Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (4)

[katey]

yeah i know what you mean about cutting certails the sui thoughts it used to do that for me but it doesnt anymore sometimes i wish it did but ehy. yeah and i kno its hard while your at home but maybe its a good think esp if it stops you?? fdoes that make sense.


how am i today...... not too sure heads a mess though i kno that much. i've got the house to myself wich is great!!!!! i think

 

[Soulwings]

I'm not so sure that having the house to yourself is that great... who else lives with you? and how do you get along with them? You mentioned having a little sister?

Yeah, it is a good thing bc it stops me... I guess... but it makes things really hard, much harder than they would be normally.

I've got to go get out of my head for a little while. Too much thinking and posting about cutting does my head in. Maybe I'll go sketch something, scribble something, write in my journal, I don't know. But first - chores.

 

[katey]

i live with my mum and my little sister and erm yeah we dont get on, well i dont get on with any of them at all. (which doesnt help) so in that way a free house is great. but i think you might be right, right now its not a good thing.

it does make is harder definatly, i used to find that when i ws in hospital being stopped from doing the things i use to cope make everything else harder.
yeah that sounds like a good idea Aoril i.m going to go too got a headahce anyway from sitting starring at computer and lack of sleep.

take care hun hope it all goes ok xxxx

 

[Soulwings]

Yeah, not getting along with those you live with really is horrible. I live with my parents and we get along for the most part, but they are pretty much clueless as to what I've been going through for the past however many months. And we had an "issue" in March that made me really doubt them. So that really sucks, but oh well, "such is life."

Did you manage to get out of your head for a bit today? and I hope that you get more sleep soon! being sleepy/exhausted isn't fun at all.

How is everyone doing tonight?? s for all.

 

[katey]

yeah it does suck, but i guess its just as you say 'such is life!!' i'm so used to it i feel like a lodger in this house. which yeah doesnt help but hey thats just how it is!!!!!!

no i didnt manage it and i ended up deing a little silly, but it didnt help how am feeling, and wont go on to say how i am tonight coz i feel like i'm just maoning on. i'm stuck babysitting (as per usual) my sisters in bed and i'm lay on my bed struggling

 

[katey]

hows everyone doing today?? i'm not good at all, i'm just waiting for a phone call back from the crisis team. my friend from church has rung them. shes worried about me, (this is the one that doesnt get worried very often) i'm going round to hers in a bit supposed to be at church aswell so will go and if they ring me there then well will have to answer it, or theyl panick.

 

[Arianna]

Hi April and Katey
Sorry things are so hard, and i'm really sorry i'm never here to help :-(
I'll be around more when my summer starts

Ari
xxx

 

[katey]

Ari good to see you. how you doing?

 

[Soulwings]

Ari. I'm glad that you popped in - have missed you! How are you? and I think that we will all be glad to see you more when you can come more.

Katey. How are things going today?

 

[MyaShane]

I'm sorry you guys! I wish I could help you all in some way. Just praying a lot for you all right now!

 

[Soulwings]

I think we will all manage to pull through. Many thanks for the prayers... how are you doing? managing things okay? are your classes very stressful?

 

[katey]

hmm you want that honest answer...............well here goes.


i'm feeling very very low, sui thoughts going through my head hundred miles perhour., and theyr going to bit more than just thoughts at the minute. major wanting to hurt myself. i cant eat anything, i look at it and i'm sick (which isnt right seen as i havent eaten in a while) i just want to dissapear, just run away from everything and everyone i dont want to face anyone or anything go where noone knows me or will stop me.


BUT i'm ok

 

[Soulwings]

Yeah right you're okay.

I'm glad that you were honest. Can you try and eat something, or will you just get sick from it? and could you try to talk to someone about being so suicidal? bc it's not a good thing that they are getting to be more than just thoughts.

Hang in there. Keep procrastinating. I know you can do it.

 

[katey]

thanks april

i'm my ok................................i somehow dont think i'd manage to eat anything....and that true we i'm not feeling as bad right now. i'd just be sick.

if i talk about that though i know where its going to get me....................right where i dont want to be.... in a hospital bed probably on a section!

whys is not a good thing.. will stop everything else!!!!!


sorry thats just how i'm feeling April, i dont want to procrastinate any more

 

[Soulwings]

I know you don't want to. But you have to. Please??

Hos would be good at this point. How many times have you been in for extended periods of time? (not just for an ER [A&E?] visit)

 

[MyaShane]

Katey, I agree with April. You need to be where you're safe and getting help. Do they not have room for you again?

Try and stay strong with your SI thoughts April!

Ari - it's good to see you and I hope things slow down for you so we get to see more of you around here!

Well, my doctor's appointment went ok, I guess. When the nurse weighed me I just kept my eyes on my feet and never looked up at the result. I wanted to know but didn't want to know the number. I think she understood because she didn't say anything and I was really glad to get past that. But then the doctor while asking me questions to verify some things on my chart, that was one she asked me about. Not that the number is bad right now, she just wanted to double check some of the information. I was like..!! I almost made it and now that stupid number is stuck in my head and won't get out!!!!!!

 

[katey]

they have spac yeah, i just havent told them the full story so they dont know how bad i am. but theres room. they said that. theyd find a bed for me if they needed to.
i've been in a good few times other than just ane visits, its about 10 since end of 2005. so yeah a good few times.



Kerin sounds like it was a tough appointment but you did it. try and stay strong try and distract yourself (easier said than done i kno)

April how you doing?

 

[Soulwings]

Kerin I'm sorry that you had to find out the number :-( I understand how upsetting that can be... or perhaps "upsetting" isn't the right word. Just "obsessive." It's pretty horrible when it gets stuck... and stuck firm. I'm glad that the appt itself went okay though. That's fantastic.

Katey You should tell them the "whole story" so you can get the help that you need. I mean - if there is room, take advantage of that!!

I am... okay. Tired... I wish SI thoughts wouldn't always hit at home, bc here is where I can't SI at all... if I could feel like I needed to in the morning/afternoon, I could do it and be okay since I wouldn't be at home.

ED seems to be okay. I've gained weight again this week but I'm not fretting too much over it, I don't know why. Probably bc I am so used to it by now. Sucks.

 

[MyaShane]

It is awful having the number stuck. And I keep going over it, and thinking of things like, well, I was dressed, it was after lunch, all scales are different...blah..blah..blah..just trying to find ways to make it a lower number so then I don't think I need to lose any weight.

April, I'm glad for your sake that the SI thoughts are happening in a safe place for you. I hope that makes sense.

Are you having a better day Katey?

How are exams going Bec? I hope you're done now or very close to done!!

 

[katey]

my days not going to well (hmm seems to happen a lot these days!!!! )
i've spoken to my cpn shes just speaking to the doc and ward, i blurted so much out, bout all things am seeing how bad am feeling n then stupidly blurted out i'd planned stuff!!!!!!! (how stupid can i get !!!) i'd rung crisis team last night tried to talk to them but could open up n they were worried, kept me on phone for ages tried to get me to go up to ane but wasnt happening. so looks like i could b in hosp by end of today

APril i agre with Kerin, i kno its hard esp when your soemwhere you cant do it, but if its stopping you siing then its good.

Kerin, it is hard i hate finding that number out i get so obsessed about it the following days. is there anything you cando to take your mind of things for a little while?? soemthing you enjoy that doesnt involve n e thing that will make u think?? n

evryone