It was great lol i had a bath in privacy!!!!!!! i can get changed without someone sitting at my door!!! I know they have to do it for reason n stuff but its really is annoying at times!!!!!
Im just really flat at the minute, kind of in a its going to happen n e way so whats the point in fighting mood!!!!! just everythings gotten on top of me and im just not caring about it at all. (that will probs change in day or too but hey) ive just not got the energy to fight it all and try keep control in my head.
Im not going on rant on or moan (coz guess what dont have energy for that either!!) and thats all i seem to do at the minute is moan about something.
argh well least its nice and sunny out, just hope will be able to go out for a bit.
hope everyones doing ok, thinking of you all xx
feels like ive not been here for ages. Its been one of them weeks. least ive come of sui watch today, It was great lol i had a bath in privacy!!!!!!! i can get changed without someone sitting at my door!!! I know they have to do it for reason n stuff but its really is annoying at times!!!!!
Im just really flat at the minute, kind of in a its going to happen n e way so whats the point in fighting mood!!!!! just everythings gotten on top of me and im just not caring about it at all. (that will probs change in day or too but hey) ive just not got the energy to fight it all and try keep control in my head.
Im not going on rant on or moan (coz guess what dont have energy for that either!!) and thats all i seem to do at the minute is moan about something.
argh well least its nice and sunny out, just hope will be able to go out for a bit.
hope everyones doing ok, thinking of you all xx
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Hi sweetheart
I'm ok... still having a hard time with my mind messing me about, but getting through. Climbed a mountain in the Lake District on Monday... it was a great sense of achievement!
How are you, Katey? Are things any better?
I'm ok... still having a hard time with my mind messing me about, but getting through. Climbed a mountain in the Lake District on Monday... it was a great sense of achievement!
How are you, Katey? Are things any better?
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well done thats a big acheivement hun. keep at it. its a fab thing to do.I'm still here, things arent great with me, but lookds like things are moving forward treatments wise, im getting new consultant next week he came into my ward round today and wasnt happy with things at all. hes going to look at my meds, as a start. hes asked for blood tests and other physical health tests to see where my bodies at with all this and then theyre going to take it from there. he seemed ok so will see. but my moods still really low, and ive been trying to do things to lift it and its just not lifting at all. im just so drained. but will see what happens.
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