I grew up in a church that my parent's got married in, Pentecostal/non denominational, and it's literally all I've known my entire life. I married a man in the church, he was abusive and a completely different person at home, wouldn't allow me to get involved in ministry, etc. I finally divorced him and have full custody of my 2 kids, who are 8 and 9, but I'm really struggling with staying at the same church. I feel like i'll never be used there, and unfortunately it's become very political-you get used if you're apart of a certain family or 'clique'. I get excluded often and it's a terrible feeling. I would love to find a new home church and I've found 2 that are amazing and I'd love to get involved in. my kids are really having a hard time though, my son has severe anxiety and has severe meltdowns anytime there's change (he's currently waiting for an autism assessment). I don't know what to do. one church has an amazing kids program, and I thought that would make the transition easier, but it hasn't. it's also about a 20-30 minute drive, but it's super easy to get involved, they know my history and didn't question it or judge me, it feels amazing to be wanted somewhere despite my past. the other church is 5 minutes away, but the kids program isn't so great and it's a little bit harder to get involved there. there's also a big difference in the worship services, the one that's farther away gets really into their song service, people lift their hands, they praise team gets excited, they allow the spirit to lead regardless of time. the other church has awesome musicians and praise team as far as talent goes, but the congregation during service is very dull, people just tend to stand and watch, not much hunger. so, I'm still debating on whether I just stay at my family's church to keep my kids there where they have friends and family at, and people know their needs-and I just not get involved, or do I try to go to one of these other churches that I like and just bring them to church with me instead of sunday school since they don't like going to either? do I see if I can work something out where my kids go to church with my family and I go to another church? I'm so confused and feel so helpless. I'm hungry for an amazing time of worship and want to be used in ministry, but I feel like I keep running into walls.
single mom struggling to find new home church after divorce, do i just not go?
- Thread starter kaydrelia
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Because you haven't received other replies yet, I'll take a stab at offering some thoughts, although your dilemma is not easily solved IMHO. No matter which way you go, you gain something and you give up something, and the gains and losses look about equal.
However, I would say that the church you have long attended doesn't meet your expectations, and you know that it's not about to do so, therefore it's right to consider another. And there are alternatives, as you've explained.
As for the other two, the one that's farthest away seems to have a lot going for it, except for the fact that the kids are reluctant. The one that's nearer seems to have little going for it.
Don't send them to relatives on Sunday morning but do take them to this farther away church long enough for them to get over the change, become familiar with it, and find new friends which they will most likely do. This would be my approach.
I recognize that it's a tough decision and depends to a large extent on exactly how your kids would fare (which I can't be sure of from a reading of your post). If you have already visited enough times to know that they won't get used to this church, I don't know what to suggest. But many times people of any age think they will never adjust...just before they find that the new place has come to feel like home anyway.
However, I would say that the church you have long attended doesn't meet your expectations, and you know that it's not about to do so, therefore it's right to consider another. And there are alternatives, as you've explained.
As for the other two, the one that's farthest away seems to have a lot going for it, except for the fact that the kids are reluctant. The one that's nearer seems to have little going for it.
Don't send them to relatives on Sunday morning but do take them to this farther away church long enough for them to get over the change, become familiar with it, and find new friends which they will most likely do. This would be my approach.
I recognize that it's a tough decision and depends to a large extent on exactly how your kids would fare (which I can't be sure of from a reading of your post). If you have already visited enough times to know that they won't get used to this church, I don't know what to suggest. But many times people of any age think they will never adjust...just before they find that the new place has come to feel like home anyway.
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- Aug 24, 2012
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You might consider keeping the son with anxiety with you during the service while he gets better acquainted with the church. You could slowily start introducing him to other kids. I'd think once he's made a connection with one or more of the kids at that church he'd be fine with the new move.
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