Submitting, what's that?

[BigToe2]

i want my husband to be the head of the family. someone to present a good role model to any children.

 

[stray bullet]

In simple terms, people talk of women 'submitting' or whatever to their husbands, not husbands co-submitting to their wives. If a girl wants to 'submit' to me, what is she expecting from me that I should not be expecting from her in return?

 

[William Nunn]

She should be expecting that you will take care of things. Woman was created as man's helper and companion and the weaker vessel. The relationship between man and woman is supposed to be a mirror between the Lord and the Church.

For example, take my and my fiancee. When we talk about money issues, we both have our say, but the final decision rests with me - and she should be able to trust me to make the right decision for both her and myself and our future. You can call that one-sided if you want, but if a relationship works the way it's supposed to, the man takes the woman's advice and ideals into consideration in all that he does.

I hate to make it sound so cheapened, but it's a lot like a relationship at work too. The man is theboss of the company. If he is a good boss, he will listen to his employees and consider their needs before making decisions that affect them. Then the employees submit themselves to the boss's decision.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Many thanks to the women who have spoken up in favor of biblically submitting to husbands someday. It's an oft missing quality in the world.

Also thanks to men who have spoken in favor of picking up their responsibilities to be godly heads of household and loving leaders of their wives. :^)

-kc

 

[charligirl]

Perhaps this will help


http://www.cbmw.org/resources/artic..._submission.php

 

[mina]

if i get married, i will want to submit to my husband and follow his lead in guiding my family. I will trust him to do the right thing in leading me the right way. I do not expect him to submit to me, i expect him to lead and guide me and protect me. They are different roles but neither is more important than the other. We will both support each other but in different ways; or through different ways rather. Did that make sense?

 

[jenptcfan]

Perhaps this will help


[url="http://www.cbmw.org/resources/artic..._submission.php"]http://www.cbmw.org/resources/artic..._submission.php[/url]

Thanks for sharing that article. It really sums it up well!

 

[BigToe2]

ok, like little girls are "submitting" to their daddys. when a girl grows up, her husband eventually fills that role in her life instead of her daddy. you are her knight in shining armor rescuing her from this world. you are the super hero every kid wanted to know. you are able to put your needs and desires on hold in order to fill those of your family. you are the "role model" for your family to follow, the one whose advice they seek and trust, the shoulder they lean on, the ear they talk to. you are the go to guy, the counselor, protector and friend.

 

[PrNcSsChRmNg91]

I don't want to be 'submissive' to my husband. I don't believe in that 'head of a household' nonsense. My future husband and I will both make decisions, and we will both lead the household. Call me unbiblical but this is just my two cents!

 

[Snowhite]

The definintion of submit I'm seeing here seems to mean 'support', but a support in which both sexes should be providing the other with.

Amen Stray Bullet and so true. If we look at the scriptures a little more closely, we see that Paul calls all believers to 'submit' to one another in the Lord. From my study I have also found the translation to be something along the lines of 'support'. The 'in the Lord' part is rather imprtant as well

 

[vibrant]

submission and leadership in the Bible is richer, and more complex, than we give it credit for: "with [us christians], whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave to all. for even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve" (mark 10:43-45). It also places the submission in the context of Christ's relationship with the church, demanding that husbands "love [their] wives, just as Christ loved the church ... lov[ing] their wives as their own bodies" (ephesians 5:25,28).

i conclude that husbands lead their wives, but also serve them, loving them as much as they love themselves, and even more since they should be willing to sacrifice themselves and their own self-interest.

to find a man of such character, in a relationship with this dynamic, is something that i perceive as encouraging, even to me in this time and age.

 

[Snowhite]

Also, I wanted to add, in regards to the idea that women require a man to be a 'spiritual covering', what ever happened to the idea of a personal relationship with Christ? Does the Bible not tell us to come boldly to the throne of God? I don't think that was intended for men only. Christ is our intermediary, and the only one we require.

 

[BigToe2]

and i completely agree with that. and i didnt mean your hubby should be some "spiritual covering" in that he went to God for you or anything like that. its kinda like in a bible study you ask your friends/prayer partners/accountability partners to pray for you and encourage you and challenge you in spiritual ways. i think your husband would do all those things without you asking- while at the same time you should do the same for him....

 

[Snowhite]

exaxtly, it a two way street.

 

[charligirl]

I see this best in the way my parent's household works. My mother is an intelligent and fantastically capable woman. When she sets her mind to something, you can be certain that it will happen and be done well. My father often says that she is more intelligent than he is, but I would say that her skills and his complement each other.

In the midst of all of this, though, she follows Dad's lead - the buck stops with him. Some decisions they discuss. Some decisions he makes directly, but many decisions are Mom's and they never discuss them. It's much like the organization of a crew on a ship. There must always be a captain providing direction, but the exec does much of the implementing of the direction, and provides valuable input - and no, Dad doesn't bark orders, or treat Mom like a servant, a slave, or a child. He treats her as his wife, and they work together. They discuss things, and where they agree there's no issue. However, when they disagree, she follows his lead. Sometimes he's right, sometimes he's wrong, but there are no power struggles in the home, because they understand how the system works.

In the correct situation, the husband loves his wife like Christ loved the church, and lays his life down for her. His decisions are made for both their (with a focus on her) benefit, and his goal is to be the family's biggest servant, and his wife's best benefactor on earth. This means making her benefit more important than his own, and sacrificing of time, energy, and opportunity. Sometimes he has to do things that his wife might not like him to, because it would still be to her benefit and/or the right thing to do. But he needs to keep his in-family responibility focus that he is his wife's protector and loving leader, not her dictator, boss, or owner, even though the buck stops wih him. One of his biggest jobs in loving his wife is to carry the load of leadership, the what-ifs if things don't work out, and not have his wife make all the decisions and do everything while he just coasts along and reaps the benefits. If he does not consult with his wife, he is missing out on her wisdom and thoughts. His wife needs to be able to rest in his care, even while she is his biggest supporter and has his back. Plus, he has the job to make her life special with thoughtful things for no reason at all, except that he loves her and wants her to know how special she is.

The wife is to submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ, knowing that he is the leader or captain of the family, and that he is responsible for her good. She is not a floormat, or a non-entity, or a robot - she is an intelligent, capable person, who gives input to her husband, and be his number one backup and resource person based on those God-given talents. She needs to not cut him down, not be contentious, and also work for his good. A man can buy a house and live in it, but its the special touches from a wife that make it a home, and a sanctuary where he can retreat from the hardships of the world.

Submission merely means that there is a captain and leader on the team, and the wife is the number one player. The husband is not superior to the wife - they are co-heirs of Christ. The wife is in no-way inferior to her husband - they are partners together, with a known way of getting things done and coming to resolution on decisions. But with both husband and wife, the focus needs to be "our", rather than "my". :^)

pax
-kc


Ref: Eph 6
------
"If I wanted a floormat, I'd go to Home Depot!" -kc

Beautifully said!

 

[KeilCoppes]

Beautifully said!

Thanks! Trust me, neither mom or dad are perfect - they have their frustrations, tears, disagreements, and failings (the kids still coach dad on the flowers and special gifts thing - he tends towards big bangs, and is not perfect in consideration). But after 40 years they must have gotten something right and are still growing. I've learned some things not to do, but they've also taught me much of what it's about. I thank the Lord that I was allowed to grow up in their home. I will much miss them when they are gone.

-kc

-----
"'Q. What is man's chief end? A. To glorify God and enjoy Him forever. (WSC 1)'

... I'm glad dating and marriage are on the perks rather than requirements list - otherwise I'd be way behind schedule!" -kc

 

[PrNcSsChRmNg91]

The man is theboss of the company. If he is a good boss, he will listen to his employees and consider their needs before making decisions that affect them. Then the employees submit themselves to the boss's decision.

Yeah, but in the company doesn't the boss get paid more than the employees?

 

[PrNcSsChRmNg91]

Also, pardon me but I wanna add something as well. When I get a husband, I'm going to love him like Christ loved the Church and be err... so called 'submissive' and I expect the same thing from him, to love me like Christ loved the Church and to be submissive to me. That relationship I think will be much better than the wife and husband taking two different jobs.

 

[mina]

well in marriages no one gets paid money. The husband I think is responsible for more and is more accountable because he does have greater responsibility. The husband is guiding his family so that they can all get the blessings and the best, not just himself. I don't see what's wrong with being submissive. I think the world has twisted that into meaning something shameful and weak but that is not at all what it is. Christ was submissive to God and His plan and I think that's a better illustration than a boss and a company. Christ and God the Father worked together and are equal, but Christ followed the Father's guidance. Being submissive does not in any way mean that the wife is less good, or smart or whatever. A partnership can exist (and does) exist when the wife submits. I think it's important for women to be aware of their personality and of how "strongwilled" or whatever they are. If you are a "strong" woman then don't marry someone that you can't see yourself submitting to. Proverbs 31 gives a portrait of a smart, confident, Godly woman that handles herself and her household well and her husband praises her for it. In no way is she seen as a weak, defeated woman getting kicked around by her husband. They work together and complement each other. A man and a woman don't have the same role. We were made to complement each other with our differences; not imitate each other or be the exact same thing.

 

[PrNcSsChRmNg91]

But why does it have to be the men who are the 'leaders' and not the women? My mother is probably the spiritual leader of the household, and isn't it supposed to be the 'man's job' to be that spiritual leader? And when I go to Church on Sundays, I do see tons of women with their children and the husband chose not to come because well, he didn't feel like it. I think in a household both the wife and the husband should be the role models and the heads.

But everyone's marriage works in a different way, so I guess you should base your marriage on both of your beliefs so that you can work out who does what in the household whether it be biblical or not.