Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)

[Criada]

*cries* someone please just shoot me

((((((Becky))))))
Praying for you, sweetie. Hang in there

 

[katey]

i'm not doing soo good today had a bit of a bad night SI-wise not good at all. my CPn is ment to be coming out later on so thats not great either, it was supposed to be tomporrow but she rung to see if could come out today instead and silly old me here sed yes!!!!!!!!! how stupid can i get. i'm a mess and i said she could come round. i've got an hour to 'be ok' its not going to happen, i'm exhausted from 4 nighs of no sleep ive got no energy to put a 'big brave face on.' i know im just going to mess it up even more. i'm hoping that because its her last app she might not do anything because here wont be anyone in the office, im hoping all shell be able to do is ring the crisis team and ask if theyl do a check up on me later on.
Hows everyone else doing?
Bec, April, Sarah Ladybug and anyone else whose lurking

 

[Criada]

(((((Katey)))))
Praying sweetie. I seem to spend most of my life putting on a 'brave face'. Sometimes it's a good thing to let people see the real you, I thnk. Not that I have the courage... but ...
Hang in there, sweetie.

I'm not great.. fallen back into bad habits from years ago, and can't seem to find a way out. But.. I know God hasn't given up on me And He hasn't given up on any of you, either.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*huggles up to everyone and cries*
sorry cant put my feelings into words

 

[katey]

i got back in!!!!


hows everyones doing, sending you all loads of hugs


Happy Easter to you all.



its been a tough week for me this week. and nxt weeks not going to be much better, think i might dissapear for a while, seems a better option to me.

 

[Criada]

((((((katey)))))))
Happy Easter, sweetie.
I'm sorry it's tough... but you can get through, and you *will*.
Disappear if you have to.. but remember we are here, and we love you and want to support you.
I'll be praying.. please get in touch if you need to talk.

 

[Criada]

*huggles up to everyone and cries*
sorry cant put my feelings into words

(((((becky))))))
I hope things are a bit better.
Praying for you.

 

[katey]

Do you ever feel you should be doing something because its the 'right thing' yet you dont do it!!!! The crisis team have suggested i go into hospital for a few days, but i dont want to go i want to stay out, yet part of me knows that probably should be there right now before things get worse. I dont know what to do.

i went with a bit of a compromise tonight though, i agreed to have some 'extra meds' and to the psych doc first thing in morning, and to try stay safe and ring them if i need to during the night. they wanted me to 'promise' at first and i cant i dont make promises unless certain can keep them, so i just said i'd try too. I had the extra meds, sleepers and slight sedatives to help my head calm down a bit.........that was at ten thirty and its now one fifteen and guess what, im still wide awake ! i hate it!!! my head calmed a little while but its just going mad now 'voices' 'thoughts' flashbacks, i'm thinking someone pressed the go mad button and im really realy struggling with it :'(


Sorry rambling a bit tonight.



Hows everyone else doing?? hope everyone had a good Easter

 

[katey]

Ok its gone really quiet in here......Hope everyone doing ok.


thinking of you all xxxxx

 

[Criada]

Ok its gone really quiet in here......Hope everyone doing ok.


thinking of you all xxxxx

It is quiet.. I think with the downtime and Easter holidays people have got out of the habit of posting. I hope they will drift back now things are back to normal.
How are you doing , sweetie? Did the respite help any?
Praying for you.. and everyone here.

 

[katey]

Yeah thats probably why, hope everyones ok though.

I'm not doing soo well, just want everything to stop, but doesnt seem to want to. Have given up with my mental health team at the minute. the restbite gave me a small break for 72hours and bit of time to myself but didnt manage to sleep any better.


how you doing???


Hope everyones doing ok,

 

[beckybooiloveu]

hey everyone... im sorry i havent been around lately. just wanted to let you know that im still alive... just really busy and stressed...

stil think about each and every one of you every single day and pray that you are hanging in there!

 

[katey]

Bec good to see you. thinking of you xxx

to everyone hope your all doing ok xxxx

 

[dinonum]

Lately, well, I've just been so angry. I just want to feel some kind of pain, destruction, anything. It makes me so mad at myself for two reasons: I can't seem to hurt enough and because I would ever dream of just hurting. I want to purge up everything I eat, probably because, well, since I got sick in January I haven't been the same.

I do it unintentionally, a coughing fit leads to gagging, and next thing I know, well, I'm hugging the toilet.

I feel...disgusting. I want to be positive, loving, and healthy. I'm just, so frustrated and I know it seems this thread has slowed down quite a bit, but I just need to vent about it. I don't have anywhere else to go.

 

[katey]

Lately, well, I've just been so angry. I just want to feel some kind of pain, destruction, anything. It makes me so mad at myself for two reasons: I can't seem to hurt enough and because I would ever dream of just hurting. I want to purge up everything I eat, probably because, well, since I got sick in January I haven't been the same.

I do it unintentionally, a coughing fit leads to gagging, and next thing I know, well, I'm hugging the toilet.

I feel...disgusting. I want to be positive, loving, and healthy. I'm just, so frustrated and I know it seems this thread has slowed down quite a bit, but I just need to vent about it. I don't have anywhere else to go.

sorry i cant be loads of help right now as im not in a great place myself, but im glad you were able to let it out in here. i just wanted to let you know that im thinming of you, and ill try come in and be a bit more help in the next few days xx take care

 

[Criada]

Lately, well, I've just been so angry. I just want to feel some kind of pain, destruction, anything. It makes me so mad at myself for two reasons: I can't seem to hurt enough and because I would ever dream of just hurting. I want to purge up everything I eat, probably because, well, since I got sick in January I haven't been the same.

I do it unintentionally, a coughing fit leads to gagging, and next thing I know, well, I'm hugging the toilet.

I feel...disgusting. I want to be positive, loving, and healthy. I'm just, so frustrated and I know it seems this thread has slowed down quite a bit, but I just need to vent about it. I don't have anywhere else to go.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad.
Do you know what triggered this anger? Sometimes finding the root can help to solve the problem.
Have you seen a doctor about this? If it is happening when you cough, perhaps there's a physical cause.

If you need someone to talk to, PM me any time.
And remember, however you feel, God's love for you hasn't changed. You are beautiful and precious in His sight. Try to hold on to that in the difficult times.
Praying for you.

 

[dinonum]

Thanks ladies!

Criada -- I struggled with bulimia for about 8 months straight and then quite cold turkey for almost four months. In January of this year I got very sick with the flu and had a constant cough which triggered my greatly abused gag reflexes and I started throwing up. There was not and is not any particular way to stop this from happening except that my cough goes away as my vocal cords and lungs and throat heal (which is difficult if you know anything about the weather in southwestern indiana this year so far) which hasn't been easy. Not to mention, we do not have any kind of health insurance, which puts us in a bind.

Lately it feels as though my anger, well, it simply stems from just wanting something different and not being able to attain it. I'm so mad at how irresponsible I've been (w/ thinks like being bulimic also) that I feel like I could resort to doing that same things that makes me angry. It's so darn aggravating because it's the worst when you see the cycle, you understand it, you know how to change it, but you just simply can't -- which makes me even more angry, lol.

 

[katey]

hows everyone??? x thinking of you all



Im not having a great time at the minute Ed wise and SH wise. infact i feel like a complete mess ive got that much going on and i cant cope with it. its stuff i dont have any control of. it just feels everythings going wrong completly. i was trying to get back on tack and now im just lost. im not sure who i am right now, all i know is i really really dont like it



sorry ranting a bit there needed to put it down somewhere and didnt know where

 

[Criada]

Love you, Katey.
You are a beautiful, compassionate, caring person.
Hang on, sweetie.. just get through one minute at a time.
Minutes are small, you can do those

 

[katey]

Thankyou, but i'm not. i dont feel any of them, ok yeah other might see me as that, and thats probably because ive chose to make it look like thats what i am but im not. i just kep hurting everyone all the time.

I'm trying so hard to hand on but not doing soo good, people might say im not, it might look like im not but i am. im not doing soo well at it i know that, but i am i have been its tiring me out soo much.