Slim pickin's

[dluvs2trvl]

The problem, as I see it and what prompted this thread, is that I can't seem to meet any men that have anything OTHER than sex on the brain. Trust me, I'm a big fan of the three letter word, but I just want to know that a guy is interested in what is on the inside (intellect / values / spirituality) as much as he's drawn to the package it comes in.

I don't mind the attention at all - I just wish I could find someone that would pay attention to the other stuff, too.

I know exactly what you mean...I've had the same experience in the dating world...but I guess that's part of what will make it so wonderful when you do find a good guy!!! You will appreciate him even more!!!! And I'll appreciate my good guy when I find him!!!

 

[Niels]

Maybe you're doing something that attracts the wrong kind of guy? I'm not saying that you are, but it's a possibility.


Anyway, there are good single men, and there are good single women. If only we could find a way to make them attractive to each other...

 

[CounselorRich]

Dluvs2trvl--I'm sure you will find him. He's out there somewhere. Of course--I have to say the same thing for myself in terms of finding a woman that is right for me. I do try to see the inside & that is what drew me to my last girlfriend--with whom I broke up earlier this month. I still don't know what happened there-& I may never know. I am trying to move on. I know alot of guys that think only about sex & do not think about the inner beauty of a woman--& that is wrong. I know women who think they don't deserve to be treated with respect by men. I see these folks alot because many of them are my patients. These women obviously have very low self--esteem & I try to show them that they ARE deserving of respect & being treated with dignity by men.

 

[Katie0873]

good thread

 

[jcj3803]

. I know alot of guys that think only about sex & do not think about the inner beauty of a woman--& that is wrong.

Surely as a trained psychologist, you know men are primarily and instinctively visual creatures. Attractive female equates with healthy offspring. And conversely, powerful / rich man = protection for a woman and her offspring.

Appreciating inner beauty comes with (spiritual) maturity and hard lessons learned from dating gorgeous but stupid or worse, ugly souled women.

 

[yourinnervoice]

Appreciating inner beauty comes with (spiritual) maturity and hard lessons learned from dating gorgeous but stupid or worse, ugly souled women.

Appreciating inner beauty also comes with taking the time to get to know the person.

 

[ido]

Surely as a trained psychologist, you know men are primarily and instinctively visual creatures. Attractive female equates with healthy offspring. And conversely, powerful / rich man = protection for a woman and her offspring.

Appreciating inner beauty comes with (spiritual) maturity and hard lessons learned from dating gorgeous but stupid or worse, ugly souled women.

Interesting comment, jcj3803.

Does that mean that you believe that being visual creatures gives men the right to be shallow and disrepect women by pursuing them sexually (casually - not in a relationship/marriage)?

Also, I am first physically attracted to someone, then I turn my interests towards who they are as a person. The amount of power or wealth that they have is not high on my priority list - as either one of those factors can often times make him obnoxious to be around, IMO. So, I find it interesting that you feel that women focus on those two attributes.

Maybe you place too much personal emphasis on those two areas in your own life and project that onto the women you date?

As for the men that I choose - I choose them based on the way they present themselves and if who they seem to be ends up being someone different than who they are, I end the relationship. So, I don't feel that my self-esteem is wrapped up in the men that I date - since I have enough self-respect to not date someone if they do not meet the standards that I hold for the man I want in my life. If that means my standards are "too high" then sobeit, I would rather be alone.

 

[CounselorRich]

Surely as a trained psychologist, you know men are primarily and instinctively visual creatures. Attractive female equates with healthy offspring. And conversely, powerful / rich man = protection for a woman and her offspring.

Appreciating inner beauty comes with (spiritual) maturity and hard lessons learned from dating gorgeous but stupid or worse, ugly souled women.

"Surely as a trained mental health professional"--I know that men have the ability within themselves to control their instincts & to make choicesas to how they will act. Many men CHOOSE to ignore this ability & as a result--hurt the women in whom they are interested. Furthermore--what does it mean to be "attractive?" Attractive in whose eyes & based on what criteria???? Who defines what "attractive" means anyways??? Those we may feel are unattractive may well give birth to very "attractive" babies. Furthermore-no way does "powerful & rich" NECESSARILY EQUAL protection for a woman & her offspring. It's as if you imply that one who struggles financially to make ends meet cannot equally as effectively protect their spouse & offspring. I personally know several husbands that struggle to put food on the table--yet are very caring & protective of their spouses. A person can have tons of wealth--yet not have any backbone & not be at all protective. I respectfully disagree with you on this one.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Anyway, there are good single men, and there are good single women. If only we could find a way to make them attractive to each other...

That's easy....take away their eyesight.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Appreciating inner beauty also comes with taking the time to get to know the person.

We sadly live in a world what prides itself on instant gratification and total convenience. Actually taking the time and putting in the EFFORT to get to know someone is just too much work for a lot of ppl.

 

[Katie0873]

beauty is temporary, but the beautiful heart and soul last long

love based on physical beauty is temporary and of little value, for it usually disappears shortly after marriage

Read this blog that I subscribe to:
http://www.xanga.com/TheTheologiansCafe/599818292/a-day-at-the-beach.html

 

[jcj3803]

Interesting comment, jcj3803.

Does that mean that you believe that being visual creatures gives men the right to be shallow and disrepect women by pursuing them sexually (casually - not in a relationship/marriage)?

Also, I am first physically attracted to someone, then I turn my interests towards who they are as a person. The amount of power or wealth that they have is not high on my priority list - as either one of those factors can often times make him obnoxious to be around, IMO. So, I find it interesting that you feel that women focus on those two attributes.

Maybe you place too much personal emphasis on those two areas in your own life and project that onto the women you date?

As for the men that I choose - I choose them based on the way they present themselves and if who they seem to be ends up being someone different than who they are, I end the relationship. So, I don't feel that my self-esteem is wrapped up in the men that I date - since I have enough self-respect to not date someone if they do not meet the standards that I hold for the man I want in my life. If that means my standards are "too high" then sobeit, I would rather be alone.

Oy. This issue comes up on a regular basis here. After 15 pages of hashing and rehashing, you're not going to have any solutions and dating isn't going to change. 2-3 months from now another person will post a "Why don't boys/girls like me?" or "Where are all the good men/women?" or "Why are men so immature and treat me like a cheap hooker?" You're not going to get an answer you like then either.

$20 says I'm right and you may PM me to collect then if you can prove me wrong. Until then... I give up.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Oy. This issue comes up on a regular basis here. After 15 pages of hashing and rehashing, you're not going to have any solutions and dating isn't going to change. 2-3 months from now another person will post a "Why don't boys/girls like me?" or "Where are all the good men/women?" or "Why are men so immature and treat me like a cheap hooker?" You're not going to get an answer you like then either.

$20 says I'm right and you may PM me to collect then if you can prove me wrong. Until then... I give up.

What exactly does she have to prove in order to collect? 36 lbs ago I had a Christian man courting me-aggressively and we were in pre-marital classes. The reason he broke things off had nothing to do with my weight (I know exactly what it was because he told me). I also met someone he had dated before and she was heavier than me.

One of my boy "friends" that has been dating me since last summer (30+ pounds heavier), has witnessed my weight loss, but it hasn't changed our status. I noticed an increase in his phone calls after he had a family dinner with my mom and kids. This guy is gorgeous-tall, dark, and handsome, but striving to lead a Christ-pleasing life. He could probably have his pick of women, but he chose me as a dance partner that night and has been driving two hours to come see me-even when I was plumper. I suspect some missions work on my part might be the thing to make him finally kiss me.

When I posted new pictures on eharmony I didn't notice any difference in responses. As a matter of fact, I opened my matching for one day recently and all of those men have closed me for various reasons.

The one guy who had an issue with my weight was the most critical, financially irresponsible, shortest, most obnoxious to my friends and co-workers, person I've ever dated. I mean the "one guy" who knew me and had been dating me. I'm sure there could be plenty who never asked me out because I didn't meet their "standards".

 

[ido]

Oy. This issue comes up on a regular basis here. After 15 pages of hashing and rehashing, you're not going to have any solutions and dating isn't going to change. 2-3 months from now another person will post a "Why don't boys/girls like me?" or "Where are all the good men/women?" or "Why are men so immature and treat me like a cheap hooker?" You're not going to get an answer you like then either.

$20 says I'm right and you may PM me to collect then if you can prove me wrong. Until then... I give up.

I don't recall asking any of the questions that you listed there. My response to you was not to antagonize you, it was to engage you in the rather healthy/light-hearted and hardly whiney debate that we have going in this thread.

If you are so exasperated by it, maybe you should consider not responding to it?

 

[yourinnervoice]

We sadly live in a world what prides itself on instant gratification and total convenience. Actually taking the time and putting in the EFFORT to get to know someone is just too much work for a lot of ppl.

HC - You are correct, however, there still are ppl out there that do put in the EFFORT and TIME.
This still gives me and others hope.

In my best Jesse Jackson impersonation: "KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!" (lol!)

 

[HoosierCanuck]

HC - You are correct, however, there still are ppl out there that do put in the EFFORT and TIME.
This still gives me and others hope.

In my best Jesse Jackson impersonation: "KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!" (lol!)

That's good to know. Too bad none of them live in Indiana....or anywhere else I've had contact with members of the opposite sex (including Canada...sadly)

 

[ElElena]

Beginning of this thread had to do with men younger and older being a problem, right?

I have seen some relationships where the man is younger than the gal work out but I have also seen where the youthful man is acting somewhat like a gigolo because he wants someone to take care of him. The first post mentioned that the younger guys just wanted to hook up or so it seemed.

When all a guy is interested in doing is hooking up as in making sexual advances before marriage it doesn't really matter what his age is.

A mature Christian man that loves the Lord would know that asking a Christian woman to do something against Biblical teaching is wrong and a Christian woman should pray for strength to get away from him no matter how old he is.

I know and have met several Christian men that will respect a Christian woman's desire to wait for the wedding and many of those men want to wait, too. There are men that want to please God.

I have even met nonChristian men that are willing to wait just because they are respectful.

I have met older men that are not always willing to wait and they want to see what they can get before the wedding if possible.

Obedience to God's Word is what a Christian gal wants in a husband, wouldn't you think?

"Every date is a possible mate" - it was said so if it's not a good date then it's probably not a good mate.

 

[ido]

Beginning of this thread had to do with men younger and older being a problem, right?

I have seen some relationships where the man is younger than the gal work out but I have also seen where the youthful man is acting somewhat like a gigolo because he wants someone to take care of him. The first post mentioned that the younger guys just wanted to hook up or so it seemed.

When all a guy is interested in doing is hooking up as in making sexual advances before marriage it doesn't really matter what his age is.

A mature Christian man that loves the Lord would know that asking a Christian woman to do something against Biblical teaching is wrong and a Christian woman should pray for strength to get away from him no matter how old he is.

I know and have met several Christian men that will respect a Christian woman's desire to wait for the wedding and many of those men want to wait, too. There are men that want to please God.

I have even met nonChristian men that are willing to wait just because they are respectful.

I have met older men that are not always willing to wait and they want to see what they can get before the wedding if possible.

Obedience to God's Word is what a Christian gal wants in a husband, wouldn't you think?

"Every date is a possible mate" - it was said so if it's not a good date then it's probably not a good mate.

Great post, ElElena! I love the last line that you quoted especially - so true!

 

[hypnotism]

What benefits of being in a committed relationship?

A relationship that takes work like integrating with step-kids or her neurosis sounds like almost as much fun as a long dental appointment.

 

[ElElena]

thanks, flnativegrl

Experience teaches us many things - God's Word shows us the way of obedience. Obedience brings blessings.

I sincerely believe God will bless the ones who are obedient to Him nowadays just like we read/hear He blessed those who obeyed Him before us.