So is it cheating??

[hisbloodformysins]

I reckon that much of what Christians call porn addiction is just an expression of a systematic failure to get to grips with human sexuality, its God designed potency, and an understanding of human sexuality not just limited to moral injunctions (don't, until etc).

When you have some notions of what healthy, normal sexuality is about porn just has no real appeal. But try and deny the reality and nature of our sex drive and all sorts of issues arise, including porn.

So, in many ways I would agree with what seems to be your basic stance.

John
NZ

good post

 

[judahsgem]

There are different marriage dynamics. If it is something that hurts the other person then the obvious answer is to stop.

Especially if the person is labeling it an addiction and using the bible to tell their spouse that it is their responsibility to get them through it...

Every situation is different, I am no stranger to the dynamic... I just have a problem with people twisting religion to benefit them. On the one hand it is grounds for divorce based on the rules of the bible and adultry. On the other hand it is grounds for staying together do to the label of addiction. I don't get it...

If it was something that bothered my spouse, I really don't see the point in doing it. I know a lot of women who have felt betrayed because their husband basically goes behind thier back and fantasizes being with other women. Then they label it an addiction and remove all responsability for their actions.

it just seems to me that if two people are on the same level of understanding on what is right and wrong for them... they should be held responsible.

Your thoughts?

I believe you are completely correct.
I think it's a choice; nothing but. You either decide to do it or you don't, just like any other thing one participates in.
It's not like these people couldn't stop their own arm from reaching over and turning on their computer..or typing in 'porn' in the search bar..or reaching over and purposely buying a porn mag or video. They had to decide to, in advance,etc...
The reason these people hide their habitual want for it, is not because it's an addiction (again: imo) ; it's because it's a SIN to them. They feel ashamed or they wouldn't hide it. They know they are hurting someone they love by it or just doing something they shouldn't by lusting after these women.
I think it's a disservice to them, their family and to the bible to excuse it as an addiction that they can't help.
That's like saying people that cuss can't help it bc it's an addiction. Sure they can!! Just take them to church with you- they stop, in front of those folks, real fast.
Ok..done with my soapbox opinion.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

I believe you are completely correct.
I think it's a choice; nothing but. You either decide to do it or you don't, just like any other thing one participates in.
It's not like these people couldn't stop their own arm from reaching over and turning on their computer..or typing in 'porn' in the search bar..or reaching over and purposely buying a porn mag or video. They had to decide to, in advance,etc...
The reason these people hide their habitual want for it, is not because it's an addiction (again: imo) ; it's because it's a SIN to them. They feel ashamed or they wouldn't hide it. They know they are hurting someone they love by it or just doing something they shouldn't by lusting after these women.
I think it's a disservice to them, their family and to the bible to excuse it as an addiction that they can't help.
That's like saying people that cuss can't help it bc it's an addiction. Sure they can!! Just take them to church with you- they stop, in front of those folks, real fast.
Ok..done with my soapbox opinion.

Very well put!... lol.. I will listen to you on a soapbox when ever you see fit.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I believe you are completely correct.
I think it's a choice; nothing but. You either decide to do it or you don't, just like any other thing one participates in.
It's not like these people couldn't stop their own arm from reaching over and turning on their computer..or typing in 'porn' in the search bar..or reaching over and purposely buying a porn mag or video. They had to decide to, in advance,etc...
The reason these people hide their habitual want for it, is not because it's an addiction (again: imo) ; it's because it's a SIN to them. They feel ashamed or they wouldn't hide it. They know they are hurting someone they love by it or just doing something they shouldn't by lusting after these women.
I think it's a disservice to them, their family and to the bible to excuse it as an addiction that they can't help.
That's like saying people that cuss can't help it bc it's an addiction. Sure they can!! Just take them to church with you- they stop, in front of those folks, real fast.
Ok..done with my soapbox opinion.

Uh uh, the DEVIL made ME do it

You know, you guys really do have a good point, donald, this is a good thread... and some really good responses, i've been thinking about what's been said here in my own life because I struggle with some things.... like getting on the computer late and then complaining because I can't sleep....

Truth is these people have a legitement struggle. There is some reason why they are seeking to lust after another woman. Doesn't make it right by any means, but it could help if they take the first step to recovery and admit they have a problem.... meaning that they place the blame on their selves and really take a look at it. Doesn't mean they have to condemn themselves though some could probably benefit from a good stern chat with themselves over it. They are CHOSING to do it.... why? have they been too careless to really seek other ways to cope with their need for indulgence? If they can first be honest with themselves and where their heart truly is, rather then blaming someone else, or something else, then they can deal with it.

Sometimes I find myself getting mad at my house being a mess..... i'll see clutter on the counters, cloths on the couch or floor... and i'll think subconsciencly... "this is something out of my control, some force is keeping my house a mess and making me unhappy" Not that I really think it's a force, but inside i'm feeling put upon. Then one day I got to really thinking about it, I believe the lord helped me gently to really take a look around and ask "Ok, how did that get there?" then I remembered that I was the one that put it there, and didn't put it away... .then I looked around some more and discoverd that "i" was technically the responsible party... no one else was doing this to me, no one was making me do it... and when I realized that I felt empowered rather then powerless... no longer making excuses the enable to be contribute to the mess.

When people get real and open with themselves about what is truly going on then it will help them recover from it. It may not happen over night, it may not be easy, but atleast they can really deal with it because excuses enable unhealthy behaviors.


A lot of it is habit to. Habits can be hard to break!

HB