Struggling with loneliness and being single and turning 25

[Gnarwhal]

making God #1 in your life

Put some flesh and bones on that statement. What does that mean to you, tangibly speaking?

Look I know this is going to make me sound like a "white knight" for PinkJess to a few certain folk here, but seriously, what the hell kind of question is that for a lady? In this particular case?

I'm with you on this one. That information is exactly NOBODY'S business, and an entirely inappropriate question for him to ask.

...Or it's hell on earth. P E R S P E C T I V E.

–Divorced guy.

 

[frater_domus]

If it is any comfort to you, I feel very lonely myself. It is not the loneliness of abandonment, for I know Christ is on my side. It is not fellowship I lack, for I have good friends. It is that longing for being so close to another human being that nothing but Christ can rival it. It the feeling of knowing someone cares deeply for you.

However, it feel like this is part of my trial. God called me to change direction and abandon economics after finishing me degree. Now I am working to get into medical school. It is a lot of work to learn it all from scratch, plus I have no idea where I will be studying. I had plenty of options for a quick relationship, but it would have ended on a sour note at best, given the uncertainty in my life. Thus, I willingly abstained.

I feel you, it isn’t easy. Yet God revealed a plan for me, and I’ll be damned if I will not see it through before I am ready to be judged by Him.
It is my dream to find a godly woman to have the most loving relationship with. It is a dream that sometimes keeps me awake at nights, sometimes literally aches within me. However, I also have the strength to persevere. God knows my struggles, but He also knows that right now is not the time and thus I am given strength to follow on path He laid out for me. Thus He is glorified.
I know I will be studying in one of three possible cities. Once things are settled, I will start looking for a serious long term relationship. But not just yet. As much as I wish to meet that woman, my desire to do His will is stronger.

In essence, do not lose hope. Do your best to follow God and realize His plan for you. God will provide when the time is right. You are not alone in your struggles

Edit: As for the sunday school answer, yes and no. Getting closer to God is always good. However, God will most likely not throw the perfect guy in your lap once you are ready. Truth is that there are many possible matches. If you are willing to tackle the situation, look at your life and where you stand and whether you are ready for a relationship. If so, start looking. God steers a moving ship. Nothing will happen, outside of more frustration, if you do not do anything. However, whatever you do, do so with God

 

[Bass4Jesus]

Although I never got married, I'm pretty much in line with what Fenwick said at the end of his last post. I know far, far more married couples who are having problems than ones who are living the storybook life the OP probably dreams of. Counting the divorced couples, that number goes way up. What's the U.S. divorce rate these days? Isn't it something like 40-50%? What if you add in the couples that want to be divorced, but won't/can't for various reasons?

In another ten years, the married couples may be looking at the OP with envy, if she's still not married, and not the other way around like things are now. I'll estimate that only 20% of the married people I know who are within ten years of my age are happy they married who they did. (And I mean really and truly happy -- not some thin, happy-face veneer they paint daily over a mildly cancerous relationship.) The rest tell me the experience is a constant exercise in patience and tolerance, at the very minimum. Many tell me they wish they'd married no one at all. Some divorced people I know are shacking up because they don't want to be suckered twice. Or they have separate residences and... you know.

Singleness: nice, clean, and uncomplicated.

 

[Sketcher]

I understand where you're coming from, but 25 isn't the time to feel sorry for yourself. Single people in their 30's and up would love to be 25 again and single. Develop your social and relational skills, you are capable of this. You'll either be a stronger single or not single anymore as a direct result.

 

[redblue22]

If making God #1 in your life is the answer, then what is the problem? Is God #2?

I'm certainly not the one going around saying that Christ by my side is enough.

What makes you think you are codependent and full of self pity? And why are those bad?

How can you spit on having others meet your needs, while you say how you should meet their needs? That is contradictory.

I am reminded of your last post where you won't let your son have a night-light and a teddy bear because that is a sin of not trusting in God and making him #1.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

When I'm lonely I go on youtube and watch prank videos.

 

[Zango11]

I have been really struggling with lonely feelings. I am not sure exactly what triggered it, but I think me contemplating my future and seeing most people my age married or dating may have set it off. It I am turning 25 this year and have been thinking more than ever about what I want to do concerning my singleness and how it pertains to my future. Ever since I was young, I felt that maybe God would like me to be single for lifestyle reasons, as to better serve Him in the areas I would like (homeless street ministry, mission work, etc.) This carried on until my mother passed away in 2014, when I realized I would like to go through life with a partner by my side instead of being single. I know I have Christ by my side, and He should be enough for me--but I am also struggling to accept that He may want me to remain as I am for life.

Can I be happy if I never get to experience a romantic relationship with a man? Will I always have the desire there as a thorn in my side to keep me looking upward as a result? It's harder on me because I have never had that kind of relationship before, so I am really naive about it and perhaps I glorify more than I should because I am eager to see what it is like. I know I have attachment issues and I think if I were to have somebody it would turn toxic quick because I am avoidant and co-dependent. I understand this must be worked on in my life, and I feel like this year God has really shown me parts of myself that He has hidden until He knew I was ready to face them.

I am just unsure about what His will is. One minute I feel content being single as I think of the future, but then the next day I can be in an entirely different state of mind. I start to think about the natural events of life and start to panic as I imagine going through it physically by myself. Like the passing away of family members as I get older, dealing with health crises alone, having to live on one income, going to bed alone afraid of someone breaking in. Those kinds of things make me want to have someone to share my life with. But I know God is sufficient for my needs and He is my Protector. I guess I just don't know how to make up my mind. I let my feelings overcome my reasoning and before I know it I get sucked right back in to self-pity and fear.

Getting older just makes this so much worse. I worry that all the good Christian guys will be snatched away before I can heal from my issues to ever be ready to date them. People my age don't even date anymore, you know? Most people in their mid-twenties are already settled. Gosh, I'm done for.

I am just heartbroken that pretty much everyone else around me gets to have somebody to hold at night while I just snuggle a blanket and pretend it's a man. I wish God could speak to me and tell me what He would have me do about this. I have prayed and asked Him to show me His will concerning whether or not He wants me to remain single but I haven't really received a concrete answer, I don't think.

I know the Sunday School answer: just get closer to God and read the Bible and delight yourself in Him. I know. I know. I am working on getting closer to Him. Last weekend I was a hot mess crying out to Him for healing and to comfort the ache I feel in my heart. I know I need to focus my eyes on Him and not my circumtances. And I know I need to help other people and stop thinking so much about how "I" feel. I know, I know. I just wish I felt less like a minority and more normal. I already feel like such an alien from my social anxiety and misophonia. I still feel like I am lost at sea with no compass or map to lead me home, and everyone else is safe on an island somewhere. LOL that is the best analogy I can think of at the moment to describe how I feel.

Okay. Rant done. Thanks for reading if you did. I'm sure I will feel embarrassed about it later. But I need to process this and writing out my innermost thoughts and sharing them (with strangers, for some reason) helps.

Hey there,

My encouragement to you is to keep battling on. This season of singleness is a blessing and not a curse (although I know it seems that way right now!) I myself am battling through this season and like you some days are great and others end in messy tear filled prayers.
But I am certain God is using this to prepare our hearts for marriage and whenever that special season comes around, it’ll be all the more sweet!
I sometimes worry that I’ll have to wait until I’m 40 or beyond to meet my future husband and won’t be able to have kids with him but I’ve recently come to realise me thinking in this way is me not trusting God. It is difficult but we have to try and not worry about the future because he has it all planned and psalms 37 says “Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” -God will give us our deepest desires, we just have to be a bit patient!

Can I ask what your job is? And do you live by yourself or with your parents?

I’m about to graduate university and I’m struggling to decide whether to move back in with my parents to save more money or to stay at my uni city, rent out a cheap place and save as much as I can. I want to save for a future wedding and mortgage but as I don’t know how long I have to wait I can’t make an informed decision! Haha! I also don’t know what type of job to look for but that’s a different discussion.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

<--- Content with singleness and just turned 34 yesterday.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

edit: (forum lag)

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

I feel that way too. Feeling blessed one day because of singleness then loneliness hits me like a truck out of nowhere, scrolling through facebook makes me depressed because most of my friends are paired up, and i begin to ask myself is something wrong with me? But just want to encourage you with my recent blog post, like i literally typed this 2 to 3 hrs ago...then saw your post here...might not be coincidence

God In The Box

Did you and the guy you were chatting with online call it off?

 

[NurseAbigail]

Did you and the guy you were chatting with online call it off?

i broke up with him, but we are still friends, we tried ldr but i felt like it was wise to be friends for now until a day comes where we really meet each other in person if God permits, lots of things going on in his life and mines

 

[NurseAbigail]

.

 

[redblue22]

friends?

 

[pinkjess]

Sigh.

 

[pinkjess]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I feel God has healed this wound for the time being. when I scratch it open again I'll be back lol