Struggling to find a church

[MissGabby]

Hi,

I have been attending a very small church (around 12 people on a good Sunday morning) for the last three months. I have been walking with Jesus a little over a year but I am really struggling at this church. Long story short; I was saved in a rather large Pentecostal church last September 18th 2016 but the size of the church & some of their teachings & practices didn't seem right. So I started praying about the issues while looking at scripture, and doing research. I didn’t want to church hop but I ended up visiting four churches and out of them picked my current one because they were the most Christ centred church and the Pastor preaches God’s Word faithfully.

Excluding the Pastors wife there are only four women including myself in the church. One is an elderly lady (80), one is unable to engage in conversation due to having missing teeth, one lady only attends on a Sunday morning & doesn’t fellowship. That leaves only one other lady that I have connected with; she is in her late forties, has two teenage kids but she’s 10 years older than me. I attend Sundays & midweek bible study / prayer but I am really struggling in this church and I don’t know what to do. Am I being selfish for wanting more female connections, fellowship & a small group? The church is mainly male & a couple of the men there are very overbearing & moody at times so it’s hard to know what mood they will be in, with the exception of one they are all over 50.

I have been praying about this since I left the Pentecostal church in May but there’s been no answer. Or maybe I’m not hearing God. Admittedly, I went about things wrong, I should have stayed at the Pentecostal church and waited for God to lead me to another church but they were so “handsy” and I was so uncomfortable therefore I just left, but I did speak with my area Pastor about it beforehand, explaining to her that I felt lost in the church; they were around 400 people. I didn’t mention the doctrinal issues I had a problem with since I didn’t want to be negative. I ended up getting frustrated with God because I couldn’t find a church & for two Sundays ended up listening to live online sermons by the Metropolitan Tabernacle, but my gut told me this wasn't right to be a lone Christian at home so I went back to this current small church & have stayed put since, but why can't I find peace here? I know it’s not God’s fault and I have repented & said I’m sorry for feeling frustrated with Him.

Anyway, I don’t want to quit & leave this church if this is where God has put me so I have stayed put, but why do I feel like this if this is His will? I’ve picked the best church out of the bunch (although a 30 minute walk from my home) & feel like I have no choice but to stay here, but now I feel stuck and I don’t feel at peace here. I haven’t spoken with the Pastor for his attitude when people don’t return to the church is “let them go” and I don’t want to be negative. The church was once thriving I’m told but a lot of families left due to location & other reasons. There’s been no growth people wise over the years & no visitors come but they don’t know why this is, even though they evangelise every Saturday. I’ve tried to surrender to God at this church but I keep feeling that this is not the church for me, I don't have family since I grew up in foster care so I’m starting to feel very isolated as I’m starting to withdraw, even though I don’t want to be a Sunday only Christian.

I’m at a loss as to what to do, since not going to church is not an option. Any sound advice would be much appreciated.

 

[Winken]

Thanks for posting, and welcome! We have a "Christian Advice" forum where you can post your concerns. You can copy & paste this post, in fact. Be blessed as you check out the Christian Advice forum!

 

[Halbhh]

Please read what Christ said to us about how to pray in Mark chapter 11, and in Matthew chapter 6, and then using these you can begin praying effectively, and then ask your Father to open up to you the right place to be, with total faith that He will. After you read in Mark chapter 11 on prayer, and in Matthew chapter 6...I was going to point to John 15:7 here, but I feel you should read the full passage, this wonderful passage
Bible Gateway passage: John 15:1-17 - New International Version

 

[paul1149]

I know it’s not God’s fault and I have repented & said I’m sorry for feeling frustrated with Him.

Anyway, I don’t want to quit & leave this church if this is where God has put me so I have stayed put, but why do I feel like this if this is His will?

I believe it is extremely important to have peace about what you're doing. Critical to that is discerning the difference between spiritual peace and natural comfort, because sometimes we are called to have God's "peace that passes understanding" (Philippians 4) in uncomfortable circumstances. This is where prayer comes in. It's good that you've already realized God is not at fault here, because He is your greatest asset, no matter what the final decision is. Even if you worship at home, you want to be fully reconciled to God.

Small churches can be difficult because of the lack of opportunities. But with the right people, some deep work can be done. The Lord can save through many or by few. It all depends on the church. Big churches can offer more kinds of opportunities, but everything hinges on where you have spiritual peace.

You mentioned several times a lack of peace at this church, and also some fairly self-defeating attitudes on the part of the pastor. Sometimes we're called to churches where we're not being fed, because we're supposed to serve there, by actions or with prayer. Usually, though, there is some kind of balance between the two, and I think your strongly emphasized lack of peace is very significant.

I think it is best to stay in prayer on this and see where the Lord's peace leads you. Maybe you also need to keep looking.

 

[Sarah G van G]

I really feel for you especially as you are seeking so sincerely and have been praying on the issue for so long. I am praying for you and I hope you can find some fellowship here at CF

 

[Almost there]

For me, the main reasons for attending a church are:
1. Fellowship with other believers.
2. Get perspective on the teachings of Christ from others besides just your own reading of scripture and prayer.

I have a friend that says he chooses a church based on the quality of their potlucks. It's a joke, sort of. His point is that fellowship is key. You will never find a church you completely agree with doctrinally, so find one you don't disagree with on anything major, and where you really connect with the people there. It took us three tries when we moved to KY.

 

[FireDragon76]

There are many more churches out there, you have to just be willing to look for them. It might involve stepping a bit out of your comfort zone.

I would not go to a church where the men are overbearing... that is a bad sign.

There is nothing wrong with attending a smaller church, in fact I think that is the better choice, if possible.

 

[Almost there]

Hi,

I have been attending a very small church (around 12 people on a good Sunday morning) for the last three months. I have been walking with Jesus a little over a year but I am really struggling at this church. Long story short; I was saved in a rather large Pentecostal church last September 18th 2016 but the size of the church & some of their teachings & practices didn't seem right. So I started praying about the issues while looking at scripture, and doing research. I didn’t want to church hop but I ended up visiting four churches and out of them picked my current one because they were the most Christ centred church and the Pastor preaches God’s Word faithfully.

Excluding the Pastors wife there are only four women including myself in the church. One is an elderly lady (80), one is unable to engage in conversation due to having missing teeth, one lady only attends on a Sunday morning & doesn’t fellowship. That leaves only one other lady that I have connected with; she is in her late forties, has two teenage kids but she’s 10 years older than me. I attend Sundays & midweek bible study / prayer but I am really struggling in this church and I don’t know what to do. Am I being selfish for wanting more female connections, fellowship & a small group? The church is mainly male & a couple of the men there are very overbearing & moody at times so it’s hard to know what mood they will be in, with the exception of one they are all over 50.

I have been praying about this since I left the Pentecostal church in May but there’s been no answer. Or maybe I’m not hearing God. Admittedly, I went about things wrong, I should have stayed at the Pentecostal church and waited for God to lead me to another church but they were so “handsy” and I was so uncomfortable therefore I just left, but I did speak with my area Pastor about it beforehand, explaining to her that I felt lost in the church; they were around 400 people. I didn’t mention the doctrinal issues I had a problem with since I didn’t want to be negative. I ended up getting frustrated with God because I couldn’t find a church & for two Sundays ended up listening to live online sermons by the Metropolitan Tabernacle, but my gut told me this wasn't right to be a lone Christian at home so I went back to this current small church & have stayed put since, but why can't I find peace here? I know it’s not God’s fault and I have repented & said I’m sorry for feeling frustrated with Him.

Anyway, I don’t want to quit & leave this church if this is where God has put me so I have stayed put, but why do I feel like this if this is His will? I’ve picked the best church out of the bunch (although a 30 minute walk from my home) & feel like I have no choice but to stay here, but now I feel stuck and I don’t feel at peace here. I haven’t spoken with the Pastor for his attitude when people don’t return to the church is “let them go” and I don’t want to be negative. The church was once thriving I’m told but a lot of families left due to location & other reasons. There’s been no growth people wise over the years & no visitors come but they don’t know why this is, even though they evangelise every Saturday. I’ve tried to surrender to God at this church but I keep feeling that this is not the church for me, I don't have family since I grew up in foster care so I’m starting to feel very isolated as I’m starting to withdraw, even though I don’t want to be a Sunday only Christian.

I’m at a loss as to what to do, since not going to church is not an option. Any sound advice would be much appreciated.

FWIW, I was in a southern gospel band when I moved to KY (for two years). I attended a LOT of different churches at least once or twice. I'd never consider joining a single one of them, even if they were the only church around. I'd start my own.

But we did find what we needed and what seems to need us. The perfect match.

 

[joshcorn]

Hi,

I have been attending a very small church (around 12 people on a good Sunday morning) for the last three months. I have been walking with Jesus a little over a year but I am really struggling at this church. Long story short; I was saved in a rather large Pentecostal church last September 18th 2016 but the size of the church & some of their teachings & practices didn't seem right. So I started praying about the issues while looking at scripture, and doing research. I didn’t want to church hop but I ended up visiting four churches and out of them picked my current one because they were the most Christ centred church and the Pastor preaches God’s Word faithfully.

Excluding the Pastors wife there are only four women including myself in the church. One is an elderly lady (80), one is unable to engage in conversation due to having missing teeth, one lady only attends on a Sunday morning & doesn’t fellowship. That leaves only one other lady that I have connected with; she is in her late forties, has two teenage kids but she’s 10 years older than me. I attend Sundays & midweek bible study / prayer but I am really struggling in this church and I don’t know what to do. Am I being selfish for wanting more female connections, fellowship & a small group? The church is mainly male & a couple of the men there are very overbearing & moody at times so it’s hard to know what mood they will be in, with the exception of one they are all over 50.

I have been praying about this since I left the Pentecostal church in May but there’s been no answer. Or maybe I’m not hearing God. Admittedly, I went about things wrong, I should have stayed at the Pentecostal church and waited for God to lead me to another church but they were so “handsy” and I was so uncomfortable therefore I just left, but I did speak with my area Pastor about it beforehand, explaining to her that I felt lost in the church; they were around 400 people. I didn’t mention the doctrinal issues I had a problem with since I didn’t want to be negative. I ended up getting frustrated with God because I couldn’t find a church & for two Sundays ended up listening to live online sermons by the Metropolitan Tabernacle, but my gut told me this wasn't right to be a lone Christian at home so I went back to this current small church & have stayed put since, but why can't I find peace here? I know it’s not God’s fault and I have repented & said I’m sorry for feeling frustrated with Him.

Anyway, I don’t want to quit & leave this church if this is where God has put me so I have stayed put, but why do I feel like this if this is His will? I’ve picked the best church out of the bunch (although a 30 minute walk from my home) & feel like I have no choice but to stay here, but now I feel stuck and I don’t feel at peace here. I haven’t spoken with the Pastor for his attitude when people don’t return to the church is “let them go” and I don’t want to be negative. The church was once thriving I’m told but a lot of families left due to location & other reasons. There’s been no growth people wise over the years & no visitors come but they don’t know why this is, even though they evangelise every Saturday. I’ve tried to surrender to God at this church but I keep feeling that this is not the church for me, I don't have family since I grew up in foster care so I’m starting to feel very isolated as I’m starting to withdraw, even though I don’t want to be a Sunday only Christian.

I’m at a loss as to what to do, since not going to church is not an option. Any sound advice would be much appreciated.

Welcome. I can understand where you are coming from. I was there when I first became a Christian. I would to spent all my spare time alone getting to know him. I would feel his presence and hear his voice. I would go to various churches sometimes as He would lead me. What usually happened was to meet someone and become friends. Its wasn't long before we became a small group. We would meet one night a week at someones house.
The presence of God would roll in and if anyone of us felt a leading to say worship first,sit and soak in his presence or read a bible verse,here we got to learn to recognize his presence his voice and when The Holy Spirit was in the room teaching us .If you are in a area where no one is teaching this Jesus will step in.
What I am really trying to say is trust Jesus,He knows you needs and the best way to fulfill them. Make Jesus the Lord of your life and yoke yourself to Him. Yoking to a Church is not a good thing despite what anyone says. I have been a christian for over thirty years,not that it means anything to God. God sees the level of maturity you are at. I have seem twenty year old Christians more mature then me.

 

[Little Lantern]

Greetings and welcome to CF, @MissGabby. May you find good fellowship and godly encouragement here.

We have a "Christian Advice" forum where you can post your concerns. You can copy & paste this post, in fact.

This is a great suggestion!