So I've been a believer my entire life, but lately I've been struggling with the concept of free will. I recently went through a divorce. It was not my choice - my wife cheated on me and left me. I got some counseling from a Pastor during this time and he told me that God's will would always be to restore a marriage, but my wife had free will and God would never change that. This made sense to me with everything I have been taught and believed and I fought against bitterness in my heart for God not saving my marriage as I hoped he would.
When we first split, she was a nightmare when dealing with our son. We have 50/50 custody, but she tried to undermine me every chance she got regarding our time together, even when it went against our legal paperwork. Now after some time has passed, she has been sporadically more reasonable. She has been willing to give and take and things have been better. My mom told me I should be happy because this was an answered prayer. She says I should thank God for making things better between us.
Wait.
Does anyone else see the contradiction? If God was unable to touch her heart in any way when our marriage dissolved, how is He all of a sudden able to make her more reasonable for the sake of our child? I'm not sure totally where I fall on the debate of whether or not God will influence our free will (I know that He is able and scripture has various passages supporting both sides), but I feel like I'm left with a paradox in this situation. I have a very hard time praising God for things being better between us now, because that would mean that He had some influence in softening her heart and making it an easier situation. And if He is able to influence her, than He chose to let our marriage fail, when I was in constant prayer for him to save it, for the sake of our son and to honor my vows.
I'm left in a world where I can't honestly praise God for the way other people are acting because my only solace in her leaving me was that God couldn't (wouldn't) change her actions. I feel when things go badly, I'm expected to say, 'well, we live in a fallen world and God will not change people's decisions', but when things go well I have to say, 'oh, yeah - God made that person do that.' I can't reconcile this.
I would appreciate any thoughts anyone had on this matter. I am praying against bitterness, but logically I am losing that battle...
When we first split, she was a nightmare when dealing with our son. We have 50/50 custody, but she tried to undermine me every chance she got regarding our time together, even when it went against our legal paperwork. Now after some time has passed, she has been sporadically more reasonable. She has been willing to give and take and things have been better. My mom told me I should be happy because this was an answered prayer. She says I should thank God for making things better between us.
Wait.
Does anyone else see the contradiction? If God was unable to touch her heart in any way when our marriage dissolved, how is He all of a sudden able to make her more reasonable for the sake of our child? I'm not sure totally where I fall on the debate of whether or not God will influence our free will (I know that He is able and scripture has various passages supporting both sides), but I feel like I'm left with a paradox in this situation. I have a very hard time praising God for things being better between us now, because that would mean that He had some influence in softening her heart and making it an easier situation. And if He is able to influence her, than He chose to let our marriage fail, when I was in constant prayer for him to save it, for the sake of our son and to honor my vows.
I'm left in a world where I can't honestly praise God for the way other people are acting because my only solace in her leaving me was that God couldn't (wouldn't) change her actions. I feel when things go badly, I'm expected to say, 'well, we live in a fallen world and God will not change people's decisions', but when things go well I have to say, 'oh, yeah - God made that person do that.' I can't reconcile this.
I would appreciate any thoughts anyone had on this matter. I am praying against bitterness, but logically I am losing that battle...