Shamed

[Alineko]

I did something bad. I read my boyfriends email. And as they say those who go looking for trouble find it. So naturally I saw some things I didn't like very much. My bf stays friends with his ex's, thats just how he is. There was nothing really blameable in the emails I read. Things like saying he missed one which I can understand I sometimes miss the company of one of my ex's too. I suppose it's just my guilty concience. I just don't know what to do... I don't hide my feelings well at all and he'll wonder why I am acting funny and I don't want him to not trust me... but am I really not trustworthy? He always seems to have such a need for privacy do to having relationships with girls who wouldn't let him have any.

So...in a Christian relationship.. whats considered to much or not enough privacy?

 

[StephanieD]

I would say his emails are off limits.In the past, I've tried to make sure that nobody lets me know their passwords because it fuels my interest into what's in their emails. I've gotten to the point of realizing that I don't want anyone else reading my emails, so why would I think they'd be ok with me reading theirs.
In your best interest, I think it be better if you find out those things just by talking to him and checking in with what he's thinking. Too much privacy would be if he was not willing to share information with you in regards to him keeping in touch with ex's. If he were trying to hide something from you, that'd be bad.
Especially considering that he has had privacy issues in the past, you want to really respect what privacy he is able to have. Otherwise, he'll probably be upset that his life is being rummaged through. Just be open with him. Ask him questions about issues you are concerned about and you'll see if he is willing to share.
In the meantime, I'd pray about letting him have his space. You don't want to be too nosy, but you also don't want to be left in the dark. You need to find a middleground. If you feel you'll be likely to check his emails again, I'd pray for strength to not let that interest take control of you. As you mentioned, it can only lead to something bad.

 

[Alineko]

I think God brought me to my knees. I think I finally made God angry enough with my attitude. I'm not where I should be, I don't go to church as I know I should nor do I read my bible though I pray with constent hope. I think your right and thank you for your prayers... I will pray to resist the urges. I don't have alot of solid trust abbilities and thats no ground for any relationship and especially with God. I think I've justified myself by the fact I don't care who reads my emails...because I don't generally trust people I have very few friends and nothing to hide. I know that if I let him have his space it would probably only make our relationship grow... and then I wouldn't push him into needing to feel like he needs to hide things then... and then he'd probably never think to do anything worth hiding. That seems to be how it goes... it's just the first step is so hard.

 

[StephanieD]

Yes, the first step is always hard. Do you have anyone to keep you accountable? If not, I'm sure people around here can help. You just need to be open and honest. You'll also be amazed to know how much your attitude can change by reading your Bible on a regular basis. I know that I went through a time where I stopped reading and I became very negative about everything. As soon as I picked it up again, I had more hope and my outlook changed dramatically. I mean, it is God's words for us. You could start by opening to the back, to your concordance and doing a word study. Maybe about "trust" or "hope" or something like that. I wish you the best.