struggling with lust and masturbation

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

Hi, my name is christina. First off I would like to applaud you for sticking to your beliefs this long. Second is that I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately I succumbed to my fleshy nature and slept with the jerk. All because of lust. I found this guy very attractive but I did not want to give in to my desires and sin against god. I kept telling him I didn't want to be that girl.. But he kept trying. He didn't respect my values. Why should he have? I wasn't respecting my values. I claimed I did not want to have sex, but I did it anyway. I gave into sin because my faith is weak. Because my relationship with god is not as developed as it should be. Like you I felt bad about blocking this guy. But he was a bad influence. I had to finally tell him I want nothing to do with him and focus on my relationship with god and furthering my faith.

 

[cuja1]

it would be best that you completely forget about marrying anyone until you deal with the issue of seeing the opposite sex as nothing more than a sexual utility.

taking sexual possession of a female in your mind for the purpose of masturbation is in no way more moral than doing it for real. the latter may get you an atta'boy from your lascivious peers, but sexual abuse is taking place either way.

Yes. I totally agree.

 

[HereIStand]

What is your contention???? You touch, flirt with multiple girls, talk dirty on the phone and through text... yet you are too holy to have sex without marriage.

What if you do all of those other sins, but hold off from having sex with this girl you will be holy?

If you are going to go run off into lust, run all the way out there! If you are going to grow a backbone, find a wife, and lead a holy lust free life do that! But don't play in the middle!

God already gave you an answer to your lust problem - get married! You are going on 10 years now of being legally eligible to marry and you mean to tell me you haven't found one girl worth it...

What a ridiculous post! You don't need advice and prayers you need to grow up and make a decision!

Marriage won't solve a lust problem, especially since men need intimacy far more often than women.

 

[SnowyMacie]

I am a 27 year old virgin. My curiosity has led me to unhealty habits as masturbation. I now flirt with a lot of girls.. (not that many, currently like 3). One of these girls now desperately wants to have sex with me..I kinda want too as well but it is not right and against my moral standards..this has been my struggle for over some months now..I act back and forth sometimes ignoring this girl who's desperate and even initiates flirty text messages ..I am really struggling to get raid of her..I tried blocking her but she found out and I felt bad..my thoughts are consumed with lust but my spirit is against the idea of having sex since am not married..
please help me..how do i go about this. I need practical advice and prayers ..please

What makes you think you are lusting? Lusting is not the same thing as attraction, even sexual attraction. The, for lack of a better term, root sin of lust is coveting. Even though it is still internal, lust is a choice, it is not the automatic response of your mind. Lust is a deep, selfish, objectifying, and intentional desire to have sex with someone. It is not "kinda wanting" to have sex.

 

[cuja1]

Marriage won't solve a lust problem, especially since men need intimacy far more often than women.

Yes. Don't marry the first person you want to have sex with. Bad idea!

 

[SnowyMacie]

this has always been a curiousity mine. if sexual gratification is a need we are born with (like hunger).... then why does God hold it against us when we fulfill it. i find it ludicrous personally.

I used to have similar thoughts as well, and then I learned from others' teachings and wisdom that lust isn't what I thought it was and masturbation does not have to be sinful.

 

[PollyJetix]

A venial sin, versus a mortal sin? The Church has always considered masturbation to be a mortal sin.

#1. You chopped my sentence in half. It was a comparative statement. To quote the first half without the second half is misquoting me.
#2. "The Church" ... what do you mean by that? Obviously, you are referring to some traditional institution. Let's stick with the Scriptures, okay?
Scripturally speaking, "the church" is a group of people. Not an ecclesiastical hierarchy.
#3. venial sins vs. mortal sins... again, stick with the scriptures.
If you place your faith in Christ for salvation, and are trying to walk in the light you have, then you have fellowship with God. If, however, you do not walk in the light you have, then you have no fellowship with Him. Is that hard to understand?

1 John 1:6

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I would suggest that when you see/talk to this woman you talk about your faith and that you believe in waiting until marriage. It may be that she understands this and is prepared to have a relationship with you without it becoming physical. You may even be able to lead her to the Lord.

If you are attracted to her I would not say it is necessarily wrong to persue a non-physical relationship with her, particularly if that could lead to marriage. You may find as your relationship grows that she is the one for you and a physical attraction on both sides (or neither!!!) is something I consider necessary in a marriage for you to be compatible.

Read Romans 7:7-21.

Sound familiar? You are not the first and wont be the last Christian to suffer from sin.

 

[Reformed2]

Dont do it, I had to learn hard way. It WILL interfere with your relationship with God. It will effect your prayer life, your worship, you name it.

Intimacy is like a sticky note, it's only supposed to be used once/ or in the case of people with one person. After that it begins to lose its adhesivness. But instead of reusing a sticky note over and over again til it loses its adhesivness, it's your spirit and the ability to become one flesh with a woman.

Satan twists sex into something it is not.

 

[gennypearl]

Praying for you brother. Keep yourself busy, be it work or hobbies or any activity that interests you. In my opinion, you shouldn't feel bad blocking that girl since she isn't obviously a good influence to you.

 

[Follower3]

Praying for you brother, I have struggled with lust as well. Tell this woman to find Jesus, and to get back to you.
Keep your mind on the Lord, and hold your thoughts captive, as if watching a TV, don't get sucked into your thoughts, simply monitor them, and remove them when they are inappropriate, as if changing the channel.
A 27 year old virgin is already a miracle, that is the highest I've heard of for a guy. Sex will be disappointing, and you will only feel guilty afterwards, not to mention put your health at risk.

Call on the Lord to help you, not just once, not just twice, every hour, all day, when you find yourself lusting sit down, and watch a youtube preacher, or read the book.

 

[Aleksandros]

I have struggled with this myself, and am now 4 or so months clean of a sexual addiction - one that went further than masturbation. Still battling it somewhat.

Avoid this path, after going down it I can tell you it is one of ruin. Do whatever you can to avoid it, flee it like death itself. The end of it is guilt, guilt, and guilt- if not actual, disastrous effects on your life. I only overcame through prayer and the power of the Spirit.

First things first is prayer, with faith. Because even if you might not believe that God will cleanse you of every bit of the issue, you can rest assured that it is His will that you should at least not be in /this/ much difficulty.

Also, ask Him to show you where else you need to make changes in your life and exercise obedience. Obedience to God's directive for your life will ensure you don't face difficulties in asking Him for help and consequently receiving it.

Secondly, work actively on quitting masturbation. It is doable, and especially if you aren't overly addicted to it (or addicted at all) it can be changed a lot in around 90 days.

Pray your way through it, you must never give up when it comes to prayer. You won't have to wait for a long time either, if you tell God that you'll fix not only this, but also change whatever He wants you to change.

 

[Meowzltov]

I need practical advice and prayers ..please

You are doing something I call, "God save me from sin, but please allow me to be tempted!!!!!" You know that flirting with her just makes it harder on yourself.

There is nothing wrong with harmless flirting, by which I mean boy/girl interaction that doesn't imply you want sex. You can hold hands, kiss, etc., without it leading to intercourse. Yes, in the olden days, people actually necked without jumping into bed. It takes self control and a commitment by both people.

It doesn't sound like you have a commitment from her. So why are you inviting her tempation?

Let her know that it is not your desire to EVER have sex with anyone before you are married, so you will NOT be having sex with her. (Don't mention that you wish this weren't true, or that it's a shame, or that part of you really wants to.) Tell her she needs to back off, or you will have to break off your friendship with her.

AND THEN FOLLOW THROUGH. If she hot chats you, sends you a sexy pic, whatever, that's it. Block the number, don't talk to her you are busy and wish her well.

 

[stuart lawrence]

I am a 27 year old virgin. My curiosity has led me to unhealty habits as masturbation. I now flirt with a lot of girls.. (not that many, currently like 3). One of these girls now desperately wants to have sex with me..I kinda want too as well but it is not right and against my moral standards..this has been my struggle for over some months now..I act back and forth sometimes ignoring this girl who's desperate and even initiates flirty text messages ..I am really struggling to get raid of her..I tried blocking her but she found out and I felt bad..my thoughts are consumed with lust but my spirit is against the idea of having sex since am not married..
please help me..how do i go about this. I need practical advice and prayers ..please

Getting married would be the ideal solution. For attraction to sex is pretty basic to the human body

 

[PollyJetix]

I wonder what God's intention is for me then because I used to struggle with lust and had an active sex drive, but that all went away when I was 31 and now I'm indifferent to sex and relationships.

A sex drive is one sign of health. There may be underlying health issues affecting your sex drive. Circulatory or heart issues... cancer...
And it might be psychological. Depression, anxiety, or other stress can kill it, too.

 

[OpenYourBibles]

Marriage won't solve a lust problem, especially since men need intimacy far more often than women.

You are right this isn't a simple problem that is going to be solved by getting married!

There are a whole lot of problems here! But, why do you think Paul said it is better to marry than to burn? Marriage is a legal outlet for many of the feelings this fella is wrestling with. How can we know which of these problems are a result of a 27 year old man without a regular release, which he so clearly needs, and which are a result of sin - lust, immaturity, ignorance.

The reality is this man needs a wife or he will ruin himself in sexual desire, but I cringe to think what kind of leader he will be for his family when he is already struggling to keep himself in order - what is it going to do to him when he throws more weight on the load!

There is going to have to be a drastic growing up and maturing process take place, and to do that right you need God and a strong Pastor. From where I'm sitting it looks like both of those might be absent.

 

[Jack Isaacks]

I am a 27 year old virgin. My curiosity has led me to unhealty habits as masturbation. I now flirt with a lot of girls.. (not that many, currently like 3). One of these girls now desperately wants to have sex with me..I kinda want too as well but it is not right and against my moral standards..this has been my struggle for over some months now..I act back and forth sometimes ignoring this girl who's desperate and even initiates flirty text messages ..I am really struggling to get raid of her..I tried blocking her but she found out and I felt bad..my thoughts are consumed with lust but my spirit is against the idea of having sex since am not married..
please help me..how do i go about this. I need practical advice and prayers ..please

Traditional moral theology teaches us to avoid "occasions of sin."

Flirting with girls over the internet or elsewhere is clearly an occasion of sin for you--and possibly them.

Stopping this flirting will help.

Christ is risen!

 

[Blade]

vlisco there is no temptation that can over take us. We can always say NO. And the Father will always make a way out. So..if your temped with having sex then you dont see them anymore. Now.. we cant just think about sin and know ..well Jesus will forgive me anyway. It does not work like that.

See even though we all have sin as our brother by the sweet sweet Holy Spirit told us. Also if we ARE of GOD then we do not sin. Prayer will not make this go away. Guys/girls have the same thoughts desires.. its life. If we love God we wait till were married. See HE has never changed. WE just try to bend the rules. He is a JUST GOD. There is NO SIN what so ever that is..OK this time..there is no God saying.. well ok I understand. He does not. He made a way out. That way is Christ. We take it or not. Free choice.

Since you made Jesus lord of your life.. the LIE that you HAVE to give in to this sin that desire..is a lie. You dont have to. You asked for a way out.. do you want it? You will see it.. but you will HAVE to make that choice. And with every sin.. there is a cost in this life. We can not just SIN then ask forgiveness and .. act like nothing happen.

I am not like most. There is nothing GOD our Father can not do. He is IN you.. Nothing NO ONE no body can control you. I KNOW this desire really well. So go take a cold shower.. she calls..what ever one it is..you say no..I cant see you any more. Not that hard to do. You have to want to. It is IN YOU to say no

 

[HowRU?]

Hello vlisco,

Since the Bible says, "Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh," you need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. You need to be elevated above that battle and soar on eagle's wings as the scriptures say.
I've battled this much in my own life, but the solution is very simple, be filled with the Spirit.
There is a fabulous teaching on YouTube by Pastor Mike Connell of New Zealand titled, "Pentacost Sunday, Fresh Filling of the Holy Spirit". It has practical advice. It's just full of good points and teaching, but very practical. Hang in there brother, God hasn't forgotten to give us help on this issue. Check it out man and be blessed!

 

[RisenInJesus]

I am a 27 year old virgin. My curiosity has led me to unhealty habits as masturbation. I now flirt with a lot of girls.. (not that many, currently like 3). One of these girls now desperately wants to have sex with me..I kinda want too as well but it is not right and against my moral standards..this has been my struggle for over some months now..I act back and forth sometimes ignoring this girl who's desperate and even initiates flirty text messages ..I am really struggling to get raid of her..I tried blocking her but she found out and I felt bad..my thoughts are consumed with lust but my spirit is against the idea of having sex since am not married..
please help me..how do i go about this. I need practical advice and prayers ..please

Hoping and praying you will come to understand God's bigger picture for sex and the joy He desires it to be for those who trust Him with this area, as with all areas of their life...