SEVERE Hypocondria. please help!

[Jesus' Girl]

I wasn't going to post here but I'm through with this now.
I have severe aches and pains and hypochondria and what doctors call "somatic symptom disorder".
Every day of my life I'm constantly worrying about my health and death and then ending up in hell.
I suffer real pain and sometimes it is really bad. There are real causes for my pain because of after nearly a year of doctors telling me it was all in my head, they found a hiatus hernia. I have suffered immense chest pain and attacks from this hernia, for no reason at all. Doctors say it is anxiety and refused me an operation. This pain has left me so crippled I had to stop anything and everything I did so I was bed bound. This year the pain intensified and I was in stuck in bed for a month straight.
I have been to ER at least 100 times it seems in two years for chest pain. This pain always resembles a heart attack. They have not done anything other than a ECG on several occasions and I have had a few chest X-rays and the heart attack blood test. One day the pain was so bad I couldn't even eat. I believe I have suffered esophageal spasms. I have been tormented by thoughts I presume from the devil, that I'm about to drop dead in two weeks of a PE but that never came and all sorts of obsessions. I'll never forget some of the nights or days suffering weird severe pains. I've asked God to tell me what those were, he won't answer me.

In 2015-2016 I suffered 24/7 crippling headaches for months straight. I has scary sensations and they agreed to do a non contrast brain ct and found nothing.
This year I have developed all sorts of pains. I often get spontaneous left arm pain aching and heavy and my right arm too, strange lower back pain and last year a weird on/off ache in my right calf. They have hesitantly agreed to a few d-diners.

Now since August I have suffered a weird chronic headache which feels like worms moving around and sudden heartbeats in my head which hurt and make me sick. It is so severe but no testing will be done.

About two weeks ago I had a ransom severe chest pain attack in the supermarket. I didn't go to ER

Now today I went to the shopping mall and my chest went tight and tighter and tighter and I sweated. Since then I feel funny in my chest and in my right arm I feel heavy and sore. Mum won't drive me to ER as she is unwell and fed up. Weirdly the head pain is near all gone and this has replaced it. I also have been suffering severe ectopic beats all day and this week or longer. They always hurt.

I am obese but am unable to move much due to the pain. Or even move my arms much. Some days it is so severe. I do comfort eat sometimes. My mum is my caregiver as I can barely move due to the pain and "attacks" (worsens at certain times or movements)

I'm scared of going to hell as I'm turned away from God recently due to all of this. I have still so much sin in my life. I worry because my mum is near death herself with daily severe angina and my dear grandfather (never met) died of a coronary and died within an hour. He knew Jesus and mum does but mum is in sin. I worry about death from heart related stuff as I know it is severe and then I can imagine God on His judgment throne angry I didn't trust Him, angry over all my sin

I may as well live at ER and mum can't take it anymore. They tell me I have somatic symptom disorder and don't treat me too right. Always just "anxiety". I feel so angry and frustrated.

I can't deal with this anymore. I'm begging God to heal me or kill me. I cry and cry and cry. It has been two years when my life turned upside down in March 2015. I became a different person. It ha she come an obsession I joined all sorts of Facebook groups and have even bought supplements. Anything to save my life.

I just want God to talk to me...tell me not to fear death anymore or what I can do to help. I'm scared of my sin. My depression has been triggered due to all of this. I can't relax as I get sudden attacks, my chest will spasm or a ectopic...I can't cope

I have no one to talk to. My mum wants to die and doesn't really fear death much anymore because she is so depressed....even with her severe angina. I fear what that moment of death feels like and how long it would last. I fear the fiery inferno of hell. I'm scared of everything

 

[I'm_Sorry]

You believed in Jesus Christ at one point:

John 3:16
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 6:37
All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.

You're saved!

You wont go to hell as God paid the ultimate price for you, His Son.

Your sins are forgiven.

The back sliding sounds like a result of the trials you are facing.

He if faithful:

1 Corinthians 1:9
God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

He cares for you and wants you to give your anxieties over to Him:

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

We are at war with the adversary the devil and his works:

2 Corinthians 10:5
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

Ephesians 6:12
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

God has given us His protection in His name with the armour of God:

Ephesians 6:10-18
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

All power and authority has been given to Christ Jesus!

1 Peter 3:22
Who is gone into heaven, and is on the right hand of God; angels and authorities and powers being made subject unto him.

His name is power!

Luke 10:17
The seventy-two returned with joy and said, "Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name."

When you have an attack, pray:

Dear Lord Christ Jesus, may you rebuke the enemy and all his works,
may you cast him away and grant me the fruits of your Holy Spirit.

Remember your armour!!!!!

We are hungry and thirsty for Him.

Matthew 4:4
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

John 4:14
14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.

When your attacked put this on and lay down and allow God to fill you with His ever lasting Spring His Holy Spirit as you feed on His Word:

Much love in Christ Jesus sister, may He bless you!
Amen.

 

[AmberB]

I prayed for you and I will continue to do so. Like you mentioned in my other post, I get worried that my prayers aren't... genuine, but I'm sure going to try!

I don't understand all that you are going through, but I understand the chest pains and fear of hell. My chest pains are not as bad as yours, but for a while I thought I was having a heart attack several different times and went to the ER. They told me anxiety, too. However I think mine actually is. Hopefully.

Yours seems to be pretty intense though, so idk what it is. But I will keep praying.

I know it's hard when you feel like nothing you do will matter if in the end you just end up in... you know where.

But we have to hope that we can be saved! Read the Bible and keep talking to God! He's listening! And He loves you.

 

[Blessed Each Day]

So the EKG, chest x-rays, and heart attack test came back normal? Did they do the stress test (usually walking on a treadmill or something like that?) I've got high blood pressure, and a couple of leaky valves (which apparently are "normal" as weird as they sound lol.) I get those palpitations at night, and I wonder myself if that's it; not going to wake up. That shouldn't deter you in your faith. God gives all of us trials to overcome, but stay strong in the fact that God has a plan, even in the darkest, scariest times when the pain seems unbearable. Also, I don't know about what sin(s) you are worried about, but if you are asking for forgiveness and trying to get better, that's all you should be focused on, and if you're mom is set in her ways all you can do is pray for her and tell her when you can of God's love. I'm also surprised the doctors haven't given you anything for the anxiety caused by your pain. Have they done an angiogram?

 

[NurseAbigail]

Praying for you sister. There is indeed a battle going on both in your spirit and physical body. It's rough to fight the battle when the mind is tormented. Receive the love of Jesus, for His love casts out fear. Many times anxiety can cause physical symptoms, but there are times it could also be neurologically related. If you havent done so yet, I suggest consult a neurologist. But remember always to trust in what Jesus did for you on the cross, your life is sealed and safe, you are not going to hell because your sins have already been paid for. Walk in the freedom, He gave you. Trust that He will finish His work in your life. You are here for a reason and a purpose. Reach out to your local church. Always remember that you are not alone, you have brothers and sisters who care for you, but you just have to reach out. You will overcome sis. <3

 

[Jesus' Girl]

So the EKG, chest x-rays, and heart attack test came back normal? Did they do the stress test (usually walking on a treadmill or something like that?) I've got high blood pressure, and a couple of leaky valves (which apparently are "normal" as weird as they sound lol.) I get those palpitations at night, and I wonder myself if that's it; not going to wake up. That shouldn't deter you in your faith. God gives all of us trials to overcome, but stay strong in the fact that God has a plan, even in the darkest, scariest times when the pain seems unbearable. Also, I don't know about what sin(s) you are worried about, but if you are asking for forgiveness and trying to get better, that's all you should be focused on, and if you're mom is set in her ways all you can do is pray for her and tell her when you can of God's love. I'm also surprised the doctors haven't given you anything for the anxiety caused by your pain. Have they done an angiogram?

they won't do any "big tests". Like a stress test etc. I don't know why. I doubt on angiogram as im 25. They say my ecgs were always good so don't do anything else. I am on propranolol and diazepam but has to ask..take mirtazepine too
I am scared I have an underlyinf disorder but no point with doctors they will not listen.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

Matthew 10:29-32

29 Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. 30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

32 “Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven.


Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

 

[Jesus' Girl]

They won't do referrals to specialists. It is very difficult. I can't afford anything privately as I'm unemployed. Everything is through public health system. It is difficult. I went to doctor again and again and again for stomach pain till he suggested a gastro specialist but got denial letter not long later (no idea why). They are pretty much useless at doctors. Do basics such as blood pressure (mine is ok), listen to lungs, look in ears and eyes and tongue and listen to heart and send you out. Tell me to take painkillers or ask what I'm on for painkillers (don't ask me why when shop bought is only thing out there). Even when I had persistent chest and stomach pain I was in years and doctors just said stress and anxiety and I felt I was going crazy. I walked out once out of doctors due to mistreatment. Eventually a year later he agreed to do gastroscope and I was NOT INSANE. They found a hiatus hernia. Now told the pain is all psychiatric and to live with it. (Gotta be a joke due to what I've experienced). Any tests that aren't X-rays or ultrasounds are impossible to get

 

[Blessed Each Day]

they won't do any "big tests". Like a stress test etc. I don't know why. I doubt on angiogram as im 25. They say my ecgs were always good so don't do anything else. I am on propranolol and diazepam but has to ask..take mirtazepine too

Yeah, but that's weird from the symptoms you described why they wouldn't give you one of those heart monitors for at least a few days, if not a month; I had one done even though ALL my ekgs came back normal EVERY time, it was maddening. I have a neurological disorder that comes with headaches, and I'm again surprised from your symptoms they haven't looked into that, like an MRI or something like that. I was, oddly enough, 25 when I had an angiogram to take pictures of my occipital lobe, but that was after multiple MRIs, both with and without contrast. I see you had a CT scan, but again it's not giving the full picture of what's going on (I'm no medical professional, I just cite what I see Anyway, I would look into a neurologist, but more importantly pray every day, EVERY day for strength, pray that God helps you feel better, pray that you give glory to God no matter how you feel, pray that God works through you and that you are receptive to it, but remember that prayers aren't answered instantaneously (although we obviously wish they would.) I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, and I will keep you in my prayers, and pray you get the strength to overcome this, and pray that you receive proper medical treatment from competent medical professionals.

 

[NurseAbigail]

They won't do referrals to specialists. It is very difficult. I can't afford anything privately as I'm unemployed. Everything is through public health system. It is difficult. I went to doctor again and again and again for stomach pain till he suggested a gastro specialist but got denial letter not long later (no idea why). They are pretty much useless at doctors. Do basics such as blood pressure (mine is ok), listen to lungs, look in ears and eyes and tongue and listen to heart and send you out. Tell me to take painkillers or ask what I'm on for painkillers (don't ask me why when shop bought is only thing out there). Even when I had persistent chest and stomach pain I was in years and doctors just said stress and anxiety and I felt I was going crazy. I walked out once out of doctors due to mistreatment. Eventually a year later he agreed to do gastroscope and I was NOT INSANE. They found a hiatus hernia. Now told the pain is all psychiatric and to live with it. (Gotta be a joke due to what I've experienced). Any tests that aren't X-rays or ultrasounds are impossible to get

I'm sorry to hear that, yes, that does sound frustrating that they won't give more diagnostic exams. Is there a way you can get hold of a social worker who could help you?

 

[Jesus' Girl]

I don't know. I have asked for MrI my doctor said he can't do them. He has no power. I don't know what to do. I'd love all those tests. maybe because NZ is such a behind country

 

[Blessed Each Day]

They won't do referrals to specialists. It is very difficult. I can't afford anything privately as I'm unemployed. Everything is through public health system. It is difficult. I went to doctor again and again and again for stomach pain till he suggested a gastro specialist but got denial letter not long later (no idea why). They are pretty much useless at doctors. Do basics such as blood pressure (mine is ok), listen to lungs, look in ears and eyes and tongue and listen to heart and send you out. Tell me to take painkillers or ask what I'm on for painkillers (don't ask me why when shop bought is only thing out there). Even when I had persistent chest and stomach pain I was in years and doctors just said stress and anxiety and I felt I was going crazy. I walked out once out of doctors due to mistreatment. Eventually a year later he agreed to do gastroscope and I was NOT INSANE. They found a hiatus hernia. Now told the pain is all psychiatric and to live with it. (Gotta be a joke due to what I've experienced). Any tests that aren't X-rays or ultrasounds are impossible to get

I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with NZ's public healthcare policies, but those extended heart-monitor tests are difficult to get as well?

 

[I'm_Sorry]

One more

Romans 8:38-39

38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord

 

[Blessed Each Day]

I don't know. I have asked for MrI my doctor said he can't do them. He has no power. I don't know what to do. I'd love all those tests. maybe because NZ is such a behind country

Have they at least treated the hiatus hernia? I would try and look at the healthcare policies, because if you are in such a condition as to be bed-ridden and exhibiting all these symptoms, they've got to get you the testing you need, and not just another EKG, but something substantive. I'll try and see if NZ has legislation posted for your particular case, but they should at least have you on a list :/

 

[Jesus' Girl]

neuros can only come on referal from doctor.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

Regarding the body.

If they are cycling you through meds remember this:

Benzodiazepine withdrawal is characterized by sleep disturbance, irritability, increased tension and anxiety, panic attacks, hand tremor, sweating, difficulty with concentration, confusion and cognitive difficulty, memory problems, dry retching and nausea, weight loss, palpitations, headache, muscular pain and ...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benzodiazepine_withdrawal_syndrom

Many meds have terrible withdrawal symptoms, including Alcohol dependency and cannabis dependency.

 

[Blessed Each Day]

neuros can only come on referal from doctor.

And you're doctor, noting your given symptoms, isn't giving you a referral? Do you need to be hit in the head with a bat for a referral? Sorry, it's just frustrating, I don't even know your whole history, but I'm just assuming incompetence and that's not fair to them. Regarding what I'm_Sorry said, are your benzos and painkillers properly regulated? They obviously can wreak havoc on your neurotransmitters if you're taking them wrong (and I make no accusation, just asking

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I used to be just like that before I was saved..thought I had every illness known to man, panic attacks...I was just stressed out in general.

But you have to stand firm and make the choice not to fear, I know it sounds hard at first but you can do it. For me, when my anxiety was at its highest it would cause me. ; nightmares, stop breathing in my sleep , my arms to go numb when sleep...insomnia, feeling nauseous...

Whatever is causing that much anxiety that its physically showing,up in your body...you have to let that go. You have to... I hate to be the nearer of bad news...but stress will kill you if you let it...

So don't give in to fear... And you have to calm down and find your safe place in your own mind...and I say this as Simone who's been through it...and I know how scary it can be...

But the good news is that God is with you and all of us and not only can he help but he's willing to help.

Just pray, have others pray for you and plead the blood over your body...

Be well and I know you will overcome this.

 

[teresa]

you need someone in your corner and a social worker is an excellent idea; this would be someone who can go to bat for you as they know the system and who to contact.

if ultrasound is covered as you mentioned, then I think an Echocardiogram would take a picture of your heart and show any valve problems as its beating.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm