Struggling to develop feelings for guys

[Lybrah]

I've been dating for about twenty years and am hardly ever interested in any man I meet. There were about two exceptions. I really, really liked these men but they ended it because they just weren't that into me. With one of them, I had a pretty good relationship with and thought it was mutual for awhile. I was deeply hurt when it did not work out. In other cases, I have had intense crushes on men who were unavailable or uninterested.

But the major problem is that there are plenty of men (and there is one now), who are perfect for me--everything I want, but I just can't fall in love with them. I don't want them liking me and get annoyed about everything they do or say. I stop seeing them and push them away. I'm also starting to think I am happier by myself, but I don't want to be by myself forever and feel I am missing out on having a family. What is wrong with me?

I am definitely not gay and not asexual.

 

[dzheremi]

Perhaps you're too inwardly focused? It's easy to drive yourself up the wall when you are 'trapped in your own head', so to speak. I've been there before, and it didn't do anything good for my relationships.

Just a potential idea to explore. I don't know you from Eve, obviously, but I wish you well just the same.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

I've been dating for about twenty years and am hardly ever interested in any man I meet. There were about two exceptions. I really, really liked these men but they ended it because they just weren't that into me. With one of them, I had a pretty good relationship with and thought it was mutual for awhile. I was deeply hurt when it did not work out. In other cases, I have had intense crushes on men who were unavailable or uninterested.

But the major problem is that there are plenty of men (and there is one now), who are perfect for me--everything I want, but I just can't fall in love with them. I don't want them liking me and get annoyed about everything they do or say. I stop seeing them and push them away. I'm also starting to think I am happier by myself, but I don't want to be by myself forever and feel I am missing out on having a family. What is wrong with me?

I am definitely not gay and not asexual.

Could be nothing is wrong with you at all.

Yahweh has spared you from so many disastrous and devastating pathways you might not realize even 10% or 1% of those He saved you from going down.

(remember, no one is as they seem; so even if everything seemed 'perfect', as has happened to multitudes - the way they went down seemed right to them -
it was a path to destruction, not truth, not God's Way)....

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

It's okay to be single. If you aren't feeling like being in a relationship...then you don't have to force it because that's what you see around you.

It's okay to be single.

 

[Bass4Jesus]

Could be nothing is wrong with you at all.

Yahweh has spared you from so many disastrous and devastating pathways you might not realize even 10% or 1% of those He saved you from going down.

(remember, no one is as they seem; so even if everything seemed 'perfect', as has happened to multitudes - the way they went down seemed right to them -
it was a path to destruction, not truth, not God's Way)....

This ↑

Also you might find someone who's 100% perfect for you, except... people change over time. And it's impossible to predict how your partner will, or how quickly, or into what. Or what mistakes he'll make and how deeply they'll injure you.

I would caution you against looking for someone as a means to achieve a specific situation. (I'm referencing your statement that you don't want to be alone forever and you don't want to miss out on having a family. Huge red flag.) Because if you do, you'll find yourself compromising to attain that end, ignoring that little voice inside you that's saying no to the specific guy you've decided on. Compromising on things that were little to start with, but three years later have metastasized into little monsters that grate on you daily. And now, with a ring on your finger, you're stuck with it.

Something else: You may be at the forefront of a trend toward singleness, or at least delaying marriage. Who knows... maybe people are finally paying attention to their surroundings, and doing serious risk assessments before they jump into things that are deadly serious. Wow, what a concept.

 

[Miles]

It sounds to me like you're just not meeting the right guys. You suggest that some of them are "perfect" for you, but somehow I doubt that.

I'm not gay or asexual either, but there's more to chemistry than looking good on paper or having the right stats.

 

[Sir Robbins]

Something else: You may be at the forefront of a trend toward singleness, or at least delaying marriage. Who knows... maybe people are finally paying attention to their surroundings, and doing serious risk assessments before they jump into things that are deadly serious. Wow, what a concept.

in reference to us millennials, it has more to do with witnessing the results and effects of divorce. I have a multitude of friends who live together and have families and are not even engaged.
Marriage = divorce. That's the millennial mentality.

Being single saves yourself from A LOT of issues and burdens.