Strangeness... (dating and sharing things)

[broken_one]

I feel so often like I feel things that I'm not able to tell real people and improve my situation. I'm not so good at sharing what I think and what I feel because everyone has different judgements, and if it involves someone else, a different sense of what is prudent to say. This keeps me very introverted almost simultaneously as I am extroverted. It makes for a lonely life.

Where does dating come in? It's like the backdoor to get rid of this. You know it's not exactly that you share more than usual, it's just that they know how I feel about it already so my lack of communication isn't an obstacle. I can talk about people or things critically (aka how I normally think) and I'm not afraid about it. I suppose that means I can be complete, mentally.

So what does that mean? I just feel so strange about it all. How can I share more with people now? Or should I just look harder for a girlfriend?

 

[Nom De Guerre]

I think you should date, and date often. You'll see that it's easy and you don't have to offer any full commitments to it either. You don't have to find her to be your perfect lady, but at least somebody you can stand havin' fun with; and once you establish yourself in a routine of 'playing the game' then you'll see that chasin' after your dream girl gets easier and easier with each passing short-term relationship.

 

[white dove]

I feel so often like I feel things that I'm not able to tell real people and improve my situation. I'm not so good at sharing what I think and what I feel because everyone has different judgements, and if it involves someone else, a different sense of what is prudent to say. This keeps me very introverted almost simultaneously as I am extroverted. It makes for a lonely life.

Where does dating come in? It's like the backdoor to get rid of this. You know it's not exactly that you share more than usual, it's just that they know how I feel about it already so my lack of communication isn't an obstacle. I can talk about people or things critically (aka how I normally think) and I'm not afraid about it. I suppose that means I can be complete, mentally.

So what does that mean? I just feel so strange about it all. How can I share more with people now? Or should I just look harder for a girlfriend?

I don't know what kind of people you hang out with, but they sound like duds. Very surface-area friends. I've had those before. They're nice for being around to do things with, but to have an actual relationship or friendship with them... that's like turning a one-night stand into a husband or wife - challenging to say the least.

You seem to have a fear that once people get inside your head, they're gonna be scared of what they see. Truthfully, if you didn't feel that way, then I'd be worried and you'd probably HAVE some things to be fearful of other people finding out. But, from the sound of it, you're just like every other red-blooded human being on the planet. Your insecurities drive you and that sucks and I wish I could change your mind about that. But, I can't. Nobody can, but you. If you only realized just how "normal" you truly are...


As for looking for a girlfriend... it seems like you're looking for a girlfriend to be an answer to something. We all do that at some point. But I think the healthier view is to look to someone else to be a companion, not the answer to our problems.


Long story short, you shouldn't have to hide who you are to be around people and befriend them. That's not living. That's lying.

I'm not saying full-on life story in 10 seconds kind of honesty, but you shouldn't be afraid to be who you are.

 

[broken_one]

...enter my perfection streak...

 

[white dove]

Why do you think you're a perfectionist?

As a fellow perfectionist, you're a lot harder on yourself than you should/need to be... but you know that already. What helps me is falling into the mindset of a Christian - that we weren't meant to be perfect and that's why Christ had to deliver us. We fail. We're human beings. And that's okay. If it wasn't, we'd be some other being. And if we didn't, that would mean we weren't trying. But in the mistakes, there can be so much growth and potential for better.

 

[broken_one]

Why do you think you're a perfectionist?

As a fellow perfectionist, you're a lot harder on yourself than you should/need to be... but you know that already. What helps me is falling into the mindset of a Christian - that we weren't meant to be perfect and that's why Christ had to deliver us. We fail. We're human beings. And that's okay. If it wasn't, we'd be some other being. And if we didn't, that would mean we weren't trying. But in the mistakes, there can be so much growth and potential for better.

Christianity is all about striving for perfection though....it's very hard to reconcile that with realizing that you're only so good and can only do so much. Extremely hard.

I don't want to think of myself as a normal person. I want to think of myself as above average. Someone important or something. Not some loser.

 

[white dove]

Christianity is all about striving for perfection though....it's very hard to reconcile that with realizing that you're only so good and can only do so much. Extremely hard.

I don't want to think of myself as a normal person. I want to think of myself as above average. Someone important or something. Not some loser.

You're only a loser if you make other people your focus and your goals centering around what everyone else thinks of you, giving the enemy a foothold in your life, etc etc. Christianity isn't about striving to be perfect and wallowing in the fact that we're not and never will be in this life. It's striving to make God the center of our lives and from there, it's a ripple down effect to everything and everyone else in our lives. It's about priorities. You want to be above-average? Then stop wallowing and start truly living your life.

What do you think a loser is?

 

[broken_one]

You're only a loser if you make other people your focus and your goals centering around what everyone else thinks of you, giving the enemy a foothold in your life, etc etc. Christianity isn't about striving to be perfect and wallowing in the fact that we're not and never will be in this life. It's striving to make God the center of our lives and from there, it's a ripple down effect to everything and everyone else in our lives. It's about priorities. You want to be above-average? Then stop wallowing and start truly living your life.

What do you think a loser is?

A loser is someone who isn't taking charge of their life....they're fine with being underpaid, letting their relationships turn lax, not standing up to people....not necessarily people who slack (because I've seen slackers do well and make it an art form), but people who just accept things that aren't acceptable.

I hate my job right now. I hate how I get paid nothing to do a lot of work. I hate that I am in debt. I hate that my car is in the shop so I'm bumming rides off people. I hate that I am too much of a wuss to go after the girls I want, while at the same time I let people suggest lowering my standards because it seems like that is the only option. I hate that I am only on the threshold of being part of the "important group", close to the fringes of being back with the non-knowing people but clawing to stay in.

I want a few things, and then when I'm there I want to know peace.

 

[white dove]

A loser is someone who isn't taking charge of their life....they're fine with being underpaid, letting their relationships turn lax, not standing up to people....not necessarily people who slack (because I've seen slackers do well and make it an art form), but people who just accept things that aren't acceptable.

I hate my job right now. I hate how I get paid nothing to do a lot of work. I hate that I am in debt. I hate that my car is in the shop so I'm bumming rides off people. I hate that I am too much of a wuss to go after the girls I want, while at the same time I let people suggest lowering my standards because it seems like that is the only option. I hate that I am only on the threshold of being part of the "important group", close to the fringes of being back with the non-knowing people but clawing to stay in.

I want a few things, and then when I'm there I want to know peace.

At this rate, you will never be happy nor have that peace. Peace and happiness start with where you are right now. If you can't find them where you're at, I direct you to my first statement in this post. That is not the same as settling for where you're at either. I think you probably think that is the case.

 

[broken_one]

At this rate, you will never be happy nor have that peace. Peace and happiness start with where you are right now. If you can't find them where you're at, I direct you to my first statement in this post. That is not the same as settling for where you're at either. I think you probably think that is the case.

Kinda lost as to the beginning of which post you're talking about.

 

[dayhiker]

When you read the Gospels, do you see Jesus as being uptight, full of tension about life, in a hurry etc. Or was he more laid back and relaxed, enjoying each situation he was in?

Yes He was a as perfect as they come!