So is it cheating??

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

So I keep hearing about how looking at porn and gawking at women is treated like an addiction? Now my question is this, if you have had sex in the mind it is considered a sin, it's adultry. So if someone is married and they are masturbating to porn or some girl they saw that day isn't that considered adultry?

So why treat it like an addiction? If the penalty was more severe, to match the pain that some of the spouses have been put through, wouldn't it make sense to kick them to the curb... I mean it is cheating isn't it if someone is enjoying sex with someone else, even if it is in the imagination... Especially since our brains have a hard time distinguishing the difference between reality and fantasy... So even in fantasy it was still something tangable.

And what exactly is this person addicted to. Porn? Masturbating? Gawking at women? I had never heard the whole term of porn addiction until I became familiar with it in Christian circles...

When I was younger my family had a video store with a porn section... I was never interested in it, I don't really see the point... My cousin was, but it wasn't just porn.. he was a pervert. Um, the guys and girls that came in and rented porn, sometimes couples, um... they looked like perverts to me.

Just about everyone I grew up with was into sex, girls, everyone wanted to see a girl naked. If they spotted a cute girl they honked their horn or whistled. They also talked openly about masturbating to this girl or that girl... I was never really into that... Not that I didn't do it when I was younger, but there is an age where real people become more interesting...

In other words you grow out of it. Especially if you are married to someone.

Pervert = Addicted

Hhhhmmmm... I don't know, I bet if a guy was afraid that if he did this it would have the same penalty as cheating and his wife could leave him I gaurantee not too many guys would risk it.

But lets treat it as an addiction and make the wife feel like she is responsible to help him get through this... Crap!

Disclaimer: This is only my opinion and I do not want to force my theories on anyone. I grew up in a home were masturbation, porn, gawking at women was expected of the men... I always saw it as extremely disrespectful and demeaning to women and have had a problem with that kind of behavior being excused as an addiction.

So is it cheating??

 

[hisbloodformysins]

So I keep hearing about how looking at porn and gawking at women is treated like an addiction? Now my question is this, if you have had sex in the mind it is considered a sin, it's adultry. So if someone is married and they are masturbating to porn or some girl they saw that day isn't that considered adultry?

So why treat it like an addiction? If the penalty was more severe, to match the pain that some of the spouses have been put through, wouldn't it make sense to kick them to the curb... I mean it is cheating isn't it if someone is enjoying sex with someone else, even if it is in the imagination... Especially since our brains have a hard time distinguishing the difference between reality and fantasy... So even in fantasy it was still something tangable.

And what exactly is this person addicted to. Porn? Masturbating? Gawking at women? I had never heard the whole term of porn addiction until I became familiar with it in Christian circles...

When I was younger my family had a video store with a porn section... I was never interested in it, I don't really see the point... My cousin was, but it wasn't just porn.. he was a pervert. Um, the guys and girls that came in and rented porn, sometimes couples, um... they looked like perverts to me.

Just about everyone I grew up with was into sex, girls, everyone wanted to see a girl naked. If they spotted a cute girl they honked their horn or whistled. They also talked openly about masturbating to this girl or that girl... I was never really into that... Not that I didn't do it when I was younger, but there is an age where real people become more interesting...

In other words you grow out of it. Especially if you are married to someone.

Pervert = Addicted

Hhhhmmmm... I don't know, I bet if a guy was afraid that if he did this it would have the same penalty as cheating and his wife could leave him I gaurantee not too many guys would risk it.

But lets treat it as an addiction and make the wife feel like she is responsible to help him get through this... Crap!

Disclaimer: This is only my opinion and I do not want to force my theories on anyone. I grew up in a home were masturbation, porn, gawking at women was expected of the men... I always saw it as extremely disrespectful and demeaning to women and have had a problem with that kind of behavior being excused as an addiction.

So is it cheating??

Oh yeah, it's clear biblically that looking at another woman with the intent to lust after her is adultery.

 

[Autumnleaf]

If it is then watching a movie where people are killed would make you guilty of killing.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

If it is then watching a movie where people are killed would make you guilty of killing.

LOL.. that's not what I mean. if you seriously plan on killing someone though... hhhmmmm... that is a sin, because you are seriously wishing ill will against someone... in fact you could go to jail, it's called intent.

When you watch a movie where people are being killed do you get aroused or excited about it? Do you watch that movie for the same reason someone watches porn? Because you get off on it... Hmmmm you got problems.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

If it is then watching a movie where people are killed would make you guilty of killing.

Well, no, as a matter of fact, the bible says that if you hate your brother in your heart, then you are guilty of committing murder, so that's not quite true.

HB

 

[hisbloodformysins]

LOL.. that's not what I mean. if you seriously plan on killing someone though... hhhmmmm... that is a sin, because you are seriously wishing ill will against someone... in fact you could go to jail, it's called intent.

When you watch a movie where people are being killed do you get aroused or excited about it? Do you watch that movie for the same reason someone watches porn? Because you get off on it... Hmmmm you got problems.

LOL! We better watch out for autumleaf...

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Truth is people sin everyday. It's nearly impossible to avoid... wait, it is impossible. There's probably a scripture that could condemn our behavior everyday if we look for one. Fortunately we are justified by faith.

I think that if someone is watching porn or masterbating to other women (or men) then sure, that can become addictive, a lot of unhealthy behaviors can become addictive. Why are you doing those behaviors in the first place? Because you are trying to fill an empty whole or cover a painful thing with a sensual indulgence. That is why people get addicted to drugs or boos, pornography, shoot some people can become addicted to sex itself. My questio is, why are they doing it? You see, I don't think it's easy to deal with a behavior by labeling it.. though sometimes the label you give it can effect how you respond to it. But sometimes identifying the behavior as a no no is not enough. What need is going unmet? If a man has a straying eye, then why? I think that it might help if the focus in prayer is on getting that unmet need met, or facing the "addictive" behavior by looking at other ways to effectively cope, by praying and such. Just sharing my thoughts.

HB

 

[TheDag]

LOL.. that's not what I mean. if you seriously plan on killing someone though... hhhmmmm... that is a sin, because you are seriously wishing ill will against someone... in fact you could go to jail, it's called intent.

When you watch a movie where people are being killed do you get aroused or excited about it? Do you watch that movie for the same reason someone watches porn? Because you get off on it... Hmmmm you got problems.

However what about those movies that really make the bad guy look very bad. Often people are glad that 'they get whats coming to them'. That is the same as hating them in the heart so yes it does make us guilty of killing. We don't have to get excited by it for it to be wrong. That logic is faulty imo. Our reaction can be different to different situations yet they can all be wrong.



as for the question you ask I agree that it is an addiction. That doesn't mean it isn't cheating either. it just means you do need to have a different approach. It is the same with child molesters. Studies have found that most people who abuse children were abused as kids themselves. Does that mean we excuse the behaviour. Certainly not it is still wrong however we must remember that they are also a victim and as such we should take that into consideration when dealing with the situation.

 

[rosiecotton]

I also agree that it can become an addiction. I don't think with everyone you can label it as an addiction, but it can happen.
Not everyone who does this is a pervert. There are many Christians, even ministers, who have porn addictions.
I know those of us who don't deal with addictions, don't understand why the person just doesn't stop. But then the other day I thought about how hard it is for me to eat healthy and not eat 3 or 4 chocolate chip cookies at once! Or I"ll just think "I'll just have one".....so how much harder is it for someone who is actually addicted to something?
No, being addicted doesn't excuse the behavior. But there is usually an underlying cause for it, and it's not as easy as 'just stopping'.

 

[FishButton]

People are quick to label themselves "Pornography addicts" or say that their husbands are addicted to pornography around here. I was taken aback by this notion shortly after finding this board.

A man that sometimes gets the urge to look at pictures of naked women and touch is hardly an addict, in my opinion.

Most of the people here identifying as "addicts" are more likely to be habitual users of it. Addict, to me, implies that they cannot function normally without it. They cannot care for their wives or families or do their jobs because they are consumed and obsessed with it and will do anything to obtain it. While some may say they are, most psychological professionals do not agree and would be skeptical of this label.

Sexual addiction is debilitating, much like alcoholism, and the "addict" label is used very loosely which I think, is detrimental to our understanding of what a real addiction is. Lack of self control does not equal "addiction"

 

[whatisyourstory]

People are quick to label themselves "Pornography addicts" or say that their husbands are addicted to pornography around here. I was taken aback by this notion shortly after finding this board.

A man that sometimes gets the urge to look at pictures of naked women and touch is hardly an addict, in my opinion.

Most of the people here identifying as "addicts" are more likely to be habitual users of it. Addict, to me, implies that they cannot function normally without it. They cannot care for their wives or families or do their jobs because they are consumed and obsessed with it and will do anything to obtain it. While some may say they are, most psychological professionals do not agree and would be skeptical of this label.

Sexual addiction is debilitating, much like alcoholism, and the "addict" label is used very loosely which I think, is detrimental to our understanding of what a real addiction is. Lack of self control does not equal "addiction"

You can be addicted to something and still function. When the person becomes drawn to porn even when they know it's wrong (ie. they watch it in private and try to hide it from others) it is considered an addiction. They find they are unable to control the urge to participate in the activity and that urge tends to grow with each participation. There are a lot of porn addicts who are able to easliy hide their addiction from family and friends.

I have personal experience working with the wives of porn addicts, so I've spoken with many women who had no idea their husbands were engaging in such activities for many years.

Addiction was a term used to describe a devotion, attachment, dedication, inclination, etc. Nowadays, however, the term addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life.

 

[FishButton]

My wife does not accept my urge to play video games, she thinks that the time could be better spent doing something more productive. Yet, I play them anyway. It has a negative impact on our relationship and yet I still do it. Sometimes I play them when she is not home and I'm supposed to be doing something else. By that logic, I must be addicted to video games.

Now, pornography she doesn't have an issue with. She does not see it as a threat to our marriage and I do not hide it from her. It does not affect my social life or harm my mental health. I have a positive and respectful view of the women in my life despite my occasional use of explicit images.

So, it would seem that I am not a pornography addict yet I am a video game addict.

 

[dayknee]

The first time I found out was over ten years ago..that he was viweing..
After that..it became more frequent.
He always apologized and i always forgave him..for over TEN YEARS.
Our sex life suffered. He no longer wanted to be intimate..infact..he stated he would be fine with just once a month or so..and so that is the way it went. I continued to tell him that I couldnt go on like this in our marriage and he continued to view.
Hence he had to leave the home.
The last straw was him viewing it on my sons computer.
I coulnt get the pop ups to stop
He IS addicted and he refused/refuses to get help sayng he can stop at any time..he never did.
sad reality for him.
I feel sorry for him that he prefers porn over a real person.

 

[Johnnz]

Christians oppose porn because it is a tragic parody of the real thing.

An interest in naked bodies arises from our human sexuality. It is God designed. We are far too hung up about this issue. Of course that natural part of us can be misused. To label all nudity as porn is far too simplistic.

That verse in Matthew is just so misused and misunderstood. It causes far too much, unnecessary grief for too many people as a result.

John
NZ

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

Personally, I don't feel looking at porn is adultery, nor do I think only perverts look at it. I think that adultery is far more serious and far more an active act than watching a video or looking at a picture.

Of course, that's my marriage's dynamic, so it may not apply to everybody.

There are different marriage dynamics. If it is something that hurts the other person then the obvious answer is to stop.

Especially if the person is labeling it an addiction and using the bible to tell their spouse that it is their responsibility to get them through it...

Every situation is different, I am no stranger to the dynamic... I just have a problem with people twisting religion to benefit them. On the one hand it is grounds for divorce based on the rules of the bible and adultry. On the other hand it is grounds for staying together do to the label of addiction. I don't get it...

If it was something that bothered my spouse, I really don't see the point in doing it. I know a lot of women who have felt betrayed because their husband basically goes behind thier back and fantasizes being with other women. Then they label it an addiction and remove all responsability for their actions.

it just seems to me that if two people are on the same level of understanding on what is right and wrong for them... they should be held responsible.

Your thoughts?

 

[hisbloodformysins]

There are different marriage dynamics. If it is something that hurts the other person then the obvious answer is to stop.

Especially if the person is labeling it an addiction and using the bible to tell their spouse that it is their responsibility to get them through it...

Every situation is different, I am no stranger to the dynamic... I just have a problem with people twisting religion to benefit them. On the one hand it is grounds for divorce based on the rules of the bible and adultry. On the other hand it is grounds for staying together do to the label of addiction. I don't get it...

If it was something that bothered my spouse, I really don't see the point in doing it. I know a lot of women who have felt betrayed because their husband basically goes behind thier back and fantasizes being with other women. Then they label it an addiction and remove all responsability for their actions.

it just seems to me that if two people are on the same level of understanding on what is right and wrong for them... they should be held responsible.

Your thoughts?

I love the way you see things donald! You are right on... you have a good head on your shoulders and i'm glad you are one of those husbands who seems to stand up for what is right. Your wife is (or was ) blessed!

HB

 

[whatisyourstory]

My wife does not accept my urge to play video games, she thinks that the time could be better spent doing something more productive. Yet, I play them anyway. It has a negative impact on our relationship and yet I still do it. Sometimes I play them when she is not home and I'm supposed to be doing something else. By that logic, I must be addicted to video games.

Now, pornography she doesn't have an issue with. She does not see it as a threat to our marriage and I do not hide it from her. It does not affect my social life or harm my mental health. I have a positive and respectful view of the women in my life despite my occasional use of explicit images.

So, it would seem that I am not a pornography addict yet I am a video game addict.

You may very well be addicted to video games. I hope you find some help for that since you say it has a negative impact on your relationship.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

You may very well be addicted to video games. I hope you find some help for that since you say it has a negative impact on your relationship.

I think that he just doesn't give it priority in his heart... if he really wanted to deal with it, he could. And although I think he might be minimizing addiction, he has a text book answer for addiction and has a point. Addiction is something that you just can't resist... but it's true, a lot of it is habit based to.

Those are my thoughts.

HB

 

[whatisyourstory]

I think that he just doesn't give it priority in his heart... if he really wanted to deal with it, he could. And although I think he might be minimizing addiction, he has a text book answer for addiction and has a point. Addiction is something that you just can't resist... but it's true, a lot of it is habit based to.

Those are my thoughts.

HB

I agree that he is making a choice to participate in those activities. It's just sad that he doesn't seem to be able to see that there is a difference in choosing to engage in those activities and not being able to stop. For the person who is really addicted to something, they are usually unable to stop without help.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I agree that he is making a choice to participate in those activities. It's just sad that he doesn't seem to be able to see that there is a difference in choosing to engage in those activities and not being able to stop. For the person who is really addicted to something, they are usually unable to stop without help.

Yeah, what IS up with that? I wonder if he'll tell us