Slim pickin's

[ido]

What benefits of being in a committed relationship?

A relationship that takes work like integrating with step-kids or her neurosis sounds like almost as much fun as a long dental appointment.

No relationship is easy - even if neither person has children from a previous relationship. That said, if you are not willing to emotionally adopt a woman's children then do not enter a relationship with a single mom. Personally, I would prefer not to have a man in my life that doesn't accept my children, b/c I will not sacrifice my children for a relationship - but I'm willing to sacrifice a relationship for the well-being of my children.

 

[ElElena]

Good going again, fl...

The little ones don't have a choice who you choose to get acquainted with, do they? Sounds like you know how important it is to make right choices.

It is also true that no relationship is easy. Love is what everyone seems to want but love is not only a choice but it takes a lot of sacrifice. We know Jesus paid the highest price to show us love and if we are going to truly follow Him in all we say and do we must be willing to make some sacrifices. Laying down our personal selfish desires and doing what we know is right versus doing what we want to do when we want to do it, right?

 

[ido]

I would also like to clarify my statement about younger men/older men. I do not have an issue with age itself - it just seems to be very difficult to find someone older/younger with the same interests and at the same place in their life as I am. Most of the younger guys I have met do not have children yet or may still want more children. I'm pretty sure I'm done having kids - so that would be a huge conflict of interest. Older guys tend to have teenage or grown children and the ones I have met are not interested in starting over with small children, like mine.

As for gentlemen that are old enough to be my father - I apply the same rule to myself that I apply to them. I have had 21 yr old guys hit on me - that whole Mrs. Robinson thing, I suppose - and it just seems wrong to me. I'm not saying a large age difference can't work, I'm just saying it's not for me.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I sincerely believe God will bless the ones who are obedient to Him nowadays just like we read/hear He blessed those who obeyed Him before us.

I hope you're right ElElena...

I've tried to live an obedient life before the Lord for my entire life and yet He has never blessed me with a husband...

It's hard to keep living an obedient life when it seems that He is ignoring my hearts cry...

I know that the reason we serve the Lord is because He died for us and that is reason enough and I know that He doesn't owe us anything...so please don't misunderstand...

It's just hard to not want to go out and just live my life however I want...

 

[ElElena]

I truly understand what you are saying. I know in my heart that God's Word is true. No matter how things look to others if they look at blessings the way the world looks at blessings I know God's Word is true. He says that He will not be mocked and whatsoever a man soweth that is what he will reap.

If you do what is right and good in the eyes of the Lord you will be blessed. He gives us choices everyday.

Remember when Moses went up on the mountain to listen to God? Aaron knew it was wrong to listen to all the other people telling him they wanted an idol. Aaron even said the old idol just came up out of the flames or something like that.

I believe God watches everything and He knows who does what and why they do it. This old world doesn't have anything better to give us than what God has in store for us when we live with Him forever in eternity.

This world says, "Get gold, get fame, get fortune." Even if we get all those things they won't last forever and they can't go with us to heaven and even if we could take gold with us remember that's what pavement is made of in heaven.

Keep on keeping on, Sister. Do the right thing.

 

[ElElena]

Oh... I didn't make much of a point about Aaron on there - it just came to my mind when I thought about someone in the Bible that chose to disobey. He just wasn't someone I'd want to follow when I think of his story being retold at least that part of the story about Aaron.

Knowing that he didn't obey what he knew was right. Seeing that he gave in to the wishes of the people instead of doing what he knew was right just doesn't sit with me well.

I pray for strength that I won't give into the wishes of people. I want to follow the Lord not the men that ignore God's way, don't you?

 

[ElElena]

And you are not alone in your plight.

I know many people that have prayed for husbands or they've prayed for children and they do feel discouraged when they don't yet see the answers to those particular prayers.

It is so hard for us to understand all the ways of God. His ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are wiser than ours, too. I am sure of this: GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES.

God knows what he is doing. He cares about you and He will take care of everything in perfect ways every time.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Thank you so much for everything you said ElElena!!! You have encouraged me greatly!

 

[ElElena]

We all need each other.

I keep hearing some talk about how Adam received a mate because God said it was not good for a man to be alone.

God must have liked the idea of two (a man and a woman) being brought together or He wouldn't have made Eve and brought her to Adam.

It sounds like God is on our side.

 

[ido]

You rock, you know that Elena! You have a great perspective.

Thanks for your kind words regarding my priorities. I have done a lot of praying and read many Christian single parenting books to make sure that I try to make the best choices possible for myself and my kids.

I also believe that we need to take the time after a divorce to heal ourselves, otherwise, we take the pain of the divorce into the next relationship/marriage and that can have disastrous results.

I have to give a nod to three of my closest friends who are all about 10 years older than me and have walked the path that I am walking now. They have provided a tremendous amount of support and guidance for me over the last year and a half. And they're not afraid to tell me the truth in love when I need to hear it!

 

[ElElena]

You must know your word. I love it when people want to hear the truth in love and I suspect they've been reading the word if they understand what that means.

Thanks for encouraging me to speak the truth in love as much as I can.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

You rock, you know that Elena! You have a great perspective.

Thanks for your kind words regarding my priorities. I have done a lot of praying and read many Christian single parenting books to make sure that I try to make the best choices possible for myself and my kids.

I also believe that we need to take the time after a divorce to heal ourselves, otherwise, we take the pain of the divorce into the next relationship/marriage and that can have disastrous results.

I have to give a nod to three of my closest friends who are all about 10 years older than me and have walked the path that I am walking now. They have provided a tremendous amount of support and guidance for me over the last year and a half. And they're not afraid to tell me the truth in love when I need to hear it!

I have never been divorced flnativegrl so I don't know exactly what you are going through but I know how it has taken me time to work through and heal from a broken relationship so I can only imagine what it takes to work through a divorce....I admire you for making good choices and for doing what is best for you and for your boys!!!

I think you are making very wise decisions...

 

[ido]

Thanks, D...you're the best! Divorce is such a difficult thing. It really tests your ability to have faith that the right person is out there for you - since you thought you married the right person! I am guessing that it is similar for you - that it can sometimes test your ability to have faith that there is the right man out there with your name written on his heart.

We can pray for each other!

 

[ElElena]

It has been important for me to heal after the death of my husband, too.

I would suppose it isn't healthy for anyone to go into a new relationship while they still need some sort of healing from the last relationship.

 

[hypnotism]

I would also like to clarify my statement about younger men/older men. I do not have an issue with age itself - it just seems to be very difficult to find someone older/younger with the same interests and at the same place in their life as I am. Most of the younger guys I have met do not have children yet or may still want more children. I'm pretty sure I'm done having kids - so that would be a huge conflict of interest. Older guys tend to have teenage or grown children and the ones I have met are not interested in starting over with small children, like mine.

As for gentlemen that are old enough to be my father - I apply the same rule to myself that I apply to them. I have had 21 yr old guys hit on me - that whole Mrs. Robinson thing, I suppose - and it just seems wrong to me. I'm not saying a large age difference can't work, I'm just saying it's not for me.

These attitudes towards age differences are cultural and not universal.
But you are living in the culture where they seem to matter more than they do in other cultures. BTW 21 to 33 is not a MS. Robinson split. You need to add at least another 10 years to the difference. But yes, the issue about children and creating more children is an issue, since most guys are not into that concept until they are around 25.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks, D...you're the best! Divorce is such a difficult thing. It really tests your ability to have faith that the right person is out there for you - since you thought you married the right person! I am guessing that it is similar for you - that it can sometimes test your ability to have faith that there is the right man out there with your name written on his heart.

We can pray for each other!

My confidence in the solidity of relationships is shaken, if not shattered because of mt divorce. It's really affecting the type of person I'd be looking for, and probably not in a good way.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

My confidence in the solidity of relationships is shaken, if not shattered because of mt divorce. It's really affecting the type of person I'd be looking for, and probably not in a good way.

But that's why it takes time to heal AFT. You have to give your heart a chance to recover before you move into a new relationship...

If you don't, then you'll make a relationship choice out of a place of hurt and pain and not out of a place of wholeness

 

[yourinnervoice]

But that's why it takes time to heal AFT. You have to give your heart a chance to recover before you move into a new relationship...

If you don't, then you'll make a relationship choice out of a place of hurt and pain and not out of a place of wholeness

This may be the worst way to start a new relationship - THE REBOUND!

I pray healing for your mind, heart and Spirit AFT!

 

[ido]

It has been important for me to heal after the death of my husband, too.

I would suppose it isn't healthy for anyone to go into a new relationship while they still need some sort of healing from the last relationship.

It really is important to heal first and everyone heals at a different rate. I am sorry for your loss, Elena and will keep you in my prayers, as well.

 

[ido]

My confidence in the solidity of relationships is shaken, if not shattered because of mt divorce. It's really affecting the type of person I'd be looking for, and probably not in a good way.

Have you considered a DivorceCare class? I can PM you the website if you are interested. The way that you feel is not atypical, but it is so easy to get stuck in the crossroad of divorce if you don't keep yourself moving forward. I still struggle sometimes and I was the one that chose to end my marriage.

It's good that you know that how you feel is having a negative impact on the type of relationship you would be seeking out right now. Maybe it would be better to not seek one until you know you are in a better place. My divorce was final in August of last year and I've only been on a handful of dates because I knew I wasn't ready to be out there again. Heck - most days I'm not even sure I'm ready now, which is probably one of the reasons why I'm so overly picky. It's easier to find faults in the guys I'm meeting than to put myself out there to be hurt again.