Single forever?

[Joined2krist]

@ Bella, I reached it afterwards, I've been in a couple of relationships and I was never fulfilled, there was always something wrong, I have found fulfilment in Christ.

I honestly pray everyone gets to meet that special person but just in case it doesn't happen when we hope it will, still there's hope

 

[bèlla]

@ Bella, I reached it afterwards, I've been in a couple of relationships and I was never fulfilled, there was always something wrong, I have found fulfilment in Christ.

J2K,

Were you uncomfortable being in a relationship or paired with the wrong person? You didn't appear disengaged in the past. Hence the question.

I don't have a word. Let me make that clear. But when I read your post the first time I wondered if the response was in reaction to your previous experience.

Sometimes we protect ourselves and put a barrier around our hearts with God as the reason for separation. And we don't realize it consciously. Or we compensate our loneliness through religion and become overly spiritual. I've seen both.

The Lord is safe. He doesn't exploit us or play with our emotions. On a practical level it makes sense. But the bars are two-sided and restriction goes both ways. We are constrained.

You needn't answer. This was on my heart. I've contemplated saying it twice. It's my hope you remain open to the Lord's movement. Whatever it entails.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Jamdoc]

@Jamdoc, living a sacrificial life of love will help deal with your loneliness, there's a joyous feeling and peace we get when we are giving ourselves out to others in love. It might not fulfill sexual lust, but it does drive away loneliness regardless of our relationship status. God bless

Like I said, you can still be lonely because there are relationship roles in your life that are unfulfilled.

 

[dayhiker]

I don't really get why people are single forever for the most part.
I'm single in that I'm not married. But I'm older now have several GFs and so live a very fulfilled life.
I find that there are a lot of lonely people out there and so men and women should be getting together to be company and friends in my way of thinking.

 

[bèlla]

I don't really get why people are single forever for the most part.

dayhiker,

The emphasis on marriage and singleness has a lot to do with Christian culture. I spent the day with two older relatives on Saturday. Neither married. I never heard them speak the way I’ve encountered on CF or in Christian circles. But they weren’t immersed in the culture either.

While there’s the possibility they’re called to singleness the difference really hit home when I saw my daughter. As a young woman in her twenties you’d expect questions or concerns. But she never talks about it and never lamented being unattached.

When I recalled our time in church I remember her comments about the youth group. She felt they were immature. Not practically so; but spiritually. She began attending an adult gathering and was placed with me in the ladies group due to her age. She was a minor.

She didn’t get the purity talk or other conditioning that would foster the emptiness some recount. While her peers were gathering she was knee deep in inductive bible study, chewing on Grudem and NT Wright, and learning about missionary work through a two-year discernment program.

It didn’t hinder the Lord from preparing her for marriage or aligning her desires with His. She’s morphed from wanting to climb the ladder to a full-time entrepreneur who desires to marry and homeschool her children.

As I contemplate the mating process and vetting future suitors. I hope we encounter likeminded prospects. Many expect companionship to fill the void and make them happy. But that’s unrealistic.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Joni Steele]

I am in my forties and never been married, or in a long term relationship. Everyone I've wanted never wanted me, and vice versa. The hardest thing is that when I go on dates, I don't fall in love by the third date. Men are expecting to fool around at least, but I don't want that yet. I feel like I would have to get to know a man very well in order to fall in love, and I can't do that with most men because they want instant relationship. I am beginning to think that God wants me to be alone, and it is so sad watching everyone else I know get married.

 

[Joni Steele]

I sympathize with you. I'm 60 and single. Only God knows if I will marry at this late stage or stay single. It can get lonely. In the meantime, focus on Jesus. It helps with some of the loneliness.

 

[Joined2krist]

I sympathize with you. I'm 60 and single. Only God knows if I will marry at this late stage or stay single. It can get lonely. In the meantime, focus on Jesus. It helps with some of the loneliness.

Good advice. I'm a bit concerned about your loneliness, it could also happen to people who are\were married. Their children leave home, they might lose their spouses to death, illness or divorce. As people age, sometimes they find themselves increasingly alone. I encourage you to use your time to bless others, if you still enjoy good health. If you're not actively serving in Church you can become a volunteer, you will meet others who share your interests and this will help reduce your loneliness ( due to covid 19, some people are getting more involved in online ministries as prayer partners) . God bless

 

[Joni Steele]

Good advice. I'm a bit concerned about your loneliness, it could also happen to people who are\were married. Their children leave home, they might lose their spouses to death, illness or divorce. As people age, sometimes they find themselves increasingly alone. I encourage you to use your time to bless others, if you still enjoy good health. If you're not actively serving in Church you can become a volunteer, you will meet others who share your interests and this will help reduce your loneliness ( due to covid 19, some people are getting more involved in online ministries as prayer partners) . God bless

 

[Joni Steele]

I appreciate your extremely thoughtful advice.but please dont be concerned about my loneliness. Loneliness can be a very motivating force to step out in faith and seek a soul mate. In fact, I take every God given opportunity to do just that. Any single Christian, even those who claim a strong, mature faith in Christ, gets lonely from time to time. Anyone who says they dont, in my opinion, is being disingenuous.

 

[Redemption25]

I appreciate your extremely thoughtful advice.but please dont be concerned about my loneliness. Loneliness can be a very motivating force to step out in faith and seek a soul mate. In fact, I take every God given opportunity to do just that. Any single Christian, even those who claim a strong, mature faith in Christ, gets lonely from time to time. Anyone who says they dont, in my opinion, is being disingenuous.

Have you been single your whole life, and were you praying all the while and through the years for a soulmate? I never prayed for a husband or a soulmate most of my life, except when I was in my early 20's and then I stopped. I stopped not because I wanted to be single, but honestly, because of fear and a lack of trust which has affected me my whole life since childhood. But I'm thinking it's probably why I have never found him. because I guess, if I never prayed about it, then God cannot answer the prayer. I do regret it now.

 

[bèlla]

God knows the desires of our hearts. It isn't necessary to rise every day seeking a spouse in prayer. I don't. There are periods of supplication and a continuum of intercession for his welfare. I spend more time praying for my husband's well-being than a spouse. I want him to experience the Lord's best now and then. That's what I ask for.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Redemption25]

God knows the desires of our hearts. It isn't necessary to rise every day seeking a spouse in prayer. I don't. There are periods of supplication and a continuum of intercession for his welfare. I spend more time praying for my husband's well-being than a spouse. I want him to experience the Lord's best now and then. That's what I ask for.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

That's very interesting.. It's just my personal opinion, but I feel like when you reach a certain age of maturity, there really is no point to the whole marriage thing on so many levels, and I feel like that for myself. I feel like if God had someone for me, I should have met him a long time ago. but I was closed off, so he couldn't appear, and of course, I never prayed about it. My will was to stay single, even though underneath I desired and longed intimacy and love just like everybody else. I just tucked it deep inside me so that I couldn't feel it. I know of course, God knew, it was not hidden from Him.

That is very sweet you pray for your husband's well being and for Him to experience the Lord's best. You are a gem

 

[bèlla]

That's very interesting.. It's just my personal opinion, but I feel like when you reach a certain age of maturity, there really is no point to the whole marriage thing on so many levels, and I feel like that for myself..

You should look at the testimonies of Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Mary Whelchel. Both married later in life and have Christian ministries. I know Mary personally. Age is not a barrier for union.

I feel like if God had someone for me, I should have met him a long time ago, and so I think it's because I never prayed and my will was to stay single

I didn’t want to marry when I was younger. Time and maturity changed my mind. I’ve reconciled my spiritual concerns and grown a lot. Now I’m ready to love and serve.

That is very sweet you pray for your husband's well being and for Him to experience the Lord's best. You are a gem

Thank you. That’s what our future companions require most. We’ve asked for them and must trust the work is done and walk within that truth until it manifests. You never know what they’re going through. Our prayers may ease their burdens. Being a helpmeet is part of the job.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Redemption25]

You should look at the testimonies of Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Mary Whelchel. Both married later in life and have Christian ministries. I know Mary personally. Age is not a barrier for union.



I didn’t want to marry when I was younger. Time and maturity changed my mind. I’ve reconciled my spiritual concerns and grown a lot. Now I’m ready to love and serve.



Thank you. That’s what our future companions require most. We’ve asked for them and must trust the work is done and walk within that truth until it manifests. You never know what they’re going through. Our prayers may ease their burdens. Being a helpmeet is part of the job.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

I will check out the links. It's interesting you didn't want to marry either, when you were younger, yet it sounds like you had so many viable prospects. Maybe my thoughts on not meeting anyone because of not wanting to get married is not true after all.. But you are so right about praying for our future companions in the way you describe.. it's very beautiful, and thank you for sharing. But having said that, I think I am too late onto coming on this forum haha as I am pretty sure I will leave this earth single. Time is up on this planet earth, and we are about to be Raptured out of here at any time. I hope we can have eternal companions in Heaven or in the New Heaven and New Earth, but if not, then I know it will be fine, and it won't be needed.

 

[bèlla]

I will check out the links. It's interesting you didn't want to marry either, when you were younger, yet it sounds like you had so many viable prospects.

I was raised in a Christian home and my parents and extended family were believers. But I wasn't reared around Christian culture. I have no experience with youth group, bible camp, bible study, etc. They didn't keep company with religious people. You needed good character and an ethical lifestyle to befriend them.

Marriage wasn't viewed in the context its seen in Christian circles. My grandparents would question the imbalance. I have relatives who never married. But none speak of the misery and emptiness I've witnessed on the site. Their identity and happiness weren't dependent on a spouse.

I was never pressured to marry. Nor did I question my worth in periods of singleness. I've never believed I'd be alone or couldn't meet someone. The idea is strange. But marriage wasn't our God. It was an option for some. But not a must for everyone. Fear and scarcity have no place.

As a result, I dated with freedom. He didn't have to be the one. Maybe was okay. I didn't have to make it work. If it wasn't the right fit I moved on. Meeting prospects is easier when you're unburdened. You're more appealing.

But you are so right about praying for our future companions in the way you describe.. it's very beautiful, and thank you for sharing.

Thank you. I didn't get that from a book. The majority advise praying for a spouse and when you're married. Few discuss the merits of praying on his behalf while you're waiting. I benefit from his betterment. Why wouldn't I ask?

Time is up on this planet earth, and we are about to be Raptured out of here at any time. I hope we can have eternal companions in Heaven or in the New Heaven and New Earth, but if not, then I know it will be fine, and it won't be needed.

I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. Let alone what the Lord has in store. Nor does anyone else. Throwing my hands up over speculation or frustration is a cop out. He expects me to live in the here and now. Whether I thrive is my call. I can exist or live my life to the fullest. I see no reason to be miserable.

That's the danger of religiousness. Your worldview is steeped in ideologies you rarely question. Nor do you put them to the test. You never consider the impact its had on your life. The majority waste a lot time they can't recapture. They look back and realize they never lived at all.

But having said that, I think I am too late onto coming on this forum haha as I am pretty sure I will leave this earth single.

On this thread you believe it's too late and we're being raptured soon. On another you think you've met the man of your dreams. They're incompatible. You're at polar ends of the scale. One of them isn't true. Your heart is pointing in one direction (him) and your head is the other. You know the answer.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[TheGoodLight]

36. Have only been in one relationship if it can be called that. I've found that the lines of what constitutes a relationship in the eyes of society have become far too blurred. That, and there are times in which I hung out with female friends to later learn, or perhaps realize at the end of our day together, that they considered it a date while I thought I was just spending time with friends.