Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (2)

[Soulwings]

Littlevoice. You should eat more than that. I know that you know that you should ... and I know that eating disorders can't be fixed by "just eating" ... but coffee isn't going to help you not faint at work, sweetie.

 

[oneandlonely]

/me pops in and hugs everyone

I don't have a lot to say tonight.

But how is everyone else?

 

[Soulwings]

/me hugs Bethany.

I'm not doing great.

Uni is so stressful. Weekends are hell. I've so much work to do, so many things to dread, and no one in real life to talk to. Tomorrow I'm going up to the prayer circle in front of my church (congregation of ~500) because I promised Jarrod that I would. Pastor Paul told me to seek prayer support with the people that I know. Thing is, I don't *have* anyone like that. We live in an isolated world. My parents are rather anti-social. And that's been passed down to me. Nights are bad - this is the second night in a row that I want to damage myself any way I can, but I know that I can't, so I don't, and it sucks. I feel fat because I haven't walked a sixth of the distance that I did yesterday. I've screwed up my meal plan again, like I always do on the weekends, and I can't just "make myself eat." I've eaten something at all the meals, but I've skipped a snack, which means I've ate less than ... well ... let's just say I'm around starvation diet. I've had the urges to binge over the past week or two and I never have that unless I've screwed up my eating schedule ... and that just shows how badly I've messed *that* up. My cardiologist yesterday called me a "large woman" AFTER finding out that I had an eating disorder. He also was nosy about my cuts and why I was in the psych ward three times. And the people there had to see me naked from the waist up and I HATE that. *shudder*

So yeah. Basically, life sucks. And I shouldn't have said all that, but oh well.

/me goes to disappear.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

just thought id pop in and give everyone a hug!

 

[beckybooiloveu]

awww april. you are beautiful in every single way... and you ahve come so far. look how far u have come since u last were in the psych ward. *HUGE HUGS* stay strong hun. I love you abd am praying for u

 

[kathleenmary]

/me hugs Bethany.

I'm not doing great.

Uni is so stressful. Weekends are hell. I've so much work to do, so many things to dread, and no one in real life to talk to. Tomorrow I'm going up to the prayer circle in front of my church (congregation of ~500) because I promised Jarrod that I would. Pastor Paul told me to seek prayer support with the people that I know. Thing is, I don't *have* anyone like that. We live in an isolated world. My parents are rather anti-social. And that's been passed down to me. Nights are bad - this is the second night in a row that I want to damage myself any way I can, but I know that I can't, so I don't, and it sucks. I feel fat because I haven't walked a sixth of the distance that I did yesterday. I've screwed up my meal plan again, like I always do on the weekends, and I can't just "make myself eat." I've eaten something at all the meals, but I've skipped a snack, which means I've ate less than ... well ... let's just say I'm around starvation diet. I've had the urges to binge over the past week or two and I never have that unless I've screwed up my eating schedule ... and that just shows how badly I've messed *that* up. My cardiologist yesterday called me a "large woman" AFTER finding out that I had an eating disorder. He also was nosy about my cuts and why I was in the psych ward three times. And the people there had to see me naked from the waist up and I HATE that. *shudder*

So yeah. Basically, life sucks. And I shouldn't have said all that, but oh well.

/me goes to disappear.

no you should have said that april.
well im really upset now after reading that. i care for you so much, i hate what youre going through. school is so stressful for me too. i hate it. the kids are so mean to me and the work is soo hard. weekends are really bad for me too cause i hate my dad and everything. im kind of anti social too. and i hate that. april, please eat something more. i love you. plese know that otehrs are going what ur going through.

p.s. i have no idea why it says kathleenmary goes to dissapear

 

[oneandlonely]

/me hugs Bethany.

I'm not doing great.

Uni is so stressful. Weekends are hell. I've so much work to do, so many things to dread, and no one in real life to talk to. Tomorrow I'm going up to the prayer circle in front of my church (congregation of ~500) because I promised Jarrod that I would. Pastor Paul told me to seek prayer support with the people that I know. Thing is, I don't *have* anyone like that. We live in an isolated world. My parents are rather anti-social. And that's been passed down to me. Nights are bad - this is the second night in a row that I want to damage myself any way I can, but I know that I can't, so I don't, and it sucks. I feel fat because I haven't walked a sixth of the distance that I did yesterday. I've screwed up my meal plan again, like I always do on the weekends, and I can't just "make myself eat." I've eaten something at all the meals, but I've skipped a snack, which means I've ate less than ... well ... let's just say I'm around starvation diet. I've had the urges to binge over the past week or two and I never have that unless I've screwed up my eating schedule ... and that just shows how badly I've messed *that* up. My cardiologist yesterday called me a "large woman" AFTER finding out that I had an eating disorder. He also was nosy about my cuts and why I was in the psych ward three times. And the people there had to see me naked from the waist up and I HATE that. *shudder*

So yeah. Basically, life sucks. And I shouldn't have said all that, but oh well.

/me goes to disappear.

*hugs tight*

aww sis. I'm praying for you. I don't have a lot to say tonight. but I'm praying for you. I wish I could do more than that tho.

I'm sorry if I upset/worried you

 

[Soulwings]

Bec. I'll try to remember that ... it's hard ... and I know that I've come far since the last time that I was in the psych ward, but it's still scary since I know that if I slip up enough, I could end up there again. And I really don't want that.

Kath. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I feel bad now. I'll be okay, I promise ... I just needed to get all that out.

Bethany. It's okay, sis. No sorries. You're gonna be fine.

How are you all tonight??

 

[kathleenmary]

its okay april. i guess i was crying bc of ur post and the way im feeling. but im okay now. love ya

 

[beckybooiloveu]

lol, well TODAY hehe... im... not feeling good at all... all i have been thinking about is how i am going to lose weight wen i go to college... im even dreaming about the ways i am going to lose weight wen i leave home... im jsut soooo fat at the moment... im fact i am almost the heaviest i have ever been in my whole life again... i feel gross... i feel like i shouldnt be leaving my room to spare ppl from seeing the monster i am...

 

[Soulwings]

Aww Bec Remember what you told me? You are beautiful in every single way. The same holds true for you. You don't need to lose weight. Especially not in the way(s) that you're accustomed to doing it. Healthy eating will level off the bingeing and the need to purge, and not overexercising will help too.

* Arnold hugs everyone, wonders how you all are doing, and then waddles off to get some more bamboo muffins in the coffee shop.

 

[oneandlonely]

I'm not the best today. Just have a lot I'm thinking about.

And April, so you know, I'm really taking what you said seriously. I've been doing some research. Yes, on my own, I did research to find places close to me. Now if I could get up the courage to talk to my parents. *sigh* they aren't going to believe me if I tell them.

How is everyone else?

 

[Soulwings]

I'm so glad, Bethany. Because EDs are really no joking matter. It's your life that's in the balance. Yeah, I may sound madly morbid. But it's true. You don't want to not exist anymore because of tricks that your mind is playing on you - that's all an ED is - tricks. Satan has loads of fun with those thoughts, let me tell you.

Good luck with talking with your parents. If they don't believe you, try and get them to take you to a professional doctor. Like, a pediatrician. Or better yet, an ED specialist/nutritionist. Although I'm not sure if there'd be any around where you live ... but then again, there might be. Give that a looksee too.

How's everyone this afternoon?

 

[BrokenForHim]

I'm good just got my tongue done..feels so funny to talk haha I sound like and idiot

 

[Soulwings]

Argh.

I hate the differences in English.
Burden and "burden."

Why can't I ever see anything good that I accomplish?
(Why don't I ever accomplish anything good?)
Why can't I ever be positive?

And why, oh why, do I scare people away from me?
Or why do people just vanish? How can such good friendships deteriorate?
(At least, I thought they were good friendships...)
It's not fair if people are avoiding me because I'm engaged. That shouldn't change anything in a friendship.

Why... why... WHY?!

(today is day 200... and no one really cares... my dad said that "it's just another day" ... thanks dad ...)

 

[BrokenForHim]

WOOOO WOOOOO WOOOO!!!!!!
*does happy dance!!! Go April go April YAY APRIL!!!!!

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGS* april... keep your head up beautiful... im praying things will get easier for you!

and well done on the 200 days!!!

 

[kathleenmary]

yeah april you go girl!!!

 

[Soulwings]

Aww, you guys are too sweet.

And you know the deal with me being called a burden? On my LJ, I asked for some definitions of the word "burden." And this is what I got.

A burden is something heavy that you carry on your back. Like a bag of books. A burden is also something heavy that you carry on your heart. Like a friend's suffering.

someone who constantly refuses to walk until the day they die.

Burden. The nagging weight of someone who consistently refuses to try to carry themselves

I think a burden as a person would be... Someone that you do not wish to support (in whatever way) who is leeching off you for support.

And one of these people has called me - to my face - a burden. And it's someone who I love very much.

How the hell am I supposed to feel about that??

 

[Arianna]

eek! I missed a lot in this thread too!

How're you doing, Ari? *hugs* Oh, and I think that you should start that thread on control. A lot of people here could empathise, because control is a really big part of ED/SI. I believe we all have at least part of a control freak in us.

...i think i will write that thread soon...

lol, well TODAY hehe... im... not feeling good at all... all i have been thinking about is how i am going to lose weight wen i go to college... im even dreaming about the ways i am going to lose weight wen i leave home... im jsut soooo fat at the moment... im fact i am almost the heaviest i have ever been in my whole life again... i feel gross... i feel like i shouldnt be leaving my room to spare ppl from seeing the monster i am...

:-( be careful Bec.

Argh.

I hate the differences in English.
Burden and "burden."

Why can't I ever see anything good that I accomplish?
(Why don't I ever accomplish anything good?)
Why can't I ever be positive?

And why, oh why, do I scare people away from me?
Or why do people just vanish? How can such good friendships deteriorate?
(At least, I thought they were good friendships...)
It's not fair if people are avoiding me because I'm engaged. That shouldn't change anything in a friendship.

Why... why... WHY?!

(today is day 200... and no one really cares... my dad said that "it's just another day" ... thanks dad ...)

200!!!!!! That is amazing April!!! Well Done!!!!! It is a big deal and it is important ....(i wonder if it is a bit scary too? ..i'm coming up to 100 this week........that is frightning......)

Aww, you guys are too sweet.

And you know the deal with me being called a burden? On my LJ, I asked for some definitions of the word "burden." And this is what I got.

A burden is something heavy that you carry on your back. Like a bag of books. A burden is also something heavy that you carry on your heart. Like a friend's suffering.

someone who constantly refuses to walk until the day they die.

Burden. The nagging weight of someone who consistently refuses to try to carry themselves

I think a burden as a person would be... Someone that you do not wish to support (in whatever way) who is leeching off you for support.

And one of these people has called me - to my face - a burden. And it's someone who I love very much.

How the hell am I supposed to feel about that??

April, which definition goes with the person who called you a burden - the first definition is not really a bad thing at all!

My burden definitions:

1. a concern
2. an area of rock to be removed by a blast (that would be the geological definition )

....but...what i mean is........
..has there ever been anyone who you wished would have been more of a burden to you . . . . so that you could take some of their struggles, and they would have less to carry on their own.....
....and doesn't the person who said this word to you continue to want to talk with you everyday?