Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)

[Criada]

I'm surviving, changing meds which is hard, fighting the urge to drive into a tree or jump under a car, but holding on to the hope that the new meds will kick in in a couple of weeks.
Keep in touch if you can, sweetie

 

[katey]

Hope that the new meds start to work soon, i can relate to those strong feelings and fighting them is hard, its ver hard and tiring so sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts your way xxxx

 

[Soulwings]

Sorry I've not been here in a bit. Things have been bad lately, got really suicidal and barely managed to stay out of the hospital. I am on two new meds now, Abilify and a tricyclic called desipramine, just started them today. I am also really hypomanic - well, at times, anyway. Jittery, fidgetty, and restless most of the time, and I am talking faster than normal, etc., etc. It sucks but is better than being suicidal, I guess. Abilify is taking the place of Geodon, but I'm really scared about weight gain. A friend of mine who is also bipolar II takes it and says it is a miracle drug but has gained a lot of weight on it, and I do NOT need to gain any more weight.

I still haven't seen my N, since August now. I really need to call and reschedule, because I think I'm slipping. Dunno though. I also need to know what I weigh since I haven't been weighing myself. Urgh. I was in a(nother) car accident three weeks ago tomorrow, hit a deer, and ended up cancelling my N appt for that day, and as I said, haven't rescheduled since.

Uni is being a real brat, but this semester is almost over, only four and a half weeks left I think, and then next semester is my last one of classes. I will intern over the summer and then graduate next December (will hopefully be done in August but there is no graduation ceremony then anymore, they nixed it). I have a five page paper due on Thursday and haven't even started it yet, although I have gotten some research done. It's for Theories of Personality on the development of the psychopathic personality and how it fits into each of the six domains of personality - how I hate that class!!! We don't even talk about each of the domains so I've had to get Jarrod to help me with identifying which domain is what. It sucks.

Today's just been a rough day. Sorry for venting.

Katey, sorry things have been so rough for you but maybe the ED unit is a good place to be right now? Is it at all triggering? I think it would be for me, not good.

Sarah, sorry that you're not doing well either - what new meds are you on, if you don't mind me asking?

Bec, Lady Bug, thinking of you two!!

 

[katey]

Hey guys, sorry not been able to get in (technically not ment to be on internet but hey never mind)

April Im sorry to hear things arent going too well for you, i gope that the new meds have started to kick in and are having some effect and things are a bit better for you now. Ive been on Desipramine but my body reacted to it so wasnt on it for long at all and i refused to take Abilify (because of the weight gain) It is supposed to be a fab drug but yeah i can completly understand the feeling of being scared about the side effects, (and im being majorly hypocritical here sorry) but if its is going to help in the long run maybe it is a good thing to take. hows the hypomanianess going? hass it calmed down a little? i know its hard when theres no in between stuff from being suicidal to being manic/hypomanic its triing and very very draining so i do hope your getting a bit of peace x

Have you managed to reschedule your app with your N? and sorry to hear you were in another car accident i hope you were/are ok. If you think your slipping i think it would be good to get an app for that support and to stop you slipping any further hun.
How did the papaer go, sounds like a very tough paper to me and lots of research needed for it? ? did Jarrod manage to help you in time to get it finished? sound like uni is going a little better (or is that just me being optimistic??)

And dont apologise for venting at all.

Sarah how are the new meds doing hun? hope your ok. cant text at min as theyve got my phone but as soon as get it back i will text.

Becs, Ladybug anyone else how you all doing thinking of you all

Me.............erm well. yeah im at unit its really really weird, last specific Ed unit i was on was adolescent and up to 19 this is adult and scary (and yeah actually really triggering) they had to put me on the older adolescent ward for a couple of day because there wasnt a bed. but was on strict bedrest anyway so couldnt do anything anyway. but then they moved me to here and i dont know how im liking/not liking it to be honest. I know i dont feel good though, in fact ive been a mess, staff have been good though theyve been in contact with the ward im normally on trying to find out as much as possible about me from staff rather that just my notes, which is good in a way but not so good at the same time. it was mainly to fin out how they managed me when i was suicidal and psychotic i think. ive been very suicidal since getting here (although was there before too) and being scared seems to be making it worse. although i have till monday to try and eat something or theyre putting a NG tube in

I'm just so tired of all this fighting and hurting. i hate it all so much. sorry going into maoning mood so will shush, plus staff are coming round so should really come of and just sit playing games. will get back on as soon as can.xx

take care xx

 

[Criada]

It's good to hear from you, Katey, but I'm sorry things are still so hard. I've been thinking of you and praying for you a lot.
Hang in there, sweetie, you can get through. Wish I could do something. Let me know when you get your phone back, and if you are allowed visitors.

I'm not great, but been taking the meds for almost two weeks, so hopefully will see some effects soon.

Love you, sweetie.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

hey everyone!!!
sorry i havent been on for ages and ages... i have been reading though.... and am very sorry to hear that you are all struggling so much... im thinking about you all and praying for you. xo

I have my last exam today... so now im on holidays for 3 months. not only was it my last exam for the year though, it was my last exam for my entire degree... so now (well after my graduation ceremony) I have a Bachelor of Science majoring in Biomedical and Anatomy...should be out celebrating but am hating myself and how i look so much at the moment that i didnt want to get dressed up and go out... Im doing masters in paramedics next year... so just more studying...
I have to go, but ill try get on more often...
lots of love and prayers xoxo

 

[Criada]

Wow!
Congratulations, Becky, that's an awesome achievement!
Enjoy your holiday, sweetie, you deserve it!!
I'm sorry you aren't able to go out and celebrate... can you do something nice to pamper yourself at home?
Praying for you.

 

[Lady Bug]

hi guys, I am sorry for "neglecting" this thread. I'm doing the poorest job of paying attention to what you guys are going through and it sorta feels hypocritical of me to be posting my problems yet feel devoid of stamina to write to anyone here these days gosh I don't do this maliciously though, I miss you guys a lot and school is very annoying for me

 

[Criada]

hi guys, I am sorry for "neglecting" this thread. I'm doing the poorest job of paying attention to what you guys are going through and it sorta feels hypocritical of me to be posting my problems yet feel devoid of stamina to write to anyone here these days gosh I don't do this maliciously though, I miss you guys a lot and school is very annoying for me

You can post your problems any time, sweetie.
When we are struggling ourselves it can be too much to deal with other people's 'stuff' as well... please don't feel bad about that. It's normal, and you have a lot on at the moment.
Just know you are loved here, and drop in when you can, k?

 

[Lady Bug]

You can post your problems any time, sweetie.
When we are struggling ourselves it can be too much to deal with other people's 'stuff' as well... please don't feel bad about that. It's normal, and you have a lot on at the moment.
Just know you are loved here, and drop in when you can, k?

ok I'll try. I'm starting to feel suicidal again, after a long time of those thoughts having abated. I am hating it. I think it could be because I don't enjoy the routine of school and homework and the impending holidays. I had to resist getting misty eyed due to being in the store yesterday and hearing some holiday music. It's too much for me to handle. I'm also gaining back the weight I lost since I've been sick, and that annoys me. I thought I was looking a little better after the weight loss but anyway. I took a extra little walk outside yesterday and didn't eat "too much" for MY standards, but still gained 2 pounds since last night

 

[katey]

Heya everyone just manged to get on here to do a quick update *(will be quick though) been thinking of you all and hoping your all doing ok.

I was supposed to be allowed home this week but yeah theyre not letting me go as ive not gained enough. i hate it i keep telling them i want to go home, that being here is just making me feel worse ive had a rough few days and has drained me a bit. I have tried, i really have but its so hard to keep up what they want me to do

Hey ladybug its good to see you, sorry things havent been great but dont feel bad about writing it here, if it helps you get it out go ahead hun.

Bed how you, hope your doing ok after fifnishing uni.

April, sarah how you all xx

will try and get bk in as soon as i can xx

April how you doing

 

[Criada]

Hey sweetie, good to hear from you, but sorry things are still so hard.
hang in there

 

[katey]

I'm trying to hang on but its so hard
:'( and tiring too its realy draining. i thought i might get soemthing from being here but im really not feeling any better at all

 

[dinonum]

I'm not really depressed ... yet.
I'm not really suicidal ... yet.
I'm not embracing negative coping methods ... yet.

So last time I got on to this thread I updated with what was going on and that I was pregnant and feeling good. Well, at six months I gave birth to our daughter, but she wasn't alive. Stillborn... uck.

So needless to say, I'm worse than I've ever felt before, but I'm still numb. As in, I'm not feeling like coping because I'm just so worn down emotionally. So things are not good here and i'm just nervous about turning back to the things which weren't good for me...

 

[Criada]

I am so sorry, sweetie, that is such a difficult thing to cope with.
I can't find any words which will bring any comfort to you, but please know I am thinking of you

 

[katey]

Dinonum i'm so sorry that you went through that hun. i dont know the words to say that will make the pain any easier but please know that im thinking of you xxxx

 

[katey]

Thinking of everyone, just wanted to come on and say hello. hope your all doing ok, been thinking of everyone loads.

hope you all managed the past week in the best way possible for you, if you enjoy this ime of year hope it was a great time for you if not then i hope you took care of yourselves xxxxxxx


Sorry not updated recently things not been fab, thought was doing ok but yeah im not :'(. so much for me only staying here for three weeks yeah not happened has it!! and now they want me to stay a minimum of another three weeks but could possibly be longer i just want to leave. SI urges have been so constant and strong ive been struggling with really negative thoughts and its draining me, then ED side of things well yeah that not going too well. its like i try work on onething and the rest just gets worse i cant win wichever way i try it. i put weight on then freaked out and ended up loosing most of it, its triggering me so much being here and ive tried to explain it but it never seems to come out right! EURGH :'(

sorry will shush now, hope eveyrones as well as can be xxxx

 

[Criada]

Love you, sweetie
I'm so sorry you have to stay.. but maybe it will help.. it's a slow journey.

The best I can say for Christmas is that it is over for another year. The kids enjoyed it, though, which was nice.
Take care of yourself, katey, and don't forget that you are loved

 

[dinonum]

Katie, I'm sorry you are so stressed out. Like Criada said, it is a long and often times slow journey, and even though it sucks you have to be there, it may help in the long run. <3

I'm glad my Christmas is over too Criada! I was thankful for all the gifts (Amazon gift cards mostly, the only thing I asked for) but in the back of my mind I just kept repeating "These things were supposed to be gifts for Sarah this year, baby gifts, baby gifts, ..." It was so frustrating and just tiring having that on my mind that WHOLE time.

I've been taking care of myself though, which makes me happy and makes me feel satisfied with myself and my life. Things like working out, it's a healthy habit I'm trying to use to replace any urges to b/p. I'm also trying to just make good choices in general. Life choices like budgeting well, cleaning the apartment, and they distract me from wanting to do things like SI in times like these. I can't deny I do get nervous about what happens when I run out of things to keep occupied. I need to get out more I think, and I've been studying the Bible.

The book of James has been incredibly helpful. It's like a mini-handbook with lots of advice for me. Especially dealing with grief type things in Chapter 1.

 

[Lady Bug]

I have to let this out.

I CAN'T STOP EATING TONIGHT IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT. OH MY.

I am so angry about this. maybe it's my period coming, I hope that's the only reason.

for certain reasons I have no incentive to be beautiful and therefore I can't stop eating. and "suey" thoughts are rampant right now. Yikes