Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (2)

[kathleenmary]

i give up.
i don't see a point to my life anymore.
and i'd rather it be over ...

*hugs Kay*
whats the matter?

 

[oneandlonely]

So my meeting with my counselor never happened.

I'm so... disappointed... I won't see her till next week now.

And I'm leading Girl's bible study tonight and I'm scared sick.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*HUGE HUGS*
why did your meeting not happen?

 

[Soulwings]

Pooh.

I spit on any self confidence that I ever used to possess.

I used to hold myself together with the thought that it wasn't possible to be as muscular as I am and be built much smaller.

Tonight that illusion definitely got shattered.
So there is no reason to be the way that I am.
And I hate this body anyway. I hate it.

And my stupid chest hurts. And I refuse to tell my parents because they'll make me put heat on it (my chest wall, where the ribs fasten to the sternum with cartilage, is inflamed and that's where the pain is coming from ... it's been like that for 6 months or so). And I don't want to go through with that bother.

And sharing a part of your soul with someone and having it laughed at is almost a better thing than sharing some more and having no response whatsoever.

Shyte, what a freaking awful day this has been.
And I've tomorrow to dread.
And then another hellish weekend.

Damn the meal plan.
There's no point.
I'm not going to lose weight because my body hates me back.

 

[freedomsong]

Hey! I most def. must side in with this being a not so good day, but whatever. Actually, this has been a bad year for me. Anyway, I have had the opportunity to talk with a counselor who is coincidentally my professor about my ED and I lost the courage. Grrr. I just want this whole thing to go away without having to talk with anyone. I wish it could just disappear. I don't want to deal with it. Sorry this is sort of a venting post. Well I hope that everyone else is doing well or atleast doing better.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

oh gosh... i just want to hold both of you and make everything better... you are both beauiful beings... and i love you adn so does alot of other ppl...
april, maybe have a hot shower and see if that helps your chest.... or have a hot bath to relax awhile... because i think you need a little bit of time to relax whether you have time of not... hehe

*HUGE HUGS* again...

 

[Soulwings]

I talked for awhile with my dad ... then took a long hot shower around midnight ... haha ... I'm so tired!! Studying wears me out.

And now my back hurts ... I think I'm falling apart.

UGHHHH.

How are you all??

 

[freedomsong]

Umm.... I am okay. I took the opportunity to talk with my professor today which went okay I guess, but now I just feel stupid. I wish that this whole problem would go away without having to talk withy someone. I should have never even acknowledged that I had a problem and then I would not have to deal with it. Why do I care so much about what people think? Grrrr. I wish that I could just express everything that is on my mind and heart without feeling stupid or judged by someone. I am sorry that I only come on here to vent. I wish that I could offer support to others instead of focusing on me.
</IMG>

 

[kathleenmary]

hugs everyone.
today i think i helped my friend. she was cutting, and picked up the habit from me. she was getting bad and her parents knew, but they werent trying to help her. so i told my school therapist. do you guys think i did the right thing? she thanked me for telling someone about her but i still feel kind of bad i told. iw as just worried about her though.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

i thihnk u did the right thing kathleen, especially if she thanked you. the fact that she thanked you probably means that she wanted help but was too scared and unsure where/how to get it... so you helped her to get it started, pointed her in the right direction...

*HUGE HUGS* april... hang in there hun!

 

[Soulwings]

Freedomsong. I'm so glad that you took that opportunity! For whatever it means, I'm proud of you. I know how hard it is to talk to people, especially when you care a lot about what they think of you (I've the same "problem" as do many people!). Feeling stupid and judged is really hard ... that's what keeps me from doing so much stuff that I would want to do ... like just be silly sometimes. Even on here I restrain myself some from being the real April, simply because I have my ups and downs (obvious, I suppose), and when I'm happily hyper I don't like always to show it. [/tangent] But yes ... I wish that my problems would just go away without having to talk about them too. But that's not how it's meant to be. We're meant to help carry one another's burdens. The strong will help the weak, and all that. And in some circumstance or another, everyone is weak.

Kath. You did the right thing, sweetie. Especially since your friend thanked you for doing so. I don't think that I would thank someone for telling the school therapist unless I really meant that I was thankful ... so no worries there. Sometimes it's really hard to tell others what's going on, and having a friend do it is much easier. I'm glad that you care enough to be that kind of friend! You rock.

 

[kathleenmary]

thanks guys. i feel better about telling now.=]

 

[beckybooiloveu]

thats good. how nr u april?

 

[Soulwings]

Eh. I'm doing okay, I suppose. I'm kind of stressed right now ... loads of homework to get done and I really, really don't want to do it (hehe) ... I'm so tired of constantly working! (Or at least it feels like that's what I've been doing for the past month, although I have taken breaks to come on here and do stuff at the gym and even had time to read a little. Whew!) I'm still really tired too ... got to bed at midnight yesterday and got up at six ... but last night I slept from 10pm til 7:45 this morning ... so I feel a little more rested ...

And yesterday I didn't have enough calories ... and I don't think I will today either ... but I don't really care. I've just not got the strength/reason to eat enough. My nutritionist is going to be mad at me. :o

Sorry, that was rather a ranting ramble.

How are you, Bec? And everyone else?

 

[oneandlonely]

*hugs to April, Kath, Freedomsong, and anyone else who needs them*

I'm... I'm just not feeling good at all today. But it doesn't matter.

how is everyone else?

 

[kathleenmary]

*hugs to April, Kath, Freedomsong, and anyone else who needs them*

I'm... I'm just not feeling good at all today. But it doesn't matter.

how is everyone else?

yes, it does matter. do you know why youre not feeling too good today? did anything happen? things will be okay, just hang in there.

 

[oneandlonely]

yes, it does matter. do you know why youre not feeling too good today? did anything happen? things will be okay, just hang in there.

I'm just physically not feeling good. I'm kinda dizzy, and I have a headache. That and my chest hurts, and my pulse is up. I had mom feel my pulse and told her I wasn't feeling well and she told me that I'm to young for heart problems so its probably stress. She is probably right. But I just don't feel well.

 

[kathleenmary]

I'm just physically not feeling good. I'm kinda dizzy, and I have a headache. That and my chest hurts, and my pulse is up. I had mom feel my pulse and told her I wasn't feeling well and she told me that I'm to young for heart problems so its probably stress. She is probably right. But I just don't feel well.

aw, well ill be praying for you top feel better.

 

[oneandlonely]

aw, well ill be praying for you top feel better.

Thanks Kath. How are you today hun?

 

[kathleenmary]

Thanks Kath. How are you today hun?

im doing okay. kind of triggered. i was reading these Si books..and yeah i think i should stop reading them.