Serious Dating Advice

[foreverseeking234]

Here is the story:

I have been dating this girl for about 4 years. We have kept purity at the forefront of the relationship and I'm thankful to say that I've never done anything with her that I regret (while I know we've made mistakes I know we've been kept from sexual pitfalls so that is a blessing).

I broke up with her about 2 years ago when I was away for the summer. I rebounded with another Christian girl and we "dated" for about 2 weeks before I simply felt it was not right (we never did anything physically). I returned home and we remained apart for about a year. We've been back together for a little longer than a year now.

Ok. So the personal side of this. I was caught up in a life of lies until midway through last year (while we were dating) and she faithfully stayed with me the whole time.

She is an incredible godly woman who really loves and cares for me and wants to marry me.

I am struggling right now because school is approaching it's completion for both of us and I'm feeling a serious obligation to move towards marriage with her. Now I know this isn't right so I've been searching my own heart to see if this relationship is what God wants or if it's something I feel obligated to be in. I also don't want to write it off as obligation and go the other way because I really truly care about this girl.

Ok. So another confusing part of this for me: there are a few other girls (in particular one) who has caught my attention. She is just as incredible and godly and does not even know of my interest in her. I find myself thinking of this other girl a lot and desiring to be with her. I do not want to leave my girlfriend for someone else (I don't believe that's healthy and correct and I'm not even sure if this other girl likes me so if I base the decision on that I know it's incorrect).

I am desperately seeking God on this one but would appreciate any insight or advice concerning my situation. I don't want to lead my girlfriend on if it is not supposed to be but it's incredibly hard for me to honestly evaluate myself on this one. I need CLARITY. My heart has been hearting over this for some while as I think of how this will literally change my life.

 

[Solidlyhere]

I have read this OP twice.

I am pretty confused.

Do you think you can ask a specific question?

 

[zsepthenne]

Ok. So another confusing part of this for me: there are a few other girls (in particular one) who has caught my attention. She is just as incredible and godly and does not even know of my interest in her. I find myself thinking of this other girl a lot and desiring to be with her. I do not want to leave my girlfriend for someone else (I don't believe that's healthy and correct and I'm not even sure if this other girl likes me so if I base the decision on that I know it's incorrect).

If you are looking at and thinking not only of one girl but girls in plural you don't need to even think of getting married. Do the girl you're seeing now a HUGE favor and don't marry her out of obligation! Wouldn't you say as a daughter of God she deserves more than that? I would even go so far as to say to let her go as you state sort of something about lies, and she still stayed. It's not really a good thing to string her along if you can't commit, you know? I would say leave your girlfriend for yourself and the problems it sounds like you are having.

 

[Theogonia]

I don't get the impression that you truly know yourself or know what you want out of life.

I don't think you're ready for marriage.

I mean, if you're thinking about marriage yet still think about other girls, you're probably not even in a good relationship period let alone one that could become a marriage.

 

[AngelDove1]

when in doubt ......................................................
do nothing.

"Wait on the Lord"

Fast n Pray
Let the Holy spirit lead you.
Not your own feelings (the flesh).

 

[JPPT1974]

when in doubt ......................................................
do nothing.

"Wait on the Lord"

Fast n Pray
Let the Holy spirit lead you.
Not your own feelings (the flesh).

Amen in agreement!

 

[wonderwaleye]

Here is the story:

I have been dating this girl for about 4 years. We have kept purity at the forefront of the relationship and I'm thankful to say that I've never done anything with her that I regret (while I know we've made mistakes I know we've been kept from sexual pitfalls so that is a blessing).

I broke up with her about 2 years ago when I was away for the summer. I rebounded with another Christian girl and we "dated" for about 2 weeks before I simply felt it was not right (we never did anything physically). I returned home and we remained apart for about a year. We've been back together for a little longer than a year now.

Ok. So the personal side of this. I was caught up in a life of lies until midway through last year (while we were dating) and she faithfully stayed with me the whole time.

She is an incredible godly woman who really loves and cares for me and wants to marry me.

I am struggling right now because school is approaching it's completion for both of us and I'm feeling a serious obligation to move towards marriage with her. Now I know this isn't right so I've been searching my own heart to see if this relationship is what God wants or if it's something I feel obligated to be in. I also don't want to write it off as obligation and go the other way because I really truly care about this girl.

Ok. So another confusing part of this for me: there are a few other girls (in particular one) who has caught my attention. She is just as incredible and godly and does not even know of my interest in her. I find myself thinking of this other girl a lot and desiring to be with her. I do not want to leave my girlfriend for someone else (I don't believe that's healthy and correct and I'm not even sure if this other girl likes me so if I base the decision on that I know it's incorrect).

I am desperately seeking God on this one but would appreciate any insight or advice concerning my situation. I don't want to lead my girlfriend on if it is not supposed to be but it's incredibly hard for me to honestly evaluate myself on this one. I need CLARITY. My heart has been hearting over this for some while as I think of how this will literally change my life.

If your LOVE for her is not setting you AFIRE to the point you feel you can't live without her, then make SURE you live without her as your wife.


Those wondering eyes have NOT been satisfied yet.


Life can be almost an eternity with the wrong women.


TRUE LOVE IS NOT CAREFUL!!!


YOUR CAREFULL!!!


BETTER REMEMBER:


“ Believe “ in Greek is a verb and has three components which are: hearing, accepting, and then " ACTING " upon that which you have accepted. X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O ( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

 

[Johnnz]

We can be quite deeply attracted more than one person. But marriage is a faithful commitment to one person.

You don't give your age. You are still quite young, so there is no need to rush. Not deciding anything until you are really settled is good advice.

John
NZ

 

[Godslilgurlalways]

when in doubt ......................................................
do nothing.

"Wait on the Lord"

Fast n Pray
Let the Holy spirit lead you.
Not your own feelings (the flesh).

Great point

 

[Nobility]

May I suggest not getting married to her, and probably even ending it for a bit so you can clearly make a decision. You see, obligation is the worst way to enter marriage, love and passion is the best (these can last after time, but are different).

I'd suggest talking to pastor or older wise chrisitan about it all.. Just take your time to work this out with advice from wise other real life people

 

[Elijah2]

The last time I dated was 50 years ago, and life at the forefront of chasing the opposite sex today is no different those days.

So what you are asking, should you be involved in "two-timing", or should you play the field?

Mate, you didn't even tell us how old you are.

Now, I guess you are still fond of the first girlfriend, and you are fond of our present girlfriend, and you would like to have another new girlfriend, but you don't want to let your present girlfriend down.

Is that correct?

 

[foreverseeking234]

I greatly appreciate everyone's advice and prayer on this. It has been almost a week now and I'm still struggling to find the answer. I'm truly wrecked in my heart by this. I've been waiting on God and seeking Him daily on this issue. Let me clarify that I am NOT considering in any way cheating on my girlfriend. I care for her greatly and will not do that to her. Also, someone asked my age- I'm 21. Here are a few of my thoughts:

I have found that I think of this other girl very frequently and that I actually long to be around her. There was a point where I felt this way for my girlfriend but I can't recall if it was ever as strong as it is for this girl. I feel like I'm emotionally betraying my girlfriend because of this. I have been careful to not pursue this other girl or place myself in any situation where I am acting on this feeling for her. I have no idea if this other girl feels the same way and as far as I'm concerned currently that does not matter. I've been praying that God will separate my feelings for this other girl completely from the judgment and discernment process with my girlfriend. I don't think it would be healthy to make a life-changing decision (such as leaving my 4 year girlfriend) on the basis of my feelings for someone else who may not have mutual feelings for me. Plus this would be incredibly unfair and insulting to my girlfriend.

I have not spoken with my girlfriend about this and she does not know that I'm struggling. I want to tell her but I make excuses every time. I think some more info about my past with her in general may help explain my hesitation:

When I broke up with my girlfriend, we were physically separated (we were living temporarily across the country from each other) and I found myself searching my heart while away from her. My feelings for her dissipated greatly and at the same time I became interested in another girl where I was. I broke up with my girlfriend and 2 weeks later found myself "dating" this other girl. Let me say immediately that this was a huge mistake. I realized this almost immediately and broke up with the new girl after about 4 days. We never did anything physically but I felt I'd betrayed my girlfriend emotionally. My girlfriend and I were broken up for about a year and then we got back together.

Ok. Let me also explain that when I broke up with her while away I basically left the door open to get back together. So once we were back living in the same city she never dated anyone else and basically waited for me. Looking back at when I got back with her, I was knee deep in the lies that I spoke of earlier. I have even thought that I shouldn't have got back with her because I've wondered if my reasoning was simply motivated by my loneliness.

I am incredibly afraid of repeating my past. I have actually said to her that I would not do that to her again. If we do break up it will be permanent (as it must) and I'm afraid will destroy her. I am caught wondering if I'm simply struggling with commitment and faithfulness or if my lack of feelings are God-inspired.

Also, there are many complications of the situation that add to my hesitation. Our families are incredibly close and love each of us as if we were in their own family. I'm afraid if I end it this will negatively effect all of them. Next, she hasn't directly pressured me to marriage (and isn't expecting it soon), however, she says many "when we" statements that are pressuring me greatly. My friends are friends with her. I am a leader in my church group and I'm afraid that she will leave if I do this to her. Many of her closest friends moved away less than a year ago and I'm afraid she won't have anyone to help her through this. I don't want to ruin her life and like I said- I care for her greatly.

To those who've given advice- thank you so much.
To those who are praying for me- thank you and please continue.

I just want to do what is right in God's eye's alone- no matter how painful. I am thankful He is allowing me to struggle with this now and not a few years from now when I could've been married. I am a firm believer in lifelong marriage and want what's best for my girlfriend, for my future wife, and for myself. Any advice is welcomed and yours prayers I greatly covet. Thank you.