Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)

[Criada]

I'm sorry, sweetie.
I think we all feel like that about ourselves... we think that if we let people see behind the mask they would be horrified.
I don't know what's going on in your life, sweetie.. but you know, it's a big thing to choose to act that way to others, even if you don't feel it inside.
God loves you, Katey, just the way you are.
I know the words don't really help much... but, they are true.

 

[katey]

Putting an act on to me is easier than showing how im really feeling to people. it comes easier ive done it for so long, its just second nature to me. ive perfected it.

i dont know half the time either, i think things are starting to settle down a little and poof that goes out the window and something else comes up, i hate it. Yeah i do know what going on now and i cant seem to get away from it. why wont my past just stay in my past. My CPN isnt helping and im not seeing my psychologist because apparently im too unstable and am in need of a break, except theyve not given any sort of time when ill start again, i was just starting to get to trust him again and its gone, the one consistent worker has stopped when things have gotten tougher than they were!!! and even from inside four(or a few more) secure walls in Prison my abuser still gets to me. It doesnt go away!!! i always knew id never forget but does it have to keep coming up. And to top it all of, people keep giving me different information and 'forgetting' to tell me when things are happening and then wonder why i go mad when they tell me afterwards, ok so i may not want to go along to a meeting with probation, parole officers police social services etc but thats not the point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok i will stop before i rant even more. i just hate everything so much right now.

 

[Criada]

 

[katey]

thankyou x

 

[dinonum]

 

[LightTheFire]

Hey ladies :\
Can I join in here? I see you all have some awesome bonds, and I really don't know where else to go while the Teen Section is down. I posted here under a different user name a few times a couple of years ago.
Anyway, my name is Debbie, I'm sixteen, and I've suffered from bulimia/anorexia/binge eating since I was thirteen (different phases of my life result in different forms of ED).

 

[dinonum]

Hey ladies :\
Can I join in here? I see you all have some awesome bonds, and I really don't know where else to go while the Teen Section is down. I posted here under a different user name a few times a couple of years ago.
Anyway, my name is Debbie, I'm sixteen, and I've suffered from bulimia/anorexia/binge eating since I was thirteen (different phases of my life result in different forms of ED).

Even though I'm not a regular poster here, you are very welcome to post anytime and pretty much about anything! We are here for you.

 

[Lady Bug]

Hi,

anyone can join - I haven't seen the regulars here lately.

new eating problems have emerged - severe gluttony issues and even worse-than-usual inability to control my appetite.

something is very deeply wrong

I know I'm depressed but can depression cause complete loss of control of someone's appetite to the point where they just eat and eat and eat and never feel satisfied? I'm serious.

 

[LightTheFire]

^That is exactly what I am going through. It's as though I never feel full, even though my stomach aches. I'll pray for you. I know exactly how helpless of a feeling that is.

 

[Lady Bug]

thank you for your prayers LightTheFire -

the only time when I feel full is when my stomach DOES ache, and I despise how much I "have" to eat to feel normal. You know - I don't eat in ORDER to feel hungry you know!

this is the feeling I get ESPECIALLY when I eat things like frozen french fries (cooked in the oven of course) or footlong Subways. I swear that there is something in both of these items that makes my appetite skyrocket within an hour of eating them. I swear they are putting additive ingredients in some foods out there - even secretly.

that's not to say I don't have any problem apart from that. But I can tell when some things are not in my head.

nice to hear from you

 

[katey]

Hi Debbie, you more than welcome here anytime, hope it helps you as much as me.

Hey Ladybug and dinonum thinking of you both.

It has been a little quiet round here lately hope everyones doing ok.

Ladybug - yeah depression can cause that either loss of appetite or an increase in it but either way it wont be helping your appetite more than likely.

sorry havent been in much recently. Things have been pretty tough, still are pretty tough and im not coping with it too well at the minute.

 

[Soulwings]

AHHH I am back... goodness, it has been forever. I can't believe that I've abandoned my thread for this long.

I'm so sorry to hear about all of your struggles, ladies... ...wish I could do more than I can, but I will be keeping you all in my prayers. So many posts so I can't respond to all of them individually, but know that I read and will be more diligent about posting if I can.

Update on me... things are going alright, I guess. I'm still in a funk, but doing a little better after the ECT (which ended in late February/early March [can't remember quite], hard to believe that it was that long ago!!), I think. Eating is rather difficult, usually get hung up on breakfast and lunch since Jarrod (husband) isn't around for those meals most of the time, and drinking enough water has also become an issue. I just can't seem to drink enough to keep my body functioning properly. I've been doing better the past week or so, but I have no idea why. I don't even consciously think about eating or drinking, and I don't know how to consciously think about it. I just slip and don't even notice that I am until Jarrod or my N points it out. Gahhh!!!

Other news... got stuff ready for going back to uni this fall, after a semester-long break from it this spring. I'm psyched about that, but it seems a very long ways away and I can't really imagine myself getting back into the swing of things. I don't know.

Oh, and I've finally been diagnosed with PTSD... can't remember if I posted that the last time I was in here or not. But yeah... my T and I are really working on the memories right now - very difficult work and I hate it... but I guess healing will come from it only if I face it all, rather than run as I have been for the past seven years.

And that's really about it. Welcome, new people, and God bless. (I'm April, btw, easier and quicker to type than Soulwings. )

 

[dinonum]

I am just so angry, I am just hurting all over. I'm so mad that every person I knew is just gone. Every person I used to talk to, gah, what am I supposed to do now? All I can think about is just kicking my computer screen, throwing up, and gah.

I'm just so upset.

I don't want to use all the methods I can think of right now to cope.
I just don't.

Gah!

 

[katey]

April *pounces* huge hugs good to see you again missed you loads.

you did mention the PTSD last time you were here, im glad that you and your T are working on it, it can be very hard but its worth it.
xx

Dinonum *hugs* its good that you dont want to use old coping skills, maybe try and find new ones that you feel ok using, good coping methods.

if you need to talk am here.


me..... well yeah things arent going too well im trying but dont seem to be getting anywhere

 

[dinonum]

Don't worry Katey! Things will look up, eventually, and it may take a loooong while of not getting anywhere before you finally do!

 

[katey]

thanks, wish i could believe that, but things just always seem to go from bad to worse not martter what i do.

 

[Criada]

s

Sorry I can't find anything helpful to say right now.. but you folks are awesome, and I admire you so much.
Keeping going.. no matter how hard it is, and no matter how many setbacks there are, is a very great thing.

God bless you all.

 

[katey]

back to you xxxxx

 

[dinonum]

my best friend is turning from simpy bulimic, to well, pro-mia. It hurts. i don't want to eat now, i'm so mad. i want to literally just avoid everything, everyone, and anything. we were supposed to be getting healthy together, leaving this all behind -- why? she got her heart broken, and so now i'm nothing too imortant enough to keep her from destroying herself...

i don't want to lose her....

 

[Criada]

Praying for you and for her.