"Settling" for someone. Have you considered lowering your expectation?

[Jaegang72]

I guess this sounds really horrible but do you guys/girls come to a stage where you know that there are people who could possibly be interested in you. And even though they don't fit your billing of what you really want but because there isn't that someone or if the one you liked is already taken, you "settle" for less or think about settling for someone who not quite fit what you want...

I mean is the issue here increasing one's social circle more and more until you find someone...

Thing is if we live within our social circle etc, we dont really meet many people. Options arent very many and the good ones have a nasty disposition to always be taken!!!

Certainly , being a christian limits one's options to some degree. A christian in western society is mebe like 1 in 7... if comitted christian that's like 1 in 25(just an estimate). If you looking for a committed christian with some major characteristics that you also want, it's like looking for a needle in a moderately sized haystack!

Tell me what you think

 

[Macrina]

Nope. My expectations have gone up over time, in fact. The more time I spend as a contented single, the more special a guy needs to be in order for me to want to change that. When and if I find that special companion, he and I will be a remarkably good fit, together because it is the right thing for both of us, and God's will, not just because I wanted "somebody."

 

[Sketcher]

Just finding a Christian isn't good enough for me. After knowing and becoming attached to a girl who watered her faith down, I only want a Christian woman who I'm sure is committed.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I think your stats are too low... it's more like 1 of every 3 is at least a nominal Christian... http://www.adherents.com/Religions_By_Adherents.html

Good point though.... I will not settle as far as spiritual and character qualities go. However, as far as personality qualities, I am unsure at this point.... of course there are must-haves, but it is impossible that you will find someone who is your perfect match in every single possible way that exists. The question then becomes, what qualities are essential, and what qualities are you willing to potentially compromise?

 

[caitlincares]

Nope. My expectations have gone up over time, in fact. The more time I spend as a contented single, the more special a guy needs to be in order for me to want to change that. When and if I find that special companion, he and I will be a remarkably good fit, together because it is the right thing for both of us, and God's will, not just because I wanted "somebody."

Totally agree with what Macrina said.

I called off an engagement because the guy was not the Godly man he should have been.

Having still been single at 40 it would have been easy to settle BUT I deserve better IF I am to marry.

 

[2Timothy2]

By all means settle. I mean, if someone is interested in you/me we really can't hope for better, can we?

Of course we can. Who is doing the choosing? Us or God? Where do our standards come from, our wants or from Scripture? If we take from the Bible the models for a mate, there should be no question about settling. God will make it known to us if the person is the right one.

 

[Jaegang72]

For me , the crucial points are
1/ attractive to me
2/ committed christian
3/ good conversation vibe with me
4/ non dominant personality

It's not many things but it's still a lot when you try to look for all 3!

btw when i meant settling i meant not just spiritually lesser but other things as well.. like physical attraction, conversation compatibility etc etc!

 

[Inperfected]

Hm... I'd settle for less in some areas yes, but only if i felt god was sweet with it, and others were alright with it (sucha s pastors , family, friends)

 

[Nico]

i'm absolutely not going to settle. saying that spirituality is a given; i absolutely expect to be with a man who i think is absolutely beautiful inside and out, who clicks with me, who is as intelligent or more intelligent than i am, who adores me, who is driven and is a hard worker, who'd make the most amazing father and husband, etc. i think there is someone who'll fit my bill. believe me, i understand people have faults and they make up their character, so i'm not asking for someone who is faultless. and the beauty has to be in my eyes-don't care if everyone else is scratching their heads wondering what i'm thinking, if he's beautiful to me, that's what matters. thing is, i know that if i *settle* i'll be miserable and i'll end up being terrible to the guy and the whole thing just degenerates into a mess. i've tried it before. i don't think it's worth it. even in a non-marriage sense, i end up becoming a brat and my bad side comes out if i'm with someone who is someone i settled for. i want someone who brings out the best in me, not the worst.....the same thing holds true for my friends. if someone brings out the worst in me or just isn't quite the friend that i need, then i don't invest in that friendship. i hold the people i hang out with to high standards, and i don't intend on changing that just to be with some dude.

 

[Singing Bush]

Ooh I've been tempted once or twice to "settle," if you will, for a friend who, for whatever reason, had a thing for me. I don't know if "settle" is the term I'd use there as they're surely could of done better, but that's besides the point.

Thing is we all to some extent settle. Even when we think we've found "the one." Most likely they will not match our checklist of heavenly perfection in a mate. That's not the problem though and I don't think that's the settle you're referring to. The settling you're reffering to, and correct me if I'm wrong, is the actual heart felt, concious sense of settling for another. If you feel that way for any partner, it aint gonna last. I suppose there could be exceptions, but if you're starting a relationship having settled, part of the period when most people are the most madly in love w/ their significant others, you're not likely to do any better from there. So basically, whenever tempted to settle w/ a friend just realize that for the long term contenment and happiness of both of ya'll, you need to resist those desires.

 

[Kaylynn]

No...I don't want to settle for something less. I know God has my perfect mate out there somewhere, I just have to wait for God to reveal him to me. Unfortunately, patience is a virtue I don't have very much of, so at times I do get discouraged. But I just rely on the promises of God. I'm just waiting on Him.

 

[nhzname]

After not dating for years, I let myself be convinced that 'it was only a date, I wasn't marrying the guy, so what difference does it make if he's not Christian?' I was encouraged by others, Christian and non-Christian alike, to just go out and have some fun. It didn't take too long to realize that even though these guys knew I was Christian, it didn't change the way they thought because they don't have the mind of Christ.

Christ saved me from that mind set years ago, why should I settle for less than His best for me now? I find it easier (well sorta) to just sit back and wait on God to bring us together whenever He's ready.

 

[throwingbones]

No time for anything inspirational or well thought out. My brother has a saying, "Lower your standards, raise your average."

 

[Nico]

yeah and the whole "just go out and have fun", i don't see how it's fun. if the guy is someone i'm settling for, it ain't gonna be fun.....i will, however, always go out on one date. if nothings there, that's the end. but i try and give things a shot in the first place rather than killing it before it even has a chance.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

After being out there in the dating world, having been with every type of man imaginable, I would have to say my standards are higher now. Not so much from a physical appearance standpoint, but certainly from a spiritual and a personality standpoint. I have high standards, very few are for my benefit only. I want to be with a man I won't cringe at the thought of honoring and serving for the rest of my life. A man who will be a godly leader in the home. A man who is ambitious and can provide for his family. No, I refuse to settle. God wants nothing but the best for me and if I settle then I may be shutting out God's perfect will for my life. I have to work on His schedule and not my own. Sure, as a 24 year old single it's not easy to be patient, but I know that God won't let my time "alone" be wasted on petty things and He is grooming me to be a godly wife.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Nope. My expectations have gone up over time, in fact. The more time I spend as a contented single, the more special a guy needs to be in order for me to want to change that. When and if I find that special companion, he and I will be a remarkably good fit, together because it is the right thing for both of us, and God's will, not just because I wanted "somebody."

I can't say it any better than this!

 

[KeilCoppes]

I have high standards..... I want to be with a man I won't cringe at the thought of honoring and serving for the rest of my life. A man who will be a godly leader in the home. A man who is ambitious and can provide for his family. No, I refuse to settle.

As a note, the world has changed in it's view and not for the better. Those should be the norm for Christian men, not 'high standards'. Holding out for that isn't refusing to settle, it's standing on the minimum, just as a Christian man should find a godly woman who is a fit helpmeet, who walks before God, who will be an aid in his walk, and whom he as a servant leader and co-heir in Christ can aid in her walk to the glory of God. God would have nothing less of us.

 

[nhzname]

i try and give things a shot in the first place rather than killing it before it even has a chance.

And this was my thought in the beginning, but if we both don't know Christ, there is an immediate, all important gap to start with. No fun.

 

[Princess Pea]

I can't say it any better than this!

I'll second that - well said, Macrina!

 

[Inperfected]

Umm.... ok... So after reading all these i realise i won't be "settling" for someone else... i would be saying, yes this guy doesn't have all i was wanting, BUT i feel that is workable and not necessary, so because i love this guy i am willing to work through that. Not that i love anyone, just as a hypothetical..