Should a virgin marry a non virgin?

[lady_of_god]

Thanks to everyone for all the feedback. I have decided I will date this person as long as she doesn't have any std's. Basically I like her too much to not date or at least consider dating her. I guess when you love or maybe just really like someone, your ideals don't really matter that much. Again, thanks for all the help.

Way to go Dave.. hope it all works out. I'm sure she is a jewel

 

[Sketcher]

Thanks to everyone for all the feedback. I have decided I will date this person as long as she doesn't have any std's. Basically I like her too much to not date or at least consider dating her. I guess when you love or maybe just really like someone, your ideals don't really matter that much. Again, thanks for all the help.

As long as you're sure of yourself. She deserves an absolute yes or no, not a half-hearted attempt.

 

[the_man]

The two are inseperable.

"Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, 'The two will become one flesh.'" - 1 Cor 6:16

Even a fling with a prostitute - no relationship here - counts.

The context of the quote is this:

1st Corinthians 6:15-17

15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."[b] 17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

The unity Paul was talking about is not merely a sexual one. That is, it is used analogous to the unity one should have with the Lord hence he parallels it to the relationship one would have with the Lord. Surely that is not sexual. He is saying that one shouldn't be in a covenant relationship with a prostitute, similar to the covenant relationship one has with God which is not merely sexual. The context of the conversation is the popularity in the culture of the temple God Aphrodite. They had prostitutes as priestesses and sex was a part of the worship. Do not unite yourself with this sexual religion.

The rest of the chapter warns against what happens when you do sleep with the prostitutes (i.e. you sin against your own body).

No where does it say sleeping with a prostitute means you are married to the prostitute. If you consider people that have had sex as married then that is your perrogative, just don't make the Bible say something it has never said. (like your signature says)

The sin has occured, and the father is the young lady's way out of it. Unless Dad forbade the marraige, the guy she was with is the guy she has to marry.

And isn't that the point? The sex is the sin. But even with the sex, marriage, has to occur (or not). Point is sex is not the marriage. Marriage is the covenant and sex is a integral part of marriage.

 

[Sketcher]

No where does it say sleeping with a prostitute means you are married to the prostitute. If you consider people that have had sex as married then that is your perrogative, just don't make the Bible say something it has never said. (like your signature says)

I never said they were married, I said they were one flesh. They will continue to be one flesh as long as one of them lives. But it is possible to be one flesh with more than one person, and that is not right at all. A high school teacher of mine (thrice divorced) put it bluntly - when you sleep with someone, you're also sleeping with everyone your partner has ever slept with. No thanks.

 

[LoG]

As long as you're sure of yourself. She deserves an absolute yes or no, not a half-hearted attempt.

That is an excellent point IMO and experience. It isn't about the girl, but about whether you (DD) have any reservations. The time will come down the road when any doubts you have now can negatively impact your relationship with her down the road.
Many years ago I married a divorcee with reservations since I had been brought up that this was not right. I justified it to myself because I really liked her. After a few years of marriage however doubts started to creep back in and I realized I had never really been ok with her having been previously married. My mindset started to subtly effect our relationship until I finally couldn't stand the guilt any longer and seperated from her after 8 years.

Your situation isn't so extreme, but if you are feeling like you are compromising your standards by going out with her, I fear for the foundation of the relationship. Many in this thread have verified that scripturally you're on good ground, so I guess it comes down to you realizing that you may have unrealistic expectations and a higher standard than what God is looking for. Might want to let that sink into your heart before going to much farther.

 

[DangerDave]

Lion of God, I'm not sure what kind of doubts I could have, could you give me some examples?
I am compromising one of my standards. And I kinda/maybe/sort of feel like I'm settling for 2nd best. But I want my standards to be in line with Gods standards, so if theres no verses against marrying a non virgin, then I know that she could very well be put in my life by God for me to marry or date or something. Even so, this standard of mine is hard to forget about. I've had it my whole life. I've always just felt that if I held out till marriage, God would hook me up with someone who has done the same.
I am definetely pondering/debating with myself and letting all this sink in. I've been praying about it constantly. Like alot of you have said, I think virginity is just a big deal to me, whereas God doesn't feel that it's so important.

 

[Carri20]

I kinda/maybe/sort of feel like I'm settling for 2nd best.

Now wait a minute, I'm confused. Do you like her or not? If she's only "second best" to you then you'll only end up dragging her down and making her feel like a burden. She deserves someone who will lift her up and make her feel like the most cherished of treasures. So if she's only second best in your sight, I think you should keep yourself out of the picture so she can find that special someone. Stop worrying that she's not good enough for you and start worrying that maybe you aren't good enough for her.
BUT...if you really like her, and if you are in fact keeping your eyes on the present where they belong and seeing her for who she is, then go for it because she might be one of the greatest things that ever happen to you.

I think virginity is just a big deal to me, whereas God doesn't feel that it's so important.

I don't know about virginity, but sexual purity is very important to God. I think the focus should be more on the girl's purity than her virginity.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I'm going to post something I put in another thread..... virtually, I am in your situation, only I am going to marry the guy.

Bah, I can't find it. Alas, I'll start a new thread.

 

[christiankate]

Even though it might bother me just a bit, I figure If God who is perfect can forgive, I should be able to also. (even though it might be hard at times)

 

[LoG]

Lion of God, I'm not sure what kind of doubts I could have, could you give me some examples?

Perhaps you might want to look a little closer at why a girl's virginity is important to you. Not saying it shouldn't be for her own sake, however what advantages do you see?

Wouild you feel threatened since she will have someone else to compare your performance to? Would you have doubts down the road that if she has another rough year that she may repeat her actions? Would you trust her to the same degree that you would trust another girl who is a virgin? Willl you possibly regret down the road that you didn't also have some other partners?

Those questions are something you may want to talk to the Lord and your pastor or good spiritual advisor/friend about (not my business what the answers are). They aren't a reflection of the girl's purity but an indicator of your own security.

 

[JPPT1974]

The Lord may want to give that non-virgin a chance and that person is trying to reconcile themselves to the Lord and want a chance. And the Lord may want us to give that person a chance as well with the Lord speaking through our hearts and souls.

 

[Sketcher]

You've got reservations, that is not a good sign to me.

 

[DangerDave]

Carri20, I do like her. Maybe she's not 2nd best, I'm not sure exactly how I feel about that. It has gone through my mind though. Heh, I have thought that maybe I'm not good enough for her. Again, I'm thinking about alot of things here. If I can't get past this non virgin thing, I won't date her. I'm just trying to come to terms with the situation kind of. I really don't understand the last thing you said, but I think I disagree with it. I mean, when I think "sexually pure" I think virgin. What could sexual purity be?

Lion of God, I think a girls virgininty is important because: It shows she has self control, it means she has no diseases, it means she's not all loose and again, when I think of virgin I think of purity. I don't know exactly what kind of purity alot of you guys are talking about. I'd rather not admit this but when I think of someone thats had sex before marriage, I kinda think she's damaged goods. And yes, I know we all are in our own ways. No ones perfect.

Yeah, I think I may feel like I may not be as good as another guys she's done. I don't think if we were dating or married that she'd cheat on me, but maybe if she wasn't maybe she would have sex again if she was having a rough year or something. You know what, I really doubt she would again, but it's always a possibility. I'm not sure if I'd trust her the same. Right now I'm leaning towards no. Although compared to alot of virgins she proabably should be trusted more. So, I'm not sure on that one.

I regret right now that I didn't have other partners, then I could date her no problem. Down the road? I'm not sure. As you can see, I'm not sure on alot of these things. Most of them, okay, all of them. I'm not exacly sure how this shows my security, or lack thereof. But I'm sure it's pretty low. I'm confused, kinda scared, frustrated and alot of other not good things. By the way, you have the best quesions ever.

twistedsketch, I think most people in my situation would have the very same reservations I have. I think the best time to have reservations, is before we get into a serious relationship. And if I'm still confused and have doubts when she wants to date, well, thats gonna be terrible. It's just that she was such a good person when I knew her before, since the 2nd grade, she had one really bad year, and now she seems back on track. So, I really want to date her. But, like you said, I don't want any lingering doubts in the back of my head. Man, I've gotten so ahead of myself, we have only re met each other about a month ago, and I'm already thinking: Could I marry her, should I, is she the one, has God set her up for me? Just ridiculous. I hate over analyzing everything. But I think I'd rather over analyze than get hurt or hurt someone else. I should go talk to my pastor, but I don't want someone that I barely know to know stuff about me. You guys are okay, because you guys don't know who I am.

 

[lady_of_god]

Dave i don't think you shoud agonize over it. Just take it day by day... maybe she is "the one" maybe not. If you like her then you should date her. if you don't then let her go. Either way I see it, you should make a choice that you would have no regrets or look back and wonder. Make the decision that will make you happy.

-Lady.

 

[DangerDave]

lady of god, you know what, thats exactly what I'm going to do. I'd just die if I don't at least give it a shot. I would definetly regret not giving her a chance. She's just too cool.

 

[bogie]

I'm no where near that point, but I only date for possible marriage hookups. I'm a virgin and the person I'm considering dating isn't. She has been a Christian all her life she had a really bad year and had sex with a couple guys. She's changed now and has the Jesus action all over the place. I am very condident she is true and is back on track with Jesus. I think that God put her in my life for a purpose, I just don't know what that purpose is. She really can help and has helped me with my walk with God.

Anyways, should I just date someone who isn't a virgin. Or should I hold out to find someone that is? Is it really all that important? I know it is for me. If someone as horny as me has held out all this time, I really expect to marry a chick that has also kept pure. It seems impossible to find a chick that hasn't had sex before. Should I compromise this marry a virgin thing?

Oh yeah. This is not the same girl I posted about earlier. What do you guys think? Any help would be sweet. Thanks.

While this is still your decision to make I don't really think it should matter. However you do have your right to keep your standards. But think if someone told you that they couldn't marry you because you had sex before, that's total boloney if you ask me. I'd say if you 2 think you want to take things further and you've both been in agreement with your prayers than go for it. To hold someone's past against them is contradictory about what the bible tells us considering love for one another. Best of luck with the whole thing bro!

 

[Carri20]

I really don't understand the last thing you said, but I think I disagree with it. I mean, when I think "sexually pure" I think virgin. What could sexual purity be?

A virgin and a nonvirgin are equally pure if they are right with the Lord, regardless of anything that might have happened in the past and is forgiven. Purity is a lifestyle. "Virgin" is a label. Purity means that you are saving yourself for your future spouse. Virgin just means that you have never had sex before. There is a difference. You can have sex, repent, be forgiven, and then live a sexually pure lifestyle from then on. Like Jesus said, "go and sin no more." It's unfortunate that some people would still rather divide potential mates into the categories of "virgin" and "nonvirgin" rather than "pure" and "unpure".

Here's something to think about.. Take the virgin. If she had grown up in a different town, with a different family, in a different environment with different people, she could just as easily not be a virgin. Before we come to Christ we ALL live filthy lives and do filthy things because we're human and that's what we do. Some people get into drugs because they live in an area where the pressure to do drugs is greater. Some people steal because they're poor and they feel that's the only way to take care of their families, so they're under more pressure to steal. Likewise, some people have sex because they are under more pressure than other people to have sex. Who are you to say that you wouldn't have caved under the same pressure? We all have different breaking points but we still all have breaking points.. If you're still a virgin then thank God He kept you from your breaking point, but don't look down on another person because for some reason or another God didn't keep them from theirs. Before we come to Christ we have no choice but to sin, because we are born into sin. After we come to Christ we are all made into new creatures (2 Corinthians 5:17) and have better resistance to sin. So what a girl did in the past does not affect her purity today in Christ. She is just as sexually pure as any virgin and, also like any virgin, has a great new desire to remain sexually pure.

I really don't understand these guys who say they want to marry a good Christian girl, and then when they look at her all they can see is who she was during her non-Christian period. It's like looking at a perfectly cut diamond and saying "Ew, I just can't stop thinking about how it looked in the rough... Take it back, it's gross!"

 

[BOJAX]

Good points Carri,
When i was with my ex (before I was saved even) I had reservations about her not being a virgin (and her having a child). Now that I read these posts it had a lot to do with the issue of security. Now as I read all these posts it made me think of a possible scenario. I was once arrested on the charge of break and enter, it happened about 6 years ago, good thing I was under 16 so I wouldn't have a record. That was what worried me is me having a criminal record over that stupid mistake. it was embarrasing. I did my time. I wouldn't want to be restricted because of that mistake that I made 6 years ago, and I am glad I have no record. What I am getting at is. Take a non-virgin, who hasn't scommitted a crime in her life. And take me, a virgin, who had been arrested before. I wouldn't want her to look down on me for that mistake if I told her about it, since it was so long ago and had nothing to do with her, and it was well before we met. I wouldn't want to be judged on a lot choices I had made, whether they were wrong or right. Unless I was still breaking and entering today. If she is pure NOW I guess that's all that matters. No one likes to be judged over choices they had made, good or bad, and sadly it took me until now to realise this. Besided, there are a lot of qualities which I value far more than ones virginity. Like, taste in music

-Jamie

 

[JPPT1974]

Dave i don't think you shoud agonize over it. Just take it day by day... maybe she is "the one" maybe not. If you like her then you should date her. if you don't then let her go. Either way I see it, you should make a choice that you would have no regrets or look back and wonder. Make the decision that will make you happy.

-Lady.

Just take it one step at a time and if you like her or not, that should be up to the Lord. Make the decision that will make both you and her happy. But also be friends first and foremost of all.

 

[Tenorvoice]

MOD HAT ON

Lets keep our posts under control in here people, I do not want to have to close this thread down. Things are getting a little heated in here. Try and think before you post.

Thanks

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