So is it cheating??

[FishButton]

..Of course I'm not addicted to video games. I was being facetious

How many of those men are really and truly pornography addicts and how many of them just don't want to stop. Perhaps they tell their wives that they want to stop when they really don't want to, and when their wives catch them doing something that they feel it is wrong they make an excuse by saying "But I'm an addict I can't help myself!"

No one is powerless to some images on a computer screen

If you want to stop looking at pornography and you are really that powerless to control your urges...maybe you should throw your computer out and get rid of your television. Somehow I doubt you'll get the shakes and start climbing the walls in search of some relief.

 

[TheDag]

Addict, to me, implies that they cannot function normally without it. They cannot care for their wives or families or do their jobs because they are consumed and obsessed with it and will do anything to obtain it. While some may say they are, most psychological professionals do not agree and would be skeptical of this label.

Actually that is an advanced stage of adiction. It is often in this stage that people acknowledge they have a problem. One can function with an addiction although not as well as they would without the addiction.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

I'm curious about something... for a long time I was addicted to smoking, there is a drug that causes a physical addiction to cigarettes... Physical addiction.

I also grew up and knew drug addicts, addiction is no stranger to me. What I see is not an addiction. I've had addicts in my family, alcoholics and so on (I won't go into detail)

My question is this... How many stories have you heard of women being addicted to porn?

Addictions do not hit only one gender, it doesn't work that way.

I understand this is a difficult subject due to a lot of the pain this has given, and for that I am sorry.

Seems to me that it is easier to label it an addiction than to deal with the actual issue.

Let me be careful how I say this...

If a husband and wife are Christians and believe that it is a sin. A husband goes into this relationship making a promise to his wife to protect her from being hurt or betrayed in any way. Then she finds out he has been doing this behind her back since before they were married...

Reaction "There must be something wrong with me, I must not be doing something I am supposed to."

I see it as betrayel from the beggining... If he is hiding it, then it means that he knew it would hurt her... Same as cheating, except he is able to visit these women in his mind in the comforts of the other room, thus minimizing the chance of getting caught cheating...

But he is still visiting and fantasizing about other women... or has sex with her and thinks of the girl at the supermarket... C'mon seriously.. that is not ok.

So she feels betrayed, hurt, cheated on... her world gets turned upside down... But she can't leave him, because everyone is telling her it is an addiction and she has to help him through it... And if he does it again and again, he gets to claim that she is not helping him enough by having sex on demand.

It gets turned back on to her... it becomes her responsibility to help him through it...

Every situation is different, but if she feels betrayed after her trust was broken, why should she stay?

 

[dayknee]

Hrm..interesting things being said.
I know that I say all the time that my husband is addicted to porn. I guess becuase it seems better or easeir saying that rather than saying "he looks at porn becuase he wants to and doesnt want to stop even though it hurts me and is destroying our marriage"

Donald= I think your post helped me see some things that maybe I never saw before. I don't think I ever believed he was truely addicted to porn..I think he chose to do it and as long as he got away with it he kept doing it. I have been on the end that you spoke about and I still am..about how all the focus and attention kind of shifted to me to make things right.
I was asked so many questions by the few counselors I saw ( before I found the one Ive been with over a year) and they all concluded that I needed to be available to my husband more..all I could do was scream becuase I kept telling them that I was always available to him but he refused me. Then it went to asking me if I wasnt doing "things" for him..
This week my sister in law (visitng from Texas) said that I needed to really consider just submitting to my husband and letting him back home even though issues have never been dealt with. She felt that I needed to put him back into the role of headship and that maybe he never felt he was ever in that role due to my "non submission"..I was even asked to read from a book about how to "do myself up" for him when he came home. I didnt say a word..I got up..went outside and just ...cried to God..why in the world is he sending these people to do this to me..when I know in my heart that I have loved him and had been a great wife to him and was always there for him and always did anything he wanted..I begged for intimacy..I begged for holding/touching just..anything ...and he refused. I always supported the business ventures and we opened our own business..I mean..I really just made so much effort to be the wife I needed to be. I feel used..and I cant help but feel less then sometimes even if I know it really has nothing to do with me.

I think I'm realizing that other than it being and "addiction" maybe he just keeps doing it becuase he wants to.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

..Of course I'm not addicted to video games. I was being facetious

How many of those men are really and truly pornography addicts and how many of them just don't want to stop. Perhaps they tell their wives that they want to stop when they really don't want to, and when their wives catch them doing something that they feel it is wrong they make an excuse by saying "But I'm an addict I can't help myself!"

No one is powerless to some images on a computer screen

If you want to stop looking at pornography and you are really that powerless to control your urges...maybe you should throw your computer out and get rid of your television. Somehow I doubt you'll get the shakes and start climbing the walls in search of some relief.

Very good point! Getting me to thinking of my own habits that I dub "addictions " (like the fact that i'm on the computer so late every night ) Good post, really to the point, getting to the heart of the matter. Thanks!

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I'm curious about something... for a long time I was addicted to smoking, there is a drug that causes a physical addiction to cigarettes... Physical addiction.

I also grew up and knew drug addicts, addiction is no stranger to me. What I see is not an addiction. I've had addicts in my family, alcoholics and so on (I won't go into detail)

My question is this... How many stories have you heard of women being addicted to porn?

Addictions do not hit only one gender, it doesn't work that way.

I understand this is a difficult subject due to a lot of the pain this has given, and for that I am sorry.

Seems to me that it is easier to label it an addiction than to deal with the actual issue.

Let me be careful how I say this...

If a husband and wife are Christians and believe that it is a sin. A husband goes into this relationship making a promise to his wife to protect her from being hurt or betrayed in any way. Then she finds out he has been doing this behind her back since before they were married...

Reaction "There must be something wrong with me, I must not be doing something I am supposed to."

I see it as betrayel from the beggining... If he is hiding it, then it means that he knew it would hurt her... Same as cheating, except he is able to visit these women in his mind in the comforts of the other room, thus minimizing the chance of getting caught cheating...

But he is still visiting and fantasizing about other women... or has sex with her and thinks of the girl at the supermarket... C'mon seriously.. that is not ok.

So she feels betrayed, hurt, cheated on... her world gets turned upside down... But she can't leave him, because everyone is telling her it is an addiction and she has to help him through it... And if he does it again and again, he gets to claim that she is not helping him enough by having sex on demand.

It gets turned back on to her... it becomes her responsibility to help him through it...

Every situation is different, but if she feels betrayed after her trust was broken, why should she stay?

This is where she needs to stand up for herself and set boundaries (ok, you all can call me "boundary girl" I'll let you )

I come across this in my marriage. No fortunately my hubby is not into porn, thank God! Because that would really hurt me. But hmmm *coughs*I'veummmm *coughs* had the *coughs* problem (ok, you didn't hear that)

But what I mean is that my husband loves to turn the finger on me and make things my problem when I have a legitament complaint. I'll point out somethng that i'm bothered by and want to discuss... and he'll respond by somehow twisting it into it being my fault and makig me feel like the bad guy. But I'm learning to stand up to that now. Knowing I can't control his behavior or even his thinking, but refusing to receive the blame for his offensive behavior, know what I mean? I turn it rght around back on him, or I just walk away and don't say anything at all because he's pulling me into a blame game that will somehow make him come out on top.

She needs to realize that that is sin, that it does hurt, that she has a right to her feelings, and she needs to treat it like it's an affair, because it is, in his heart. Even God wants our hearts, not just our actions. We are to love him with ALL our hearts, ALL our minds, and ALL our strength! He is a jealous God and doesn't want us chasing after other Gods. And we are made in his image. When a man or woman is having a hard time dealling with something then that is a sign that something is going astray, and the spouse should react attentively, I whole heartedly agree with that!

She has to deal with it by first affirming outloud to him, but more for herself that "no, that is an affair, it hurts, and it has to stop" and needs to be able to be confident enough to treat it as such.

I had a boyfriend who cheated on me all the time, and I'd find out, so when I'd confront him or try to break up with him he'd respond by getting mad, denying that it happened, begging me to stay with him (why? That just blows my mind) and I felt like I was going mad. I felt like the bad guy, I was treated like the person who was just overly paranoid, jealous and crazy. That is a shame when that happens.. it's hard when you are emotionally involved with the person and even find yourself subconciously explaining it away so you don't have to deal with the reality.

HB

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Hrm..interesting things being said.
I know that I say all the time that my husband is addicted to porn. I guess becuase it seems better or easeir saying that rather than saying "he looks at porn becuase he wants to and doesnt want to stop even though it hurts me and is destroying our marriage"

Donald= I think your post helped me see some things that maybe I never saw before. I don't think I ever believed he was truely addicted to porn..I think he chose to do it and as long as he got away with it he kept doing it. I have been on the end that you spoke about and I still am..about how all the focus and attention kind of shifted to me to make things right.
I was asked so many questions by the few counselors I saw ( before I found the one Ive been with over a year) and they all concluded that I needed to be available to my husband more..all I could do was scream becuase I kept telling them that I was always available to him but he refused me. Then it went to asking me if I wasnt doing "things" for him..
This week my sister in law (visitng from Texas) said that I needed to really consider just submitting to my husband and letting him back home even though issues have never been dealt with. She felt that I needed to put him back into the role of headship and that maybe he never felt he was ever in that role due to my "non submission"..I was even asked to read from a book about how to "do myself up" for him when he came home. I didnt say a word..I got up..went outside and just ...cried to God..why in the world is he sending these people to do this to me..when I know in my heart that I have loved him and had been a great wife to him and was always there for him and always did anything he wanted..I begged for intimacy..I begged for holding/touching just..anything ...and he refused. I always supported the business ventures and we opened our own business..I mean..I really just made so much effort to be the wife I needed to be. I feel used..and I cant help but feel less then sometimes even if I know it really has nothing to do with me.

I think I'm realizing that other than it being and "addiction" maybe he just keeps doing it becuase he wants to.

Wow!

Sister, you need some strength to stand up to this, even when everyone else says the opposite of what you know to be true. You know in your heart that it's wrong, you don't need someone to tell you it's wrong, you know. However it is sad that others are addressing this situation this way. I've been the odd man out well, all my life it seems. I will pray for you! God Bless!

HB

 

[Johnnz]

There is some crazy 'Christian' counseling around it seems. They cannot help you. Trust your own judgements.

John
NZ

 

[TheDag]

My question is this... How many stories have you heard of women being addicted to porn?

Addictions do not hit only one gender, it doesn't work that way.

Actually there have been studies done which show that women get the same kind of response from romance novels as guys get from porn (from measuring brain waves). I can assure you that there are plenty of women addicted to romance novels. I'm not personally sure if I believe that study but it certainly does open up the possibility that it is a problem for both genders. It would just be the material that is different.

So she feels betrayed, hurt, cheated on... her world gets turned upside down... But she can't leave him, because everyone is telling her it is an addiction and she has to help him through it... And if he does it again and again, he gets to claim that she is not helping him enough by having sex on demand.

It gets turned back on to her... it becomes her responsibility to help him through it...

Every situation is different, but if she feels betrayed after her trust was broken, why should she stay?

I am surprised. You say you have know addiction and have known people who have had addictions. One of the things that becomes clear to anyone I personally know who deals with people who have addictions is that people make excuses for their behaviour and try and claim it isn't their fault. So yeah the husband might say it is his wife's fault for not having sex often enough. The correct response is to refuse to accept responsibility for his problem. You explain that it is their problem and that you can help. In helping you should ave healthy boundaries to protect yourself. one can also explain how the bible does not condone sex on demand. If she really wanted to make a point of it she could by having sex then as soon as they finish DEMAND sex again and again and again untill he is no longer capable. She could then point out that he claims the bible supports sex on demand and he needs to either change his view on that passage or perform his duties and if he is unable to the n the problem is not with her.


Also while on the topic of dealing with real issues we should make sure churches stop thinking sex is a dirty word. That is part of the whole problem. Yes the guy is responsible for his own actions but we as a society and community should be doing what we can to avoid these issues.

 

[TheDag]

I got up..went outside and just ...cried to God..why in the world is he sending these people to do this to me..

Just out of curiosity why do you believe God is sending these people to you to say these things? Why can't it be Satan?


As for your situation I agree that you need to set boundaries. If he does not seek help and tries to blame you for his actions then boundaries need to kick in. I agree that not allowing him home untill he has got help and is commited to working on the problem and stopping it. Explain to him how it hurts you when he does that and you don't wish to be hurt like that again. As soon as he does show a commitment to seek help (not just a front to fool you) then don't just jump full on back in but slowly as he progresses relax your boundaries accordingly.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

Actually there have been studies done which show that women get the same kind of response from romance novels as guys get from porn (from measuring brain waves). I can assure you that there are plenty of women addicted to romance novels. I'm not personally sure if I believe that study but it certainly does open up the possibility that it is a problem for both genders. It would just be the material that is different.



I am surprised. You say you have know addiction and have known people who have had addictions. One of the things that becomes clear to anyone I personally know who deals with people who have addictions is that people make excuses for their behaviour and try and claim it isn't their fault. So yeah the husband might say it is his wife's fault for not having sex often enough. The correct response is to refuse to accept responsibility for his problem. You explain that it is their problem and that you can help. In helping you should ave healthy boundaries to protect yourself. one can also explain how the bible does not condone sex on demand. If she really wanted to make a point of it she could by having sex then as soon as they finish DEMAND sex again and again and again untill he is no longer capable. She could then point out that he claims the bible supports sex on demand and he needs to either change his view on that passage or perform his duties and if he is unable to the n the problem is not with her.


Also while on the topic of dealing with real issues we should make sure churches stop thinking sex is a dirty word. That is part of the whole problem. Yes the guy is responsible for his own actions but we as a society and community should be doing what we can to avoid these issues.

The topic isn't sex being a dirty word...

The problem is calling something an addiction when it is not. and comparing romance novels to porn, you've gotta be kidding me.

Now listen... I'm sure there are guys out there that have a problem with porn... what I am talking about is the guy that sneaks off to watch porn, the guy that walks into a room and cant keep his eye off of every girl, the guy that needs to pick up the swimsuit issue, the guy that objectifies women, gets off on watching a video on youtube of two women slapping eachother in the face for 45 seconds... and he was laughing his ass off.

I understand where you are coming from Dag, and I am very familiar with addiction. The problem is, this is a male addiction made up by the church to give men an excuse for thier actions...

Hold them accountable when they are damaging someone elses selfesteem or turning their world upside down... in the church it should be seen as Adultry cut and dry plain and simple. Just like all the rules we apply for women... I think men should be held accountable in not even more responsible for thier actions..

If you are going to objectify women while you are married to one by watching Leather Angels of Sex and jerking off to every image on the screen....

Then you betray your wifes trust... you should be held accountable...

It is not an addiction. That is absurd!

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

Just out of curiosity why do you believe God is sending these people to you to say these things? Why can't it be Satan?


As for your situation I agree that you need to set boundaries. If he does not seek help and tries to blame you for his actions then boundaries need to kick in. I agree that not allowing him home untill he has got help and is commited to working on the problem and stopping it. Explain to him how it hurts you when he does that and you don't wish to be hurt like that again. As soon as he does show a commitment to seek help (not just a front to fool you) then don't just jump full on back in but slowly as he progresses relax your boundaries accordingly.

Why is it ever time something bad happens everyone is quick to blame Satan for it...

My question is this, if Satan brought him into her life and she married him... She can dump his but to the curb right?

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

There is some crazy 'Christian' counseling around it seems. They cannot help you. Trust your own judgements.

John
NZ

C'mon John, Join the craziness... I'm just trying to find a real answer to my questions... it seems like everything is only half true..

 

[rosiecotton]

The topic isn't sex being a dirty word...

The problem is calling something an addiction when it is not. and comparing romance novels to porn, you've gotta be kidding me.

Now listen... I'm sure there are guys out there that have a problem with porn... what I am talking about is the guy that sneaks off to watch porn, the guy that walks into a room and cant keep his eye off of every girl, the guy that needs to pick up the swimsuit issue, the guy that objectifies women, gets off on watching a video on youtube of two women slapping eachother in the face for 45 seconds... and he was laughing his ass off.

I understand where you are coming from Dag, and I am very familiar with addiction. The problem is, this is a male addiction made up by the church to give men an excuse for thier actions...

Hold them accountable when they are damaging someone elses selfesteem or turning their world upside down... in the church it should be seen as Adultry cut and dry plain and simple. Just like all the rules we apply for women... I think men should be held accountable in not even more responsible for thier actions..

If you are going to objectify women while you are married to one by watching Leather Angels of Sex and jerking off to every image on the screen....

Then you betray your wifes trust... you should be held accountable...

It is not an addiction. That is absurd!

Well I haven't heard anyone say that this gives men an excuse for their actions and they don't have to be held responsible.
I think with ANY addiction, the person has to be held responsible for their actions. Whether it's drugs, alcohol, porn, whatever....there has to come a point where they take responsibility that they are making the choice to do what they are doing.
I'm just saying it's not always as easy as "just stop". I know how hard it is for me to give up something, like a bad habit, when it's NOT an addiction.
I was talking to a friend of mine, who is big into psychology and is going to school for counseling, and she said it's not actually the 'thing' they are addicted to, but something ( a chemical...I can't remember the name of it!) that is released in your body.
And there are women who do have problems with porn, and I don't mean romance novels, I mean actual porn. It's not just a man's problem.
Also, just because you or I don't have a problem with porn addiction doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. I have never had a problem with alcohol or drugs and being addicted to them, that doesn't mean that other people don't get addicted to them.

 

[TheDag]

The topic isn't sex being a dirty word...

Well your the one who first mentioned dealing with the real problem. I'm saying this is part of the real problem therefore it needs to be addressed. Have you changed your mind perhaps and don't want to deal with the entire issue?

The problem is calling something an addiction when it is not. and comparing romance novels to porn, you've gotta be kidding me.

I'm just mentioning the study I once saw. It pointed out that brainwave paterns that are there during sex are also there when reading romance novels. It could be argued that romance novels are a female version of porn. The point being is that there is sufficient doubt in regards to your claim that it is a male only problem. I can also tell you from having worked in a paper shop that there was no shortage of female porn magazines being purchased. So there are females out there interested in this stuff as well. So once again sufficient doubt is cast on your claim it is a male only problem.

Now listen... I'm sure there are guys out there that have a problem with porn... what I am talking about is the guy that sneaks off to watch porn, the guy that walks into a room and cant keep his eye off of every girl, the guy that needs to pick up the swimsuit issue, the guy that objectifies women, gets off on watching a video on youtube of two women slapping eachother in the face for 45 seconds... and he was laughing his ass off.

So are you suggesting we wait untill it is a huge problem and has a huge hold on the guys life before intervening? Surely we would want to stop it earlier in the process. I mean let's be honest guys don't go from looking at zero porn one day to what you describe here the next. It is a gradual thing just like it tends to be with alcoholics. They only drink on social occasions, then they drink heavily on social occasions, then they drink at other times and so forth. It isn't something that happens overnight.

I understand where you are coming from Dag, and I am very familiar with addiction. The problem is, this is a male addiction made up by the church to give men an excuse for thier actions...

Before you wanted me to leave the church out of this now you bring it up. C'mon Dave you can't have it both ways. I would be interested in your proof that it was the church who made it up. I personally in my 30 plus years of church attendance and involvement in a number of mission organisations have not seen any evidence that it was the church. I'm not saying they didn't but I've seen no evidence. If you are indeed right then I would say the fault for that is with the people who listen to them unquestiongly. It would be the same as all those people who just accepted the outspoken people who said AIDS was God's judgement on gay people. The people who are to blame are the ones who followed that line when there was nothing to back it up.

Hold them accountable when they are damaging someone elses selfesteem or turning their world upside down... in the church it should be seen as Adultry cut and dry plain and simple. Just like all the rules we apply for women... I think men should be held accountable in not even more responsible for thier actions..

If you are going to objectify women while you are married to one by watching Leather Angels of Sex and jerking off to every image on the screen....

Then you betray your wifes trust... you should be held accountable...

It is not an addiction. That is absurd!

I agree we should hold them accountable. Regardless of if it is an addiction which is a sin or just a plain sin the person should be held accountable. That should go without saying. What should also go without saying is that in both cases we should not just walk away from the person and leave them to deal with it themselves like you seem to be advocating (or have I misunderstood you when you say the woman should be able to just walk away?). If it is just a sin we have a biblical obligation to help our fellow believer. If it is an addiction then we also should help the person. In both cases helping does not mean taking responsibility for the actions away from the one who did them.

Your talk of keeping guys accountablre like we do women prompts me to say we should also keep women accountable like we keep men accountable. You seem to be thinking of the typical sterotype of women. If you really want I could go on and give a lengthy list of things that women are not held to the same standard as men even though they should. Or in other words it works both ways. I'm not saying that guys are always held accountable when they should be. I know that is not the case but to paint a picture that men can do what they want and excuse it while women can't is not a balanced view.

Why is it ever time something bad happens everyone is quick to blame Satan for it...

I never said it was satan. I was simply asking the person to consider if it might not be God bringing these people into her life.. I find it interesting that people so quickly blame God for bad things. They don't acknowledge the rest of it. Satan is real. Sin is real. We live in a fallen world which means bad things can happen to good people. This world is not the way God intended it to be. God intended a world without sin. With sin there were consequences.

My question is this, if Satan brought him into her life and she married him... She can dump his but to the curb right?

Why are you so quick to reccomend divorce? Surely we should try and fix things. I know of marriages that have survived an affair. It took time. It took hard work. The point being the love was still there. Why write it off so quick?
I also read it a bit different to how you understand it.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

Well I haven't heard anyone say that this gives men an excuse for their actions and they don't have to be held responsible.
I think with ANY addiction, the person has to be held responsible for their actions. Whether it's drugs, alcohol, porn, whatever....there has to come a point where they take responsibility that they are making the choice to do what they are doing.
I'm just saying it's not always as easy as "just stop". I know how hard it is for me to give up something, like a bad habit, when it's NOT an addiction.
I was talking to a friend of mine, who is big into psychology and is going to school for counseling, and she said it's not actually the 'thing' they are addicted to, but something ( a chemical...I can't remember the name of it!) that is released in your body.
And there are women who do have problems with porn, and I don't mean romance novels, I mean actual porn. It's not just a man's problem.
Also, just because you or I don't have a problem with porn addiction doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. I have never had a problem with alcohol or drugs and being addicted to them, that doesn't mean that other people don't get addicted to them.

Not convincing...

These are called disorders, not addiction... You are not addicted to food, you have an eating disorder because food has an effect on the Chemical (Name escapes me too, lol) that has an effect on the serotonin levels in your brain.

But it's an eating disorder and it is a mental disorder. People overcome these disorders by attacking the problem direct.

Porn disorder, let's call it is linked to something else. These people obviously have a problem with something. Honestly for some it's not a problem at all, they are not ashamed and it may even be part of their marriage... Doesn't make it an addiction or even a disorder in that case.

Women watch porn, yes.. and I am sure there are some on there who have labeled it as an addiction, but it seems to be (and you seriously cannot argue with this) a male dominated habit.

Some people have fetishes, are these considered addictions too? When someone gets off on seeing someone tied in leather straps and want to be whipped... is that an addiction? Or is it in the mind?

Lets go a step further, there are people out there who get off on watching snuff films. Is that an addiction?

The same chemicals fire when I watched a porn film or saw a magazine, went to a strip club, any of those things... when I spent a lot of time masturbating because I had found this new sensation that was better than anything I had felt before... it wasn't an addiction.

I simply enjoyed doing it and didn't see it as wrong, everyone I knew did it.

That was until I realized that as a man in a relationship you are objectifying women and demeaning your spouse... How many guys out there want their best friend jerking off to their mother.

Then it lost it's appeal, besides I discovered the real thing and I really like that much better.

My mother is an alcoholic, my father was a drug dealer who was addicted to his own product, most of my uncles did drugs as well. I lived in a nieghborhood where it was common to walk down an alley and find someone sleeping with a needle in their arm... so yes I understand addictions. I have also done much research on the subject and find that it is a farce.

Maybe it's a disorder, but that simply means there is something deeper at work...

Let me ask you a question...

A man gets home and screams at his wife and calls her a lazy B--- and five minutes later comes up behind her and wants sex. When she says she's not in the mood he storms off. Later on he starts threatening her and telling her it will be her fault if he slips from his addiction because she is not giving him sex. Then he stands over her finger in her face screaming at the top of his lungs calling her all kinds of names. Then a few minutes later he wants sex again, she is crying and refuses... He storms off. He changes his tactic, he starts to act really sweet, but she is confused... he wants sex again, she is tired... He storms off calling her a name, blaming her because he looks at women and porn.

does that sound like an addiction?

 

[TheDag]

does that sound like an addiction?

Sounds like your suggesting because the behaviour is what we might call irrational then it can't be an addiction. If that is the case drugs and alcohol can't be addictions either.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

Sounds like your suggesting because the behaviour is what we might call irrational then it can't be an addiction. If that is the case drugs and alcohol can't be addictions either.

Yes they can... but they have a direct chemical pollutant that is being placed in the body which causes the addictive behavior...

Drugs and alcohol make sense but not porn... Not convincing me, if anything I see a lot of excuses but nothing to suggest that it is an addiction.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

The real problem is that these men do not respect women enough to see them as more than a sexual outlet.


Dominant male problem.. I worked in a video store with a porn section, I also sold magazines... Um yeah, much bigger with the guys than the girls. Besides I have heard several stories about this so called addiction, even on this forum... I am yet to see a man getting hurt by his wifes porn addiction.


What do mean huge problem... these guys have been doing it for ever. And the answer is simple, either you look at porn or you don't.

Hhhmmm. Dag, I have a question before I continue. You don't have to answer but, is this something you have delt with at any time in your life?

I know I grew up around it... I asked by my uncle if I was jerking off yet when I was 11. There were playboys in my bathroom growing up. I was into them, I like women... they are my favorite, but I didn't have to be weened off of it. I also didn't try to look at every girl in the room..

By the way... Thanks for all the input. I think you have a point on a lot of things, I do agree with you on some stuff... I'm just curious on why?

 

[TheDag]

Yes they can... but they have a direct chemical pollutant that is being placed in the body which causes the addictive behavior...

Drugs and alcohol make sense but not porn... Not convincing me, if anything I see a lot of excuses but nothing to suggest that it is an addiction.

While i don't see anything conclusive I do see that there is a possibility that it might be the case. I will not therefore dismiss the possibility. I will keep an open mind and see what other evidence can be found or is presented. You seem to be saying I'm not convinced therefore I will dismiss it as not being truerather than saying I am not convinced but there is insufficient data to rule it out. I could be wrong. Are you keeping an open mind?

Also sorry about my lengthy previous post but I reckon it is worth the read.