Struggling with my Relationship with God

[carriermyers]

I have been struggling a lot lately with my relationship with God. Right Now I have been dealing with the hurt i feel inside and I think God has already given up on me. I don't even know anymore. This pain is too much for me to bear and I don't even Know if God really loves me and if He even cares anymore. I could use prayer.

 

[WeakButHopeful]

The hurt you feel inside, is it the result of a particular evil that was done to you, or a loneliness and feeling that nobody cares? In either case, please try not to withdraw into yourself. God does not give up on people, but sometimes we do not see His hand working. God works through His people, including us here at Christian Forums and those believers in your family and local faith community.

I agree, prayer is fundamental, and I will remember you in my prayers. May God bless you and heal you.

 

[carriermyers]

The hurt you feel inside, is it the result of a particular evil that was done to you, or a loneliness and feeling that nobody cares? In either case, please try not to withdraw into yourself. God does not give up on people, but sometimes we do not see His hand working. God works through His people, including us here at Christian Forums and those believers in your family and local faith community.

I agree, prayer is fundamental, and I will remember you in my prayers. May God bless you and heal you.

Yes it is I was molested by my biological father when i was younger. So i guess you can consider that something evil that was done to me.

 

[Alternate Carpark]

This pain is too much for me to bear and I don't even Know if God really loves me and if He even cares anymore

There's only one indisputable way to find out carriermyers.
In all openess and honesty, from the depths of your wounded heart, ask Him.
Because of what you have suffered, I know it is hard for you to trust anyone, and God knows this even more.
But ask this of God, in any way you feel at the time because He sees what's in your heart and He WILL show you how much He loves you.
How do I know and guarantee this ? You and I are both His children, He has shown me His great love for me and He will show it to ALL His children who ask of Him.

Step out and trust Him just a little and allow Him to take care of you.
Have a look at all the posts by Gentle Heart, in here and in the advice/counselling section.
She is going through the exact same thing.
It's one thing for your brothers and sisters to say that God loves you, but when God Himself tells you, well, there just isn't any comparison is there !

 

[Gentle-Heart]

Carrie,
I was just about to get some sleep & the Lord led me to your post.

Sweetheart I know exactly how you feel. I've been there. God does care. God does love you but you dont feel it cause your heart is hurting and Jesus is going to heal that and make you much stronger.I experience what you feel to. That's why Jesus bought me here in answer to my heart cry & He has bought you here to in answer to yours.

It will take time. But be patient. God has bought you here because He wants you to know you're not alone.

God has recently shown me trust is such a big issue. It is fundamental to our fellowship with Jesus. But when it has been so badly damaged it is hard to feel God is close, never mind that He loves us. We need then to cling onto the Hope that is ours in God. By reading and relying on what He says in His Word to us. To accept the facts of that regardless of how we feel. God longs more than we do that we trust Him, cause He loves us just so much. I'm discovering this now and my it is mind blowing to take it in. But it's true.

I got so fed up feeling this way & feeling God has abandoned ever healing me. I cried out many, many times and it was if my prayers were bouncing off the ceiling. But do you know what, I just kept nagging at God so to speak. I wouldn't let go until I got an answer. I got so persistant cause I was in so much pain. I hated myself. I said God I dont care if you can hear or not, I'm still going to keep on asking and bothering you with this. Cause I want you to do something. I want you to help me.

Sometimes I got so low, so discouraged I stopped bothering with God at all. My active prayers stopped and so did my Bible reading. But it didn't change God's plan of healing. In fact something happened I didn't expect & I wasn't sure if I wanted it either - God just turned up . Little things, reminders He loved me. I kept ignoring Him. I was too scared to let Him love me. I couldn't handle being loved so much. In some ways I still can't as I felt so threatened by it. The only love I had known bought me pain & confusion. That's why we need healing so love, God's love is something we can embrace freely and know it is good and wholesome. I'm just starting on this discovery & I'm scared and nervous too. I have to remind myself, Perfect Love casts out Fear.

So I'm back now reading my Bible as I can't rely on my feelings, my damaged emotions to tell me the truth. The truth is in God's Word and that is what I need to know, for it is knowing the Truth that will heal us and set us free. Not relying on our feelings.Get into God's Word Carrie and find out for yourself what God is like, and that He does care. Then when your feelings tell you otherwise, and the enemy too, you'll know who to beleive. God right? Yes, God.

He says, " Cast all your Cares upon me, For I Care for you".

No doubt there. He said it Carrie. Even if your feelings say not so.Replace you with your name and speak it out every time you doubt God cares.

He says, Cast all your Cares upon me, For I care for Carrie.

Also do you know what Carrie. God was listening all the time I was saying all those things to Him & unknown to me, every tiny detail of my life He was guiding to bring me to this place today. So I got what I was asking for all along. A place of safety where God could begin the deeper healing of all the abuse, the shame, the hurt, the mistrust, everything. It just takes time.

God I said you're blessing others, you're there for others. What's going on? Why you forgotten me? I want you to bless me. I want you. Do you care God?
Oh goodness. I gave God a real headache I'm sure. LOL!

I guess I sometimes still do. But we can relax cause He can take it. He knows all the hurt and pain, and mixed up feelings, and any anger inside. I've given up just trying to be a Christian. It is upto God now. His responsibility. I've handed everything, my life, my healing over to Him.

God is the same,yesterday, today and forever. But our feelings are like the wind. They come and go. That's why it is important to our recovery that we start to see ourselves as God does. I'm on the road to healing with many struggles and I know love it isn't easy. But through it all Jesus never leaves our side.

Get back into your Bible and look up verses that tell you all about God's love. For I too need to trust God as Father also. Even the very word Father brings back painful memories to me.So I do understand. As God can heal those pains, those hurts. we need to let Him bring us through the pain we feel.

Just take each day, one step at a time. God is there & He is holding onto you.

I'll be praying for you. Keep posting and know how much you're loved.
Gentle-Heart

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

Yes it is I was molested by my biological father when i was younger. So i guess you can consider that something evil that was done to me.

Dear Friend,

You will have a road of recovery ahead of you, and as you make the choice to travel it, each day is closer to recovery than the last. Here are some things that should help:

1. God does not give up on you. If you suffer agony, you're suffering isn't because God isn't there, but because someone did something heinous.

2. This type of abuse changes the whole way you see the world, especially if it occurs at a young age. This can cause some confusion, because recovery will require a shift in how you think. Often people who were abused feel they deserve it, because they can't figure out why else it would happen. It takes time to retrain your thinking into understanding that it happened not because you sinned, but because the other person sinned. Have you reached this point in your recovery yet?

Another lie that abuse and the consequent depression will whisper into your ear, and which your abuser may have told you in order to keep you silent, is that what was occuring was love. And this may cause you to unconsciously seek out further abuse. And subsequent abusers will be able to spot this, so it's important to have a clear understanding of what love is, and that this abuse isn't love. God is love, and He condemns such wicked acts as these, calling all to repentance.

Another problem is, sometimes there is confusion because of what happened and how it affects anyone, especially a small child who hasn't had the opportunity to form proper views of herself or the world.

I know of a couple of resources; I will look for them and get back to you on it. Feel free to PM me anytime.

 

[carriermyers]

Dear Friend,

You will have a road of recovery ahead of you, and as you make the choice to travel it, each day is closer to recovery than the last. Here are some things that should help:

1. God does not give up on you. If you suffer agony, you're suffering isn't because God isn't there, but because someone did something heinous.

2. This type of abuse changes the whole way you see the world, especially if it occurs at a young age. This can cause some confusion, because recovery will require a shift in how you think. Often people who were abused feel they deserve it, because they can't figure out why else it would happen. It takes time to retrain your thinking into understanding that it happened not because you sinned, but because the other person sinned. Have you reached this point in your recovery yet?

Another lie that abuse and the consequent depression will whisper into your ear, and which your abuser may have told you in order to keep you silent, is that what was occuring was love. And this may cause you to unconsciously seek out further abuse. And subsequent abusers will be able to spot this, so it's important to have a clear understanding of what love is, and that this abuse isn't love. God is love, and He condemns such wicked acts as these, calling all to repentance.

Another problem is, sometimes there is confusion because of what happened and how it affects anyone, especially a small child who hasn't had the opportunity to form proper views of herself or the world.

I know of a couple of resources; I will look for them and get back to you on it. Feel free to PM me anytime.

Thanks... I will try to remember what you have said. I will PM you. Right now I need Christian support. I am not able to go to church as much as I should so I'm trying as hard as I can. I can't sleep as much as I would like to at night. I'm trying. I just don't know if I can even fight for myself anymore.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

You will make it through this. It takes time. As long as you've decided to keep fighting, it can't beat you. You'll have a big wall of support. I know for a fact that I'm not alone in praying for your recovery.

Remember, God doesn't judge you for something that isn't your fault. Usually when we feel abandoned by God, we have something inside that we're not looking at, maybe hurt or anger or bitterness. Feeling unprotected. Something that frightens us. And that's why we feel this way about the Lord. He won't leave us or forsake us-we have His promise. I'll look forward to hearing from you.

 

[carriermyers]

You will make it through this. It takes time. As long as you've decided to keep fighting, it can't beat you. You'll have a big wall of support. I know for a fact that I'm not alone in praying for your recovery.

Remember, God doesn't judge you for something that isn't your fault. Usually when we feel abandoned by God, we have something inside that we're not looking at, maybe hurt or anger or bitterness. Feeling unprotected. Something that frightens us. And that's why we feel this way about the Lord. He won't leave us or forsake us-we have His promise. I'll look forward to hearing from you.

I think I know what it is. I have had this bottled up for so long. I have been blaming myself and thinking that it is all my fault. I should just PM and talk to you because i think it will be easier. I'll PM you and tell you.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

ok

 

[carriermyers]

Carrie,
I was just about to get some sleep & the Lord led me to your post.

Sweetheart I know exactly how you feel. I've been there. God does care. God does love you but you dont feel it cause your heart is hurting and Jesus is going to heal that and make you much stronger.I experience what you feel to. That's why Jesus bought me here in answer to my heart cry & He has bought you here to in answer to yours.

It will take time. But be patient. God has bought you here because He wants you to know you're not alone.

God has recently shown me trust is such a big issue. It is fundamental to our fellowship with Jesus. But when it has been so badly damaged it is hard to feel God is close, never mind that He loves us. We need then to cling onto the Hope that is ours in God. By reading and relying on what He says in His Word to us. To accept the facts of that regardless of how we feel. God longs more than we do that we trust Him, cause He loves us just so much. I'm discovering this now and my it is mind blowing to take it in. But it's true.

I got so fed up feeling this way & feeling God has abandoned ever healing me. I cried out many, many times and it was if my prayers were bouncing off the ceiling. But do you know what, I just kept nagging at God so to speak. I wouldn't let go until I got an answer. I got so persistant cause I was in so much pain. I hated myself. I said God I dont care if you can hear or not, I'm still going to keep on asking and bothering you with this. Cause I want you to do something. I want you to help me.

Sometimes I got so low, so discouraged I stopped bothering with God at all. My active prayers stopped and so did my Bible reading. But it didn't change God's plan of healing. In fact something happened I didn't expect & I wasn't sure if I wanted it either - God just turned up . Little things, reminders He loved me. I kept ignoring Him. I was too scared to let Him love me. I couldn't handle being loved so much. In some ways I still can't as I felt so threatened by it. The only love I had known bought me pain & confusion. That's why we need healing so love, God's love is something we can embrace freely and know it is good and wholesome. I'm just starting on this discovery & I'm scared and nervous too. I have to remind myself, Perfect Love casts out Fear.

So I'm back now reading my Bible as I can't rely on my feelings, my damaged emotions to tell me the truth. The truth is in God's Word and that is what I need to know, for it is knowing the Truth that will heal us and set us free. Not relying on our feelings.Get into God's Word Carrie and find out for yourself what God is like, and that He does care. Then when your feelings tell you otherwise, and the enemy too, you'll know who to beleive. God right? Yes, God.

He says, " Cast all your Cares upon me, For I Care for you".

No doubt there. He said it Carrie. Even if your feelings say not so.Replace you with your name and speak it out every time you doubt God cares.

He says, Cast all your Cares upon me, For I care for Carrie.

Also do you know what Carrie. God was listening all the time I was saying all those things to Him & unknown to me, every tiny detail of my life He was guiding to bring me to this place today. So I got what I was asking for all along. A place of safety where God could begin the deeper healing of all the abuse, the shame, the hurt, the mistrust, everything. It just takes time.

God I said you're blessing others, you're there for others. What's going on? Why you forgotten me? I want you to bless me. I want you. Do you care God?
Oh goodness. I gave God a real headache I'm sure. LOL!

I guess I sometimes still do. But we can relax cause He can take it. He knows all the hurt and pain, and mixed up feelings, and any anger inside. I've given up just trying to be a Christian. It is upto God now. His responsibility. I've handed everything, my life, my healing over to Him.

God is the same,yesterday, today and forever. But our feelings are like the wind. They come and go. That's why it is important to our recovery that we start to see ourselves as God does. I'm on the road to healing with many struggles and I know love it isn't easy. But through it all Jesus never leaves our side.

Get back into your Bible and look up verses that tell you all about God's love. For I too need to trust God as Father also. Even the very word Father brings back painful memories to me.So I do understand. As God can heal those pains, those hurts. we need to let Him bring us through the pain we feel.

Just take each day, one step at a time. God is there & He is holding onto you.

I'll be praying for you. Keep posting and know how much you're loved.
Gentle-Heart

Right now i don't even think God cares...more less love me. I don't think its fair what has happened to me. I hate whathas happened. I hate the person who did this to me. I don't think He had any right to do what He did. I have been hurting and I am so Scared to trust God right now. One of my friend's friend's wants to kill herself and if my friend said if she dies she'll die too. I dunno what I'd do if my friend left. Its not fair. I feel like giving up sometimes or hurting myself.

 

[childofgrace]

May God reassure you of His love and care for you. Last fall I wondered if God had given up on me. I entered a recovery program and now realize the truth of the Footprints Poem. During the times I doubted God's love and care He was carrying me in His loving arms.

I pray God will lead on your journey of recovery.