Sexual issues and depressed please help

[pantingdeer]

I am 20 yrs old and I am depressed because I fear I will be forever alone. Since 3 yrs ago I somehow seemed to lose my libido and attraction towards women overnight. I can still see the beauty of them but don't feel any strong urge towards them or anything and find it very difficult to be aroused by them now (AND NO IM NOT GAY).
I have very negative thoughts of myself and am filled with self-hate. My dad called me ugly once and it hurt me very much even though recently he told me I'm handsome and am the type of man women would be attracted to - the hurt of the previous comment remains in my mind and I think everyone thinks it of me now when people look at me.
Also, some person at the youth of my old church was mean to me on a church trip so I stopped going there too.
All in all, I am becoming very sad. I have no friends and no girlfriend and I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I feel like I can't tell anyone in real life how I feel as they wont understand. I can never be with a girl that I like at uni because I don't feel how I know Im meant to feel and she is perfect and deserves a proper man that isnt a loser like me.

Please help me by praying that my strong desire for women returns. This would make my confidence come back and bring the true me back to the world. I could then fit in with society, make friends, have a girlfriend and be a happy person.

Thank you for reading this.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I am 20 yrs old and I am depressed because I fear I will be forever alone. Since 3 yrs ago I somehow seemed to lose my libido and attraction towards women overnight. I can still see the beauty of them but don't feel any strong urge towards them or anything and find it very difficult to be aroused by them now (AND NO IM NOT GAY).
I have very negative thoughts of myself and am filled with self-hate. My dad called me ugly once and it hurt me very much even though recently he told me I'm handsome and am the type of man women would be attracted to - the hurt of the previous comment remains in my mind and I think everyone thinks it of me now when people look at me.
Also, some person at the youth of my old church was mean to me on a church trip so I stopped going there too.
All in all, I am becoming very sad. I have no friends and no girlfriend and I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I feel like I can't tell anyone in real life how I feel as they wont understand. I can never be with a girl that I like at uni because I don't feel how I know Im meant to feel and she is perfect and deserves a proper man that isnt a loser like me.

Please help me by praying that my strong desire for women returns. This would make my confidence come back and bring the true me back to the world. I could then fit in with society, make friends, have a girlfriend and be a happy person.

Thank you for reading this.

Oh dear! Have you tried seeking first the kingdom of God and having all these things added to you as a result? Perhaps you need to change your focus away from yourself and towards Christ, and press into God and ask Him, "What do you want me to do?" Then wait for the answer.

 

[MariaJLM]

Maybe you're simply called to celibacy? Some of us are.

 

[Justasurvivor]

I am 20 yrs old and I am depressed because I fear I will be forever alone. Since 3 yrs ago I somehow seemed to lose my libido and attraction towards women overnight. I can still see the beauty of them but don't feel any strong urge towards them or anything and find it very difficult to be aroused by them now (AND NO IM NOT GAY).
I have very negative thoughts of myself and am filled with self-hate. My dad called me ugly once and it hurt me very much even though recently he told me I'm handsome and am the type of man women would be attracted to - the hurt of the previous comment remains in my mind and I think everyone thinks it of me now when people look at me.
Also, some person at the youth of my old church was mean to me on a church trip so I stopped going there too.
All in all, I am becoming very sad. I have no friends and no girlfriend and I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I feel like I can't tell anyone in real life how I feel as they wont understand. I can never be with a girl that I like at uni because I don't feel how I know Im meant to feel and she is perfect and deserves a proper man that isnt a loser like me.

Please help me by praying that my strong desire for women returns. This would make my confidence come back and bring the true me back to the world. I could then fit in with society, make friends, have a girlfriend and be a happy person.

Thank you for reading this.

children of God don't belong in this world, you are trying to serve two masters with that mindset and also with you're lack of libido I would actually say I wish that can happen to me, you should be appreciating it but It's only my opinion.

 

[keepwatch]

Reading your post I get the impression you consider your loss of libido to be causing your depression, have you considered that it might be the other way round? I ask because you can suffer from depression and not realise it (I know, I did for a very very long time) and loss of libido could be a symptom rather than a cause. The feelings of isolation you describe would also be a symptom. Your avatar summary says you are in the UK, perhaps consider contacting your local NHS IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) if you have one, or your university counselling service? Talking therapy (or computerised CBT if you feel uncomfortable talking to someone) would probably help in understanding what and why you feel this way and help you to find a path through your problems. I know things can seem bleak but if you make small steps and are patient with yourself I'm sure you can overcome your problem(s).

I'm sorry you are going through this, it can't be easy and I hope you find a path through what must be a very challenging time.

 

[Petros2015]

Could be depression causing loss of libido; could also be that because you have depression, you are taking anti-depressants, causing loss of libido.

I have very negative thoughts of myself and am filled with self-hate. My dad called me ugly once and it hurt me very much even though recently he told me I'm handsome and am the type of man women would be attracted to - the hurt of the previous comment remains in my mind and I think everyone thinks it of me now when people look at me.

This seems to be the bigger problem, obsessive self hate thoughts; that's not coming from loss of libido, but its hard to be attracted to someone if you hate yourself or took the negative surface image to heart. I think the loss of attraction to women might be stemming from that more than anything else, if the mind says 'what's the point? I'm unattractive so why should I bother being attracted to something I can't have?' which is a lie.

There are some people who are instantly attractive/interesting to me, and there are others that I get to know as friends and I find them more and more attractive over time spent with them, because of who they are, their character, their facial expressions and quirks, ultimately their soul. You eventually want to marry someone who gets prettier the more you get to know them and spend time with them, not the other way around And you want to be the same to them.

Do some self development; do well in your studies, prepare for a career of interest and meaning for yourself and an eventual family. Look for extracurricular activities that you enjoy yourself and are interested in where you might meet someone with a mutual interest. Nothing is more attractive on a woman than seeing them 'light up' at something they have a passion for or are called to do, and they probably feel the same about us men too Take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and then look around for someone who is doing the same. I'll bet you'll find her to be very attractive, and it will likely be mutual.

 

[Gods not mad]

brother,

God wishes to give you the desires of your heart psalm 37:4 a man who finds a wife finds a good thing proverbs 18:22 . these verses also say things like delight yourself in the Lord and he then has found favor from the Lord. oscarr above has a good point seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and..... three years ago were you rejected by a women? three years ago did the accumulation of rejection from one or many avenues come to a head? it sounds like you have felt heavy rejection from your earthly father. you said you have negative thoughts about yourself and are filled with self hate. now i have myself experienced all you are going through, rejection on all different levels. when someone is rejected and does not see themselves as God sees them they will go into depression and self hate. rejection is strong and damaging and if your self worth is based on your own view of yourself then that view will be what is ministered back to yourself one of self hate. which will only cause more hate filled thoughts a never ending cycle. proverbs 18:22 says and receives favor from the Lord. how do we receive favor from the Lord. we can only receive favor by one thing which is receiving Gods grace and his grace alone by adding nothing of our own works. remember romans 12:2 . in order to please God all He asks of us is to be in agreement with who He says we are and not to be in agreement with who i say i am. the old man can still rise up and is a liar. if you are born again you are the righteousness of Christ. when Christ went to the cross He took all of our sin, hate,self hate, perversion ect.. on Himself and paid the price so we may be free from rejection, depression, sin, self hate ect.. God does not hate you He passionately loves you. no matter what sin you have or will commit you are forgiven. He forgave the one who belongs to him already 2000 yrs ago when He paid the price as a sinless man fully God. if you are born again God will never leave you nor forsake you God can not reject Himself. you are bought with a price and now belong to God. good works could not obtain salvation so how could a sin lose it. we all struggle thats the point of Gods love towards us we are incapable of good on our own. God is bigger than us. you are highly favored in the eyes of God. you are blameless before the Lord. you are the righteousness of Christ. God is your refuge and strength in times of trouble. believe who He says you are as you do this trust me all this will change.

bless you

 

[pantingdeer]

Maybe you're simply called to celibacy? Some of us are.

I'm not being called to celibacy. I want to have some fun.

 

[pantingdeer]

brother,

God wishes to give you the desires of your heart psalm 37:4 a man who finds a wife finds a good thing proverbs 18:22 . these verses also say things like delight yourself in the Lord and he then has found favor from the Lord. oscarr above has a good point seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and..... three years ago were you rejected by a women? three years ago did the accumulation of rejection from one or many avenues come to a head? it sounds like you have felt heavy rejection from your earthly father. you said you have negative thoughts about yourself and are filled with self hate. now i have myself experienced all you are going through, rejection on all different levels. when someone is rejected and does not see themselves as God sees them they will go into depression and self hate. rejection is strong and damaging and if your self worth is based on your own view of yourself then that view will be what is ministered back to yourself one of self hate. which will only cause more hate filled thoughts a never ending cycle. proverbs 18:22 says and receives favor from the Lord. how do we receive favor from the Lord. we can only receive favor by one thing which is receiving Gods grace and his grace alone by adding nothing of our own works. remember romans 12:2 . in order to please God all He asks of us is to be in agreement with who He says we are and not to be in agreement with who i say i am. the old man can still rise up and is a liar. if you are born again you are the righteousness of Christ. when Christ went to the cross He took all of our sin, hate,self hate, perversion ect.. on Himself and paid the price so we may be free from rejection, depression, sin, self hate ect.. God does not hate you He passionately loves you. no matter what sin you have or will commit you are forgiven. He forgave the one who belongs to him already 2000 yrs ago when He paid the price as a sinless man fully God. if you are born again God will never leave you nor forsake you God can not reject Himself. you are bought with a price and now belong to God. good works could not obtain salvation so how could a sin lose it. we all struggle thats the point of Gods love towards us we are incapable of good on our own. God is bigger than us. you are highly favored in the eyes of God. you are blameless before the Lord. you are the righteousness of Christ. God is your refuge and strength in times of trouble. believe who He says you are as you do this trust me all this will change.

bless you

I'm not saved.

 

[keepwatch]

Have you spoken to a doctor?

 

[Petros2015]

I'm not being called to celibacy. I want to have some fun.

It isn't actually all that 'fun'. There might be some part of you that acknowledges or recognizes this.

 

[pantingdeer]

It isn't actually all that 'fun'. There might be some part of you that acknowledges or recognizes this.

Being alone is not fun - I don't think you understand how I feel. I want a female companion and some more friends. That would be fun for me as I'd be a lot happier I think.
Being celibate is not fun, you intentionally seclude yourself from having a partner.

 

[pantingdeer]

Have you spoken to a doctor?

I got my testosterone levels checked and apparently they are fine.

 

[pantingdeer]

Being alone is not fun - I don't think you understand how I feel. I want a female companion and some more friends. That would be fun for me as I'd be a lot happier I think.
Being celibate is not fun, you intentionally seclude yourself from having a partner.

While on the other hand I don't feel like I can have a female companion but I really really hope to have the strong desires so I can have one. I don't want to be alone all my life. the best times of my life have already been wasted as I can't integrate with my uni yeargroup with my problem.

 

[Petros2015]

Being alone is not fun - I don't think you understand how I feel. I want a female companion and some more friends. That would be fun for me as I'd be a lot happier I think.
Being celibate is not fun, you intentionally seclude yourself from having a partner.

Hmm. Make some male friends then. Females tend to travel in packs, especially around college age. There's a lot of pack to pack interaction, but rarely pack to loner or loner to loner. Your male friends are part of your social standing, choose them wisely and choose good ones, but look for them and be one to them. It's a little counter intuitive and kind of 'the last thing that I want to do' but it's necessary, good and healthy and (although you don't realize it at first) will help you towards your goal of meeting more female friends.

 

[pantingdeer]

Hmm. Make some male friends then. Females tend to travel in packs, especially around college age. There's a lot of pack to pack interaction, but rarely pack to loner or loner to loner. Your male friends are part of your social standing, choose them wisely and choose good ones, but look for them and be one to them. It's a little counter intuitive and kind of 'the last thing that I want to do' but it's necessary, good and healthy and (although you don't realize it at first) will help you towards your goal of meeting more female friends.

Do you have any tips for making friends then? I'm very shy and at uni I usually sit alone. I think it would be weird if I just started speaking to people all of a sudden.

 

[keepwatch]

Have you tried counselling? Computerised CBT, one on one with a professional etc... There are loads of options, there are counsellors that specialise in exactly your kind of problem. It requires a lot of work on your part but you will only get out what you put in (much like the rest of life).

As a Christian I strive to overcome the kind of desires that you seem to want, they only make it more difficult to make genuine relationships. I don't envy you though.

Have you tried going to different church(es) - many struggle to find the right church (especially if they haven't made a commitment to Christ). Please don't let your experience with one person being mean to you result in a rejection of The Church. You might make new friends, ones who don't make you uncomfortable about sex.

I will pray for you.

 

[pantingdeer]

Have you tried counselling? Computerised CBT, one on one with a professional etc... There are loads of options, there are counsellors that specialise in exactly your kind of problem. It requires a lot of work on your part but you will only get out what you put in (much like the rest of life).

As a Christian I strive to overcome the kind of desires that you seem to want, they only make it more difficult to make genuine relationships. I don't envy you though.

Have you tried going to different church(es) - many struggle to find the right church (especially if they haven't made a commitment to Christ). Please don't let your experience with one person being mean to you result in a rejection of The Church. You might make new friends, ones who don't make you uncomfortable about sex.

I will pray for you.

Thank you so much for your prayers. And thank you for saying that you don't envy me. Because some people here are making me annoyed by saying they'd nearly love to be in my shoes. I know the type of girls I used to love and now I feel nothing - it is very sad and scary place to be. I thought it would last a day or a week - it has lasted 3 years.

 

[pantingdeer]

Have you tried counselling? Computerised CBT, one on one with a professional etc... There are loads of options, there are counsellors that specialise in exactly your kind of problem. It requires a lot of work on your part but you will only get out what you put in (much like the rest of life).

As a Christian I strive to overcome the kind of desires that you seem to want, they only make it more difficult to make genuine relationships. I don't envy you though.

Have you tried going to different church(es) - many struggle to find the right church (especially if they haven't made a commitment to Christ). Please don't let your experience with one person being mean to you result in a rejection of The Church. You might make new friends, ones who don't make you uncomfortable about sex.

I will pray for you.

I haven't tried any of those things before and don't really know what they are or how they'd help - a physciatrist doesn't care about you they only care about being paid.
I told my mum I had depression so I could maybe get psychiatric help but she says she doesn't believe in that stuff - she thinks it's demonic.
She also doesn't believe in going to the doctor for depression help. She says there's nothing drugs can do, she says it's because there's a void left by the absence of Jesus in your life.

 

[Gods not mad]

I'm not saved.

always remember Gods grace is waiting for you.


God wishes to give you the desires of your heart psalm 37:4 a man who finds a wife finds a good thing proverbs 18:22 . these verses also say things like delight yourself in the Lord and he then has found favor from the Lord. oscarr above has a good point seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and..... three years ago were you rejected by a women? three years ago did the accumulation of rejection from one or many avenues come to a head? it sounds like you have felt heavy rejection from your earthly father. you said you have negative thoughts about yourself and are filled with self hate. now i have myself experienced all you are going through, rejection on all different levels. when someone is rejected and does not see themselves as God sees them they will go into depression and self hate. rejection is strong and damaging and if your self worth is based on your own view of yourself then that view will be what is ministered back to yourself one of self hate. which will only cause more hate filled thoughts a never ending cycle. proverbs 18:22 says and receives favor from the Lord. how do we receive favor from the Lord. we can only receive favor by one thing which is receiving Gods grace and his grace alone by adding nothing of our own works. remember romans 12:2 . in order to please God all He asks of us is to be in agreement with who He says we are and not to be in agreement with who i say i am. the old man can still rise up and is a liar. if you are born again you are the righteousness of Christ. when Christ went to the cross He took all of our sin, hate,self hate, perversion ect.. on Himself and paid the price so we may be free from rejection, depression, sin, self hate ect.. God does not hate you He passionately loves you. no matter what sin you have or will commit you are forgiven. He forgave the one who belongs to him already 2000 yrs ago when He paid the price as a sinless man fully God. if you are born again God will never leave you nor forsake you God can not reject Himself. you are bought with a price and now belong to God. good works could not obtain salvation so how could a sin lose it. we all struggle thats the point of Gods love towards us we are incapable of good on our own. God is bigger than us. you are highly favored in the eyes of God. you are blameless before the Lord. you are the righteousness of Christ. God is your refuge and strength in times of trouble. believe who He says you are as you do this trust me all this will change.

bless you