Still praying for you, Jase.

how are you doing?
Hi Criada, sorry I haven't responded sooner. Been very busy and this thread got pushed pretty far back in the prayer forum.
I've been in really bad shape lately, and today I got hit with some job news that makes me feel like my whole world just collapsed.
I mentioned earlier in this thread that I made 2 new good friends at work. We've been trying to become managers of this tennis club I work at. The general manager, however, who is probably the worst manager imaginable has decided to ignore us, and hire a 22 year old with no experience to take the new position. If we don't get along with this new 22 year old GM, we all get fired. I'm now going to be out of a job, because my current position there does not pay enough and I have no where to move up now in the company.
This also means my friends are most likely going to be quitting too. One of them may end up moving out of the state to find a new job. This most likely means I will lose him as a friend because we won't be able to hang out or keep in touch much. This is upsetting me to no end. I know it was mentioned here that coworker friends usually don't last, but due to all my other issues, I've struggled to make friends my entire life. These 2 people are the best friends I've ever had, and the idea of losing them is so upsetting.
Of course, all this trouble and stress from work only makes the problems that prompted me to start this thread even worse. I've become suicidal again, and I feel so lost and in despair. How do I continue to believe God cares when he lets me suffer so much?
I try so hard to live my life righteously and with as little sin as possible. I know i'm not perfect and I'm sure there are people more righteous than me, but I'm so much different from anyone i've ever met. I feel like an outcast in almost every way imaginable. No one understands me. I'm also a very emotional and caring person, but I feel like I can never care about people enough. I almost feel somewhat empathic, because of how I end up feeling for people.
But the reality is, I really have no one. I have hardly any family, these 2 friends that i'm about to lose, and no relationship to speak of. My friend and I talk about how I'm suffering for the sake of others. My entire existence involves me loving and caring for people that I can never even tell how I feel. For example, my friend called me today to say he's really sick and can't come to work. Most people would say, sorry to hear that, get well soon. I, however, got upset and hurt over it, because I love him and can't stand the thought of my friend suffering. My first instinct was to wish God would bless me with the ability to heal people so I could make him better. I really wish I could help him more than saying hope you feel better soon. Does this make any sense to you? I don't understand why I'm like this. Is it because I suffer so much, I hate the thought of anyone going through even a fraction of what I have to endure?
I've felt like God brought my 2 friends and I together at this job so I could care for them, and try to bring them closer to God. I've talked to them a little about my faith, and one of my friends has even tried to curb some of his bad habits (cussing) because he's so amazed that I never ever cuss.
But now God is taking it all away. Our job plans fell through, and I probably won't see them much anymore, if at all. Don't I ever get a break? Doesn't my committment to living righteously and loving people so much mean anything? Why does God refuse to help me in anyway? Why when I finally have a glimmer of hope does he shatter it? I deal with so many mental/emotional issues not many humans could ever fathom the amount of torment and pain I endure on a daily basis. What does it take to get God to care? I've prayed to win the lottery, even though I know money shouldn't be a priority. But if I won that, I could help my friend open up his music business and we could run it together. That wouldn't solve all my problems, but would give me a fair amount of relief. But even something like that seems too much to ask of God. I just can't get a break. The pain never ends.
Anyway, this ended up being a lot longer than I thought. I get the feeling if God exists, he chooses some of us to just suffer for our entire lives for some higher purpose i'll never understand. Apparently I've been chosen for that, because there is absolutely no relief in sight.