What are your thoughts on staying a night alone (sleeping in different rooms) at a fiance's home? Assume the fiance lives 50-55 miles away and family is out of town making it very quiet there.
Staying at a fiance's house for the night?
- Thread starter Daughter of Ararat
- Start date
Moonrise Lu
Newbie
It's totally fine in my opinion. As long as nothing goes on between you two and neither of you feel it would be tempting. Also let yours and his family/close friends know you will be staying there - in separate rooms - so that way you have accountability. I only think it would be bad if you were sneaky about it. It would seem like you have something bad or shameful to hide if you stayed there and didn't tell anyone. But if you let close people know, they are okay with it, I don't see an issue. Especially if you are so far away, only other option would be go to a hotel nearby.
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If his immediate family and your immediate family are okay with it and the two of you think you'll be able to maintain your decided boundaries, than it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. The Bible doesn't say anything specific to this question. The best we can do biblically is use principles as guidelines to keep the relationship healthy by exercising self-control and keep your family relationships healthy by being open with them about it. However, I wouldn't speak with friends or outsiders about it if it's not necessary (unless you have a specific friend that you feel you can trust with this question). Because other people's perceptions and judgments may be different than yours I think sometimes it is wise to be discreet. What might not be a big deal to you, may be a stumbling block for them and it's really none of their business anyway.
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It's fine.
Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with how the family feels... If they can't trust you and your fiancé to behave then that's on them and frankly it's disrespectful of them to think so poorly of you and him.
Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with how the family feels... If they can't trust you and your fiancé to behave then that's on them and frankly it's disrespectful of them to think so poorly of you and him.
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I think it does matter how the family feels. Plus it gives some sense of accountability. We are to avoid "all appearances of evil". If you're up-front about it, that appearance goes away. If someone has a problem, then the hotel is a good idea.
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I think James Tiberius Kirk has a point that some people will judge harshly no matter what and it's really none of their business and so in such cases, it's wise not to share such information with those type of people. However, I also agree with dysert that family is different. Family (depending on your relationship with them obviously) tend to be less likely to judge harshly no matter the circumstances because they love you. Family often want to think the best of you, and being open and honest with them not only gives you accountability but it also strengthens the relationship you both have with each other's family and your own. Honesty requires trust, and trust builds strong healthy relationship. It doesn't need to be proclaimed to all the world or to everybody you know or are friends with, but I think honesty is important when it comes to family. If other people were to find out and complain later, it's easy to tell them it's a private matter and it's none of their business. Most people who are truly important to your life will respect that. But if family feels you're hiding something, it could damage your relationship with them.
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And if a family member (I'm thinking mostly parents probably) has a serious problem with it, they may be willing and able to offer assistance paying for hotel accommodations to allow you to visit each other while still maintaining respect for their convictions regarding boundaries. But I know that for some, finances make staying at a safe hotel nearly impossible. Don't put yourself in danger just to appease other people's perceptions.
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4evrhis
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Daughter[COLOR="DarkSlateBlue" said:
Why put you and your fiancée in a situation where you would be tempted? We are to avoid the appearances of evil. I would wait until his family was there before I would visit.
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Sorry, I just have a really hard time with biblical quotes cited without context.... please don't take offense, as I do not intend offense....
1 Thess. 5:22 is the verse that people cite as reason to avoid even looking like you could potentially be hiding something or you could potentially be doing something sinful (by the perceptions of others no matter what the facts are)... but it doesn't actually say that in context.
If you compare multiple versions, only the KJV and the Young's Literal Translation say, "abstain from all appearance of evil." The majority of translations say, "reject/abstain from every form/kind of evil." Since I have taken studies in biblical languages, I also looked up the Greek word translated as either appearance or form and it can be correctly translated as outward appearance but more in the sense that we recognize something by its form or appearance, not that there is a perception of wrong-doing when there really isn't wrong-doing happening.
Also the context of the passage says nothing about male/female relationships or a couple's relationship with their community. It's talking about prophecies and spiritual gifts of the Holy Spirit.
verses 19-22, "Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil."
1 Thess. 5:22 is the verse that people cite as reason to avoid even looking like you could potentially be hiding something or you could potentially be doing something sinful (by the perceptions of others no matter what the facts are)... but it doesn't actually say that in context.
If you compare multiple versions, only the KJV and the Young's Literal Translation say, "abstain from all appearance of evil." The majority of translations say, "reject/abstain from every form/kind of evil." Since I have taken studies in biblical languages, I also looked up the Greek word translated as either appearance or form and it can be correctly translated as outward appearance but more in the sense that we recognize something by its form or appearance, not that there is a perception of wrong-doing when there really isn't wrong-doing happening.
Also the context of the passage says nothing about male/female relationships or a couple's relationship with their community. It's talking about prophecies and spiritual gifts of the Holy Spirit.
verses 19-22, "Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil."
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4evrhis
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We as Christians have the right and freedoms through Christ to make choices that are becoming to him not us. We are to be examples not stumbling blocks to others. This is why it is very difficult to be a Christian, we cannot make decisions on our strength but his. He leads and guides us through the spirit and his word.
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Saricharity
Follower of Christ
I agree.
I think there comes a point in your relationship where it gets difficult to remain pure. If it is your desire to remain pure before marriage (which it should for a Christian), you should avoid temptation. Even if you are very intentional, it is still very HARD to resist. That being said, we are not animals with no self control but we are weak in our own strength. I think that is why we need to make decisions to make it easier. Others are watching as well. We should be a witness to others. People might assume you are sleeping together if you choose to stay in the same house with no one else there. It simply isn't a good witness. Knowing myself as I do, I would feel guilty even knowing I wasn't doing anything sinful. Accountability is good for everyone and I don't think you will ever regret it.
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