Acknowledged.
Seems subjective, and so unreliable. Let me explain:
A Christian who is doing a much better job than she used to at immitating Christ might think she's doing much worse than she used to, as the Holy Spirit might give her a hightened sensitivity to her own sinfulness. You might see the growing fruit of the spirit, whereas her humility causes her to see only wormy apples.
Then again, one who thinks he's a Christian but isn't might think far too highly of himself to notice the withering fruit on his branches. To him it's God's best, but you see it for what it really is - denial and pride.
In both cases, one can be self-deceived by one's own subjectivity. So shouldn't fruit inspecting be done by someone more objective?
I can answer you in two ways here. First, 2 Corinthians 13:5 and Romans 12:3...this is what scripture says in response to your question. Seldom is humility the problem. In fact, what we often call humility is really pride in disguise.
Second, a story...When I came to Christ I was about 6 years old I came because I needed to have the power of God in my life in order to survive (not going into detail so that the point isn't lost) It wasn't until many years later that I had an opportunity to look back and see that God had taken a kid who should not have survived and allowed her to thrive. This looking back that we are talking about isn't a weekly thing or a monthly thing sometimes it's a many years down the road thing. Our focus isn't on examination but on moving ahead in a more Christ like manner...
Another story for clarification. Our son died about 7 years ago. One of the men we knew accused us of basically killing our son by bringing God's judgment on us because we believed in the trinity. I wanted to strangle the man for making an impossible situation even more difficult. Ran into the man in a local story. where every fiber of my being wanted to have it out with him I instead prayed that God would help me love him. My husband did go off on the man but I was able to talk to him calmly and get him to understand some things he was missing. No way was that my power. Our self examination isn't always "am I doing better" but rather "was it my effort or something beyond my ability alone."
Just some thoughts for what it's worth. I recognize in you the questioning because I have myself had similar questions. I also know from experience that sooner or later you simply have to accept what God says and trust in it rather than doubt as you are right now.
Acknowledged.
Yes, so you might in fact be producing the most wonderful fruit! But perhaps your heightened awareness of sin still within clouds your perception?
again, the same questions I have been asking myself. The only conclusion I can give you is that if you never accept that God is at work in your life and producing fruit you are doubting God more than you are doubting yourself. I know in your head that is backwards but in your heart I think you will find I am right.
Another quick story. Some people very close to me have been going off about literally nothing. Accusing me of things that are not true. I turn that to doubts of myself but what I am having to learn is that it is really doubting God. You see, others and myself if I am being honest with myself see that these people are running from anyone who challenges them to yield control to God. This is what scripture says will happen and instead of accepting it as true in this situation I am doubting that I am living as God ordained me to live. Who has the power in my life? If I have given it all to God then He has the power and will not fail to work His good work in me and if I doubt that He is doing that I am doubting Him. By your own admission you have yielded yourself to seeking Him with all that you are. So the question then is not will He work, but why you allow your doubts to keep you from seeing the work He is doing in your life. Trust me, I get how hard this is. My own husband and son will tell you that my greatest flaw is taking things like this too seriously, but what is that really? It is putting me above God and the work that He promised to do in us. Sober judgment is a humility judgment where we think of God above ourselves. C S Lewis said this of humility...humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. When we doubt as you and I do we are thinking more of ourselves than the God who we want to serve which is in fact pride.
It seems I'll need a more reliable and objective way than my own opinion to determine the quality of my fruit. Any suggestions?
see above...in addition find someone you trust because of the fruit you have seen in them to help.
When I met my husband I was convinced I was insane because of how I was raised. He is the one that showed me that I was not insane, that what I was seeing is what was really going on. I trust him to tell me truth and while he is speaking truth I ask God to search me and reveal to me any wicked way. The question is whether or not you trust that God will reveal to you anything you missed in yourself.
