Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (4)

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Yeh, I thought it would be good in case someone posted something that would trigger (d'oh)... but y'all are wonderful, so that's not necessary anymore. But I can't take it out and it doesn't matter, so it stays.


I am having a utterly crappy night. I ate too much at supper, felt like purging, feel like a whale..... uni is stressful, I have to plan out my last three semesters by Monday..... I can't weigh myself so I feel like I've gained twentythree million two hundred thousand six hundred and one pounds..... AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Am completely losing it.

*hugs* Ill start posting my struggles in here too, it is a good idea since this does have a trigger warning....
I know the feeling of wanting to purge right after you eat, its so strong.....
And its hard to hide from others around me, like DH, because I just want to run to the bathroom afterwards and if I sit and fight it its obvious too because I go and cry or bend over the couch b/c my stomach hurts so much....

 

[katey]

i can understand that too, i used to really sturggle at first and mstomach alwasy ended up really hurtign n trying to hide it from people is so hard, (and not good) but then running to the toilet brings questions, and i was never good with questions specially wen pu on the spot. i used to ry and get through it but it is so hard your right.

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Lol Im not good with questions either, I usually end up stuttering and all...and I hate lying

 

[katey]

yeah i'm like that to, i had an assessment last week and i kept trying to get out of questions or try and drag it out so that they forgot or soemthing but it didnt happen. i just kept loosing track, didnt help with how i was feeling to start with. and then i get even more wound up. i suppose the answer is just answer the question but as we all know thats not the easiest thing to do.

 

[MyaShane]

Bec, I'm so glad you came back to check in with us. Keep coming back, ok? & for you!


Sounds like we're all in the same boat around here lately, huh?

 

[MyaShane]

I'm just tired of it. Thinking about it all day, everyday. Every bite, every swallow. I see other people around me who eat to.....well, just feed themselves and because it tastes good and they really enjoy themselves, and they don't even think about what they're eating. What's that like again?? I can't remember anymore.

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Same here Kerin. I have to fight to eat, I hate it. I WANT to eat normal. I dont want to think about the weight I might be putting on b/c of a meal or the calorie content...
Its frustrating and annoying. But it wont go away!!

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

And I cant remember anymore what it was like before my ED either. I KNOW I enjoyed food before my ED, but I cant remember what it felt like to actually just eat and move on with the day

 

[katey]

i'm like that my mates used to try and get me to think about how i was around food before things started to go bad. but i can remebr it. i get worked up because they go on about it. i see pictures of wen i was younger at arties n stuff n being around foor n lotss of it, n cnt imagine that was me not bothering about it at all. put me in front of the saem thing now and i think i'd have a panick attack.


i go through really bad phases of wanting to eat then not wanting to eat. n its horrible n i guess we all get that constant battle in our heads everytime were faced with it.


i spoke to my nurse today she came out yesterday to do bloods stuff after evntually getting it. (bit of a long story there) and she explined that they are going to wait for results and see how i do over the next # weeks and then re assess how things are and take it from there if its not better it will be hospital.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*HUGS* everyone...

 

[Soulwings]

Katey, I'm with you on that sometimes wanting to eat sometimes not. It is bad for me, since when I want to eat, it's more like a bingey thing, which is bad. I usually just... eat, because my N would be upset with me if I didn't. Also, I am going to lose weight, and - surprisingly - eating is the only way for me to lose the fat weight. So I eat. I've lost weight this week (this is a good thing, it's recovery weight that I gained back two years ago that hasn't gone away yet) and that is happy, but it only happened cos I stuck to my meal plan and also didn't weigh myself at all this week. Now that was hard!!!

/me hugs everyone too.

 

[MyaShane]

Good for you on the weight loss April and on avoiding the scale; that is a tough one.

I can't remember the last time I got on the scale. Weighing myself is not a good thing for me at all. Once I start that, it takes over and I'm really trying to keep myself from that if I can. Which is why I keep my junker of a scale and don't get a good one - that would be very bad for me!

Anyway, hope you are all well today.

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Praying for everyone.....
Hope everyone is well...and the struggles are non-exsisent today

 

[Soulwings]

Am feeling bingey now... not a good thing, but I refuse to eat anything more because that would mean that I have eaten too many carbs. Cake for supper dessert (my dad's birthday was celebrated yesterday) finished my carb limit for the day.

Kerin, I know what you mean about the scale taking over your life. That's how it is with me too. Morning weigh-ins to see if I've gained or lost, and depending on which one it is, that's what sets the tone of the day. Things have been manageable without it, although I am feeling much more like a blimp!! Funny how not being "allowed" to use the scale affects things psychologically.

Sabrina, how are you doing?

 

[Daysoni]

Praying for every body that their struggles be light....

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Hey April, Im alright..feeling a bit lightheaded..going to work with kids today...pray for me
How are you?

 

[MyaShane]

Daysoni!! How are you??

Will do Sabrina! Take care of yourself!



Ok, I really need to get over this no breakfast thing. It's not making me feel well at all and I still just can't bring myself to do it.

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Praying for you Kerin!!! Just remember that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, that it helps jumpstart your enegry and metabolism so everything can work more properly....
with me its lunch...I always have a hard time at that one....I at times feel like I will eat a decent breakfast...no lunch...and a little supper....I feel like if I at least breakfast and a little supper...I will be fine....but I am STARVING myself....just by skipping one meal...and so are you...I hope you can get through it and push past your thoughts and have something for breakfast

 

[katey]

hugs to everyone, i'm sorry i cant be much help with advice right now, i feel like i'm being really hypocritical if i start saying thigns n kno full well that i'm not/cant do it.

i had sum of my blood tests results bk from the assessemtn stuff today and theyr not soo good. have to go to hospital to have more tests done everythings all over the place n numbers r lower than should be by a lot. my kidneys dnt seem to be wanting to work properly either. but hey i could of told them that without all the blood tests from the amount of kidney infections i have had.


got to go hospital tmorrow so not looking forward to it at all. its also not going to be good on having to go into the Ed hosp because they can say its causing serious implictaions on my physicall health so i dnt have a choice of going into hospital

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*HUGE HUGS* everyone... im praying for you... I wish i could say more but atm I am a little bit out of it...