starting over, where to start...

[faith2blv_in]

Here is my problem, my biggest problem. How do you start over in all aspects of your life? I'm so dissapointed in all the things i've done and haven't done. I keep getting the vibe that in order to fully feel better about myself and all my problems in life, that i need to start over. I'm debating finding a new job, and going back to school. I'd love to move again, but i've only been in my apartment for five months so that's kind of out of the picture financailly and logically....
I just need a complete change. I feel right now, i'm in a rut. I feel that i am lacking energy and motivation. I woke up today, feeling tired as usual - then when i thought about it, i realized that i spend most of my life in bed sleeping. I felt terrible about it. The other day i felt the same way, i prayed and suddenly had to energy to get up - however, i got nothing done. I look around me, and i see messes everywhere (which is unlike me, i like things in order and clean) I have a to-do list a mile long, and things left undone. Through all the problems i'm having with my boyfreind lately and the time i've consumed dealing with that, i realized that i missed the cut off for school, and i felt terrible...
All i want is to make a complete change. Being unhappy isn't what i want anymore - not that i ever wanted it in the first place. I feel sometimes if i just left and started over some place else, i'd be much happier, but my boyfriend says thats just a cop-out. Everything is the same old routine, sleep, work, hang out, sleep, sleep and work. Its boring, and i'm sick of it. I try so hard to pray about it, but i'm getting no answers - or else i'm getting the answers i dont' want to hear. This little voice in my head keeps saying "change your ways" and its scary. I don't know where to start and i'm overwhelmed with all the things on that to-do list, and all the messes around me.
I'm also really scared because throughout these past couple of weeks , i haven't been eating much. I lost a ton of weight, and now everyone at my work has noticed, of course being my place of work, rumours are flying that i'm "anorexic" I was thinking about it, and naturally putting blame on stress and stuff, but then realized that, that was just an excuse. i haven't been eating. Purposlely for the most part too. As much as i say it won't be a problem or develope into a problem, i fear it might deep down. I put on a lot of weight last year, but was by no means overweight. Once the weight started going off, i felt better, and carried on not eating... i know this isn't healthy, i know this is stupid, but i never thought i'd end up feeling like this. The rumours of course don't help... no matter how much people tell me not to care what others say.
Basically these past few weeks have been a real eye-opener for me, they have been filled with heart ache, but at the same time much new found joy since i brought Christ into my life. Since then i've jsut felt and keep hearing that little voice in my head saying "change your ways" i want to, the desire is there, i jsut don't know where to start. I sit there staring at that to-do list and paniking because i dont' have time to do it all, and i don't have the energy to do it all. My relatioship with my boyfriend is still very rocky. My place of work, is probably the most encouraging place to be. There are maybe five non-christians that work there and about 20-something Christians there. The place is based on faith pretty much. My boss is a christian and most of my co-workers are too, that has kept me going while i'm at work, because there are so many people there to encourage and guide me. I don't really want to leave my job, but working with my boyfreind, i think doesn't help our situation much. I need to find a way to work with him and not let our problems interfere. Those i work with are especially important to me because they keep me focused on my faith, to leave there scares me because i would lack all that encouragement... know what i mean. My boyfriend is chef, and i'm a server, which means technically i don't work alongside him... but still. Its tough. We want to work things out and both want to start over in our lives both together and personally. Its just so overwhelming, and i don't know where to start. How do you go about picking up the peices of your life and making serious changes? has anyone gone through this?
Sorry about the long post today, i just really need some guidance and advice on this. I can't live like this anymore. its not me, and not who i want to be.

 

[WashedClean]

Hi faith2blv_in

First of all, welcome to the body of Christ! You are starting on a beautiful journey that will never end until Christ calls you home.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate (no pun intended) and it's overwhelming you. You need to start slowly and step out in faith. Are you attending a church regularly? If not, start looking around and find one where you are comfortable. Ask some of your co-workers where they attend. Then get involved in a ministry. Yes, I know you're already overwhelmed, but you also said you spend a lot of time sleeping. Use that time to serve others! You will be surprised how much God will bless you. He will multiply your time and honor your service to Him.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

Of course, I also recommend that you pray, a lot. You need to start getting comfortable talking to God and listening to what He wants you to do.

Yield your entire life to Him and you will be blessed!

In Christ,

WashedClean

 

[helmikaarina]

Hi. It really seems that you are somehow depressed and your life is going by without you... If I understood right you have some plans you wanted to do, but not energy enough to do it, because to-do list is so long. It's very difficult to say what you should do but how you could do is a little bit easier.

I suppose there are some things on your to-do list which you like more (or disgust less) than others. May be you could, instead of only reading the list, begin with one thing, one little thing which is possible you to do right away. If you like things are in order, put something were it belongs, and enjoy yourself having one thing done. Then if its possible do another one. Don't think you have to do all the things today or tomorrow, just think you do this one thing now.

You could think some (one) thing you have liked to do, one place you feel comfortable, one person you like to be with. Forget your to-do list for a moment and do something you ought not to do but you like (love) to do. Go to the place you like, phone to the person you want to be with... Just one thing.

You have many big questions, work, scool, home... If you feel that your work is the most encouraging place for you now don't leave your job. Keep doing things which make you feel a little better for the moment you are doing it and if possible try to leave behind things which make you feel unhappy (e.g. not eating).

Could there be at work or in congregation or among your friends someone you could talk or write about these feelings you have? I've noticed that even if another person couldn't say anything or give any advice, already talking/writing one's thoughts helps to see one's own situation more clearly.

Keep praying, and if you don't have strength to do it either trust on God, he knows what you are going through and he is there for you all the time. Bless you.

 

[whatseekye]

You have all the classic signs of depression. THis is probably situational depression since you are going through some difficulties right now. Take care of yourself and be gentle on yourself. Perhaps if you went to your school, you could see about getting special permission to add classes late, since you had some problems in your life that delayed your registration. The colleges often have free counseling too, if you could use someone to talk to. I would probably seek out a Christian counselor though, since I think they can address your spiritual needs as well. I hope you feel better soon. Remember that all things pass, and God loves you no matter what's going on or how you feel.

 

[rogsr]

Hello,

I know exactly how you feel, I couldn't hear the Lord's voice until I was completely in ruins. The devastation of the death of a relationship, heavy drinking problem, angry violent outbursts, and so on, and so on. I didn't know what to do either, and to be honest with you, I just wanted to die. Life had become a burden of suffering for me.. then I heard His voice in the wind and He saved me. It took years of fighting to retake my life with the Lord's help, but it began on the very first night. The profound change that you seek in your life is already occuring, and deep down I'm sure you know. Prayer was all that I did in the first six months along with reading the Gospels. I didn't want to step into a church until I had a strong relationship with Jesus. In those six months I fell so deeply in love with Him, I watched as my heart and mind and life became clean again. I began going to church when I felt my heart longing for it, when I was guided. Now, years later, I am going to school to become a priest...God can do anything, and He will do whatever is necessary to pull you out of whatever hole you have fallen into. Trust Jesus, He will lead you home. Jesus is alive, unseen, hidden from our eyes because seeing is not believing, it is not the Truth. Love is Truth, Hope is Truth, Faith is Truth, entering into His labors is Truth. When you feel the Truth, and there is no mistaking Truth, you are feeling and expieriencing Yeshua, the Majestic Christ.

Peace-

 

[faith2blv_in]

Today was a better day, until after work, i was even one quarter of the way through the to-do list. Then after work my boyfriend and i were having a discussion. He says he is trying to do two big things at once - rebuild our relationship and rebuild his relationship with Christ, he talked like he was the only one going through this, i looked at him and said "you're not the only one, i'm there with you too" he responded with a "boy, you are new at being a Christian, you sure don't know very much about anything that has to do with being a Christain" and that just brought me right back down to zero again. I said under my breath "i'll add that to my to-do list" and went home to pout some more..... who lives like this?

 

[rogsr]

There are two major precepts in what it means to be a Christian.
1. Love God with all of your mind, body, and soul.
2. Love others as Christ loves you.

If you work on those two things steadfastly then you will never taste death.